DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Percy Jackson & The Olympians, it belongs to it's autor Rick Riordan. I also do NOT own this story, I'm just making an English traduction of it, it's rightful owner is the spanish comedy magician Mister Walker, all credit in this story goes to him.
In the middle of the darkness…
"Ready?!" said an air nymph with a loud voice who carried a tablet and had earphones on.
"I can't believe we're actually doing this!" whined Percy.
"Me neither." Added Grover.
"Guys, it's for the camp." Annabeth begged.
Both boys scowled.
"The strawberry harvest has not been very good this year." She explained "We have to support the maintenance."
"Mr. D should do his job better!" said Percy, whining again.
"Yeah…" Babbled Annabeth "and maybe the satyrs too but…"
"Hey, leave them alone." Grover defended "they already have enough having to travel around the world looking for more of you."
"We understand." Said Percy.
The air nymph stood by them and said.
"We're in three…!"
"C'mon, it won't be so bad!" the blonde said, hoping she wouldn't regret her words.
"If there's no other way…" said Percy.
"Two…!"
"Bee-ee!" Grover moaned.
"One…!"
"Welcome to the newest reality show on Hephaestus channel…"
ASK THE HALF-BLOOD!
The lights turned on and an interview set appeared with two cushy dark blue sofas with wooden parts, and beside them was the wooden desk of the presenter, the lights started moving all around the empty scenario while the applause was being heard in the background from thousands of spirits, nymphs, satyrs, some minor gods and divine creatures.
"And now we receive with a strong applause, your host…"
A scenic smoke started appearing on the chair in front of the presenter table, then a spotlight-type light appeared from the place he should be sitting in.
"The God of laughs and intelligent pranks…
MOMO"
From the middle of the clouds appeared a tall skinny man with the complexion of a circus acrobat, he was dressed in a colorful yellow suit with a red tie, carrying a microphone and he was wearing a fantasy hat, his skin was pale as if he had abused of his dressing room's make-up, his eyes seemed to glow in the light of the spotlights over him.
"Good evening mythological public!" He greeted the camera cheerfully.
The dryads and satyrs gave him a standing ovation from their seats.
"Tonight, we start what I hope will be Olympus's new sensation"
"ASK THE HALF-BLOOD!" said him and all of the audience in unison.
"Were your favorite demigods accompany us and will answer every question that 'YOU' the public always wanted to ask them." He said.
The audience applauded energetically.
"And now, let us introduce our first guest… Son of Poseidon, assassin of Kronos, hero of Olympus, and conqueror of many mortal's and immortal's hearts…"
The naiads started going crazy in their seats.
"PERSEUS JACKSON!"
The applause was now directed to the backstage were said boy appeared waving to the camera trying to hide his shame by bowing his head a little while the naiads were throwing bits of coral or bits of water at him, finally he got to one of the three chairs accommodated for the guests and sat in the one closest to the host.
"Hello Perseus!" The God greeted him. "How do you feel about your fame?"
Percy sighed deeply for a second before answering to disperse his nerves in front of the camera that was aiming at him.
"First of all: I'm Percy." He said raising a finger. "Second: I feel extremely uncomfortable."
The God laughed.
"C'mon boy, we've all been the center of attention every once in a while." He said. "Even though, not all of us have defeated a titan in our lives."
"About that, Ididn't kill him." Percy said, all of the audience bit back a scream. "I just helped him fulfill the prophecy."
But even with that the public couldn't stop giving him an ovation.
"You don't have to be modest 'hero'." Momo said.
Percy frowned.
"Now, let us introduce our second guest." Momo focused his view on the paper in his hands.
The dryads started giving an ovation.
"Daughter of Athena and Mommy's favorite, rescuer of the Athena Parthenos and official girlfriend of the Hero of Olympus… ANNABETH CHASE!"
The applause, once more, was pointed at the backstage from which came out the blonde with a bit of an insecure walk, as if she was starting to regret her idea to gather some money for the camp, the dryads were throwing laurels and olives at her while she took her seat being received by an affectionate look from the God of laughs, she gave a nervous look to the audience.
"Do you still think this is a good idea?" Percy whispered in her ear when he noticed her insecurity.
She nodded with her head but was, still, a little nervous.
"Tell me, honey." Momo said to her reading a card in his hand. "How does it feel to be in love with the son of your mother's enemy?"
"This…" She tried to speak clearing her throat. "The ones who don't like each other are them, not us."
The dryads cheered for her determination facing the Shakespearian scenario that her relationship with Percy represented.
"Even if you deny it, you two are like the Grecian version of Romeo and Juliet." Momo said. "Even though, in the novel and the Greek reality there's a tragedy in the middle."
Both teens scowled.
"Well, let's go on to our third guest!" He said while reading other card. "Mythological beast, searcher of Pan and the new Lord of the Wild who's in charge of cleaning the world's shit."
The satyrs in the audience applauded happily.
"GROVER UNDERWOOD!"
