This story started as a loose idea and then would not leave me alone until I wrote it. In writing Bruce's struggles, I drew on my own experience with my own asexuality. I wrote Bruce as a sex-repulsed asexual (meaning he does not experience sexual attraction and is repulsed by the idea of having sex himself), but this is by no means how every asexual person feels. If anyone wants more information on asexuality, allow me to direct you to the AVEN wiki and specifically their page on asexuality.
Two warnings for this fic: Firstly, before Bruce realizes that asexuality exists, he suffers from internalized acephobia and thinks something is wrong with him. This is refuted by Tony and Pepper and Bruce realizes that there's nothing wrong with him by the end, but he does think that he is "broken" for about the first two thirds of the fic. Secondly, there is a scene in here with some consent issues. It's not meant to be hurtful and it's stopped very quickly, but it does happen. A short description of the scene is in the end notes. If you think it may be triggering to read, it can be skipped easily. The scene begins after the third break, with the line "Things come to a head when..." The unwanted advances end in the next paragraph, and the conversation regarding it ends five paragraphs later, with the line "Their compassion almost makes the whole thing worse..."
Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers.
Staying at Stark Tower starts off as a matter of convenience.
Bruce needs a place to stay after the fiasco in New York. Tony has a huge tower with more than enough room. Naturally, Bruce would go stay with him for a while. Just until he gets things settled enough to move on.
Falling in love with Tony and Pepper was never part of the plan.
Bruce deals in his own way, which most people would call "repressing" or "not actually dealing at all." He buries himself in science. He starts researching places to go next. He plans to move on, shove the feeling aside, and do his best to forget that this happened at all.
He decides on Addis Ababa in Ethiopia as his next place to go. He even gets so far as to look at tickets before Tony comes into his room and drags him out to one of the many common areas in the Tower. He and Pepper explain that they'd really rather Bruce stay, seeing as they seem to have fallen in love with him as well. Bruce can't believe his luck, but Tony and Pepper talk him around. He agrees to stay and give polyamory a go.
That's the moment when things start going wrong.
Bruce knows that Tony and Pepper have sex a lot. They're not always exactly what one would call "quiet." Somehow, though, he never really considered the fact that dating them would imply that he would join them in the bedroom.
It doesn't start like that. It starts with Tony coming over to him in the lab one day and giving him an utterly filthy kiss, with a bit of hair pulling and grabbing. Which is mostly okay, until Tony's tongue slips into Bruce's mouth.
Bruce pulls away violently, fighting the urge to wipe his mouth or gag. Tony watches him with a mixture of worry and hurt on his face. "Sorry," Bruce apologizes, his voice not entirely steady. "I just… I haven't kissed anyone like that in a long time." Before he started this relationship, he hadn't kissed anyone since Betty, and that relationship never had much of a physical component to it, what with the worries about Bruce's transformations.
"I'll have to work up to the dirtier kisses, then," Tony says, giving Bruce a quick kiss on the lips that's a lot more chaste and something Bruce is a lot more comfortable with.
Which is weird, because why does a bit of tongue make Bruce feel so uncomfortable? People are supposed to enjoy tongue. People use tongue in kisses because it's enjoyable.
Bruce assumes it's a surprise thing. He wasn't expecting tongue, so it shocked him. That's all.
Except it turns out that's not.
Pepper comes up to him two days later, sitting silently by his side on the couch. "Tony told me not to try to make out with you," she tells Bruce, who freezes. "He said we need to work up to it."
"It's been a while," Bruce replies, giving Pepper the same bullshit excuse he gave Tony. Pepper nods.
"I thought you might do better with some warning," she tells him. Bruce realizes that she's awfully close. "Can I try?"
"Y-yeah," Bruce replies, shushing the part of his brain that, for some strange reason, desperately wants to say no. Pepper leans in slowly, telegraphing her movements, giving Bruce the option to pull away at any point. Bruce doesn't, even though he sort of wants to.
At first, Pepper's lips against his is the same as normal. Bruce enjoys it as much as he always does and briefly thinks that maybe things will be okay after all.
Then Pepper's tongue presses against his lips and slides between them and Bruce doesn't last any longer than he had with Tony. He yanks away, trembling slightly. He had warning, he knew what was going to happen, it wasn't a surprise, so why does it affect him like this?
