“Metrosexual blokes and birds, I am filled with bewilderment to report that we have entered an alternate universe where Harry and Hermione snog freely and the lead singer of the Weird Sisters is really a man, like the rest of the band...” Randy teenagers aren’t much of a rarity at Hogwarts, but when messages start defacing Hogwarts walls people start wondering about Hermione’s deranged admirer. After all, who actually goes on a Hermione hair campaign or admires Hermione?