Their applause was now directed to the backstage, but no one came out… A bit of struggle was heard for a while until, finally, the satyr appeared being pushed by the arms of a Cyclops so he would go out to the stage, almost trembling, the satyr walked goofily and tripping with all the scenography while the satyrs where cheering him until he finally got to his seat.
"Hello goat!" The God greeted him. "How's everything going in the world of the wild?"
"T-Terribly awful." He said looking nervously at the camera, showing his stage fright openly. "Everything's contaminated; we do all we can to keep clean the few virgin zones there are left in the world."
The God smiled again pleased, while the spirits of nature were congratulating the satyr.
"Well, unlike the half-blood here by my side, you do recognize those who carry you on their shoulders."
Percy got angry.
"Wait, when have I ever bragged about that…"
"As I told you before, you don't have to be modest…"
"This guy doesn't know what he's talking about." Percy said to Annabeth.
But she only shrugged as if to say "Whatever".
"Let's begin." Said the presenter. "This one's for Percy."
The audience applauded while the camera focused on him.
"DID YOU EVER WET YOUR BED WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?!"
"WHAT?!" He said angered.
Annabeth and Grover started laughing at that possibility.
"It's not me who makes the questions… THE PUBLIC DOES!" He affirmed.
"No!" He answered "Of course not."
The God smiled ironically which made Percy nervous.
"Well, that's what your mom told us."
Percy got as stiff as a rock while the public gave a shout.
"According to her, it was a problem of yours until you were three."
The public also started laughing while Percy's face became red in shame and anger asking himself how could his mother betray him like that.
"Oh, you don't have to be ashamed… you control water." Momo said. "Even so, you didn't really wet yourself; of course the smell only got you but nothing that a little shower couldn't fix."
His friends had their hands over their mouths so they wouldn't blow up in laughter like the audience while looked at all of them furious, the vase of water that was beside Momo started shaking and forming little waves.
"Well, now let's go on to 'the' next one."
Annabeth got a little pale while Momo looked at his cards.
"You are known for being a smart girl, but…" He said. "HAVE YOU EVER SOLVED A RUBIK'S CUBE?"
"O-Of c-course, it's very easy." She babbled.
The God made the toy appear floating in front of her.
"Teach us."
Percy noticed how she started sweating when she took that thing; she started twisting a lot of times in all directions and angles but she could only solve a 99% of the cube except for two pieces that she couldn't fit that left the green side with a blue square and vice-versa.
"Argh!" She growled throwing the cube to the ground in frustration.
The public watched as the half-blood lost her patience, and Momo floated the toy towards himself.
"Want me to solve it wise girl?" The God asked her.
"Go on!" She answered smiling evilly when she remembered that the Gods didn't precisely stand out for their intelligence, except for her mother.
Momo started looking at the toy cautiously in all angles, shaking his hands around it like a wizard, dazzling everyone, even Percy and Grover who were elbowed by the blonde, until the God finally made his move.
He took off the blue-colored paper from the green side and the green-colored paper from the blue side and pasted them in the other's place.
"THERE!"
The satyrs, nymphs and dryads blew up in laughter while Annabeth was fuming.
"Hey, you told me to solve it." He said. "You never said how!"
Then he returned to his table.
"And now, for the last guest of the night!"
Grover went rigid.
"Grover Underwood." Momo said. "HAVE YOU EVER PURSUED ANOTHER NYMPH THAT WASN'T JUNIPER?"
All the fear he had suddenly turned into anger.
"Of course not." He answered. "I love my Juni very much."
Percy and Annabeth looked at him with pride.
"Aha!" Momo babbled. "But this video says the contrary."
Everyone raised an eyebrow.
Then a big TV screen and a VCR appeared behind the God and he put on the tape: In the image appeared a lot satyrs dancing and getting drunk with wine along with hundreds of nymphs from the woods and naiads from the lake.
"C'mon Grover." Said his uncle Ferdinand, a satyr bigger than him.
"I can't" Said the satyr a little shy.
"You know that Lord Dionysus will get mad." His uncle complained.
"All right."
The satyr drank an entire cup of wine, and in minutes he became a drunken satyr, the party continued and the satyr, out of himself, was flirting foolishly with several of the woods' spirits.
In the stage, Percy's and Annabeth's jaw dropped in surprise while the satyrs worshipped the image as they were remembering that awesome party but the nymphs seriously hated that.
"IT WASN'T MY FAULT." Sobbed Grover. "During the Bacchanalias, everyone has to celebrate with Mr. D or…"
In the image, Grover could be seen chasing hundreds of nymphs through the woods along with his fellow satyrs, the real Grover had his head bowed in shame.
"I just hope Juniper won't find out" He mumbled.
In the stage, Momo was looking archly at the satyr who was being comforted by his friends.
"And well, that's it for tonight!" He said.
The audience applauded modestly.
"Tune in next week on Hephaestus channel of entertainment…"
"With another session of your favorite program"
ASK THE HALF-BLOOD!
…
"Where YOU! Ask and THEY! Answer"