Note: So, this is a one-shot, and it kind of just spilled out. I'm not really sure where it takes place. I originally wrote it after 2.13 and the whole Chuck leaving fiasco, but it wound up fitting I think with the current story line? So I don't know, put it wherever it makes sense. I also don't know if it's any good, I think it's kind of all over the place, but give it a read? Maybe review? :)
Her breath hitched in her throat as her eyes flicked across the room, immediately meeting his intense gaze. She could see the smirk forming on his lips, and quickly averted her eyes as her cheeks reddened. Serena, seeing this minute yet substantial interaction quickly grabbed Blair's hand, smiling softly to pull her into the party. Blair followed gratefully, all the while willing herself not to look back at the beautiful and broken boy who was still watching her from across the room.
He had moved away from the bar now, following her movements ever so slowly, to ensure he still had a clear view. This was all he was going to get, so for the moment, it needed to be enough. He needed it to be enough.
She was with Serena and the other girls from school, talking and laughing, clearly enjoying herself. Blair was in her element, and on her game, and it was turning him on like only she could. He watched as Penelope leaned over and whispered to Blair, nodding in his direction, and smirked visibly when she slowly turned her head, only to meet his eyes with such a stern gaze that he knew - he just knew - she would approach him tonight.
His self-satisfied smirk ignited a passion within her - one that she instinctively tried to label as disgust because if she allowed it to be anything else she'd never survive this party. Blair turned back to Penelope, rolling her eyes and continuing the conversation, as though she had never been interrupted. He, in turn, sauntered back to the bar, ordering another scotch and settling in. He knew he'd see her soon.
Not even a half hour later, a certain Miss Waldorf slid in next to a slightly buzzed but still fully functional Chuck Bass.
"What took you so long?" he questioned with an air of triumph, and it frustrated her to no end that he knew she would come. Whe had avoided him successfully at every social event they attended thus far - how did he know that this would be different?
She asked him this, and chuckled softly: "I shouldn't have to explain how well I know you, Waldorf".
"You shouldn't know me at all, bass," was her sharp response, and he ignored the small yet piercing pain inflicted by her words.
"So, come to verbally assault me, or have something else in mind?" he asked, raising an eyebrow slightly.
She scoffed. "As if, bass. You should know that's not happening – not now, not ever."
He smirked, leaning into her, placing his hand on her thigh. "You sure about that?" he asked, his voice dropping significantly in pitch and his eyes glinting.
She rolled her eyes at him, placed her hand over his (feeling him stiffen apprehensively), and smirked. "Very." And with that, she picked up his hand and dropped it next to him, feigning disgust. "Keep your hands where they belong," she whispered, as moved to walk away.
He grabbed her wrist, turning her slightly into him. "They belong on you. Anywhere else, they're worthless."
And then she saw it. The hurt in his eyes, the begging, the sadness…the uncertainty, the hope…the love?
Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't give in this easily. She shouldn't give in this easily. But what she was feeling was anything but normal, and this was Chuck Bass, and if he loved her, then maybe…
Blair sighed. "What do you want from me, chuck?"
He gestured towards the twirling couples in front of them. "Dance with me."
Blair would have been offended directness of the order if his voice hadn't cracked like it did, and if his eyes weren't still full of emotion.
"Okay chuck, one dance."
He smiled. "That's all I'm asking," chuck whispered as he led her onto the dance floor.
"Yeah, I'm sure," she scoffed in response, but there was a lightness in her voice that once again gave him hope.
They swayed softly to the nondescript music. Chuck pressed Blair as close to him as he could without scaring her off, and he discovered this was surprisingly close. Blair rested her head on Chuck's shoulder, allowing herself to be lost in the moment, and periodically reminding herself to breath.
