lostmoonchild: I was looking through my notebook of infinite knowledge (this time reinforced with duct tape) when I found this little oneshot that fit my mood. I've got a bunch of random oneshots but this one just kinda stood out the most tonight.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Ask Me Why
A hyperactive knucklehead ninja.
That's the reputation that I had gained as a Gennin and one that I would without a doubt keep until I reach my goal of becoming Hokage. That reputation may even follow me to my grave even if my reputation as one of the greatest Hokages to ever exist never came to be.
No one ever asked me why I want to become Hokage but I told you anyway. I want people to stop disrespecting me. Don't you realize that I'm a hero for being the Kyuubi's jailor? If I die, he dies. He has no choice but to keep me alive but you're killing me. You're killing us. Do you realize that?
Do you even care?
When the world comes crashing down then who will be there to pick up the pieces? Who will reach out to me and tell me that it'll be okay? Iruka-sensei? Kakashi-sensei? Sakura-chan? Sai? Sasuke-teme? Anybody? Will you be here for me?
Will you ask me why?
Go ahead. Ask me why I always smile even when I want to cry. Will you understand or will you walk away just as uncaring?
I raised myself because nobody wanted me. At least the old man tried but he couldn't always protect me. He couldn't tell me that everything would be okay when we both knew that he'd be lying. He did his best and I don't blame him.
I don't blame Grandma Tsunade either. She loves me and would probably beat anybody that tried to hurt me. Her temper's bad enough but she can be tender to those that are in need.
Do you know why I smile when I want to cry? I smile when I want to cry because if I don't then you'll see behind my mask. You'll see that not everything's okay.
You'll see that I'm broken. I'm afraid that if you see that I'm broken then you won't want me anymore.
Will you ask me why I never give up? It's because I don't want to admit that I've lost. I want to keep pushing until I finally win and prove my worth in your eyes. You don't see me, do you? You don't see past what I've worked so hard to set up.
That's okay. I don't blame you. I never did and never will. I'll keep hurting but as long as you're okay then that'll be okay with me. I just want you to smile. To be happy. If you're happy then I don't need to be.
Why? I don't know. If I can make you happy then maybe I can see what it's like. Maybe you'll want me then. I don't know.
You ask me why I didn't say anything about the Kyuubi before. If I had told you the truth would you have stood by me still? I see the hesitation and that's all I need to know. That's okay. I wasn't quite sure you would either.
Why do I try to accomplish what most people wouldn't keep trying? If I accomplish it then everybody will see me. They'll see that I'm worthy of being seen and accepted. That's what everything basically boils down to, right? Being seen and accepted?
It's okay to ask me why. Why do I smile when I shouldn't be? Why am I so determined? Life's just a question of why.
Here's my answer to those questions. Because I refuse to give up until the day I can't get up anymore. I just have a question to ask you though if you'll answer.
Why did it nearly take me losing myself for you to see me?
lostmoonchild: I really don't know where this came from. All I really know is that I was feeling a little depressed earlier tonight while looking through my notebook and saw the oneshot so I decided to write it. Sorry it's a little shorter than what I normally do but I didn't really feel like thinking of every question of "Why?" that Naruto might ask. Read and review!