This is a weird one I came up with. Then again, tons of insane things happen on this show. Also, I'll say that this fic is loosely based on an episode of Sanjay and Craig. I have no rights to either shows.
Enjoy.
It was just another regular day at Planet Express. Delivery boy Fry and alchoholic robot Bender were relaxing in the lounge watching 'The Scary Door' in HD.
"You're driving alone down an old, forgotten street in the pouring rain. Suddenly, you're car runs out gas, and you come up to a mysterious-looking motel on the side of the road. You enter and ask for a room, and the manager who has 18 fingers gives you a room key. Little do you realize that this key alone is able to unlock the Scary Door." The narrator said.
An image showed of a man in a bar. the narrator spoke,
"This is Walter Oopl, a middle-aged man who works at the local plastic sex doll foundry. His wife has recently left him when she found out that she was pregnant with over 1000 assorted insect larvae."
"Gimme another beer, Tom." Walter said as he showed signs of being drunk. The fellow named Tom placed another bottle of beer in front of Walter. Walter was about to drink the beer, when he then said,
"Hey, there's something moving in this beer." Seconds after he said that, two dripping hands burst out of the bottle and wrapped around Walter's throat and strangled him until he collapsed on the floor, dead. The narrator came up again.
"At that moment, Mr. Walter Oopl learned a very important lesson:" the camera zoomed in on the beer bottle label, which read, 'Classic strangle-U-2-death Budweiser alcohol.'
"Always check what kind of beer you are drinking before it kills you. It could have come from the Scary Door."
The episode ended.
"Man, this show gets creepier with every episode." Bender said as he smoked a cigar.
"I'm not so sure, Bender." Fry said. "A lot of the newer episodes aren't making any sense to me."
"Oh please. The writers for this show are obviously geniuses in the gothic arts." Bender pointed out.
"Yeah, sure." Fry said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. At that moment, Leela and the Professer walked in.
"Good news, everyone!" The professer said his trademark saying. "You three will be going to the planet Oxalicus 13, a desolote, lifeless chemical planet."
"Wait, if the planet has no life, why are we delivering anything to there?" Leela questioned.
"Actually, you are going there to dump all of my Iridium-based experimental machinery into the acidic pools on the planet's surface. President Nixon's head just passed a law that all Iridium is to be banned from local homes and buisnesses at once, and since I don't have a way of melting them down on earth, you will dispose of them in the super-disolvent acid pools of Oxalicus 13 at once!" The Professer explained. The crew decided not to argue and loaded the Professer's Iridium machinery into the ship, and there was quite a lot of it.
"Do you seriously have THIS much Iridium-based junk in your lab?" Bender said with disdain as he shoved a large laser drill cotraption into the hold.
"Well, it's not all Iridium." Farnseworth responded. "Roughly 12 of them have little more than a single Iridium atom in them." Bender grumbled.
When all the machines were loaded into the ship, Leela pressed buttons and the ship launched into the sky and soon left the atmosphere far behind. Bender took this time to drink several bottles of beer from his chest compartment. After an hour or so, the ship approached Oxalicus 13, possibly the most acidic and chemical-ridden planetoid out there. The ship descended through the planet's atmosphere, which was a perfect mix of every gas element ever. The ship landed on the metal and metalloid chemical-compound surface and Fry, Leela, and Bender walked out. Leela and Fry were wearing protective suits to protect them from the deadly atmospheric conditions, while Bender, being a lifeless machine, was not.
"Okay you two, look for a large acid pool that we can dump all the machinery into." Leela said. "Now, it'll have to be at least 10 yards wide and about 16 feet deep, so it may be hard to fin-"
"Here's a good one." Bender interrupted Leela when he found an acid pool that met those exact qualities.
"Um, okay." Leela said akwardly. The three of them quickly went to work, dragging a hunk of Iridium machinery out of the ship and dumping it into the pool of acidic compounds, causing the hard metal to melt and bubble away upon contact. After 1 hour, they were just about finished. As Leela and Fry heaved the last doomsday device into the dissolving fluid mixture, Bender took out his last beer and began drinking next to an odd-looking pinkish-purple puddle of unknown chemicals. The robot then had an idea.
"Hey, guys! Look at this!" Fry and Leela came over to see what Bender was up to. "Hey Puddle! Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender said as he stuck his metal posterior into the liquid, earning a chuckle from the two organics. Suddenly, Bender felt a horrific stinging/burning sensation on his metallic prostate. He looked behind him to see that is ass was being dissolved into liquid! Bender screamed and jumped away from the puddle, dropping his beer. Bender dragged his ass on the ground like a dog with anal infection, and eventually his ass stopped boiling away. However, there was now a gaping jagged hole in his rear.
"Holy crap! Bender, are you okay?" Fry asked his friend.