Had she been more aware, she would have seen the girls whispering in the corner, or Serena's violent waves signaling her across the room, or Nate's befuddled expression. Perhaps she would have noticed her mother and the gnome gesturing wildly, or Eric's shocked grin. But as Blair inhaled the long-missed scent of Chuck Bass, she couldn't even begin to notice, or even care. She knew that when the song ended, she would go back to hating him, and he would go back to sulking, and nothing would change. But just for a few minutes, Blair wanted to pretend. Because she couldn't find the will to fight the little voice in her head, telling her that this was exactly where she belonged.
Chuck knew the song could end any time now, and while Blair's reaction was more than he had dared to hope for, he was overcome by the sudden fear of losing it all so soon. He exhaled sharply, causing her to turn her head a face him, backing away a little, questions dancing in her eyes.
Chuck cleared his throat, and tried his best to speak competently, but the air definitely wasn't flowing properly and he wasn't quite sure what to do. "I just…I don't want…I mean, I can't…I can't lose you."
His eyes were searching hers, and this time Blair stepped away more fully. She didn't want to end this. This was exactly what she wanted, what she needed…but she knew that wasn't enough. She couldn't think, she couldn't breath, she couldn't deal with him anymore.
And that's exactly what she told him: "I can't deal with you right now."
"I'm sorry, what?" And just like that, the fear was gone, the nerves were gone, because Chuck was confused, and frustrated, and hated that she couldn't see how hard he was trying. "You can't deal with me? You can dance with me, but you can't deal with me? That's not fair!"
"Oh, real mature, Chuck. Life's not fair. You think it's fair to me, how you've treated me, everything that's happened to me because of you? You think that's fair to me? Did you think one dance was going to change that?" She was mad.
"No…I…I just…I thought…I hoped…you were so…I mean…" he was sputtering again, and he cursed himself for sounding so entirely incompetent. Again. Because clearly, regardless of how suave he claimed to be, his mouth was entirely useless when things really mattered. And now she was walking away. "Blair, wait!"
"For what, Chuck?" Blair whipped around, not noticing the attention she was bring to their argument, and once again not caring. "For you to put together a logical sentence? Because I'm feeling like that might take a while." Wow, she would revert back to snippy comments at a time like this. Blair mentally kicked herself, but maintained her strong confidence.
Chuck's tongue finally started working again, probably due to Blair's grade-school-esque comeback, but he chose to ignore it. Not because he couldn't rise to the challenge, not even because he was trying to mature, but because what he had to say was too damned important.
"Just wait, okay. I mean it, Blair, you have no idea how hard it is for me to see you and not be with you. To talk to you and not have you. To hold you and not kiss you. I need you."
"You HAD me. You had all of me. You had everything. You didn't even try, Chuck. You couldn't just try! All you did was prove yourself right. You don't deserve me, not if this is all I'll ever get. I deserve better." She knew it was harsh. And she didn't even believe it, not really. But he had to think, he had to realize what he put her through. She started to walk away again, this time headed straight for the door.
Chuck panicked. He wasn't even thinking, he barely even allowed the words to sink in, he barely even allowed himself to think. "I can be better!" he yelled, causing her once again to stop in her tracks and turn around, glaring furiously.
Blair stalked over to him, fire burning in her eyes. "Oh, so now you can be better. Before, you just completely give up, and decide I'm not even worth the effort to make a change, but now, suddenly, magically, you can be better?" Blair really was frustrated. Why couldn't he have decided this before? Before he abandoned her entirely? Before he completely destroyed everything? Before he completely destroyed her? God, it really wasn't fair.
"Yes," Chuck grunted out, and it was getting difficult, because as much as he wanted to fix things, there was only so much abuse (abuse in front of everyone he knew) that he could take, "I just didn't get it before. I didn't…understand. I thought that I was doing the right thing. You have to believe me. I didn't want to hurt you. I thought leaving was the only way not to." Chuck looked up, and Blair still stood there, and he could tell she had softened a little at his words. He started to continue, but Blair cut him off.
