I felt a hand on my clenched fist and looking up I found Al’s tender green eyes. “Beth, we need to tell you something.” He exchanged a look with Cal who nodded.

I shoved a fork full of hash browns into my mouth, “Are you two pregnant?”

Al looked shocked and Cal slammed his head onto the table.

I could die right now and be incredibly fine with that.

Well, not a trophy wife, but a much manlier version of it. Like a trophy Lumber Jack.

Okay, anything but that.

I slid to the floor, pulled up my knees, and began to sob.

Why did I get up again?


“Beth, there’s a huge spider in my house. You need to come kill it!” Al whispered frantically from my side.

Oh, yeah. That’s why.

I do believe this new Slytherin side and I are going to get along swimmingly.

Why, yes. I'm always this awesome.

“Password?” The fat lady drawled from her portrait.

"Nargles?” Nargles? Seriously Beth? People are going to start thinking you’re loony if your answer to everything is-

"Correct” The fat lady answered and swung open.

Huh, well look at that. For once my mental instability has come in handy.

I slouched on the couch. Everyone in that blasted family is mental.