Rites of Passage
Disclaimer: Don't own em; don't profit.
Acknowledgement: Many thanks to T'Ashalik for her excellent beta.
Spock paused, charcoal stick poised over the sketch pad in his lap, and squinted at I-Chaya. The sehlat was sprawled on his back on Spock's bed, limbs splayed out, his massive head turned to the side, tongue lolling out, snoring peacefully.
Nevasa's late afternoon rays slanted through the window, casting a reddish-golden glow over the his pet's fur. Knowing that the effect of the sun's rays he was trying to capture would soon be gone, Spock began sketching rapidly, using short, light strokes. Moments later a raised voice from the living room broke into his intense concentration.
"No! Absolutely not! I will not allow my son to be sent out into the desert for ten days without food, water, or any type of weapon he could use to defend himself," Amanda said sharply. They were arguing again, about him. Their arguments were always about him.
"If he chooses to follow the Vulcan way, as I believe he will, the boy must complete his kahs-wan in order to be accepted into Vulcan society as an adult. All Vulcan children must complete this rite of passage. I completed the kahs-wan myself at the age of seven," Sarek replied calmly.
"Yes, and according to Osa'mekh'al Solkar, you very nearly died on the eighth day of your ordeal when a d'mallu vine got hold of your ankle and started dragging you toward the plant's mouth. You could have been digested if you hadn't managed to grab a sharp rock and chop the vine off. Is that what you want to happen to our son?"
"Of course not, aduna. I will not deny that there is danger in the desert. The ability to face that danger and overcome it has enabled our people to survive in that harsh environment for millennia. The kahs-wan is an ancient custom, a trial of maturity, from Vulcan's violent past. In those days children were sent into the desert for ten days without food, water, or weapons to prove their strength and resourcefulness, their worthiness as warriors.
"Since the Time of Awakening, when we cast out our emotions and turned to logic, we have retained the the kahs-wan to maintain our physical strength and toughness. It also serves to remind us that technology may come and go, but the desert, the mother of our race, abides," Sarek explained. "We train our children in survival techniques and send them into the desert to ensure that they too would know how to survive if modern technology were to be lost or destroyed."
"I respect what your ancestors went through to survive, and I respect your ancient customs, for the most part. But this is the twenty-third century. It's. . . it's. . . barbaric to still be sending little children out into the desert unarmed when there's no need for it. You've said yourself that your population replacement rate is low and every Vulcan child is precious. Doesn't that include your own son?"
"Of course I cherish our son, Amanda. I believe he will successfully complete his rite of passage. Your assumption to the contrary is illogical."
She walked several paces away, trying to contain her anger, before whirling to face him. "You're damned right I'm being illogical. In case you hadn't noticed lately, I'm human, and as you so often point out, humans are illogical, emotional beings."
Spock's heart sank as he listened to his parents arguing yet again over how to raise him, the only Vulcan/human hybrid child on the planet. Sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night, he tossed and turned, unable to sleep, endless thoughts and worries passing through his mind.
Would he ever be good enough to satisfy his father's high expectations of him? Would he ever be accepted as a Vulcan by his peers, and by Vulcan society in general, despite his human DNA?
In one week's time, on the Day of Decision, he would have to choose his life path. Spock intended to choose the Vulcan way, following in the footsteps of all of his forbearers from the House of Surak.
Having chosen the Vulcan way, he would be expected to undergo the kahs-wan. Was he strong enough, he wondered, to survive the desert ordeal and prove to his father that he was a true son of Vulcan?
His parents' voices had grown more hushed. Setting aside his sketch pad and charcoal stick, he crept closer to the door to his room hoping to hear more clearly what was being said.
Once before, during an argument he had overheard between his parents over how to deal with the constant bullying he endured at school, his mother had become so frustrated with Sa'mekh, she had threatened to leave Vulcan, taking her son back to Earth with her, with the intention of raising him among humans.
That argument had been peacefully resolved, but ever since, he dreaded hearing his parents argue over how to deal with him. He worried that their disagreements could one day tear the family apart.
By pressing his ear to his door, he was able to hear snatches of his parents' conversation. . .
"Spock is a strong, intelligent, determined child, Amanda. I believe that he can successfully survive this ordeal. Otherwise, I would not. . ."
"But you can't know that. If he doesn't survive, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for. . ."
"I am not sending him out into the desert, my wife. That decision will be his alone to make - "
"Then you'd better hope he comes out of this thing alive, because if he doesn't. . ."
Unable to bear any more of this conversation, Spock scuttled away from the door and crawled into darkest corner of his closet. Shivering with fear and suppressed emotion, he pulled down his heavyweight cloak from a peg on the closet wall and curled into a small ball, surrounding himself with the comforting weight of it.
Closing his eyes, he took several deep, cleansing breaths and attempted to enter a meditative state. The peace he sought eluded him, but after a few minutes in the dark, silent closet, the tenseness in his muscles began to relax.
He had just started to ease into a meditative state when he heard the door to his room being opened. Judging by the weight of the footfall, he knew his father had entered his room.
"Sa-fu?" Sarek called softly.
