Disclaimer: Not mine okay. If it was, things would have turned out different and Shaw would have an unfortunate accident.

Mean So Much

"Is there something wrong with your meal Detective?"

Joss sighed as she sat inside the basement storeroom with a well known criminal. "It's nothing Elias, and I told you that it's officer now." She was just not in the mood to talk about anything. Joss couldn't stop feeling terrible as she sat across from Elias with Anthony Marconi to his right, giving her a leering stare which she ignored.

Elias shrugged off the comment as he continued on with his meal. "Now I don't believe that is the only thing on your mind Officer." He brought the thin piece of meat to his mouth and chewed appreciatively. Elias always took his time appreciating his freedom. He followed up with a small sip of the fine wine while he continued his thoughts. "You don't usually come here for a social visit, so I wonder what brought you here."

At his words, Joss took a second to look down at her phone, making sure that it was completely disabled so that it couldn't be tracked. It didn't help that she felt awful for lying to John about her activities. When Joss helped him with his wounds last week, he knew something was up with her and it was only a matter of time before he began to do surveillance on her. Joss needed more time to come up with an explanation for her reasons for doing what she was doing. "So the day that I decide to come around and say hi to a criminal who threatened me and my son's life, you are suspicious?"

"Please Officer, those were necessary actions towards my goal. I did hope that there would be no hard feelings between the two of us." Elias continued to be calm and collected as he enjoyed his food. He certainly felt at home here rather than at Rikers where he should have been. "I continued to notice that I still haven't received a visit from our mutual friends. Are you worried about what they might think of you for rescuing me?"

The look she gave him quieted even the chatty criminal. "There is nothing to worry about. I saved you because HR was going to kill you."

"And John refused to help me because of what I did to you and others, correct?" Joss simply nodded her head as she remembered the phone conversation where John blew off the threat because he was busy with something else. "Well if John is as vigilant as I know him to be, especially when it comes to you, he'll understand that something has changed with you and grow concerned."

Anthony took the time to refill both hers and Elias's glass with more wine even though Joss hadn't taken a sip. "Well it's none of his business anyway. This whole thing had to do with HR and what they are planning. I just came to ask if you might be aware of any activity with them so that I could continue my investigation."

"I have to say that I am quite impressed with your efforts to take these men down. The offer still stands, however, for me to take care of them for you. It would allow you to regain your position on the force."

Joss just waved him off. "I'm going to do this the legal way Elias. If I need anything else from you that didn't involve killing someone, I'll ask." She then pushed the chair back and stood up, straighten her clothes. "As much as I enjoy our visit, I should be on my way. Good night Elias, Marconi." She nodded her head before making her way to the only door in the room. As she approached the guard, she heard footsteps behind her and turned around as Anthony engaged her.

"Hey, we still appreciate what you did. If your boyfriend gives you a hard time about it, I wouldn't mind setting him straight." There was a small glint in his eyes as he spoke, almost like he wanted to start something with John; but Joss couldn't understand why he was so eager to go after the ex-operative.

Her body turned back to the now open door, "You don't need to worry about him. Goodnight." She had a scowl on her face as she went through the doorway, and walked up the stairs as the metal door was closed behind her. Once she exited into the brisk night air, she let out the breath that she had been holding. It didn't help that she felt terrible for keeping this a secret from John. Joss was still trying to figure out a way to tell him so that he would understand.

The car that Joss had driven to the warehouse was parked down the block so that it wouldn't draw any attention to the building. New York was beginning to approach the winter season so thankfully there weren't any prying eyes on the street Joss returned to her car. Her footsteps echoed off the pavement as Joss continued to think about a possible solution to her dilemma. Because of this, her attention wavered and she never saw what happened next.

While passing by the only alley along the way, Joss felt herself being roughly grabbed from behind as a calloused hand latched over her mouth to keep her from yelling out. Her assailant began to drag her backwards as Joss looked for a vulnerable point on his body to strike. It was then that she realized that the person was well trained, blocking any blows that would have disabled him. Joss struggled more as she was enveloped in the darkness. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as Joss worried about what would happen to her.

"Why did you lie to me?" The voice was rough, demanding. It was all too familiar and Joss relaxed, recognizing the owner.

