Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing. The final out of office email is courtesy of the BBC website.
From: Jones, Ianto
To: Gwen, Toshiko, Owen
Subject: Out of Office Auto Reply Draft
Date: November 4th 2007
Dear All,
Below is the draft for the out of office reply that we agreed should be set up for Jack's inbox for the time being. Let me know if you have any suggestions/additions.
Ianto
Thank you for your e-mail.
Captain Jack Harkness is out of the office. He will deal with your query when he returns.
Yours Faithfully
Torchwood Staff
From: Harper, Owen
To: Ianto, Gwen, Toshiko
Subject: Re: Out of Office Auto Reply Draft
Date: November 4th 2007
Let me know if you have any suggestions/additions.
My suggestions/additions are in bold. Cheers.
Owen
Captain Jack Harkness is out of the office having a wank and being useless. He will deal with your query when he returns, which will probably be sometime after the sun has burnt out. So if this is an emergency, you're fresh out of luck.
Yours Faithfully
Torchwood Staff
From: Cooper, Gwen
To: Owen, Ianto, Toshiko
Subject: Re: Out of Office Auto Reply Draft
Date: November 4th 2007
Owen, if you can't make real suggestions, don't bother making any.
Ianto, looks good. Although, maybe put in a line about if the query is an emergency to get in touch directly with one of us? You can put my name down for the time being.
Thanks!
Gwen
From: Harper, Owen
To: Gwen, Ianto, Toshiko
Subject: Re: Out of Office Auto Reply Draft
Date: November 4th 2007
Although, maybe put in a line about if the query is an emergency to get in touch directly with one of us? You can put my name down for the time being.
Look at Lady Mum getting comfortable on her throne!
And for the record, those were real suggestions. We'll be seeing David Beckham voted in as PM before Jack shows his face around here again.
Owen
From: Sato, Toshiko
To: Ianto
Subject: Re: Out of Office Auto Reply Draft
Date: November 4th 2007
Sorry about Owen. Although, I think he might be serious about how long Jack will be gone. Maybe we should put in something about indefinite period of absence or something like that?
Toshiko
From: Jones, Ianto
To: Gwen, Toshiko, Owen
Subject: Re: Out of Office Auto Reply Draft
Date: November 4th 2007
Dear All,
The out of office message has been revised as per the suggestions. I'll be setting it up to go out forthwith.
Ianto
From: Harper, Owen
To: Torchwood
Subject: All For Naught?!
Date: November 6th 2007
Ianto,
No one's getting Jack's out of office when they email him. MODs been calling nonstop and jamming everyone's inboxes now. What the bloody hell did we do all that message redrafting for if you weren't going to set the sodding thing up??
Owen
From: Jones, Ianto
To: Torchwood
Subject: Re: All For Naught?!
Date: November 6th 2007
Yes, I know the MODs been calling and emailing, Owen. Mainly because I've had to answer all of them.
The message was set up. There's something wrong with our systems. Tosh is working on trying to clear the virus.
Ianto
From: Harper, Owen
To: Torchwood
Subject: Re: All For Naught?!
Date: November 6th 2007
What sort of virus? The 'Teaboy Can't Program Worth Shit' virus?
Owen
From: Jones, Ianto
To: Torchwood
Subject: Re: All For Naught?!
Date: November 6th 2007
What sort of virus? The 'Teaboy Can't Program Worth Shit' virus?
The kind that's at the moment listing out all the porn sites you've been to in the last month on company systems. I didn't realize there even was such a thing as 'clown porn.'
Ianto
From: Jones, Ianto
To: Torchwood
Subject: Re: All For Nought?!
Date: November 6th 2007
I didn't realize there even was such a thing as 'clown porn.'
It's also known as the CCTV footage of you and Jack from four months ago that nearly blinded me.
Owen
From: Sato, Toshiko
To: Torchwood
Subject: Re: All For Naught?!
Date: November 6th 2007
If you two insist on carrying on, could you please learn the difference between 'reply all' and 'reply' and stop clogging up our inboxes?
Toshiko
P.S. The virus has been fixed. Jack's out of office is working.
From: Cooper, Gwen
To: Toshiko
Subject: Thank you
Date: November 6th 2007
Thanks for clearing up the virus, Tosh. Everything works beautifully now!
Think the others will be up for a drink after work? It's been a bit of a week and it might do us all good to get out of the Hub for awhile. We've never all gone out before. Did the team at all before with Jack? I don't want it to seem odd.
Gwen
From: Sato, Toshiko
To: Gwen
Subject: Re: Thank you
Date: November 6th 2007
You're welcome!
We've never all gone out before. Did the team at all before with Jack? I don't want it to seem odd.
We never all went out before with Jack. And it sounds perfect after this week. I'll send out an email.
Toshiko
From: Sato, Toshiko
To: Torchwood
Subject: After Work Drinks
Date: November 6th 2007
Hello everyone,
Gwen's made the excellent suggestion for drinks after work. White Dragon at 7?
Toshiko
From: Harper, Owen
To: Torchwood
Subject: Re: After Work Drinks
Date: November 6th 2007
Gwen's made the excellent suggestion for drinks after work. White Dragon at 7?
If it's on the Torchwood tab, I'm there.
Owen
From: Jones, Ianto
To: Torchwood
Subject: Re: After Work Drinks
Date: November 6th 2007
If it's on the Torchwood tab, I'm there.
You're asking? You eat, drink and buy furniture on the Torchwood tab.
Yes and yes.
Ianto
From: Harkness, Jack
To: Torchwood
Subject: Out of office auto reply: Re: After Work Drinks
Date: November 6th 2007
Thank you for your e-mail.
Captain Jack Harkness is out of the office. He will deal with your query if and when he returns. If your query is urgent, please contact Gwen Cooper.
Yours Faithfully
Torchwood Staff
THE END