I'm There Too

summary: Finn knew what loss felt like. But he couldn't empathize with the depth of grief Kurt was going through. All Finn could do was try to be that shoulder, that strength, that brother that Kurt didn't know he needed.

genre: Family/HurtComfort

rated: PG

author note: I was so happy to see this brother dynamic come out of Finn and Kurt. I never saw them as a potential couple (as Kurt did in season 1). But that had to happen in order to get these two boys to where they are now. And i love it. The only thing i love more than slash (anywhere but glee that is) is guy love...just that special bond of brotherhood between guys. I'm a sucker for duos :)

side note: This is my first Glee story. I didn't think I'd ever write Glee fic, but the heart wants what the wants and the muse does what the muse does lol any one whose read any of my stories from other fandoms know that music inspires most of my writing. this is no exception. i like to make that relation between song and emotion and this is usually the kind of story that comes from that. this song was so beautiful and just fit so well. you should definitely go download it and check this talented artist out.

disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to the deity Ryan Murphy and the brilliant minds behind Glee. and Fox...i guess. The characters are not mine, as much as i would like to keep them give these boys hugs all day 'cause i just think that's what they need. In addition, the beautiful lyrics below belong to Michelle Featherstone. Her poetry inspired my prose.

"When you're all alone at night, you know that I am by your side...and when you fall apart and are dying from a broken heart...I'm there too."

'I'm There Too' by Michelle Featherstone

Finn tried to suppress the burp that was making its way up his throat. It was late into the night and he didn't want to wake his parents up with a belch just as he was was walking out of the kitchen and past their bedroom.

He had snuck downstairs for a second slice of birthday cake. Today was Kurt's 17th birthday and just a few hours ago they had celebrated with cake, as well as a toast to their six month anniversary of their new life as the Hudson-Hummel family under one new roof. His mom had baked her special dark chocolate cake with orange glaze, Finn's old time favorite and now Burt and Kurt's as well. He couldn't help but sneak down for another piece before bed.

He made his way up the stairs, quietly tip-toeing down the hall in hopes of not disturbing Kurt, whose room was before his. As he passed the door he heard a faint noise. Backing up, he leaned closer to the door and heard what sounded like crying. He listened for a moment to be sure, but the sniffs and shaky breaths coming from behind the door were unmistakable. Finn hesitated and thought about knocking, but out of fear of being wrong and waking the younger boy, Finn opted to carefully and slowly open the door and peer in. The room was dark but as he opened the door further, the crying paused.

"Hello?" a soft voice called out, hesitant.

"Hey," Finn responded.

"Finn?"

"Yeah dude, it's just me."

"Is...is everything okay?" Finn couldn't see Kurt from the dark doorway, but he could hear the tremor in his voice.

"You tell me," Finn braved. He was met with silence. "Can I come in?"

Suddenly the room exploded in light. Finn saw Kurt, clad in a pair of flannel pj bottoms and a 'Wicked' t-shirt, backing away from the lamp on the nightstand to lean back against the headboard of his bed. Finn recognized the broadway show name on his shirt from when Kurt and Rachel had their 'diva off.' He knew it was only a year ago, but with all they had gone through since then, it felt like so long ago.

Finn moved further into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. As he did, he noticed the pj bottoms were the same colors as the decal in Kurt's shirt. Finn was in awe that even when the boy was sleeping his outfits always looked so put together. Finn looked down at his own black mesh gym shorts, grey 'Dashboard Confessional' band tee, and mismatched tube socks. 'Oh well,' he thought. 'Stay focused.'

"What's wrong, Kurt?" Finn asked, walking towards the foot of the bed to sit in front of the other boy. Kurt didn't say anything. He just crossed his legs, grabbed a nearby pillow, and clutched it to his chest as he made himself more comfortable against the headboard. His eyes were red and slightly puffy, cheeks streaked with moisture from tear tracks.

"What is it?" Finn spoke soft and low, trying not to push or pry. It wouldn't be for a few minutes before Kurt even looked at him.

"I turned 17 today." Kurt's voice was quiet, not much louder than a whisper.

"Yeah, I know. We sang and everything," Finn said, confused. "But birthdays are supposed to be fun and happy. Not cry worthy. At least not until you turn like 30 or 50."

Kurt didn't respond. Finn knew to wait. He'd only really known the other boy for two years. They went to school together all their lives but never really knew each other till they joined Glee club. And since their parents started dating, their relationship really strengthened. In a short time, Finn could honestly say he had come to love Kurt Hummel like a real brother. And after everything they'd gone through in the last year, between Burt being ill and Kurt being tormented, Finn had come to know a lot about how Kurt dealt with emotions. He knew well enough about him to not push Kurt into anything; that if he waited, Kurt would reveal himself. He just had to wait.

"My mom died when I was eight years old. That was nine years ago," Kurt explained, softly as if it was a painful secret. "Turning seventeen means I have officially lived more of my life without my mother than I have with her."

