Title: Pure as Snow: A desire for Emotions

A Death Note Doujinshi Oneshot

Pairing: Mello x Near

EDIT: February 6, 2009: I have modified this story and correted some of my errors. It's still the same story and the plot has not been changed at all. The only thing I did was change my misspelled and accidently wrongly typed words and rephrased some stuff; it's barely noticable. :)

Disclaimer: In no way will I ever be able to own Death Note or Death Note's content. If I did, it would have the yaoi smexiness all fangirls desire.

Warning: This fanfic is rated M for mature audiences.

Yaoi is coming ahead, meaning guys with guys. If you do not want to read about

male x male relationships, read no further! I cannot stress this fact enough.

I shall have you know, once again, that this is in fact, yaoi.

Now here's my first yaoi oneshot for those who have read the above and are still here!
^o^

- + -

"Pure as Snow: A desire for Emotions"

Wammy's House; Midnight

Near's POV

'Once again, I lay awake, hoping he would come again tonight, but alas, he never arrives. Two nights ago the chocolate-addicted blonde snuck into my room for some type of punishment. He told me to suffer and bleed; I swore he wished for my death. I had thought of all the possibilities of why he would want me dead and came up with many conclusions, but at the top of my list was his need to be superior; to be Number One.
I believed that to be the cause of it all, yet I embraced it with open arms.

'For the strawberry blonde to come out on top would put an end to all of our games, and I couldn't let that happen. I needed him; I needed to feel. Whether I ended up dead or in pain did not matter, all I wanted was to feel some type of emotion. Since I was very young, I have never been able to express or feel anything, how I hungered for it, uncaring about the type of feeling that would appear before me. My health does not matter.

'Maybe I needed to start provoking the chocoholic to return him to my room. Only then would he try and prove that he was the dominate one, oblivious to the fact that I control his actions. He was very predictable because of all his uncontrollable emotions that surged through his veins, making him an easy target to manipulate.

'Enough with all this rambling, I need to sleep if I'm ever going to be able to focus tomorrow.' As I fell into a deep slumber, I dreamt of being tied up, gagged, and blind-folded in an unknown room somewhere hidden. But I wasn't alone. There was someone else trapped there with me who I could hear breathing heavily right next to where I sat. I didn't know who he was but I sensed that he had the ability to speak without a gag in his mouth from the feeling of his breath on my cold skin. We sat there for hours without anyone to save us; no one had entered the room.

- + -

At breakfast I searched for the blonde's close friend, a red-head named Matt who always stood out because of his obsessive nature to play loud video games. Wherever Mello went, Matt was sure to follow. Since Matt was an easier target, it would take less time for him to lead me to Mello rather than to look for him myself. Sadly, I couldn't spot the red-head in the endless crowd of Wammy's house orphans, nor could I find Mello.

In defeat, I chose to sit alone at an empty table near a large window. Snow fell in large balls, blanketing the landscape in a thick sheet of pure white. That's when I found an error in the snow's perfection, large footprints marked a trail leading up to two orphans dusting off a bench. One of the boys had bright red hair and the other was a petite blonde.

I felt my whole body shake with something that I couldn't name, but it was in fact, something I normally lacked; emotion. Before I finished my breakfast, I hurriedly ran outside, not even bothering to put on a coat, and met up with the two boys that had gone astray.

Both of them either didn't notice that I had appeared or were ignoring my small footfalls upon the fluffy snow. For a while I didn't say a word, just watching the two friends clear off the bench and throw a little snow every now and then was all right for me. Then I decided I had waited long enough for them to show some sign of acknowledgement towards my presence, so I sucked in a small breath of cold air to show that I was there.

Matt was the first to notice which led Mello to turn around quickly to see who had caught the two of them outside. When he saw that it was me, he glared and turned fully to face my front.

"What the fuck are you looking at?"

"Mello…" Matt's voice showed a little bit of what he felt towards the blonde's ill treatment to others, but he would never go against Mello completely. He was only a sidekick.

