The Writers Tease
Summary: The writers have been teasing us... I know that kiss isn't going to go the way us fans want it too. I suspect they'll kiss as an attempt to conceal their idenities when busted snooping around while undercover. I'm sure their version of this will not be nearly as romantic as what I've written here. Pretty sure he's just going to grab her and kiss her so some passerby (or suspect) ignores their presence along the way.
I didn't want to add a lot of case details... so sorry if that part is lame. My intention here was to explore the dance Castle and Beckett find themselves dancing towards each other.
The Writers Tease
It had been and emotionally trying week. Our case was dead ended. Castle was across country, touring for the movie and showing off the books in the Nikki Heat series to any media outlet his publisit could work into the schedule. I hated to admit it, but I missed him. A lot. Especially when things began to spiral.
I'd known immediately when the Captain called me into his office from the look on his face. It was my mother. My chest constricted and I felt like I was struggling through a mountainous pile of snow. Feet slipping and sliding, unable to find my footing as I struggle to make it toward the goal.
"This came by fax." He told me solemnly, holding out the thin file. My hands quaked when I took the pale folder from his outstretched hand. The words blurred as I fell into the chair. The current murder case we worked had come to a stand still, we'd sent out a request to other precincts for any additional information or similar crimes in hopes of a new lead. What had returned, not only broke the case, but undoubtedly tied to man who had orchestrated my own mother's murder to the case as well.
"How is this possible?" my voice cracked, sounding so very far away I could hardly recognize it as my own. "How did they not see this before?" I asked horrified, the tears welling, "We've asked about her before. We've asked about him before!" I felt the heat and bile rise up my throat. I barely saw my supervisor rise, and come to my side as the tears spilled and I struggled to hold my lunch.
"Kate." He called me. The hairs on my arms rose, no one here called me Kate. I was Beckett, Detective, and sometimes Becks to friends. His hand came to rest on my shoulder. "You should probably step aside from this case. I know how hard it was for you the last time.
"No." I held up my hand and brushed his hand from my shoulder as I stood. "Absolutely not."
"There are plenty of..."
"No. I'm on this." I demanded with my stern voice. "I can handle it, but I don't want anyone calling Castle." The Captain's eyebrow arched and I continued, "He makes everything with my mother more complicated. I want him to stay out of it, he's in LA anyway, we don't need him and I don't want him." I finished, tapping the folder onto my left palm. Montgomery simply nodded curtly and I dismissed myself. Castle was like adding C4 to the situation. I didn't need him. I wouldn't need him. Needing him would be explosive. He'd leave me raw, see me raw. I didn't need the others to see that. I didn't need to world to read that.
"Ryan." I demanded, the heels of my shoes pounding the floor in a familiar and comforting rhythm, while I made my way towards the desks.
"Yeah?" He called back, spinning his chair around the face me.
"Where's Esposito? I need you guys to go pick someone up for questioning." I threw the file down on his desk and pointed at it.
"He's not here, it's already 6:30." He explained.
"Where the hell did he go?"
"Had a date." Ryan brushed it off. "The case is stalled."
"A date?"
"Yeah."
"With who?" I asked surprised and temporarily thrown off track.
"I'm not supposed to say." My most disapproving look sprang forth, my eyebrows scrunched up. I knew the moment he'd broken, his gaze shifted down for only a moment before meeting my face again. "It's Lanie."
"LANIE?" I practically shrieked. "I'm gonna kill them both!"
"I'll take an uniform." Ryan continued, obviously removing himself from the line of fire. He quickly flipping through the file, his face easily reflected when he grasped what had occurred.
"Good." I nodded, heading to my desk. "I've got a precinct to harass for more information." I called, flipping open my directory. It was then my cell began to vibrate with an incoming text message.
Help. Save me. Bored out of my mind in the green room.
(Really bad time Castle)
Break in the case? I could almost hear his hopefulness in the message.
(Yes.) I debated giving him more, finally giving in and added, (Mom's too.)
Are you alright?
(Yes. But I have a lot to do. We can talk later)
I'm going to hold you to that.
(Okay)
Okay.
I shoved the cell phone away with a huff, picking up the black receiver and dialing out. There was going to be hell to pay.