"Well, clearly Chuck, regardless of what you do, you end up hurting me. So you might as well be with me while you hurt me, because that's a hell of a lot easier to fix, and you know as well as I do tha--…." Blair quickly stopped talking, because what she meant to be a retrospective eye opener sounded much more like a suggestion, and she hated herself for thinking it was a damn good suggestion, and now she was petrified of his reaction.
A slow grin broke across his face. "What are you saying, Blair?"
She sighed. Damn. "I'm saying something you should have realized a long time ago. It's too bad you missed your chance." There, she thought stubbornly, nice save.
Chuck's grin fell, but didn't completely disappear. "You want to know something else I completely missed my chance on? It's something I should have realized a long time ago too. In fact, I did realize it. But as you so sweetly pointed out earlier, I have trouble forming competent sentences."
Blair raised her eyebrows, telling him to go on.
"I love you." He said simply. There was a collective gasp (yes, everyone was still watching, and no, neither of them seemed to notice).
Blair didn't move. She didn't breath. She didn't gasp in shock, her hands didn't shake, a silly grin didn't spread across her face, she didn't start crying. She barely reacted at all. She just kept staring at him, as if daring him to mean it.
While this reaction, or lack of reaction, should have terrified Chuck, it didn't. In fact, he smirked. "Yeah, Waldorf, that's right. I. Love. You. I'm an idiot, and I don't deserve, and I've screwed up way too much, but I love you. And we both know you love me too, so don't even try to deny it." The smirk was still present, but Chuck's eyes quickly flashed as he realized how smug he was being. Yeah, not the right way to win her over. This goes back to the idiot clause in his previous statement.
Blair, who had yet to show emotion, scoffed at this last statement. "Do not tell me what I do or do not feel, Bass."
"Then you tell me," he challenged.
Blair stepped into him, so close that Chuck could feel her steady breath on his lips, and she wrapped her arms slowly around his neck. Her face remained emotionless, but she smirked inwardly as his body stiffened around her. His eyes were searching hers for a clue, any sort of sign, and all traces of cockiness were immediately replaced by uncertain hope. Blair rolled her eyes and whispered softly:
"I hate you."
And then she kissed him.
It took Chuck a moment to respond, but he did so with so much excitement and passion that even he was surprised. But that's because he was surprised. Surprised that he was kissing her again. Surprised that he had said those three words. And surprised that she still loved him back, after everything. Because regardless of her response, she loved him, and he knew it, and he felt it, and it meant everything to him.
Blair felt herself smile into the kiss. She should be angry: her resolve completely broke and she succumbed once again to the infamous Chuck Bass. But all she could feel was this overwhelming happiness, and relief, and love, because regardless of how much she hated him (and she totally did still hate him), she loved him. And he loved her. He loved her! Blair was giddy. And he said it. Out loud. In front of everyone! …in front of everyone?
Suddenly Blair noticed the insane applause echoing around the room, and she wondered how she went temporarily deaf, and as she pulled away from Chuck, still grinning, she saw the realization dawn on him as well. But then he grinned back at her, and kissed her again, this time for show.
Blair shoved him off, laughing as he entwined their fingers, and she couldn't help it. She leaned in and whispered, "Chuck and Blair, holding hands."
Chuck lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "This feels right," he whispered.
She smiled softly, "yeah, it kind of does."
Chuck then turned and motioned to the rest of the room, "I feel like they're all watching us…"
Blair laughed. "What would give you that idea, Chuck? The fact that everyone is staring at us? Maybe the applause?"
"Well that's what first clued me in. I've also noticed all the cell phones going off. Let's say we really give them something to watch," Chuck raised his eyebrows suggestively.
"You're disgusting," Blair muttered, rolling her eyes but unsuccessfully hiding her giddy smile.
"It's why you love me," Chuck whispered.
Blair attempted her eye rolls again, but was caught off guard when Chuck's lips found hers again. No, Blair thought to herself as she was once again lost in Chuck's warmth, this is why I love you. Because only you can make me this ridiculously happy.
And even though she didn't say it out loud, Chuck definitely heard it. And he loved that he felt the exact same way.