The boy squeezed his eyes tightly shut and burrowed more deeply into his cloak, wishing the world would go away and leave him in peace.
"My son, I know you are here. Come out from wherever you are hiding. I will speak with you."
Spock remained silent. He did not wish to speak with his father.
He heard Sa'mekh walking about the room searching for him. Finally, the footsteps advanced toward his closet, and the door opened. Harsh light poured into his hiding place from the setting sun outside the bedroom windows.
Freezing into position, the child held his breath and willed himself to be invisible. His father lowered his head into the closet, moving hanging clothes aside until he saw the small form huddled in the farthest corner.
A gentle hand removed the cloak covering him. "My son, I regret that you overheard my discussion with your mother. Come out of there, and we will talk about it."
Defeated, the boy allowed his father to clasp his arms and help him to stand. Drawing his son with him, Sarek moved to seat himself on the bed, urging the boy to sit beside him.
Spock glanced up at his father through his lashes. Seeing no anger there, he raised his head to gaze suspiciously into Sa'mekh's eyes. "Where is Ko-mekh? Why is she not here?"
"Your mother has gone to visit Osa'mekh'al Solkar at the family compound. She will return later this evening."
"Is she going to take me back to Earth with her and raise me as a human child?"
His father frowned. "No, of course not. Where did you get that idea?"
"I heard her say it once when you and she were arguing about how to deal with the bullying I receive from the other boys at my school."
"My son, your mother and I disagree at times, as do all bonded couples. However, you need not concern yourself with the possibility of a severing of our marital bond. That will never happen."
Laying a large, gentle hand on his son's shoulder, Sarek continued. "Try to understand, Spock. Your mother is an emotional human woman, and she feels things deeply - never more so than when it concerns the safety and well-being of you, her only child."
He stared back at his father in confusion. "But, I do not understand, sir. Will you and Mother allow me to undergo the kahs-wan or not?"
"That decision is for thee alone to make, Sa-fu. Your mother and I will support your choice, whatever it may be. If you have concern about your ability to survive the ordeal, I could inquire into the possibility of re-scheduling your participation in the - "
The boy shook his head vigorously. "No. I do not wish to delay my kahs-wan, Father. I intend to choose the Vulcan way, and I want to undergo the ordeal at the proper time. I will do my best to bring honor to you and to our House."
Sarek nodded, deliberately lowering his mental shields so that his son could feel his pride and satisfaction.
"Very well, my son, you shall join the other seven-year-olds undergoing this rite of passage in two months' time."
Sarek observed a shadow crossing his son's face. Deep-set brown eyes wide with anxiety met his father's steady gaze. "Father, when we shared end meal at Uncle Silek and Aunt T'Parra's home last week, Cousin Sepek told me that it is widely believed within the family that I will fail to complete the kahs-wan because my 'inferior human genes' make me too weak to survive the ordeal. Is it possible he is correct, Father?"
The boy's father suppressed his angry response to his child's query with difficulty. Amanda had told him more than once that their nephew Sepek frequently told their son that he was inferior and poorly regarded within the family because of his human heritage. Sarek knew that neither his brother, Silek, nor his sister-in-law, T'Parra, held such opinions. He could not imagine where Sepek had developed such an unfavorable view of their child, unless he had absorbed it from other boys at the school Spock and Sepek both attended.
Frowning, he lightly rested his hand on his son's thin shoulder. "My son, Sepek may be your cousin, but he is not the source of all knowledge in the universe. I do not understand why you continually accept his outlandish and illogical statements at face value. In this case, as in most matters in which he offers you his thoughts, he is incorrect. Your constitution is Vulcan in every way that matters. You are a strong, resourceful, intelligent child, and I believe you will do well in your desert crossing"
Spock lowered his gaze and looked at his hands clasped in his lap. "Was your kahs-wan very difficult, Sa'mekh?" he asked in a small voice.
"It was quite difficult at times, but I survived. You will too. I have a suggestion to offer you, my son. My schedule is fairly light for the next two weeks. If you like, I will clear it. You and I could cross the Forge together. I could show you where I stopped each morning to rest on the course I followed through the desert."
Spock's dark eyes lit with enthusiasm. "Yes, I would like that, Father." He paused, glancing over his pet, who was now sitting up staring intently at him. "Could I-Chaya come with us? He loves being out in the desert."
Sarek frowned. "I-Chaya? That may not be wise. The crossing is harsh, and he is no longer a young sehlat."
"Please, Father? We can travel at night and move slowly so he has ample opportunity to rest. I know him. If I try to leave without him, he will probably follow us in any case."
His father gazed over at the aging creature, and, through a bond formed over sixty years before, when he was a small boy himself, he could feel the his old friend's desire to travel with them into the desert.
"Very well. I-Chaya may come. But we will have to carry extra food and water for him. He is a domesticated sehlat. It would be difficult for him to survive on his own in the desert at his age.
"You have already been taught the survival skills you will need - how to recognize edible plants, how to locate water in the desert, how to build fires, how to defend yourself against wild beasts, how to navigate using the movements of the sun and the stars. The purpose of our trip will be to demonstrate to you that you can successfully find your way through the Forge."
