You signed your name on that dotted line, and you signed away your music. You signed away your life. With the fluid flick of your wrist, your whole existence just slipped away, and you didn't even know it.
Suddenly, they were making the decisions for you: what you wore, who you were seen with, what pose you made at the cameras. And just like that, you have no control. You listen and you obey and you follow all of their rules. You have no freedom, but you do have a hefty bank you feel a little lonely, all you have to do is swipe that glossy black card, and you feel a little empowered, if only for a moment.
And then there's the temptation, God, the temptation. You don't exactly know when that card stopped being your release, when it stopped being your escape, but nevertheless, it did. And now you feel hauled up and alone, so damn alone. That's where the temptation comes in, that's when the prospect of a new escape occurs to you.
Your new credit card comes in the form of alcohol, whiskey to be exact. And it feels so much better than that thin peice of plastic, it feels good. But your handlers, they don't know, they can't. When you were spending your money, well that was one thing, that was allowed, expected even, but this? No, this is the breaking of a rule. (Well, not so much a breaking as bending.)
Your newfound freedom is wonderful, but the shine is wearing off, and your feeling too in control once again. It's time for something bigger, another step up on the substance ladder.
You take your fix white and in a line. It burns your nose and makes that poppy shit music that you sing sound good. You find yourself sitting in a room full of young people exactly like you. Exactly. Bound by record contracts and expectations that have become too much. You do a line after a skinny brunette and she smiles just like you do, a little hopeless... alot lonely.
You want to ask her name, but then you remember that you don't care, can't care, because your no one. You don't exsist. Your just a set of rules with a face. (A pretty face at that.)
You meet Jake Ryan at around this time. He speaks so smoothly that it makes you wish you could live a bit more, that you could fill him the way that he does you. He makes this shell that you've become feel something, whatever the hell it spend more time with him and the tabloids catch on. Your stupid manager yells something about irresponisbility, but you only pretend to listen.
But, like everything you fall for, Jake lacks staying power, and soon he fades. (He didn't fade so much as you erased him.) And your looking for something new, brand new, but you can't seem to find it. You wander aimlessly for months, just looking for that new addiction, that new way out.
And one day when you're not even looking, you find it (find her). But, it doesn't occur to you that she's it. She's beautiful and blonde and bright and alive, so alive. She makes your blue eyes truly open for the first time in a long time. Your suddenly swept up in everything that is Lily Truscott.
She smiles like the rising sun and it takes your breath away, makes you feel like breathing. She doesn't really understand you, she doesn't know of your secret addictions, but that's okay ; it's better if she doesn't know. She only sees Miley, your other half, she knows nothing of Hannah, and it feels good. Like fresh air, something completely different than your other little habits.
She's quirky and funny and you feel like you might have to tell her the truth. She has that effect on you; makes you want to release all your secrets. Plus, you feel a little guilty, doesn't she deserve to know what kind of a person you are? You're empty and horrible and addicted; because, she's wonderful, and you're just going to ruin her.
You sit her down one night, and you give her a little peice of your puzzle, a corner of your sky. It goes a little like this:
I'm sorry I've been lying I'm Hannah Montana and you don't deserve to be lied to you really don't Lily
She stares at you blankly, mouth slightly open.
Could you repeat that, this time a little slower.
You take a deep breath, "I'm Hannah Montana, I live life like a normal girl. I'm sorry."
You're hoping (praying) that this will push her away, then maybe you won't have to confess your mistake and all... that. But, it doesn't, and Lily is still by your side. You're frustrated and relentlessly confused and still so empty.
(Because, really, how can she not see right through you?)
She's still smiling and now she even has a secret identity, which breaks your completely broken down heart. (You don't want this! You don't want her to be like you!)
She's starting to mingle with all of your friends, and she's accompanying you to events. (You hate it! Lily was yours, she was the only peice of like that you had left and now she's floating...) You toss and turn and you can never sleep (and it's not just because your dealer didn't show at the club tonight).
He does show the next night though, and incidentally, 'Lola' appears at that particular club. (She's gotten so fucking famous that she requires a manager, who thinks it might be good if she does a little socializing.) You're doing your line, which feels so good, the always temporary answer to your problems, when she stumbles into the VIP section with... Jake Ryan?
You don't dwell on his presence for very long, because Lola/Lily is looking at you like... like, God, you can't figure it out with this stupid haze on your mind. Your eyes are still locked on her hers when you hear '-really not what it looks like,'. You realize that it's your voice, and her eyes are filling with tears. She shakes her head and disappears with Jake on her heels.
You jump up, stumbling, and everyone in that stupid room is staring at you with the same expression, because they know. They have felt this before, they have seen the hurt in the eyes of the people that love them, they are just like you.You look to your left and notice Mikayla sitting there, eyes bloodshot with purple circles underneath, her sparkly mini-dress glowing in the low light of the room. She turns her sad, sad eyes on you, and you understand why she acted the way she did. You and Mikayla are essentially the same person.
Through the haze, you realize that this is your life now. Empty and meaningless and here and there and parties and clubs and whiskey and... never Lily. You made this choice, you chose this life. This life of secrets and heart break, and you can't do anything about it now.
You sigh and sit down next to Mikayla, she smiles sympathetically and hands you a glass full of amber liquid. You take it with a sigh and she says:
The price of fame...
A/N: Yeah, i started this a really long time ago and it needed to be put up here. I hope it doesn't totally suck. Review if you Read, please(: