NO FUN
When Kakashi woke up half an hour before his alarm went off that morning he should have realised it was a sign that the day wasn't going to be fun. It didn't help that he had been dragged out the night before by his old squad members to celebrate Sakura's nineteenth birthday and had indulged in a few too many beers. The resulting head ache and churning stomach he had that morning a testament to his heavy drinking and the only reason he couldn't just roll over and go back to sleep. However, the loud snoring next to his ear was probably another reason why he couldn't just roll over. That snoring was way too familiar for Kakashi to panic and believe he had lost his wits sometime during the night and taken a girl home with him.
As a personal shinobi rule Kakashi never slept with anyone from his own village, it lead to attachments. It was a lot easier to find a willing woman in some random village on the way back from a mission to satisfy that need. However that also led to being exposed to any enemy that could have followed him, and then there was the fact that often enough he was just too injured and tired to even bother finding a woman to then have to go through the pain of wooing her into sleeping with him. All in all it had been a very long time since he had had sex especially now there was the threat of war bearing down on Konoha; the missions were getting more intense. Not that his lack of sex life bothered Kakashi, he always had Itcha Itcha and his hand. And sometimes if he was really bothered he would jutsu a clone of some fantasy woman to suck him off. The benefits of being a ninja.
By the time the alarm did go off Kakashi had been staring at his ceiling thinking of absolutely nothing for what seemed like four hours instead of just twenty three minutes. He did realise that he didn't just have one bedfellow sharing his tiny double bed, but three and one was a female. It seemed that all of Team seven had come home with him in the early hours of the morning, all of them just as drunk as Kakashi. This wasn't the first time that one if not all of them had come home with him. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke hardly saw Kakashi any more now that they were Jonin or Chunin, in Sasuke's case. There would be the occasional group mission but they didn't need him anymore, they actually hadn't needed him for a very long time.
That was probably the only reason he grudgingly agreed to go drinking with them whenever they knew he was home. He honestly missed them; they were like his younger siblings, annoying as hell but extremely miss-able. It was usually Naruto that clung to him after a long night drinking and followed Kakashi back to his apartment. Though, he apparently did the same to Iruka-sensei as well so Kakashi didn't feel that special. After Jaraiya died Naruto turned back to his old senseis for that father figure he needed in his life, and after drinking copulas amounts of alcohol Naruto tended to be needier and clingier. Kakashi would be too drunk to deny him.
The other two weren't so bad. Sakura never came on her own she was too afraid, even when she was falling over drunk that her pervert ex-sensei would take advantage of her. Not likely, Kakashi still saw her as a little girl needing his protection, even though she was now a Tokujo. Besides she would just read more into it then just sex and Kakashi just didn't need her clingy love OCD. Sasuke on the other hand was a depressed drunk, if not a bit of a violent drunk and he ended up going home with Kakashi only for the safety of the village and himself. He had only been back in the village for a year and a half. It was only last month that he was finally been able to become a chunin after Tsunade finally gave into Naruto's pleadings.
Looking down at his three ex-students who had totally ignored the overly loud screeching noise of his alarm, Kakashi wondered if there was more to Naruto and Sasuke's relationship then either of them let on. At that very moment Naruto and Sasuke had their arms wrapped tightly around each other, their bodies pressed closely together and their legs entwined. It was a lover's embrace, well as far as Kakashi knew from reading Itcha Itcha. He, himself had never embraced a lover after sex it meant you cared more then he could ever allow himself to care for someone. Poor Sakura was on the outside once again. It was hard to know if the pink haired girl still carried a flame for Sasuke because Kakashi didn't see her all that often, nor did he honestly care.
At that moment she was snuggled tightly into Sasuke's back on the opposite side of the bed from Kakashi and also pressed against the wall as the two boys took up most of the bed. If this was going to continue to happen Kakashi really should have them pay for a larger bed. He had had to sleep on his left side facing away from the threesome and that did absolutely nothing good for his Sharingan eye. It had felt like it would just slip out his eye socket and roll across the room to be forever lost under his couch. Now it was just aching, adding even more pain to his already throbbing head. He should wake Sakura up to get her to ease the pain since it was her fault to begin with. But then he didn't have the heart to wake her or the other two, it had been her birthday yesterday after all.
For a second he actually contemplated making them breakfast but that was savagely ignored when he realised that that would just encourage them even more, free breakfast after free body heat. No, there was no way he would encourage this behaviour. Thinking back he realised this had actually all started when they had all finally seen what he looked like under his mask. After years and years of trying to see his naked face they got him extremely drunk and took advantage of him when he was passed out, they then took him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. But the next day they had all been sitting around his hospital bed when he woke, smirking while they all looked at him. For some reason they had seen that as the last barrier between them and had just let all sensei-student priority go to the wind.
A groan of despair escaped him when he realised that he wouldn't want it any other way. They were his family, and as much as Kakashi didn't do commitment and attachments, and as much as he moaned and groaned about their clinginess, he couldn't bring himself to distance himself. All he knew was that if he lost any of them he wouldn't be able to cope. It was a frightening prospect but one he couldn't change. However, it did help that all three of them where stronger then the legendary Sannin, so their chances of dieing where very, very slim.
