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Rating
Mature
Chapters
19
Words
84,099
Characters
Oliver, Dominique, Fred II, James (II), Teddy, OC
Primary Relationship
James/OC
Secondary Relationship(s)
Teddy/Victoire, OC/OC
Genre(s)
Drama, Humor, Romance, Angst
Era
Next Generation
Advisory
Contains profanity, Scenes of a sexual nature, Substance abuse, Sensitive topic/issue/theme
Story Reviews
70
Status
Work In Progress (WIP)
First Published
2020-08-11 9:07pm
Last Chapter
2020-11-02 7:44am
Last Updated
2021-04-26 10:01pm

Track This Story: Feed

Ch. # Chapter Title Word Count Reviews
1 of mythological creatures and james sirius potter

Loch Ness, by the way, is my given first name.

4,361 3
2 of quidditch qualms and charlie wood

James Sirius Potter doesn't kiss other people's asses. Other people kiss my ass.

 

Not literally, of course.

2,684 0
3 of big-mouthed poltergeists and the liar paradox

How do you tell your best friend of seven years that you fucked their older sister's fiance?

 

Yeah, I'm still waiting for the punchline. 

3,286 1
4 of pissed-off weasleys and phallic puns

"Roxy literally KNOCKED on wood!"

5,370 3
5 of illicit affairs and pregnancy of rumours

"Do you want me to pull my tampon out my arse or something?"

3,569 1
6 of masochistic tendencies and wedding vows

"When we got fake-married when we were seven, I said I'd defend your honour forever. I can't break my vows, can I?"

2,355 1
7 of golden snitches and human snitches

"You hit like a seven year old," I state flatly. 

3,023 6
8 of victory parties and daddy issues

"Never say my full name, James Sirius Potter."

3,817 2
9 of sleeping beauty and harrowing dreams

"James got fake married to Sleeping Beauty over there when they were like seven."

3,007 5
10 of eye patches and death wishes

Sometimes, I think she actually does have a death wish.

4,626 5
11 of soy protein snacks and snot covered ties

"Ha!" Fred snorts. "Wood's choking on Wood!"

6,907 3
12 of lochness monster discourse and mythological conquests

"He came up here to talk to Bree, but I seduced him with my special slag powers and well," She shrugs. "The rest is history, I suppose."

4,495 2
13 of protective lies and ugly halfbrothers

Danny will have something to say about that. He likes when he finds his hatred buried in my skin. It makes him feel like he's capable of creation. 

5,059 2
14 of uncle george's speech to freddie

"Freddie, I do not want a son who is the creepy seventh year creeping around all the younger girls in the lower grades."

5,703 6
15 of metaphorical castration and good girls

"You know us by the names James, Fred, and Lily. But together, the three of us are called 'The Metaphorical Castration of Theodore Lupin.'"

7,809 4
16 of forbidden flashbacks and masked desire

When you are desired far too often and sudden, you become an uncontrollable force that needs to be contained. Then you become a slut or a whore, a hostage inside the holder of language. Everyone thinks they can control you after that.

3,723 5
17 of arrested development and damage control

"If you're damage control, then what is Charlie?"

7,243 7
18 of al's famous chocolate chip pancakes and the art of reacting

Just admit it already. It was all a lie. That’s what hurts.

7,030 4
19 of alfie the niffler

"You're in my bed, Loch Ness."

32 10

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