She smiled as she ran her fingers through her tousled red hair. This trip was not only a long time coming, but well deserved. Kaidan Alenko had been a part of her crew for years, they had been through more together in that short time than most couples do in a lifetime. Now, finally, they got some rest. She wasn't sure what Kaidan had planned, all she knew was that it was getting her off the citadel for the first time in a long time.

"Whattya think, Spence? You, me, few days away? Don't get me wrong, I love the apartment and all, but we deserve to get away some time, don't we?"

Spencer sighed, "I know, I know. I just…" she paused. She knew she couldn't keep punishing herself. Just like she knew that would be Kaidan's next argument.

"C'mon, you know he's want you to get out of here. He wouldn't want you punishing yourself," Kaidan pleaded with his big brown eyes.

Spencer smiled to herself, she knew him too well. She also knew that he was right. She did her best to pretend. To wear the smile. To call her battle defeating the Reapers a victory. She could lie to the press, to her adoring fans (even though that was something she was sure she'd never get used to), she could even lie to the council. Her crew though? Kaidan? Herself? They were never fooled. Spencer didn't consider it a victory because when it came down to it, all facts aside, she had lost a man. A great man, a man of honor and the person that she looked up to. David Anderson. The one man who had never let her down, not once, she had let down. Commander Shepard? Spectre Shepard? It was hard to find meaning in those titles anymore. Where she found her meaning now was right here, in those big brown eyes that were looking at her. Begging her to agree. It was because of him that she could put all of those awful feelings away. He was her sanity, her anchor. Her love.

Her expression softened into a small smile as she shook her head, chuckling slightly, "when you're right, you're right. Whatever you want, Mr. Alenko"

The look of pure joy in Kaidan's eyes made her heart swell. He lifed her chin up with two of his fingers and kissed her.

"I love you so damn much. We're going to have a great time, I promise"

"I love you, too. So are you gonna sit there and stare at me, or tell me where we're going?" She never thought she'd find anyone to say those words to. She couldn't believe she had found Kaidan.

"Well, you see, that's a secret. Much more fun that way."

"If you say so."

She hated secrets.

It had been a little over a week since Kaidan had brought up the idea of going away and now the day was here. Despite all reservations she had had. Spencer found herself excited. Excited to get out of her apartment. Excited to do something new. Excited to spend some alone time with Kaidan. Just because they were living together now didn't necessarily mean they saw much of each other. At least not like before, they were both spectres now, they spent a lot of time working. In the time since the Reaper attacks Spencer had become almost like a figurehead for the Spectres, almost like she was the face of it now. This lead her to taking local jobs and spend time doing interviews and such; things that kept her on the citadel. She would pretend to hate it, to miss flying around the galaxies, but deep down she was actually kind of relieved. Kaidan was constantly being sent around the universe on cases, it was never too long, but he was away more than she'd like. Of course, she'd never tell him that, so when he was away she'd spent time with Garrus at the bar, or Liara on the Presidium, maybe Jack at the arena, James at the gym or sometimes Tali would come over and they'd drink Turian brandy and watch girly vids. Emergency induction port included. That was the joy of not losing touch with the ones she loved. She had spent years feeling alone, with not very many friends, but now she had a family.

That's not to say that they didn't get to spend time together. When he was home they'd make dinner together each night, or have game nights with Edi and Joker, they'd relax in the hot tub or spend a few hours testing out each others biotics. Whatever they could to be with each other. For the longest time, Spencer just couldn't quite figure out how Kaidan had time for all of this. How he managed to be away for days, even weeks, at a time, spend all this time with her and friends, and still spend each night with her in bed. Until one night, it must have been four in the morning, she awoke with a start. Maybe a noise caught her attention, maybe another nightmare, she wasn't quite sure. When she rolled over, expecting to curl into what she called her "biotic teddy bear", she found she was alone in bed. Thrown, she grabbed her silk robe off of the headboard post and crept out of the room in search of her man. This is the night she found him, hunched over a pile of paperwork, all with a familiar spectre logo on it, a steaming cup of coffee kept close. He was struggling to finish the work, trying to stay awake. How long had this been going on for? In this light she was able to see the bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess, obviously from being in bed with her to begin with. She found herself wondering if he was having the same kind of nightmares she had been having. Or at least something similar. That's when it dawned on her. This is how Kaidan had the time to spend with her. He would go to bed with her each night, wake himself up and sneak down to the office and do his reports, and then sneak back into bed before the morning. How was he managing to keep up?

If she didn't already love him, she suspected that she would after finding this. Spencer never said a word about finding out about this. She knew it wouldn't change anything, and he would just feel bad for keeping it from her. But she knew this vacation was for him too. Even if he wouldn't admit it.