EARS OR TAILS

By: Tamaru Herunta

"Why, in all that is hitsuzen, am I, the great Watanuki-sama, stuck with you?" Watanuki yelled, causing his companion to plug his ears as the boy continued to rant exceptionally loud.

Watanuki Kimihiro was by no means an ordinary person. He could see spirits—and even better, attract them, which is why on this very day, this dark, dark day, Watanuki is accompanied by none other than Doumeki Shizuka, archer extraordinaire, spiritually-blessed-to-not-see-spirits-and-have-purification-powers-that-are-oh-so-unfair jerk, high school heart throb, stoic-mc-stoic-pants—-also known as big, expressionless jerk. Was it mentioned that he was a jerk? Watanuki reminds you: Doumeki is a jerk. Yuuko would like to add that Watanuki only thinks that way because he secretly likes Doumeki. Watanuki would like to remind his boss that it was just yesterday that her alcohol was returned to her. Yuuko would like to drink sake now. Black Mokona would like to mock Watanuki now, saying something along the lines of "Pupupu, Watanuki spelled like April Fool's Watanuki!" Watanuki would like to kill the stupid creature thing.

On with the story—

Black Mokona would like to add that he is not a stupid creature thing, and that Watanuki is actually the weird creature thing—who else moves their arms like a rabid monkey?

Back to the—

Watanuki would like to stuff Black Mokona into a satchel, tie the satchel with chains, lock the chains, burn the key out of existence, throw the satchel into a bottomless river, and watch as it slowly sinks. Black Mokona would like to add that Mokona is able to swim. Watanuki would like to tell everyone to shut up so they could get on with the story. Oh, and he does not like Doumeki. Stupid jerk.

"Oi."

"MY NAME IS NOT OI! Are you so completely inept at remembering names?" Watanuki huffed, fists clenched in anger.

"Oi."

"GAH! WHAT? WHAT IS IT THAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU CANNOT PROPERLY USE MY NAME?"

"We're here."

Watanuki turned around and noticed two things: first, that Doumeki was right—they had arrived, and oh, what a place to arrive at! It looked like a carnival, and on closer inspection, it was a carnival, complete with roller coasters, a Ferris Wheel (Watanuki would like to comment that he would rather enjoy riding the Ferris Wheel with Himawari-chan and not lame Doumeki. Doumeki would like to point out that he wouldn't be able to ride with her, as she had student council work to do. Watanuki would like to yell at Doumeki for being such an idiotic jerk, but Doumeki's ears are plugged), and all sorts of entertaining rides and things. Secondly, he noticed that he was at the carnival. With Doumeki. Alone. Trying to find a pair of cat ears for Yuuko. In this large, large theme park. ALONE WITH DOUMEKI!

Ah, Watanuki thought, I think I could kill myself now. Yes, what a wonderful idea! But wait, what about Himawari-chan? I MUST LIVE FOR HER! HIMAWARI-CHAN, YOU HAVE SAVED ME ONCE MORE!

"Oi."

"IS THAT THE ONLY WORD IN YOUR VOCABULARY?"—he noticed Doumeki walking away—"DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME WHILE I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

"Hi, how may I—Oh! Watanuki-san, Doumeki-san!"

"Ah! Onagi-san! What are you doing here?" Watanuki asked, completely ignoring the towering boy next to him.

"I decided to work here! My sister got me the job!" she explained happily, causing the bespectacled boy to smile.

"That's great!" he replied whole-heartedly. He was glad the girl could move on after the incident with the power of words.

"So, what are you two doing here?" Her smile lost some of its shine as Watanuki deflated, a frown crossing his pretty features.

"I've something to do for Yuuko (damn witch). We're looking for something in this park (damn cat ears). It shouldn't take us too long (damn Doumeki!)," he answered, depressed that he had to spend another school night with Doumeki to find some stupid cat ears—which Yuuko will most likely just stuff them in that dusty treasure room of hers, and no one will see it until one day, he has to clean the room (again) and happen to stumble upon them, upon which something terrible will surely happen...again.

"Ah! So you need two tickets, right? Here, you can have them for free!"

"N-No, we can't! DOUMEKI, I JUST SAID WE CAN'T!" Watanuki yelled as Doumeki took the tickets.

"Oh, don't bother! Consider it thanks for helping me!"

Walking away after profusely thanking the girl, Doumeki found himself staring at a very irate Watanuki who muttered strange things under his breath that not even he could hear.

"Oi."

"Why? Why can't you ever say my name?"

"What exactly are we looking for?"

Doumeki watched amusedly as Watanuki slightly flushed and answered, "It's, uhh...mumblemumble."