"Shut up." Mello told the red-head with nothing short of an angry hiss.

Matt looked at me with sorrow in his eyes for all of Mello's childish mistreatment and rude behavior that he always forced on everyone else, especially me.

"So what the hell do you think you're doing, huh?" came out Mello's anger through his tone and poor choice of words.

'See? He's just that easy.' I thought to myself, 'I didn't even need to provoke him, all I have to do now is stay as quiet as I've always been. The small twinge of feeling will soon follow just by my uncaring façade towards Mello. It's always worked before.'

I could see Mello's anger grow into a furious heat as I kept silent and motionless. His ears were tinted a small pink, not just from the cold, but by how he disliked my lack of emotion just as much as I dislike it.

Suddenly, the blonde's arms reached out to me and gave my shoulders several forceful shakes fueled by my all-but-innocent silence. "SPEAK DAMNIT!!" screamed Mello with a thick smog of hate and a tone that went as loud as he could manage to throw at me. "WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU SPEAK?"

I felt a huge feeling of accomplishment by Mello's reaction and tried my best not to smile. Now was not the time to express what I felt, I should only memorize this feeling and hold it close. It's the only way to truly gain any emotion and add to my emotionless-self.

"Mello! Stop!" cried Matt as he tried prying Mello off of me. "Knock it off! Now!"

But the blonde didn't listen to his friend, 'Oh no, that's not something a friend should do now is it?' I thought to myself in a joking manner, I did have some form of humor, I just didn't always know how to bring it forth. Should I voice this thought? 'No… It's best not to, they would both realize how strange I am. Also, it would be obvious that I saw all of Mello's attempts at getting me to speak as a joke as well as a simple game to play.'

But then something changed in Mello's face, in his expression, a new feeling had come to him. Was it confusion? Shock? 'Yes,'I agreed. 'I think it is, but why?'

Then I realized that Matt too, looked to be quite flabbergasted as well.

I didn't understand until I realized that a smile had slid by and managed to knit itself into my face because of the humor I had for this picture just now. Quickly, I hid back into my emotionless façade, but the change didn't help this situation, it looked as if this difference confused them as well.

Mello dropped his hands from my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes that must have looked like a black well to him now. I felt his piercing stare, trying to depict what was going on, what my true look was, but he would definitely fail. There was no way he would realize the truth behind my mask; it constantly conceals all that I am or could ever possibly be inside from everyone. But still, I could see Mello's mind racing to find an explanation in my features.

Finally, he gave up with a sigh that followed with a frown that was unfit for Mello. "Whatever you're trying to hide inside yourself will eventually burst out if you keep it locked-up for so long." Then with that being said, Mello left me in the snow and Matt followed after.

"Wait up!" cried the abandoned Matt.

Never had I actually felt this numb or scared before. Another emotion, but for once, this was not a feeling that I wished to keep. "Mello…" I looked up at the sky as I began to shiver, and something happened that I would never have imagined would happen to someone like me. Slowly, a small tear fell down and slid down my cheek, followed by more tears until a flood came pouring out with shaking sobs. "M- Mello…!" I cried out up to the sky as I fell down to the snow-covered land. My arms fell loosely to my sides and I fell face-forward into the cold, soft blanket. I didn't dare move; my consciousness was beginning to fade away into nothing.

- + -

When I woke up, I was in a bed rather than outside in the pouring snow. I didn't want to open my eyes to the day; I didn't want to open myself up at all. All I wished for was to stay locked-up into the façade that I had created for myself so I didn't have to face life. Only then did I ever find peace inside myself, small tormenting dreams, thoughts, or anything didn't matter when I was hidden away.

But there was something that kept me from going completely into my barrier from the world, something that was too close not to notice. So I decided to open my eyes and see what lied in front of me, Mello, the human ball of complete emotion.