Feeling the grip on her loosening, she turned around to let him have it. "What the hell was that all about John, scaring me like that?" She shoved him roughly, not like it did anything, before fixing her clothes from the struggle.

"Why did you lie to me? He repeated. John's voice didn't change and the dark tone had Joss taking a step back away from him. She never felt like she wanted to get out of his way until now. His words had Joss questioning what he really knew. It was obvious that he was curious about what she had been doing in this part of the neighborhood. There was no reason for her to be just walking around as she got off duty a few hours ago.

Joss crossed her hands over her chest as she looked him in the eye, hoping that her instincts were right that he didn't know the truth. "I didn't know how to tell you that things weren't exactly peachy with me John, alright?" She then let her anger slip through as she pointed an index finger at him. "And it's not like you are a saint in that department with all of the times you've lied to me. Everytime I ask you where you get your information, you keep hiding it from me, saying that it's for my own good." Her hand then dropped before her face softened again. "Yeah, I was hiding from you and I'm sorry for not telling you but really this wasn't something that I felt like you needed to know."

Instead of responding, John just walked by her. By reflex, Joss grabbed his hand to stop him, "Where are you going?" She demanded. He tried to pull away from her but her grip was strong. She repeated the question to him.

"I'm going to see what you've been hiding from me in that building," he snarled.

Her eyes widened as she realized that he knew where she had been. Joss shook her head fiercely. "No, don't you dare do that." She kept her grip as he tried to tug himself free. "John stop it." He pulled harder, ignoring her. "John, just let it go." He finally got himself free and was just about the exit the alley when Joss finally gave him the truth. "Elias is in there alright. Are you happy now?"

John stopped in his tracks before slowly turning around. His eyes softened and he realized why it had been so hard to tell him what had been going on with her. He reacted before his brain was able to think about his next words. "Are you insane Joss?"

"It's not like I had a choice John. You were the one that told me to forget about it and let him get killed. That's not the John that I know or at least I thought I knew you." Joss just let the words go. She had been holding back the truth for so long, it felt like a huge relief to get everything out in the open. She was still angry with him and how he had been acting for the last few months.

A cold wind picked up and John realized that this wasn't the place to talk. Calming down, he took a step closer. "How about we talk about this back in my apartment? It will be much warmer than out here" he offered kindly, needing to change his attitude because Joss would just be defensive as a response.

Joss eyeballed him strangely, taken aback slightly at the sudden change in his voice. She was expecting a few more choice words on his end, not an offer to go back to his place. "Um John, did you hit your head or something?" He just continued to silently stand there, waiting for her answer. The involuntary shiver reminded her of the thin jacket she had worn. "We're taking my car I take it?"

John just nodded and allowed her to lead them away from the building that he had desperately wanted to investigate.

"Alright, we are away from prying eyes. Are you going to start yelling at me like I'm some sort of child?" Joss flung her jacket against the couch angrily. She wondered why the hell she let John talk her into coming back to his loft. "Like I said, you didn't leave me much of a choice when it came to figuring out what to do."

"Carter, this guy tried to have you killed, then kidnapped Taylor to use him as leverage against you. How could you just look the other way and help him? One less criminal would be better for all of us." John was getting tired of it all, to be honest. He knew the reason why Joss saved Elias though. It's the same reason why she had tried so hard to help him when they first met.

She brought a hand to her head, possibly to fight off an impending headache while the other sat on her hip. "John you don't really think that considering your day job. You know I couldn't do that either. I'm still a cop and I have to protect everyone be it criminal or victim. I know that you don't like it, but you really don't have a say in it. For now, Elias will sit tight until HR is taken care of and then he will go back to jail first thing. Don't worry so much about me. I'm a big, tough girl and have been taking care of myself for years."

"You know that he's probably just using you to help him. Remember that information about the pawn shop you got from, I'm guessing, Elias?" Joss nodded her head to confirm his suspicions. "We'll it seems like when the cops got on the scene, there was no sign of the diamonds or the cash."

Joss blew out a breath, tousling the hair up front. "Don't you think I know that he has other plans? I'm not dumb to understand that he gave me information for a Russian pawn shop to be used for his own benefit. It doesn't hurt that he's on lockdown until things look up. I've made sure to only keep him on a need to know basis."

