Fire, Earth, Water, Air
I associate people with the oddest things, especially those I care about the most. Maybe it's because I am a man of science (a mad scientist, as my loved ones say), that I look at them and think of things that wouldn't even occur to most ordinary people. Why is it that I see them and compare them to the four elements of alchemy? I'm not an alchemist. I experiment with transcendent medicine and split my very own soul. That doesn't necessarily make me an alchemist. My friends and loved ones would probably disagree.
But I can't help it. When I am around the four of them, it's like all elements come into place.
Fire, earth, water and air.
Those are traditionally four of the five elements of alchemy. Ether is the fifth one, but I don't know anyone whom it would suit. And I can't be any of the other four, because my dear ones fit them so much better than I do.
The elements suit them in exactly that order.
…
Edward Hyde is the fire.
What else could he possibly be?
He is my alter ego, my darker side personified. He is as destructive as the element I connect him to. He has a hot temper, the slightest mistake can set him ablaze. If you get too close to him, you will burn your hands. Metaphorically of course. That little demon has no sense of boundaries. He is my hell child and one day, we both will go there.
But like fire, he draws me in. While everyone else recoils from his dark aura, I see the glow within him. I look at him like at the fire in my chimney, watching the flames dance and glow. It's like a drug to me. Hyde flares with energy and when he touches me, it feels like his spark sets me aflame as well. When his skin is on mine, I burn with want and desire. His voice makes me melt like butter in the sun. His silver tongue sets me ablaze. Like fire, I can't touch him without burning myself, yet his warmth tempts me again and again. I want his warmth, his light, I envy him for it. He knows, of course. I love how alive and vigorous he makes me feel. And although I know, that he consumes me like fire consumes everything in its path, I don't have the heart to snuff this fire out. I suppose I will never learn, but it's fine, because he will always be with me, as long as I live. We both know that I can't live without him and he never tires to remind me of it. Edward Hyde is the biggest pest I know, but I love him.
Hastie Lanyon is the earth.
He is my dear friend and colleague. He is firm, sensible and generous. And stubborn. My god, is he stubborn! Yet, I need him. When he's not having a nervous breakdown, he is a source of stability I can rely on. He is the voice of reason I refuse to listen to, yet I am lost without him. I know that, because I have been lost without him before and I will not let it happen again. Of course it's difficult. Sometimes we rouse each other's temper until his seemingly stable surface breaks and unleashes an earthquake. In nine of ten cases, he is the first one to pick up the pieces. I'm a horribly selfish man and I know that I don't give him the appreciation he deserves. He knows it too. But he doesn't speak of it, never. He has given me more chances than I deserved, forgave me more often than I deserved. He took our past together and buried it somewhere, so we could face the future. I cannot put my gratitude into words, but he knows anyway. Sometimes I wonder, if I'm just that obvious or if he's just that good at reading me.
Gabriel John Utterson is the water.
He is more than my best friend. He is my love, my life. Of course I know that he's not innocent, that he's not an angel, yet he seems heaven-sent to me. I need him to live, like a flower needs the rain. He gives water to my barren soul. He runs deep, like a still water and unless he expresses it, it's impossible to know what he really feels. I can only ever try to dive down to the ground of his being, knowing that I will never reach. His eyes have the colour of the clear sky, yet, they resemble the water like no other. They sparkle like the surface of a lake under the sun, when he is happy and freeze to ice, when he is angry. When he hold me in his arms, when he kisses me, I drink it up as greedily and desperately as a man dying from thirst would drink from a well. In a way, he is mine, my elixir of life. His waters carry away the broken remains of my dead dreams, heal the wounds of my broken heart and wash the scars until they fade and no longer hurt.
If I burn up under Hyde's touch, Gabriel cools me down. I am an anxious and restless man, but he makes me feel at peace and I love, adore, worship him for it. There is no word strong enough to express just how much I love and need him, how deep my gratitude is for everything he does for me. Sometimes I wonder, why he doesn't just leave me, because I'm thoroughly unworthy of him.
Then there is Lady Summers.
She is the air.
She flies higher than anyone else, yet she lands as easily as a cat. Not just figuratively, in my eyes. When she dances, she is graceful and her steps are light, when she fights, her movements are as fast as the wind. She seems to really fly. Ever since I have known her, she has been the wind that carried me down safely, when I fell. I can never be angry at her for long, her direct, knowing and pragmatic demeanour is just too enlivening. She breathes life into me, when I suffocate.
No one can confine her, no one can tame her. She does whatever she wants and more than often gets away with it. The rules of mankind mean nothing to her, she plays by her own.
She is as multifaceted as the weather. Behind her beautiful face hides a force of nature. Just when you believe you know her, she catches you by surprise. She defies any understanding. She can be a gentle breeze, but she can also be a terrible storm. In her wrath she can tear everything to shreds, like a tornado does with a wooden house. Her sympathy is as warm as the summer, her cruelty is as cold as the winter. I can only dream of the things she knows. She sees and has seen so many things that no one else can see.
I can never have her boundless freedom, but sometimes she gives me a taste of it. When she talks of her adventures, her stories carry me far away.
…
They go so perfectly together. They fit in so beautifully. When I'm around all four of them, I feel like I'm one with the world. I feel safer than I ever could have imagined. There are no words for how dear they are to me. But at the same time I feel both like I'm something and like I'm nothing. I don't know where I belong. All of them have an element that fits them perfectly, but what am I?
I am not the air, because I can't soar like Lady Summers can. I, with my stilted wings, can never fly high enough to reach my goals and ambitions.
I am not the water, because my soul is as barren as a desert. I never knew how shallow I was, until Gabriel demonstrated, just how profound he is.
I am not the earth, because despite being chained, I have lost every touch to the ground. I have cut off my own roots. Without Lanyon's helping hand, I would lose my last shred of sanity.
I am not the fire, because my own flame has long since gone out. I am just a pile of ash next to Hyde's nigh unquenchable flame, spiritless, dead and cold. He made me realise that.
I always used to feel like I was far above mankind, as if I was on top of the world. But when I see the four of them together, I realise how wrong I was. They humble me, but I need them to feel whole again, to pick up the pieces of the soul that I shattered in my foolishness.
I need Hyde to feel alive, Lanyon to feel sane, Gabriel to feel at peace and Lady Summers to feel free.
Without them, I'm less than human. They know that and indulge me. I am a lucky man, because I have them.
I have no element that fits me and I am not worthy of being the ether, but that's fine, because when I have my four elements around me, it doesn't matter and I can be me, I can be Henry Jekyll again.