So the UST thing has been beaten to death for pretty much everything ever, but this idea was too perfect too pass up. Set in the Vincent Shepard universe!

"Miranda, be reasonable. We need her co-operation!"

"Not at this cost Vincent! And let's get serious, it wasn't about getting Jack's co-operation, it was a chance to screw over Cerberus."

Shepard growled. "When I say a reason for it, you can damn well guarantee that's my reason for it. I don't lie to my team. While the side-benefit of potentially screwing over Cerberus sure is a plus in my book, it's not the reason I gave her the files!"

Miranda paced about in her office, as usual tidying up when she got angry. "Oh yea, I'm sure those are the only two reasons. You don't want to just jump her like every other guy probably does. I mean, she's practically naked! You figured what, that the files were your ticket?"

"Oh for god's sake Miranda, this has to stop! We've been fighting over this for 3 days now, and it's done and can't be changed. For god's sake, we fight about everything. This is not the way a CO and his XO should operate."

Miranda spun on him angrily. "Well maybe we wouldn't fight over everything if you didn't pig-headedly go off and do whatever you want without talking to me!"

Shepard stared back defiantly. "Well maybe I would bother to consult with you if I didn't already know what you were going to say and think it was stupid."

"You ass! Just because you think I'm stupid doesn't mean I am. I'd say you're the stupid one."

"What kind of comeback was that? That was pathetic!"

Miranda reluctantly acknowledged to herself that it was pretty bad. She never was very good at the one-liners. "You're pathetic!" she replied angrily. Well that certainly didn't help her case, either.

Shepard didn't respond, just stared at Miranda, who was staring right back, the two mere inches apart.

The next thing they knew, their lips were intertwined, tongues probing, bodies meshing together. They both were forcefully pulling each other towards them with their arms, as their tongues matched for dominance. The fiery passion from their arguments had spilled over into the passion of their kissing… as had their battle for superiority. Neither was willing to give ground, both were pushing for control.

At last they broke apart, pushing each other away roughly.

They gaped at each other, before Miranda blurted the first words out. "What the fuck was that? Why the hell did you kiss me?"

"I… me… you…ooooooh," Shepard sputtered. " I didn't kiss you! You kissed me! I was about to ask you that very question!"

Miranda's hazel-blue eyes practically bulged out of her socket. "Oh don't you start with me! You totally started it! I was just along for the ride."

Shepard glowered darkly at her. "Lying doesn't change the facts Lawson. We both know you started this! You kissed me!"

"I did not!"

Once again they fell into a silence, glaring at each other. Only this time they both kept their distance.

"Well then…" they both started at the same time.

Vincent coughed off to the side awkwardly. "Soooo… say we forget this ever happened?" He shifted from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable.

"I wouldn't dream of remembering that disaster." Miranda replied coldly.

Shepard immediately got indignant. "What do you mean disaster? I'm a hell of a kisser, I kissed the crap out of you!"

"Oh please, I barely felt a thing compared to what you must have felt! I'm the perfect woman; I'm damn well the best kisser you'll ever meet!"

Shepard laughed mockingly. "Oh please. You weren't bad, but don't be cocky. I'm clearly the better kisser."

"The hell you are!"

Again, they fell quiet, staring yet again.

At last Shepard shifted and half turned away. "Well then, I guess I'll just be leaving. Remember. This never happened," Shepard finished as he moved towards her door.

"Fine."

"Fine."

The door slid open…

… to reveal Garrus standing there, a barely contained grin on his face.

Vincent stopped, and he noticed that Miranda froze behind him.

"Garrus… how long were you standing there?" Miranda asked, freakishly calm.

The Turian could barely contain his laughter. "Long enough."

Shepard glared at his old friend. "Not… one… word. To anyone. At ALL."

"What he said," Miranda echoed behind him.

Garrus nodded as a squeak of laugher escaped. "Yes commander, sir. Ma'am." Before he lost all semblance of professional conduct (though he supposed it really didn't matter given what he'd heard), he threw a half salute and scampered away.

Shepard turned helplessly back to Miranda. "That could have gone better…" he commented dryly.

"I'll kill Vakarian if he slips it out at all."

Vincent winced. "Please don't, we need him. It'll slip."

"How long before the crew knows? I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea," Miranda replied, immediately re-prioritizing to damage control from hiding it.

"No clue," Shepard said. "Just to be clear, the right idea here is that there is NOTHING going on. The wrong idea being that this wasn't a terrible mistake." Before Miranda could get outraged, he continued hastily. "By both of us."

Miranda nodded. "Of course."

"Alright then. Miss Lawson, good day." He left her room, the door closing behind him. As he moved to the elevator, he heard a whoop of delight from Gardner.

"Pay up boys. I win the pool!" He looked back to the common area as the crewmen gathered groaned and passed credits over to Gardner.

Shepard walked over. "What's the pool for gu…" He saw Garrus trying to look discreet near the center of the crowd, and that the rest of the crew instantly got nervous when he'd started. "Oh god you're kidding me…" It wasn't hard to put two and two together.

Garrus shrugged. "Sorry Shepard. But you have to admit, it was inevitable."

Vincent ground his teeth, resisting the urge to throttle his friend. "I… you… unbelievable…" He ran his hand through his hair. "Make sure Miranda never finds out. She'd line you all up and put a bullet through your brains."

"Aw, nice of you to care Commander," Gardner called out.

Shepard turned and started towards the elevator. "Oh I don't. I might still do it myself if you ever speak of this again, and don't get back to work."

The crew looked nervously at each other. "He was joking, right?" asked Hawthorne.

Garrus cleared his throat as he started to edge towards the gunnery room. "I… I'm not sure."

Within seconds, the common area was clear, crewman scrambling for their stations..

Thanks for reading!