Kurt barely got the last word out before he broke down. Finn quickly got up and moved to the other side of the bed to go sit beside Kurt. Settling himself against the headboard, Finn grabbed Kurt by the shoulders and pulled him to his chest. Wrapping his arms around the smaller boy, he hugged him as he sobbed.

Finn knew what the loss of a parent felt like, so he felt for the other boy. However, he had never met his father and he hated that he never got to know him. But Finn could only mourn the idea of his father. Unlike Kurt, who grew up with his mother and knew what he was missing.

He felt his eyes sting as he held his step-brother. He felt Kurt's fists clench the front of his t-shirt as he continued to cry and Finn instinctively wrapped his arms tighter around him. They stayed like that, neither saying a word. It wouldn't be for fifteen minutes until Kurt could breathe steady, no longer crying but sniffling as he tried to regain composure. Finn could feel Kurt loosen his grip on the material of his shirt and slowly began to pull away. Finn didn't want to let go, knowing that even though Kurt's tears had stopped, the guy still needed comforting. But he reluctantly unwrapped his arms from around Kurt, leaned back, and held the other boy at arms' length. Kurt brought his hand to his eyes and wiped at his face.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered between sniffling.

"Don't be. That's what brothers are for," Finn half smiled.

"Thank you," Kurt sighed, moving to clutch the pillow again as he resumed his previous sitting position, legs crossed, leaning back. Finn leaned back too, legs stretched out in front of him, hands in his lap.

They stayed silent. It was comfortable in the sense of it not being awkward, but uncomfortable because Kurt was embarrassed and Finn felt like he should be doing more to help.

"Finn," Kurt finally spoke, "I don't want you to think I regret our little family. Your mom has been the best thing to happen for my dad. And being your brother means so much to me, especially considering our...complications...in the past. I love you as if we were blood; Carol too."

"Me too," Finn interjected, reassuring Kurt he felt the same before he continued, "Kurt I know you do. But you need to know that loving our new family doesn't mean you love your mom any less."

"I know," Kurt said, his voice shaky. "It's just sometimes I feel guilty about being happy about the four of us. And I get scared that I'll forget her. That broken dresser that smelled like her perfume is gone. And now that I'm seventeen, it's the realization that as I get older, the time I had with her will just continue to shrink compared to my life."

Finn laid a hand atop Kurt's forearm, halting the boy as he heard him start to get worked up. It seemed to work, Kurt taking a deep breath in and out, the tears falling silently down his cheeks instead of growing into sobs.

"The time you had with her may become smaller as your life goes on, but it's not any less meaningful. And being happy with what the four of us have become does not mean you're okay with your mom's death. It just means you've accepted that things can't go back to what they were and you've chosen to move forward."

Kurt turned his head to look at Finn as he spoke, a mix of gratitude and sadness in his expression that made Finn relieved to know he was getting through.

"Why aren't you this smart in school?" Kurt chuckled, breaking the feeling of grief hanging in the air. Finn just laughed.

"School I don't get. It's just facts and history and stuff I don't care about." Finn shook his head, letting his hand fall from Kurt's arm. "But knowing my feelings and what they mean, recognizing how to help people I care about, I'm learning about that. I'm learning how to deal, how to be a better person, how to be part of a family. Thanks to Glee club. And thanks to you."

Kurt smiled at him. It wasn't that full beam smile that Finn loved to see when something went right for a someone he cared about. It wasn't the brilliant light in Kurt's eyes that he used to see all the time; before tonight, before Kurt was forced to transfer, before the bullying, before his father's heart scare, and before Kurt felt like he was alone. But it was a real smile. And even shrouded in sadness, Finn would take what he could get from him.

"Would you tell me about her?" Finn asked hesitantly.

"My mom?" Kurt asked, surprised.

"Yeah. I mean you don't have to, I just thought..."

"No, it's okay," Kurt interrupted. "I actually haven't spoken much about her other than her death in a long time." Kurt paused for a moment. It looked to Finn as if he was trying to gain the courage to talk. "Her name was Elizabeth. She taught me how to play the piano and how to sing."

"She must have been a good teacher," Finn smiled.

"She was the best. She used to sing 'Blackbird' to me before bed. She had a beautiful voice and was just the kindest soul," Kurt smiled sadly, looking up at the ceiling for a minute, gathering his composure before looking back at Finn. "Not as good as a cook as your mom though."

"No one is," Finn smiled back.

The boys talked well into the night, shoulder to shoulder on the bed till Kurt fell asleep. Finn felt his own eyes start to flutter closed and thought about getting up and going into his own room. But something about how vulnerable Kurt had been, how much he shared with him tonight, Finn wanted to be there for him just in case. He wanted to be there when Kurt woke up so he didn't feel alone.

So Finn turned on his side and fell asleep next to his brother, ready to be there if Kurt needed him to be.