Overhauled fan fiction of My Beast, My Vincent.

Based from CW's Beauty and the Beast.

What if's... I have lots and I hate to enumerate.

It used to be one major regret. The death of my mother. And now that Vincent's gone, that makes it two. It feels like I am going through my second death.

If only that stupid vanity mirror was on its place and I had not called mom. She could have been alive. But after learning from Vincent that Muirfield had been tracking her since Afghanistan and that I had nothing to do with her death... Somehow, it's a relief.

This time though, with Vincent taken away by Muirfield or who the hell those people were, it is absolutely and undeniably my fault.

Yes, I was save by a beast but…

What if I never met my beast after ten years?

What if he never followed me after he saved me?

What if I didn't go back to the warehouse?

What if I left him alone after the first case that got us back together.

What if I followed JT's advice and stayed away from Vincent.

What if they left New York knowing that I'm a cop?

What if…

But I never been happier and loved since I met him. My beast. My Vincent.

It was crazy actually. Funny. It took us a long time to finally get on to this roller coaster relationship. I dunno what connection we have but there is just this big, strong pull that no matter how we avoid each other, it pulls us back together.

There was once that I even gave up. It was after my birthday, I think. He pushed me away saying that I cannot be in my life since he has nothing to offer me because of the situation he is into. That he is not a normal guy and he cannot be with me. So, fine. I think I tried my best at that time to get closer to him, to know him better. I even tried building a complicated relationship or friendship with him. Thanks to the cases that we worked with which is of good use for us to work together. And because of this unexplainable pull between us under any circumstances, we were somehow on the right track.

Until, Alex Salter came. She was his fiancée. It was a horrible experience. You know me. I don't spill my emotions just like that. I don't fall in love. But with Vincent… I even told him I wanna be with him! Me crazy, huh?! And guess what? He chose Alex! He said he did not. He just thought he could have his normal life back with her. Isn't it the same as choosing her? So, that was the second time I gave up. As what he said, he and Alex shared 6 years and an entire childhood. I can't compete with that! We had what, 6 months?!

I guess it is true that you will realize the importance of something or someone when they are gone. I guess that was what happened because we finally found the courage to take the risk to be in this relationship. And, oh! That was a beautiful first kiss.

How would you feel if someone you love the most, you protected for the past year and made sure you keep him safe as much as he wants the same to me is now gone. Taken and no idea where he is. I don't know how I feel actually. I felt numb. I got nothing left to cry. I am broken.

I love him. I love Vincent. I will not take all these risks to protect him if I don't love him. We had been through a lot even though we have known each other for just a short span of time. Just like I told him, if we're together, we can overcome anything. I will not give him up. I will protect this love we have.

You know how stubborn I am. I know I will be in danger but I don't care. Having you in my life is a danger from the start. One thing is for sure. I will find you. I won't give up. I'll do everything that I can. We will not end this way. Just like this. I will find you, Vincent.

I love you.