Pepper's eyes are knowing. There's a welcome difference between her face and the one Tony made when Bruce pulled away from him, but Bruce still doesn't like it. "We can go back to working up to it," she offers.
We don't have to. I don't think I'm ever going to want your tongue in my mouth, no matter how much we work up to it.
What the hell is wrong with him? Bruce shushes the voice and nods shyly. He thinks he's probably bright red. Pepper kisses his forehead gently.
"I'm so glad you stayed," she whispers. Bruce knows she's saying it to reassure him, and it works.
"So am I," he replies, even though his stomach is in turmoil.
He'll figure out how to get over this. He will.
"So tonight is a sex night, then?" Bruce asks, raising an eyebrow at Tony and Pepper, who are making out and already steadily on their way to being entirely naked. They seem entirely unconcerned by the fact that they're in the hallway and not in their bedroom. Bruce wonders how many places in the Tower they've had sex and abruptly decides he doesn't want to know the answer.
"Feel free to join in at any time, Big Guy," Tony replies breathlessly as Pepper nips at his collarbone. It's just a stupid, careless remark, but for whatever reason, it makes Bruce's stomach turn. He ignores it, hides it, and shakes his head.
"I'm on my way to the lab," he replies, holding up the tablet in his hand. "Goodnight."
"Night," Pepper calls over Tony's shoulder. "Love you!"
"Love you too," Bruce replies, a slight smile on his face as he enters the elevator. The smile quickly fades, however, when he finds himself thinking. He has absolutely no problem with Tony and Pepper having sex, but when he thinks about joining them… He doesn't want to. He doesn't feel attracted to them in that way, for one. He loves them, is desperately happy to be in a romantic relationship with them, but he doesn't feel any sexual attraction. He never has, with anyone, if he's honest with himself.
But that can't be right. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. Bruce knows that much. People are supposed to want it. Bruce has no idea why he doesn't.
He goes down to the lab, far enough away from Tony and Pepper that he can't hear them, and buries himself in work. Maybe, if he forces himself to ignore the problem, it'll go away.
It's never worked before, but Bruce can't think of any other ideas.
Things come to a head when Tony, to Bruce's shock, straddles his hips one day in the living room, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck and reaching down to unbuckle Bruce's belt. Pepper comes up behind him, running her fingers through Bruce's hair and whispering filthy suggestions in his ear. Bruce stays as still as he possibly can, but when Tony starts trying to pull down his pants, he snaps.
"Stop!" he chokes out. Tony and Pepper immediately freeze.
"Is something wrong?" Tony asks, lifting himself on Bruce and moving to sit at his side. Pepper comes around to the front of the couch, sitting on Bruce's other side and resting a hand on his knee.
"We won't do anything you're not comfortable with," Pepper tells him, concern in her eyes. "We can wait until you're ready."
"We're sorry," Tony adds, looking shamefaced. "You seemed stressed, and this is what Pepper does for me when I'm stressed. We should have asked first. That's our bad."
Their compassion almost makes the whole thing worse, because Bruce is painfully aware of two things as they talk. One, Tony and Pepper will wait for him to be ready before moving on to the sex part of their relationship. Two, Bruce will never be ready to move on to the sex part of their relationship.
"I-I have to-" Bruce pushes himself to his feet as he stammers. Tony and Pepper both look worried about him, and he can see the care in their eyes even though he wishes he couldn't because that makes this so much harder. "I have to go." And before Tony or Pepper can respond, Bruce flees to his room.
It's easier to think in there, but not by much. Bruce's heart is still beating too fast. He wishes he could just give Tony and Pepper what they wanted. He wishes he could just want to have sex, like they do. But he can't. There's no urge, no feeling of lust. When he thinks of sex, the only feeling he has is one of revulsion.
And he can't keep that secret any more, so he has to leave.
Of course, it's right after he puts that together that his door opens, although he distinctly remembers locking it, and Tony and Pepper step in.
"I think I should leave," Bruce says in a rush. Tony and Pepper share a look.
"Why?" Pepper asks softly. Bruce can't meet her eyes.
