“So… I can’t go home?” Reality was starting to sink in. My instincts had been right- I was back in time, somehow. 

 

“Not yet,” Dumbledore agreed. I looked around the room uselessly.

 

“So…” I trailed off.

 

“What now?” Dumbledore smiled, “I’m sure we can find some way of making use of your time while we have you. That is, if you’d like to?

 It was weird trying to make small-talk with a topless Sirius. He was acting like it was perfectly normal, whereas I was acting like a headcase.

 “Why are you so weird?” Sirius asked as I tried to hurry out the door. I stopped, turning around. In spite of his injuries, he was laughing at me. How rude!

Gideon and Fabian’s identical faces held the only relaxed expressions. Sirius’ face was stony, almost angry, Remus looked worried, Peter scared and James concerned. Neil McKinnon held a combination of all of the above, and Lily’s smile was strained. Marlene looked how I felt- a little confused, a little nervous and very stressed. I wished that none of them had come- they meant well, but this didn’t feel like a good luck gathering; it felt like a farewell.

 “Look at me,” He commanded. I almost didn’t. But then I realised how stupid I’d look if I tried to argue. So, I turned around to face him. This was a horrific mistake; for some reason, when I did look at him, I instantly felt tears welling up. Merlin, what was wrong with me? I decided to blame the wine. Alcohol had turned me emotional last time, too- evidently it was no friend of mine. 

 If I had to be stuck here, I had to start living as if it was the present. 

 “Oops, sorry mate,” Sirius said, not sounding sincere at all. Brody looked up at him and for the first time, I saw his friendly expression become a little fixed. He knew as well as I did that Sirius had done that on purpose.

 

“Not to worry, mate,” He responded, taking out his wand and cleaning it with a charm. It was as good as new after, but I saw the smirk Sirius was wearing out of the corner of my eyes.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” A scream ripped through the silence, startling me awake. It took me a minute to realise that the cry had been wrenched from my own throat, that I was trapped and tangled up in my sheets, and that somebody was holding me down 

 It was dangerous to think about these things. I had known right from the very beginning that no matter how much it killed me, I couldn’t medal with the past. My presence here was already risking a change to the future which could be catastrophic. 

But when it happened, when Peter went over and betrayed the Potters, and Harry was scarred and Sirius was falsely imprisoned… I would feel responsible for all of it, because I knew what was going to happen.

 “SIRIUS!” I screamed in realisation, but his name was distorted by the agony that ripped through me. I fell uselessly to the ground, my knees hitting grass. I had never felt pain like that, it was like a thousand knives stabbing me at once. I couldn’t see, and on it went. I could hear myself screaming, but I couldn’t stop. All I could do was writhe and curl myself uncontrollably, trying to shake off the immense pain.

 “Well, you see, Sirius Black has always been quite a curious case. He defied all expectations when he was Sorted into Gryffindor and since then he had excelled at everything his family is notoriously bad at- bravery, loyalty, compassion for others, a lack of puritan blood bias… making genuine friends,” Dumbledore listed, “Everything, that is, except allowing an intimate relationship to bloom.”