"When can we leave, Father?"
"We shall leave in five days time. I have some official duties I must take care of first."
Seeing the frown that had re-appeared on his young son's face, Sarek asked, "What is it, my son?"
"Mother. What will she say? Will she be angry if we do this?"
Sarek allowed himself a small gesture of affection, reaching to smooth the rumpled hair on his son's head. "Do not concern yourself about your mother. I will speak with her about it. When I explain our plan to her, I am certain she will yield to the logic of the situation."
Later that evening, Amanda returned to her home. After a pleasant evening and a most enlightening conversation with Solkar, she understood much better her son's desire to undergo the kahs'wan.
After hanging her cloak on a peg in the entry hall, she went to Spock's room to check on him, and was relieved to find him sleeping peacefully. When she had rearranged his covers and kissed his forehead gently, she went in search of her husband, who was, not surprisingly, working in his office.
Leaning in the doorway with folded arms, she gazed fondly at Sarek. She loved him above all things, but at times, he could be positively infuriating.
Whenever they had disagreements about how to raise their son, he listened carefully to her opinion, pondered the matter, and made up his own mind - and his mind, once decided on a subject, could rarely be changed. He simply stood there unmoved during their arguments, explaining to her in that calm, logical, Vulcan way of his why he was right and she was wrong.
He had once observed to her in the middle of another of their disagreements that they did not have arguments - they had discussions. She had flung her hands in the air in frustration. "That's just the problem," she had fired back. "I argue; you discuss. You won't argue with me."
He had responded, one brow arched, "Arguing is unproductive and illogical, my wife."
She had growled in frustration and stalked away, slamming the door to their bedroom behind her.
Returning to the present, she cleared her throat. She knew through their bond that he was aware of her presence. "Hi," she said, "I'm back."
He rose and turned to face her. "Amanda."
She walked into the room, extending paired fingers in the ozh'esta. "I'm sorry I walked out on you earlier, and I'm sorry we argued. I just hate the idea of Spock having to undergo this rite of passage out there in the Forge by himself."
He matched paired fingers to hers. "I too regret our disagreement. I have no wish to cause you anger or frustration, aduna."
Her eyes softened. "I know you don't, love. And I know you're trying to be the best father to our son you can possibly be. I just think that sometimes you're too rigid with him.
"He may be primarily Vulcan, but he's my son too. The human part of him seems to be seated in his emotional nature. I wish you would listen to me when I say that some allowance needs to be made for that part of him. I worry that one day the human part of him will rebel against the constant pressure to be a model Vulcan child, and we could lose him."
"That does not seem likely, k'diwa," he replied, caressing her cheek. "How was your visit with Osa'mekh'al Solkar?
"It was delightful, as always. I adore your grandfather; he's a remarkable man, and a very wise one."
"He is indeed."
"We had an interesting discussion about Vulcan rites of passage. You never told me that Skon took you on a practice trip through the Forge before your kahs-wan, or that Solkar took your father on a similar trip. Seems it's a family tradition.
"Why didn't you tell me you intended to take Spock on a practice run? I would have felt so much better about the whole thing."
"My wife, I intended to tell you; however, if you recall, you were quite upset when you left for the family compound. I did not have a chance to bring the matter up."
She sighed. "I know I shouldn't have walked away like that, but I had every right to be upset. I was worried about Spock. I still am."
Looking up at him, her brows furrowed with concern, she added, "Do you really think he can get through this thing all right?"
He nodded. "I do. As I said earlier, he is an intelligent, resourceful child. I believe he will do quite well in his crossing of the Forge."
"Did you check on Spock after I left? I was concerned that he might have overheard our argument."
"He heard our discussion. I went to his room to speak with him after you left, and found him cowering in a corner of his closet, huddled under his cloak."
Her eyes widened. "Oh, no, the poor baby. What did he say?"
"He told me that he intends to choose the Vulcan way, and he wants to undergo the kahs-wan on the appointed day with his age-mates."
She sighed and closed her eyes, disappointed, but not surprised, by her son's decision. "I see."
Sarek continued, "I asked Spock if he would like to take a practice trip through the Forge with me prior to his ordeal. I offered to show him the route I followed through the desert, the places I stopped to rest, the dangers I encountered, during my crossing. He said that he would find such a trip most helpful. We plan to leave in five days; I-Chaya will accompany us."
"Following in the footsteps of your father and grandfather." she said with a small smile.
"Indeed. Does this reassure you about Spock undergoing the kahs-wan, Amanda?"
"A little, I suppose," she replied, "but I'll still be worried about him."
"As is only logical. You are, after all, a human woman, and the mother of my son. I would not have you any other way."
She smiled, rising up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "You may be a stubborn, mule-headed Vulcan, but I love you, you know."
The corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly. "I do know. You tell me so constantly. And I cherish thee, my aduna."
"So, all is well for now, I suppose," Amanda replied. "But be warned: if you start pressuring me to bond our son to some skinny little seven-year-old girl, we'll be right back to square one. Childhood bonding is an illogical, antiquated custom, and I won't have it."
"We shall see, my wife. We shall see."