"Apparently that didn't apply to Finch or me. Carter, you already have a lot on your plate, more than I even realized. Let me help you with this. You don't have to do this alone anymore." His words were sincere to the core. John was still angry but arguing would get him nowhere. Despite her actions, he knew that Joss didn't regret a single move that she made in this game with HR. He only wished that he had the sense of mind to somehow be able to help her back when she had first called him about Elias so that she wouldn't have put herself in this situation in the first place.

Joss's posture relaxed a bit with his words. Her eyes appeared softer than they were a few minutes ago. "John…I'm sorry but this is my fight, all of it. I can't get you involved when you and Finch have the numbers to take care of. I figure things out."

"Even if you won't let me take care of it" John's long strides had him at her side instantly. When he spoke, his voice was low and hoarse with what Joss thought was concern. "At least let me be there for backup, if you get in over your head, I mean."

Her face broke out into a small smile as Joss realized John was giving her his blessing even if there was a catch to it. The guy really needed understand her reasoning before he backed off but Joss understood why he did it. It warmed her heart that he was trying his best to be there for her again like he used to. "I was going to let you in on it eventually. Thanks for trusting me though."

"I just don't want us to lie to each other anymore Joss." She nodded in agreement at the statement. John then squeezed her hand a bit before looking away suddenly, having Joss tilt her head to the side to get a better look. "Joss I want you to stay here with me tonight."

The offer caused her eyes to widen in shock. "W-what brought this out all of a sudden John?" Her voice involuntarily crack a bit. John was a strange guy for sure. Her stomach felt a bit lighter as Joss continued to look at him, waiting for a response. He stepped right up to her, John then looked at her straight in the eye. Joss's was fascinated with how blue his eyes became.

"I just want you to say yes, not because you are here to help me with anything but because you want to." John wasn't one to be demanding, but learning what he did about Elias had him wanting to keep her here for tonight, even if that wasn't entirely the reason.

Looking at her hand in his, Joss looked back up before the edge of her lip twitched up. "You can't fool me Mr. Reese. You just want to keep me from danger, thinking Elias is going to try something against me tonight are we?" She could swear that he batted those incredible eyelashes at her. "Besides, what would I wear to bed?" The small laugh on John's end was the last thing she expected. "What's so funny?"

"I wouldn't have thought that the choice of clothing would have been the problem. Aren't you doing something with Taylor tonight?" After learning what Joss had been up too, he was now curious as to the young man's whereabouts.

"Taylor got a big test coming up so he is studying at a friend's house tonight. Because of the situation right now, I have him staying with his dad until everything calms down." Joss was growing to miss her baby boy but his safety would always come first. Paul was delighted to take him which she had been grateful for. She noticed that John was waiting patiently for her answer. Was it too much to do, especially with how complicated their relationship already was? John wouldn't have asked with an ulterior motive. She let a long sigh before looking him in the eye. "So what do you have to wear?"

"Yeah, I've got a bunch of pictures. It looks like HR is planning something with Yogorov but I have no idea what yet. The only thing I've gotten from these meetings is that it's something big." Joss was sitting with her legs tucked underneath her body. John had lent her some oversize sweatpants and the tank top that she had been wearing underneath her shirt. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail as she nursed some coffee that John had brewed up for the both of them.

He was sitting on the other couch with another pair of sweatpants and a wifebeater with his own mug in hand. "Someone has been a bad influence on you Carter. Who's been teaching you all these tricks?" John had to keep from laughing at the knowing stare she threw at him. "So what has gone down that you managed to get Elias to stay in a basement?"

Joss took a small sip from her cup, allowing the warm liquid to relax her while she remembered the events. "Well it didn't take long for Terney and Yogorov to try and take him out. I followed him and ambushed them before they killed him."

"By shooting at them?" John pointed out with a stern look, like a father warning his child.

Joss just shrugged at the look, not at all intimidated. "Not like I could really do anything else. Besides, it bought me enough time. After getting him away, we met up with his right hand man and they made the arrangements to have him lay low."

"So at any point, did you ever think about telling me what you had done?" John had limited himself to only asking one question at a time. He knew that he was fishing a bit but he wanted to get this out in the open. John was curious as to her mindset because Joss Carter didn't do the things that she told him she had just done. She didn't normally associate with mobsters or drop in uninvited on secret meetings.