Long before Kakashi wanted to remove himself from his bed an urgent tapping sounded at his window. The annoying noise just added to his aching head, he really just wanted to set whatever it was on fire. Turning he saw it was a messenger bird from the Hokage's office, he was being summoned for a mission. He really wanted to set the bird on fire, but he knew that it would just come out of his pay and Kakashi cosseted money like a virgin daughter, if he had a virgin daughter. Sakura would be the closest to a daughter he had, or would ever have for that matter, and he couldn't be too sure she was still a virgin. If she was still in love with Sasuke she would be and will be until the day she stops loving him.
All Kakashi knew was that when any male came to flirt with her when he was around, he grew possessive and would do anything to scare him away. Sasuke and Naruto did the same, but all it was, was a protective reflex that they had all developed from when they had originally been together and protected her on missions. So Kakashi could probably safely say Sakura was a virgin.
The annoying bird continued with its tapping and would continue until Kakashi acknowledged it. Slowly and rather stiffly he tried escaping his bed, - gods he was becoming an old man, his joints ached when he tried to get out of bed. The drawback of being a ninja was that your body aged way faster than normal thanks to pushing it to its limits all the time. So instead of actually being a thirty two year old man in the prime of his life, Kakashi was starting to feel like a sixty year old on his way to retirement. It was extremely depressing, especially when he looked back down to the three young and extremely fit bodies in his bed. Maybe he could raid one of Orochimaru's hideouts in the hope to find some jutsu that would replace his old bones with the bones of his young friends.
That would just take effort though, and he was too old to do more than he was required to do. At that thought he moaned in desolation before acknowledging the annoying bird with a loud slap to his window pane. The bird, which had made it to his number five spot on his death wish list, flew off in fright. Behind him the three bedfellows still slept on oblivious to the day that had started or that he was trying to stretch out his stiff joined without getting a cramp or fainting to the floor as the blood rushed to his head with his stretch.
After effectively making his hangover that much worse, Kakashi stumbled towards the little kitchen in the corner of his two room apartment, (the second was the tiny little bathroom that would only hold one person at a time no matter how hard you tried to squeeze them in, Naruto really had no boundaries). Once there he clattered around, loudly filling his kettle and putting it on the stove before finding a clean mug and those 'special' tea leaves that Shizune had given him last year for his birthday. That woman was a god sent, not only did she save him from Sakura and Tsunade's lectures when he returned an inch from death but she also gave him drug laced tea to help when his eye gave him trouble or when he just had a really bad hangover.
He had to remember to get that woman a commendation. But then she would probably see it as some kind of come on and he really didn't want to deal with that, besides it would require effort to do that as well, effort he didn't want to give. There was also the fact that Genma was keen on Shizune and again that would create effort defending off his mate's jealous attacks. Way too much effort for the sake of nothing.
Once his tea was ready, after a very long whistle from the kettle, Kakashi lent back against the bench and looked over at the threesome in his bed, still asleep. Honestly there was seriously something going on that wasn't platonic between Naruto and Sasuke. Though, if that were true the blond haired knucklehead would probably be shouting it from the roof tops totally unashamed about it. On the other hand Sasuke probably threatened to rip his balls off if he uttered a word. The guy guarded his privacy just like Kakashi guarded his money, with a jealous eye and a deadly hand, which wasn't good since the Hokage and the rest of the village still didn't trust him. Kakashi really didn't envy Sasuke's psychologist, getting anything from that kid would be like pulling teeth from an angry tiger.
Kakashi sighed heavily when he realised his tea was finished and he was one step closer to having no more excuses to go to the Hokage's office. After another sigh he farted and felt his churning belly loosen a bit.
"That is so gross Sensei, you couldn't go to the bathroom to do that," Sakura moaned as she lifted her sleepy head and frowned over at him, she only ever called him Sensei these days when she was annoyed at him or reminding him he was the older adult.
Besides, trust her to wake up to his fart after all the loud noises he had been making. Her waking up in turn woke the boys up whom slowly, and reluctantly on Sasuke's behalf untangled themselves from each other.
"Good morning my little rays of sun shine," Kakashi had to force most of the cheerfulness into his voice, since the tea was taking it's time working. He was rewarded however when the three of them all groaned painfully.
"I'm going to have a shower, then I have a meeting, please feel free to stay in my bed and then help you self to breakfast and the rest of my hot water," He said sarcastically knowing no matter what he said they would do it anyway. There seriously were no boundaries with these three. As he shuffled off towards his tiny bathroom, collecting some clean clothes from his draws on the way he called over his should hoping they would listen, "Oh and leave the money on the fridge when you leave, and lock the door."
Ok first fic ever posted, I make no claims of any greatness, just a bit of fun.
Oh and just to let you know I'm scared grey of what you readers will think of it, I have never let anyone read my stories before but this is a huge step in defeating the evils of Social Anxiety.
Anywho enough about my messed up brain... this is the beginning of a fic that involves an OC that I may or may not finish - all depends on those annoyingly itchy inspiration bug bites. At the moment this is a standalone chapter.
Hope you enjoyed and I've helped to put a smile on your lips even if its twisted. Just remember smiles and laughter release those happy endorphins and those happy endorphins are better than chocolate and almost as good as an awesome shag.
I suppose I better add one of those disclaimer thingies ... well consider this storey to be disclaimed with Masashi Kishimoto's characters and ideas belonging to him. The rest belonging to me.
Blessed Be naughty little puddins