It was nearly midnight when I got home. My head was pounding and my feet were screaming. My cell's battery had long since died at my desk, and I knew full well when I plugged it in, I'd have worried messages from Castle. It was after 8pm, and I knew his pre-recorded late night would be finished and he'd be back at the hotel. All I wanted was to lay in bed and hope for the best in the morning. Our suspect, had carefully danced the questioned to admit nothing. Every single detective who'd interviewed him, got the same vibe. It was him.The mastermind behind our vic's murder and the one behind my mothers. We just had nothing to pin him with other than the fluff charges Ryan and the uniforms produced when he was picked up.
Regretfully I plugged in my cell, giving it a moment to start charging while I headed into the bathroom. My mouth was full of toothpaste, when my apartment's phone began to ring. I knew who it was, and chuckled as I heard his voice click through the machine.
"Ryan tells me you should be home now. Try to ignore the dozen messages I left on your cell. I was worried." He sighed, "You could at least pick up and tell me you're okay." he pleaded further. I rinsed, and cursed as a dribble of toothpaste foam splashed across my blouse. I needed to change for bed anyway. I lifted the receiver in my bedroom.
"Still there?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry, it's been a horribly long day, I drained my cell's battery."
"It's alright. You alright?" He didn't sound like his normal self, and despite the hell I'd been through over the day, that little tidbit of knowledge hurt me. The things that bothered him, had managed to seep into me, often sucking and pulling at me as deeply as it bothered him. I briefly wondered if he was homesick or if somethings else had sapped the happy tone from his voice. Surely it couldn't be his worry for me. I wasn't that important to him.
"I'll survive Castle."
"You always have." He added a bit bitterly.
"What did he tell you?" I volleyed back.
"That another precinct missed a lead last year when we got the hit man and sent out for more information. That there was another hired hit, this time it was carried out by a new face, and there isn't enough information or evidence to hold him on anything other than minor conduct. "
"Yeah. His financials are clean, so are those of his known associates. But he's behind it." I sighed, pulling off my socks while I balanced the phone.
"Hell of a day."
"Yeah." I sighed again, releasing my pants and pooling them to the floor. "I wish we had more on him, other than the obvious pattern. There isn't a shred of physical evidence to tie him to anyone or any murder."
"I wish I could hold you." He slipped.
"What?" I gasped in response. The pause made me wonder.
"I." He started. "I wish I was there." He stated firmly.
"Oh."
"Becks" He whispered softly, producing a pulling sensation in my chest. I just couldn't help it, my eyes burned and I desperately willed myself not to cry. One word, laced with comfort and adoration and I detonated.
"Castle." I replied, my voice cracking and the tears spilled. "I wish you were here too." I gasped, before plastering a hand over my mouth the muffle the quiet sob the confession turned into. My heart thudded loudly. What had I done? What had I just confessed under the days stress and strain. I'd told him I missed him, wished he was here for support. The room felt hot and my head felt dizzy as I slumped to the floor of my bedroom. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them as I slowly became aware of his frightened voice, through the haze of the anxiety attack.
"... your scaring me Kate. I'm going to call Ryan and Espositio." I heard him panic.
"Don't." I managed, lifting my head and taking a deep breath. "I'm going to be fine." I promised, despite my voice cracking and another sob escaping.
"You shouldn't be alone. Take a cab, go to the loft." He pleaded. "My daughter and darling mother will take care of you. Or go see your father."
"I don't need anyone to take care of me." I promised, doubt nibbling at my thoughts. I was having a nervous breakdown on the phone, triggered by missing me friend and partner. Normal people sought the comfort of others, I didn't need anyone. I wouldn't need anyone. Except, maybe, Castle.
"It's okay to rely on others you know." He told me, as I worked to control the tears. "I do it all the time."
"I've just had a long day."
"You've had long days before and I've never experienced you like this." He whispered, still concerned.
"There's a lot you don't know about me." I countered.
"You're right." He admits, sounded almost wounded. "I like to think I do a good job filling in the parts I don't know." Sensing where the conversation was headed, I diverted his attention.
"When will you be back?"
"I'm supposed to stay out here until Friday." He sighed with frustration, begrudgingly accepting the turn in conversation. "But I may see what we can rearrage so I can get back."
"Don't."
"I want too."
"What if I don't want you to come? What if I'm done with Nikki Heat?" I protested.
"She's not done yet." He insisted. "I'm personally invested."
"What if I don't want you to be?" I asked, feeling the tightness invade again. Willing away the emotional response to such a blatant lie.
