You know how some people believe in love at first sight? Like, their eyes meet across a crowded room and they just know, in that moment, that's the person they're meant to be with forever and ever?

Yeah, I'm not one of those people.

"The thing is," Rose prattled on, one hand firmly on my wrist to prevent any imminent escape, "before I left we were talking about, well...doing it."

I choked on my ice cream. Yep, this was exactly what I did not want to hear.

"Who do you think would win in a fight: me or a hippogriff?"

"Hippogriff."

"No, but like, in a physical contest."

"Umm, hippogriff."

"No, like, in a competition."

"Oh! Well, in that case...definitely hippogriff."

Lorcan cleared his throat. “Are you having a staredown with a plant right now?”

“'Course not,” I mumbled, narrowing my eyes at Voldy before finally tearing my gaze away. This wasn’t over.

"You were flirting with a ghost!"

He shrugged. "I did what I had to do."

"I was thinking I'd save you thousands of Galleons in psychotherapy. Not that you don't still need it, anyway."

“Must you accessorise?” I hissed at Louis, who was striking ridiculous poses in the mirror as he tried to decide between two of the most heinous scarves I’d ever seen.

“CeCe, you of all people should know that accessories are everything,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Sea foam green and lilac or burnt sienna?”

“Alice Longbottom,” Louis began before taking a deep breath. “Will you do me the great honour of allowing me to spoon you?”

Christ.

My best friend pretended to be in deep thought. “Hmm. What do they call it when one person convinces another person to do something through the use of flattery?” she mused. “It’s just on the tip of my tongue…”

I scowled. “He did not sweet-talk me!”

She may as well have slapped me in the face; I suddenly felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. I opened my mouth to respond, but had nothing to say. Finally, I simply asked, “Anything else you want to get off your chest, Rose? You may as well, while we’re at it.”

“I knew we should never have let Rosie date that good-for-nothing little…little…ferret!” He paused and appeared to reconsider his words, oblivious to his wife’s urgent nudging at his ribs as she finally sighted me. “Well, son of a ferret!”

"I need you to do something for me.”

“Well, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting this day to come,” he said as he began unbuckling his belt.

"Godric, you really are terrible at Flooing."