"Because this relationship… It'll never be what you want it to be," he admits. He can't say the words.
Pepper, it seems, can.
"Bruce, do you want to have sex with us?"
Bruce's head jerks up. Tony and Pepper are both still looking at him with care in their eyes, even though they seem to know. Bruce doesn't understand it. He numbly shakes his head. "Do you want to have sex with anyone?" Pepper adds softly. Bruce frowns.
"What?" he croaks, because he doesn't, but he didn't think that either of them would understand that.
"Are you asexual?" Tony asks. The word brings to mind biology classes, learning about cellular reproduction, but it clearly means something else in this context. "Some people don't feel sexual attraction," Tony adds. "It doesn't mean you can't love people, it just means you don't want sex." Suddenly, a weight on Bruce's shoulders seems to be gone. He's not alone. He doesn't want sex and he's not alone.
"It's okay?" he asks, his voice coming very close to cracking. Pepper nods, stepping forward slowly.
"It's okay," she tells Bruce, reaching out and laying a hand on his shoulder.
"But you two-"
"Pepper and I like to have sex together," Tony replies, sounding impossibly casual to Bruce, who feels like he might cry with relief. "But if you don't want to get in on that, you don't have to. We can date without sex."
"We love you," Pepper adds simply. "We love you just as you are. Sex isn't important. What's important is the fact that we care for you."
"Do you love us?" Tony asks. Bruce can't quite believe this is happening.
"Yes," he whispers. "Yes, I love you two, I love you so much." Pepper smiles, and it's like the sun coming out from behind the clouds.
"Can we still kiss you?" she asks. Bruce nods slowly.
"No tongue?" he requests tentatively. Pepper smiles.
"No tongue," she repeats, then she pulls Bruce in for a kiss. It's barely over for a second before Tony takes her place. Both of them respect his boundaries, kissing without a hint of tongue.
Maybe, just maybe, this can work after all.
"Did you have a nice night?" Bruce asks Tony and Pepper as they stumble in from the elevator, Pepper's gorgeous pile of curled hair coming undone and Tony's shirt half unbuttoned.
"Such a long gala," Tony tells Bruce in a breathless voice as Pepper pushes his suit jacket onto the floor. "You were smart not to come. Give us ten minutes?"
"I'm not going to finish this article for at least another half hour," Bruce replies, going back to his article as Tony and Pepper run off to the bedroom. A small smile plays around Bruce's lips as he continues to read.
Just as he finishes up the article, about half an hour later, Tony and Pepper return to the living room. They're both freshly showered, dressed in their pajamas. From the looks on their faces, Bruce feels it's safe to assume they showered together.
"How was your night?" Tony asks, sitting on the arm of the couch while Pepper curls up at Bruce's side, resting her head in his lap.
"Much better than yours, I would guess," Bruce teases. "I think I've got the issue with the repulsers figured out."
"You're so smart," Tony compliments, giving Bruce a kiss. Bruce ducks his head, still not totally used to the way Tony offers compliments so freely.
"Well, I'm exhausted," Pepper announces. "If I don't get to bed soon, I'm going to fall asleep here."
"I'm pretty tired too," Bruce admits, running a hand through his hair. Tony stands, holding out a hand for each of them.
"To bed, then?" he asks. Their bed is enormous, more than big enough for three, and Bruce is tired enough that he can't stop thinking about it longingly.
"To bed," he agrees, taking Tony's hand. Pepper pulls herself upright, following them to the bedroom.
Tony and Pepper fall asleep before Bruce does, both of them curled around him. Somehow, he's gotten the spot in the middle, even though he could have sworn it was Pepper's turn. She doesn't appear to be too upset about it, considering she's got her head on Bruce's chest and fell asleep about two minutes after she got into the bed. On Bruce's other side, Tony rests his head on Bruce's shoulder, one hand flung over Bruce and resting on Pepper's back. Bruce is in the middle, and he is warm and loved.
He smiles as he falls asleep.
Tony and Pepper attempt to initiate sex with Bruce without asking. Neither of them think it will be a big deal, considering they do the same thing to each other, and their intention is to do something nice for him. Bruce tells them to stop and they both immediately stop, promise not to do it again, and apologize.