"I think we both know the how invested we've found ourselves." My head swam with information. What exactly were we doing, what were we confessing?
"Castle." I warned. "This is dangerous territory."
"I'm not sure what would be dangerous about my commitment to a character." He dared. Did he really want me to point things out? If he'd stood before me now, I'd probably walk away, ending the conversation abruptly with a twirl on my heels.
"I'm going to go." I told him curtly, wiping away the tear tracks that had begun to dry.
"Don't?" He pleaded.
"Don't?" I countered.
"Shut me out." He added with a whisper.
"I need sleep." I told him, and when I heard his breath exhale slowly, I knew I'd won the battle. I'd saved us from us.
"Then sleep. Don't sit up. Don't look for leads. Take an Ambien and call me in the morning." He assured me.
"I will." I told him.
"Goodnight, Becks." He said softly.
"Goodnight, Castle." I whispered back, clicking off the phone. Bare feet padding towards the bathroom to carry out the promise.
The foggy haze from the sleeping pills lifted slowly as I swatted the alarm clock off. By the time I'd washed the remaining fog away with a hot shower it was 7:15, I smiled to myself, wondering what Castle would say if I called him at 4am. I blew hair out and popped large barrel curlers onto the ends before pouring cereal and peeling a banana. Flipping my hair out of the curlers and putting on a fresh outfit, I pulled into the precincts garage and parked my personal car by the time the dashboard clock read 8:30. I signed out my regular service car before heading up homicide. I couldn't help but notice the quiet that settled through our bullpen as I made my way to my desk. I'd shed my coat and locked my purse into my desk drawer, when Captain Montgomery caught my eye and nodded for me to follow him into his office.
"We've got a tail on him. We're going to watch all of his known locations too." He added.
"I'd like a turn at it." He reflected on the opportunity.
"Who would you sit with?"
"Me." I heard from the door. Every muscle in my body froze, except my heart, which hammered. I stared at the Captain's face. He looked almost relieved to see him. I turned to face him, and simply stared as he asked both the Captain and I, "Please?"
"Okay." I heard myself mumble, staring at him. What else could I say? Demanding he leave would leave me teamed up with some inexperienced uniform. While they'd be armed, it would be their only advantage. They wouldn't be Castle. They wouldn't have the knowledge of the case or be prepared for the emotional toll this would cost me.
"Okay." I heard the Captain agree as I brushed past Castle and back into the bullpen. Angry and frustrated that he was my only real choice. Angry and frustrated that he'd come back here when I needed him most, I didn't want to need him now. I wanted to be the tough controlled detective. He wasn't giving me a choice but to accept us. How we both clearly felt about us. I still wanted it buried. He made me face it.
"Beckett." He called after me as I surged forward, before stopping short and spinning at him. Audience be damned. They were going to hear him get it, my mind had finally caught up from the shock.
"Did you bother to sleep? Did even go home to your family? How could you do this Castle?" I cried. "How can you do this..."
"I slept a little on the plane. I'll see them later." He told me, grasping my hand. I shook it free with unneccesary force.
"How can you do this to us?" I asked, a little more quietly. Terror swept through my body. He'd dropped his tour to fly home to support me. There wasn't much it else to reveal. The act was one of commitment and love we'd refused to acknowledge. Knowledge was power. Power to hurt, destroy, loose. I refused to accept the knowledge his little flight home produced.
"Do what?"
"Come home." I snapped.
"I needed to see you."
"Did you?" I snapped, and realizing so many eyes had fallen on us, I marched away to my desk. He silently slipped into his chair beside my desk. The eyes still remained glued to us. "Get back to work." I motioned, shooing them back to work with a motion of my hands.
"I did." He whispered barely audible to me, unheard by the others. I looked at him then. His intensity left me speechless.
"Good." I said, before I could stop myself. His answering smile left one tugging at my own mouth. Damn him for forcing this out. "I've already got a car. We'll get in touch and find a position as soon as possible." He simply nodded. Before rising and picking up his bag, what I assumed was a carry-on, and headed into the locker room to change.
"I swear, if you don't chomping on those shells I'm going to shoot you." I promised sternly, yanking the bag of salted sunflower seeds from his hands.
"I don't think Scully ever told Mulder that." His comment elicited a groan from me as I rolled up the remnants of his seed bag and tucked it in the seat crevice. If we'd been anywhere other than a stake out surveillance I would have dumped them out on the ground as a permanent deterrent. But in this case, it would leave evidence of our presence even when a different car took a nearby location as a break.
