DISCLAIMER: I don't own Repo! TGO because there's no way I could ever invent characters as fucked-up as Rotti and his kids.
I haven't actually seen Repo!, but thanks to Shedeimei's lovely stories I became a die-hard Blind Mag fan…hence this little ficlet. And for the record, I like my little cabin in the Land of Denial; it's really quite nice.
Shilo found it rather ironic that while she used to curse her fate and hate the fact that most of the world she knew could only be viewed through her window, now she would spend hours gazing through the pane of glass. It reminded her of Nathan, and as much as it caused her pain, Shilo liked feeling as though he were still close. So on days like these, when the empty tightness was gnawing at her chest and not even the recordings of Mag's old songs could make her forget, she curled up on the loveseat and watched, the habit gradually lulling her into a peaceful trance.
After a stretch of time, the door opened, its soft creak vaguely registering in Shilo's peripheral hearing. She reluctantly tore her eyes from the window to see her godmother standing in the doorway looking at her with a small, sad smile. Not for the first time Shilo thanked whatever deities existed that she had managed to convince GeneCo to get Mag new eyes before giving up her claim. Mag moved in with Shilo, of course—she was all Shilo had left—but only after healing from the various surgeries that had been required to repair her body after Rotti dropped her on the fence at the opera. It was a miracle she could even walk, seeing as one of the barbs had struck her spine. Shilo scrambled to her feet; aside from the bare minimum of alertness required, Mag had been sleeping for the better part of the last month. "Mag! You're up!"
"I'd say it's about time." The former singer shook her head, motioning for Shilo to stay put as she moved into the room with a halting, labored gait. Shilo's heart twisted at the sight of what was obviously a gargantuan endeavor but slowly settled into her former position, reaching out to help Mag sit down when she finally reached the window. "I've been remiss in keeping my promise to your mother to look after you."
"Never mind that; I'm fine," Shilo said quickly. It was still a slight shock seeing Mag in plain, everyday clothes, although privately the girl liked them better than the gaudy outfits GeneCo had forced her godmother to wear. Mag was definitely more comfortable, for one thing, and for another it made her seem normal, less like a legend and more accessible to Shilo. "What are you doing walking around? If you needed something you should have called me."
Mag didn't reply, instead pulling Shilo close to her and gently running her fingertips over the soft black fuzz that now covered her goddaughter's scalp. With liberation from the poison Nathan had been giving Shilo, her body was slowly recovering. "Do you remember the first time we met properly?"
Shilo nodded, closing her eyes at the comforting sensation and listening to Mag's heartbeat in her ear. "Of course I do."
"I told you I wished we could have watched the world together. I'd still like to, seeing as you haven't given up your window." Mag turned her head, studying the sidewalk for a moment. "I can't imagine doing this every day for seventeen years, but I certainly understand the appeal."
"I used to envy the people I saw. The ones who weren't sick, who had the freedom to come and go as they pleased…who had both their parents." Shilo felt Mag's arms tighten around her, and she nestled closer. "Now all I can think of is the lie they don't know they're living." There was a pause, and then the girl asked quietly, "Will you tell me about my mother? Dad would never talk about her…he said it was too painful and all I needed to know was that she would have loved me."
Mag was quiet for a moment before answering, the words coming slowly. "Marni was my best friend. She was very independent, very strong-willed…maybe a bit too much so. She was lovely, as you already know, but her inner beauty far exceeded the outer. She was one of the bravest people I ever met, and one of the strongest. Nobody could ever tell Marni what to do…sometimes I hate her for it, because I…I warned her not to trifle with Rotti." The older woman gripped Shilo closer as if in pain. "Leaving him was a mistake, but she told me she didn't care. She loved your father and that was that. I knew he would get even, but…I never dreamed…" Mag's voice shook and she pressed her forehead against Shilo's scalp. "When I found out Rotti wanted you, I had to do something. I couldn't save Marni, but I'd be damned if I let GeneCo catch you like they did me."
Shilo's throat closed at the raw pain in her godmother's voice, and without even thinking about it she tilted her head up slightly to press her lips to the soft skin of Mag's neck. The former singer jumped, and guiltily Shilo pulled away. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean…" She averted her eyes, terrified of what she would see in Mag's.
"It's all right, Shilo," Mag reassured her, giving the girl a gentle squeeze. "I know you were trying to help, and I appreciate it. You just surprised me." She tipped her head back slightly, and Shilo nuzzled back under Mag's chin, although this time she kept her eyes on the window instead of closing them. It surprised her to see that since she'd last looked, the sky had darkened enough for the streetlights to come on.
"We'll be able to see the stars soon," Shilo murmured, already scanning the heavens for a glimmer of light. Mag made a noise of surprise, and Shilo smiled. "I know, it's hard to believe you can see them with all the city light, but they're visible. You never noticed?"
"I had…other things on my mind," Mag answered quietly, and Shilo shivered a bit at the implications. She held tighter, and Mag gently passed a hand over her goddaughter's back, noting with some pleasure that the girl's spine wasn't as prominent as it used to be. "But I look forward to seeing them with you."
"Dad used to watch with me sometimes when I was little. He told me Mom was up there watching us…that made me really happy. Now I know it isn't true, of course, but sometimes I still pretend…" Shilo blushed. "That must sound really stupid and childish."
"Not at all," Mag reassured her, smiling a little. "That's your way of keeping her close, isn't it?"
"I guess." Shilo snuggled closer, focusing again on Mag's heart thumping in her ear. "But now that I have you, I feel closer to her than I ever did before."
"I wouldn't ever want to take Marni's place…but I'm glad I can finally be here for you." Mag's fingertips absently traced circles up Shilo's back, onto her neck and down again. "I love you, Shi."
Shilo closed her eyes, feeling her muscles relax for what seemed like the first time since Nathan's death. "I love you too."