"What?"

"IT'S CAT EARS, ALRIGHT?" Watanuki yelled, irritated. What an embarrassing thing to look for! The cat ears they were supposed to find reminded him, strangely enough, of the ones Yuuko had given him when he and Doumeki had gone against Kokkiri-san—bad sign, bad sign...

"Hn."

"ARE YOU SO COMPLETELY UNABASHED AT THESE INANE ITEMS WE'RE TOLD TO RETREIVE BY YUUKO?"

"...Hn."

"GodDAMMIT! I hate being with you! I'm tired of monosyllables! Please! Someone give the boy vocal chords and a brain to construct proper sentences that don't include 'hn'!" Watanuki cried to the heavens, but they only replied with darkening skies, as if to say, 'Stop yelling at us, we're not going to help you. Solve your own problems, and you're scaring the kids'.

"You made the sky angry," Doumeki said with a smug grin.

"Shut up!" Watanuki cried. All of hitsuzen seemed to be out to get him. "Let's just find a place to hide from the rain."

"Hn."

"ARGH!" Watanuki's cry resounded through the park as he and Doumeki rushed to a building, the now-pouring rain obscuring the name of the structure. Inside, Watanuki leaned on his knees to catch his breath, cursing Doumeki for looking as if he hadn't run the long distance just to find a building and not a ride. When Watanuki stopped panting, he stood and surveyed the room. It was the mirrour place, where all the mirrours made you look long, or fat, or whatever. (Watanuki wants to comment that he didn't look into the mirrours because the last time he was at a carnival and went to the mirrour house, he had seen a spirit in place of him [Yuuko's face]. Yuuko caught the last comment and demands more alcohol from Watanuki. Watanuki complains.]

"What did Yuuko say to do?" Doumeki asked, staring into one of the mirrours that made him taller.

"Oh my fu—Were you not there when Yuuko told us what to do? I'm going to kill you, and I will finally be rid of the most irritating thing in my life. What a wonderful thought!" Watanuki cried, clasping his hands together in hope. When he turned, Doumeki was still there, causing him to frown. "Well, damn."

Doumeki lifted an eyebrow and turned away.

Watanuki scowled and sighed. "I'm just going to get this over with. She said to look through one of the mirrours, but which damn mirrour am I supposed to look through?"

Exasperated, and more than a little cautious, lest there be a repeat of seeing Yuuko's face on his body (what a nightmare), he looked through the first few, eyebrows knitting further and further in irritation the longer nothing happened.

Finally stopping at the last mirrour, he grabbed his hair in frustration.

"None of them have it! What, am I supposed to grab it or something?"

It was then that he conveniently saw it out of the corner of his eye. Turning, he was met with gold. Frowning, he looked around.

"It was just there…"

Watanuki looked in the mirrour again, and once again saw it out of the corner of his eye. Turning again, and finding nothing, he growled.

"What is going on?" he shouted, lifting his arms in anger. "Every time I look at the damn mirrour, it's just out of my eyesight!"

"Maybe it's switching mirrours?"

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Wait, over your shoulder!"

Doumeki looked over his shoulder and saw nothing.

"Gah! Can't you even see it through the eye? No, I thought not." Watanuki walked over to Doumeki and moved him out of the way, watching as the cat ears were somehow slipped into his pocket. Before he could reach in to see if it was actually there, he watched as Doumeki came up to him. Turning, he said, "What do you want?"

But Doumeki hadn't moved from his original position. He raised an eyebrow.

Scowling, he turned back. The mirrour showed Doumeki stood directly behind him, as if leaning against his back. Frowning, he watched as the mirrour Doumeki brought his hands around him, slipping his hands underneath his uniform.

Watanuki's face turned bright red despite himself.

"Do you see a spirit?"

Jumping from hearing the archer right behind him, he collided into the mirrour, causing it to fall. Watanuki flinched as it hit the ground, but for some strange, blissful reason, it didn't break.

Watanuki turned his back to Doumeki to straighten the mirrour that had fallen, and when he spun back, he saw Doumeki stare curiously at the cat ears before turning back up to him.

"Uhh, Doumeki, what're you-?"

Doumeki slipped the ears onto Watanuki's head. A cliché flash of smoke appeared, and what came out made his eyes widen in surprise.

"Mya?"

The only thing Doumeki could think of went along the lines of 'Cute', 'Is that all he has?', and 'I wonder if they're soft.'

"W-Wait, what are these? WHAT IS THIS? DOU-ME-KI!"

A/N: Ehhhhh? Ehhhhh? So? ...GAH. Whoever reads this has lost the GAME. The GAME, you say? The GAME. GAH. Enjoy.