His head was face-down next to me on the pillow I rested my head upon. I felt his breath on my face, showing me that he wasn't afraid not to be gagged, to be able to speak, and to be able to show people that he lived with each breath that passed in and out of his lungs. All of his signs of being human were contrary to my own being, but I couldn't help wanting to be as free as him, as easily exposed as he is. Mello was someone that I could always lean on if I wanted to become his friend. If he had been my friend I bet he would be someone who would stay trapped with me until I could be free, until I could speak.

But I wasn't ready to become that close to him just yet, my game wasn't completely finished yet and it just screamed on for an encore. So I fed my demons more fire to burn the wood, something that Mello would hate must of all.

As he woke up I closed my eyes and gave him a small kiss on the lips. Now he would never forgive me and I could go on with my game, but to my surprise, he didn't react the way I thought he would.

When I pulled away from Mello's lips and opened my eyes, his orbs were wide next to mine, but he didn't yell at me, hit me, or call me names like I thought he would. Instead he calmed himself a little and kissed me back with a small peck; now I was the shocked one.

"Mello?" I asked a little confused.

He smiled back at me with something I didn't understand. "Sleeping Beauty spoke," he said, "and with a twist! Turns out this one likes to assault others when they're sleeping." Mello laughed and started to sit up, but I pulled him back down and rolled on top of him.

I didn't speak, but I didn't need to either. All I needed was to feel something new, something that wouldn't cause me pain. I leaned down and closed my eyes, then gave Mello a kiss. It was meant to be small, but it didn't turn out that way.

Then Mello pulled me down so our chests touched and his hands rested firmly on my waist. He opened my mouth somehow with his and our tongues met.

There was a taste of chocolate and something sweeter but I was too afraid to sink in these new waters.

I think Mello must have sensed my fear of exposure and took my hand to place it on his hair. Then he made a motion with my fingers so that I was forced to twirl his locks for comfort.

When I felt a little better, I felt my body start to become hot from Mello's chocolate kisses. I pulled back a little and my tongue was released. "M-Mello…" Now I took his hand and placed it over my rapidly thumping heart. "I don- I don't understand."

Then Mello smiled warmly up at me, took my hand, and placed it on his own heart. I felt his heart run races through my hand. "I do." He rolled over so that now I was on the bottom and he was on top of me. His lips touched my skin gently as they went down to my stomach.

"Nnn… M- Mello?" I felt his breath hot with steam, and his tongue, slicked with saliva and playing with my naval. "Ahh…!" My body was now pulsing with fire as I felt him move about on top of me. When I couldn't take this constant teasing anymore I decided that I would take charge once again, but this time without manipulation. I took his hand in mine gently and slid it down my pants to where my lower member could be felt.

This time Mello was the shocked one. "N-Near?" He looked up at me now with a little concern. "Are you sure?"

I nodded slowly and released his hand. "P- Please, M- Mello?"

This got him more excited than I had expected and he proceeded to stroke what was once hidden beneath my pants but now exposed to his sight. I could see that he wanted more than just to see me as excited as him, so I chose to experiment.

Slowly, I reached down Mello's pants as I felt his lips on my lower area and flinched a little, but still I continued to reach for Mello's erected member. As I felt Mello make a pumping motion with mine I did the same with his in hopes that it would excite him just as much as his actions excited me.

"Hah... Haa…" Mello was panting, as was I.

I felt like I was ready to burst like Mello had said before in the snow and wondered to myself in this clouded state of mind if he did too. Just then I felt a strong pull, and let out several uncontrollable moans as I felt something pour out of my lower self. Mello probably felt the same because the same actions happened to him right when it happened to me.

Now both of us were covered in white goo, but it wasn't as pure as the snow.

-End-

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed typing it. My original idea was completely different than how it turned out; I wanted to create a bondage scene. Lol. Oh, well, cute and 'impure' is fun as well. ;]

Since I really like it, I might make a sequel, but probably not because I've already gave it an ending but you never know…

I hope you read more of stories and review. Thank you!