"I'm OK, but my ass isn't." Bender groaned as he looked down at his once glorious posterior. "Oh well. I'll just drink until I feel better." Bender then realized that he had dropped his beer into the puddle during the commotion.
"Aw, son of a-! That was my last beer!" Bender angrily yelled as he fished his alchohol out of the puddle. However, some of the beer had leaked into the ooze, and some of the ooze had found its way into the bottle, which had not dissolved.
"Hmm. It seems that the chemicals in that puddle are able to dissolve metal, but cannot dissolve glass. Weird." Leela said.
"Just leave that thing, Bender." Fry said. "You can always steal more."
"No way, Orange Joe!" Bender shot at the delivery boy. "There's no way I'm ever giving up while there's still beer in the bottle. Now, when we get home, I'm gonna make the Professor clean this thing so I can drink the rest of the booze in it. Understood?" Fry nodded meekly. "Good. Now let's go already!" The three quickly went into the ship and took off for earth. As Bender sat impatiently, he failed to notice that his beer/mystery chemical compound had begun to bubble and froth. It was changing.
Back at Planet Express HQ, the Professer was busy tending to his old doomsday devices in his lab. A moment later, Bender rushed in, followed by the much less hurried Leela and Fry.
"Professer! Thank god we found you in time!" Bender said, a bit over-dramatically. "I desperatly need your help!"
"What? What is it?!" Farnseworth said as he was both surprised and interrupted.
"It's my beer! It fell into some weird chemical and now it's all contaminated." Bender said as he took out the contaminated bottle. The Professor was not at all convinced that it was important.
"So what? It's just beer! You can just steal some more." Farnseworth said grumpily.
"That's what I told him." Fry said.
"Shut up , Fry." Bender told off the human. "Professer, I beg you with all my heart, please, please save my beer! I've never had my heart more dead set on anything ever before! If I can't drink this one beer, I'll never be able to work up the courage to drink ever again! Please do this for me!"
"FINE! I'll decontaminize your damn for the love of Zombie Jesus! Just stop pestering me!" The Professer screamed. Bender gave himself an imaginary high-five for pulling that off.
"What a baby." Leela said dejectidly of Bender. Reluctantly, the Professer took Bender's beer and placed it on a molecular scanner that he had lying around.
"I'll just perform a quick molecular scan before we get started." Farnseworth said as he pulled a lever on the scanner. A beam of white light scanned over the bottle and its contents several times before the machine made a dinging noise.
"Scan's done." Said the Professer as the machine printed out the results of the scan on paper. As the Professor read, a shocked expression appeared all over his wrinkly face.
"Good god!" He exclaimed.
"What's it say, Professer?" Leela asked.
"Well, according to this scan, which in no way could possibly be mistaken, the mysterious chemical, combined with Bender's Botweiser beer, created a new compound of chemicals atomically identical to those of the Primordial Soup!" Farnseworth exclaimed. Everyone gasped, but their looks of surprise were replaced by looks of confusion.
"Wait, what's this about immortal goop?" Fry asked.
"Not immortal goop, Primordial Soup!" Farnseworth shouted. Still, nobody else understood. The Professor facepalmed himself, and then said, "Allow me to explain: paleobiologists have an evolutionary theory known as the Primordial Soup Theory. The Primordial Soup Theory explains that life first originated within pools of random and radical chemical compounds called Primordial Soup. From this soup came the first single-cellular life, or Prokaryotes. That clear things up for ya?" Everyone seemed to understand now.
"Good." Said the Professer.
"Wait a second," Bender said. "So you're saying that my beer is now the creator of living cells?!"
"See for yourself." Farnseworth said as he poured the contents of the bottle into a beaker and put a microscope up to it. Bender looked through the microscope and saw something incredible; within the violetish-pink liquid, Bender saw hundreds of thousands of tiny, shapeless, wiggly masses that were all moving about through the soup. They all looked pretty much the same, and flashed different colors all over.
"Woah." Bender said. At that moment, one of the wiggly things stopped moving and seemed to stare up at Bender. It flashed blue for a spilt second, and then dashed around, appearing to alert the others by flashing pink. The other wiggly things all stopped what they were doing and faced Bender. They all flashed blue and appeared to bow to Bender.
"Holy god." Bender said in stupor as looked back up. He turned to the Professer. "Is this, like, really happening?!" He said. Fanseworth nodded.
"Yes, Bender, it is. You have created life where it would have never existed if you hadn't dropped your beer into those chemicals. Basically, you are playing god, Bender." He said.
"Woah." Fry and Leela said in unison. Bender picked up the beaker and held it to his face. With his robot vision, he could just make out the wiggly things swimming around what used to be his beer.
"I created life." Bender said to himself. "I AM playing god...again."
WOAH! Betcha' didn't see something like THIs coming! I rule! This fic'll be long or short, I don't noe. Stay tuned for updates, and by the way, the title means, "Origins from beer".