Now the topic of the conversation grew a bit more somber. Joss took another sip before place the cup on the table. "I didn't plan on telling you to be honest." Her voice had softened a bit. She couldn't look him in the eye yet, unable to see his reaction to the fact that she intentionally left him out of the loop. "You didn't leave me with much of a choice John. Even if the guy did so many bad things, especially to you and me, I couldn't let him get killed. Terney and Yogorov had no right."

"If I hadn't saved him, he would have never hurt you Joss." It was his turn to look away out of guilt.

"You couldn't help it. You didn't know the truth about him and tried to protect him just as you did any other number." She stretched a bit to get the tension out before sliding further into the couch. "Letting someone die would sort of spoil your reputation." It was meant to be a joke to lighten the mood but Joss noticed his face fall a bit further. She groaned in frustration because she knew where his thoughts were going. "John, don't do that again. Just because we had a bad few months doesn't mean you can take it out all on yourself. I'm sitting right here and I'm fine. I just have to tweak my game plan to get HR for good."

His eyes suddenly bore into hers, taking her aback. "It's seems as though you are the one trying to protect me by not telling me exactly what you are up to. Why is that Joss?"

Damn it. She knew she couldn't lie now. Her stomach felt lighter again, having her body shift a bit under his gaze. "I just don't want you hurt by involving you in my problems. You've got your own troubles to worry about."

"Now who's the one underestimating the abilities of someone?" John then lifted the bottom of his wife beater, exposing the white tape that hung from his stomach. "You forget that there are hazards with my job as well as yours. I can take care of myself too. Simply put, if you can't handle things, don't be too proud to call me, Finch or anyone else. Things are different now. Even though I screwed up, I want things to be like they were before when you weren't so hesitant to tell me you needed help. You wouldn't be getting in the way if you did Joss. In fact you would be my first priority since there are more hands on board with Shaw joining the team. She can take care of the work." John replaced the shirt, hiding the tape from sight.

"You seemed to know how hard it was to say the words John." Her body was released from the paralyzing spell when his eyes became softer, a quick contrast to before. "When Taylor was in trouble, you knew just the right words to say, understood what I wanted more than anything without me having to ask." Her hand involuntarily went to her chest, her heart clutching a bit at the horrible memory. "You looked after him while I dealt with Elias. He may be trying something but I'll find the leverage I need in case he tries anything." Joss glided her eyes over to him, noticing him sly smile.

"Maybe Finch could pull up security footage from the pawn shop and get Elias's friend on camera. Then he can send it to you. No need to put more on your plate than you need too." His scheming mind would never cease!

Joss threw her hands up, once again knowing that she would never deter him from his criminal activities. She pulled herself up and made her way to the couch where John sat. Instead of sitting a safe distance from him, Joss dropped right next him, much to his surprise. "I swear John you know exactly what to say to make a girl feel special."

John looked down at her, fighting the happiness he felt now that Joss was only a few centimeters from him. "I am to please."

He nonchalantly draped his arm behind her on the back of the couch. Joss yawned a bit before plopping her head on his shoulder. "Elias is too annoying to get along with, thinks he has a way with words every time he opens his mouth. Cocky bastard." Her words were slow, Joss's body falling deeper into the comfy couch.

Joss could feel John's body shake slightly with a chuckle at her comment. "Yeah, the guy sure has an ego. Good thing you aren't fooled by him. Just be careful how much you give away when around him okay? For my sake?"

"Mmm-hmm" Joss hummed as her eyes then drifted close. She tucked her legs under her body, snuggling herself more into John's side. He couldn't refrain from brushing away a small strand of hair that escaped her ponytail. The coffee didn't do anything for her. The arm sitting behind her pulled at the band holding her hair. Joss stirred a bit at the action, but didn't bother saying anything if she was awake. It took no effort for him to release her dark locks from their confinement. Once freed, they tumbled downward with Joss sighing in what sounded like appreciation at the action before digging further into his body.

John couldn't stop himself from pressing his lips into her hair before wrapping her in his arms. The thoughts of Elias being involved with her still ate away at him. Beginning to rest his eyes, John now thought of nothing else at that moment but the woman who he was glad let him back into her life.

A/N: So yeah, ended up doing a sequel to The Little Things after all and decided to make Elias the topic even though John never actually sees him. Thanks SWWoman for the betaing once again.