"We've been out here from 4 hours and you're making me crazy." I told him, "I happen to know that Scully never threatened to shoot Mulder over his seeds."
"No, but she did shoot him." Castle pointed out with a smile.
"For his own good!" I found myself protesting, a smirk creeping onto my face. "Okay, you've found my inner nerd." I confessed as he laughed.
"I knew you were a fan. I caught it after the zero gravity investigation, then the comments Natalie Rhodes made about the heels..." He told me, as he sipped his coffee. "I knew you were a Scully fan."
"That case had nothing to do with gravity, remember?" I laughed, spotting another employee entering the bar we sat near. Confirming she was no one we were interested in, I looked back at Castle.
"It was the way you took the jokes. Annoyed, but with a tiny smile of appreciation only a fan would enjoy." He continued.
"There." I nodded as our suspect appeared, "Watch him." I ordered, as I bent down to the radio to call for more surveillance for the building. "Dispatch this is Detective Beckett." I relayed, "We've got 4 parties inside the bar, including our suspect. I need more people watching these doors to see who comes and goes."
"Confirmed." Came the static voice. I looked at the building to see it's open sign flick to life. Then I glanced at Castle.
"Put on your vest." I told him. As I whipped my hair down, and proceeded to fling open a button and tug loose my coat, just as I'd done outside the Old Haunt before Castle purchased it.
"What about you?"
"I can't go in with it." I told him, "I'll blow cover. You need to stay here and wait for back up."
"I'm going with you."
"No." I told him sternly. "The best thing you can do to protect me right now is to wait."
"Beckett."
"No." I told him, shutting the car door. My heart thudded at the dangerous concept, going into a bar without protection, where dangerous man already knew my face as an officer.
My heels clicked on the pavement and I was halfway to the doors when he grabbed my arm. I hissed at him, noting immediately he wasn't wearing his vest under his trench coat.
"They're here." He told me, "We're going to the back. I lost my wallet." He smiled. I was angry, but with a quick glance revealing a marked car, I knew there was no way it would go unnoticed in an alley. I nodded.
"Give it to me." I told him quietly. He handed it over without question and I slipped it beside my back up weapon in the interior of my coat. I could easily pull it out while stooped to the ground and produce it if we were called out. And it wasn't long until we were caught. I stood near a pile of trash bags, toeing them with my shoe.
"What are you doing?" A gruff voice asked. I glanced up at him from the raised and railed back stoop, I recognized him immediately as someone Esposito had questioned. I said a silent thank you, knowing our faces would not be recognized.
"I lost my wallet. My girlfriend and I were just looking for it." Castle moaned, kicking a bag of trash in frustration. I thought his acting was a bit, off, but the employee seemed to buy it.
"Sucks." The guy nodded, tossing a bag of trash into the dumpster and then headed past the parked cars and back up the few steps to the bars backdoor.
"Oh!" I shrieked like good pretend girlfriend. Bending and producing the wallet from my coat. The gruff muscle looked at me as I held it up like a prize. "I knew it would be here. You must have dropped it while we were making out!" I chirped in my little flake voice. Castle looked at me startled, then at the scruffy worker leaning against the door frame. I willed him to sell it. Just sell it. I smiled and held it out to him. He took it with a smile and tugged my hand as we headed towards the cars, pretending one was ours, and we were on our way. We stopped beside the first Toyota, as the muscle turned to open the door. He froze and looked at us again in question. I pleaded with Castle to do something, anything, not to blow our cover. Blow my chance to solve my mother's murder. I was shocked when he knew what to do.
"Thank you, Baby." He told me with a smirk, pulling me close around my waist by his left hand, cradling my face in his right. My arms instinctively coming to rest on his shoulder. Our breath mingled briefly, and over his shoulder the man went back into the bar. Relief surged through me, and I eyed Castle as I pulled away.
"Thanks" I told him softly. We stood, close, and he nodded ever so slightly.
"Screw it." He said, and startled me by pulling me roughly back into my arms and pressing his lips to mine. My hands flared and he released me immediately. I took a step backwards. Touched my lips and closed my eyes. We couldn't go back from this could we? He'd done what I'd wanted and yet denied for months, maybe years, quite certainly from the beginning.
He kissed me.