Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Monty Python or Monty Python and the Holy Grail in any way. This is a piece of fiction and I am not making a profit, etc...
Oh, what a dark and dreary day was this.
King Arthur and his knights from the court at Camelot were into their second year of searching for the Grail. They had gotten many leads and there had been many close calls...but still no Grail. The weather on this chilly winter afternoon was freezing everyone to the teeth. The bright sun under which they had rode and labored for so long seemed to have abandoned them, and the gray, cheerless sky filled every heart with gloom and a sense of dark foreboding.
They had split up yet again, but each individual knight's search turned up nothing. Disheartened, they all convened at the Mound of Serpent on the agreed day. By late afternoon, all the knights had returned, save for one. There was still no sign of Sir Galahad, and no one had seen him since they had split up. They waited still, hoping he would arrive soon.
King Arthur kept counting his knights just to make sure. "Lancelot, Bedevere, and Sir Robin, that's five..."
"Three, sir," said Sir. Bedevere.
"Three. We're still missing Galahad, then. Has anyone seen or heard from him since we separated?"
They shook their heads. They couldn't imagine what had become of him, but they began to fear the worst and began voicing concerns.
"I hope for his sake he didn't meet up with the vicious Chicken of Bristol," said Sir Robin.
"Don't be silly," said Sir Lancelot. "I've heard of bunny rabbits more dangerous than that chicken. Galahad could have taken it easily."
"Do you think he's all right?" asked Sir Bedevere, looking around and sighing. "He should have been here long ago. Perhaps some of us should go look for him?"
They discussed this idea, but in the end it was decided that it would be best to continue to wait for the time being. Galahad's absence was already taking its toll and had a deteriorating effect on the group. Galahad was pure, and chaste. He was the one of them all who was closest to God. Though he was innocent and even naive at times, his good nature and unrelenting determination was an inspiration to the others in their long and arduous Quest. As long as Galahad was around, there still seemed to be a little hope.
Suddenly Arthur and the knights heard the distant sound of coconuts banging together. It had a distinct rhythm that they instantly recognized.
"Shh," said King Arthur. "I hear Sir Galahad approaching."
"At last," said Sir Lancelot. "Now we can move on." They stood and listened until the gallops came closer and closer. Finally a figure appeared over the hill--Galahad's servant, along with all his gear and equipment...but no Galahad. Immediately concerned, Arthur and his knights rushed forward toward the servant, who stopped in his tracks and bowed down before his king.
"Good servant, where is your master? Where is Galahad?" asked King Arthur quickly. The servant looked up at him with a woeful expression upon his face.
"Oh my liege, it was terrible. We were passing through the dreaded forests of Catheter when we were ambushed by a group of evil warriors with painted masks. There were so many of them, and my master fought bravely, but..."
The knights turned away and wiped their eyes in sorrow. "He was such a pure soul," mused Sir Bedevere.
"So brave," said Sir Lancelot.
Sir Robin sighed. "So handsome," he said. The others stopped and looked at him strangely. Sir Robin cleared his throat and shifted. "Well, you know, for a knight and all."
The servant stood and waved his arms. "No, no. He's not quite dead."
"What do you mean?" asked Arthur sternly. "That he's dying as we speak!? Come, take us to him."
"No, I don't mean that either, sir," said the servant, who was beginning to experience what is known as extreme exasperation. "I mean he's been captured, sir! They've taken him."
"Who has taken him?" asked Bedevere.
"I don't know their names. They are the evil warriors in painted masks. Oh, I nearly forgot!" The servant pulled a letter out of his pocket and handed it to Arthur. "They gave me this note and said I could only give it to the king."
Arthur took the note and read it aloud to the other knights, who gathered around earnestly. He read:
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"Dear King Arthur: We have your beloved knight, Sir Galahad, in our possession. He is safe and unharmed for the moment--except for the large gash in his head that he got when he tripped on his sword and landed on a rock, and the broken ribs caused by his seeming inability to stay on his horse. But these incidents were in no way our fault and we cannot be held liable or accountable for them.
That being said, this is what we want. We know you are on a quest for the Holy Grail, and that you have nearly reached the end of your quest. If you want to see Galahad alive again, you must give us the Holy Grail. Do not attempt a rescue and do not attempt to find us. When you find the Holy Grail, we will find you. If you refuse to give us the Grail, he will be killed without mercy.
Sincerely yours, The Evil Warriors in Painted Masks"
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"I thought you said you didn't know their names!" Yelled Sir Robin accusingly at the servant, who looked quite surprised.
Lancelot pulled out his sword and looked ready to charge any moment. "Those fiends! When I find them, I'll lop their heads off! Along with those pointed masks."
"'Painted' masks, sir," the servant reminded him.
"Painted masks."
Sir Robin looked anxiously at King Arthur. "What are we going to do, sire? We can't abandon him."
"We must rescue him," said Sir Bedevere.
"He is in great peril," said Sir Lancelot.
King Arthur stood pondering their precarious situation, then he spoke in a kingly manner to his subjects. "Fear not loyal knights. Though we are obliged to continue our search for the Grail, we shall not abandon our comrade to a deadly fate at the hands of merciless warriors in painted masks."
"'Evil' warriors, sire," said Sir Robin.
"Evil warriors. We must double our efforts and search for Galahad along with the Grail. We will split up into groups of two. Sir Robin, you and the servant will come with me to the East. Sir Lancelot and Sir Bedevere, you two shall go west and see what you can find out. If we should find out where Galahad is being held, then we will do whatever it takes to get him back."
"But Sire," said Sir Bedevere. "The letter said if we find the Grail first, then the Warriors will demand it in exchange for Galahad's life. What do we do if we find the Grail?"
Arthur looked at him sadly. "We cannot give up the Grail no matter what the cost. It is our Holy Quest."