A/N: I've been watching Johnny Bravo lately after about nine years have passed and let me tell you, it's a lot funnier now that I'm older and get more of the jokes. Plus, Johnny is, in my opinion, one of the most cutest cartoon guys on television. I find him to be adorable with his hilariously cheesy pick-up lines and thick Elvis voice. This story was inspired by one of my old fictional ones about kids selling lemonade (one of which acting exactly like Johnny). Enjoy! Please R & R!
Disclaimer: I do not own Johnny Bravo since he would probably put a restraining order against me for my weird crush on him anyways.
Johnny Bravo was watching "nunchuck chicks" on television wearing unitards and battling each other. He seemed to be reveling in the attraction that radiated off of the fighters.
"Whoa, mama," he commented, stuffing a handful of beef jerky down his throat and wolf-whistling at the ladies. At that same instant, the door-bell rang. In response, Johnny dialed his mother's work phone number. "Momma, could you answer the door?" he asked, chewing his jerky while doing so.
"Johnny, I'm at the other side of Aron City!" Bunny lectured. Johnny didn't quite get it.
"So...could you answer the door?" he asked confusedly, echoing what he last said. Bunny was just about to reply when the bell rang again. He said good-bye and hung up shortly before trudging towards the door. Whatever it was, it was interrupting his "Johnny Time" and he did not like it one bit.
He opened the door and expected to see somebody standing on the door mat, but nobody was there. Johnny scratched his head in mild bewilderment.
"That's funny: I thought somebody was he - "
"Hello!"
"AAAAAAA!" Johnny shrieked like a girl and slammed the door immediately. The reason for this was that a certain little neighborhood girl hung upside-down from the roof above his front door out of nowhere. He leaned against the closed door, breathing heavily and making sure his hair was still pretty.
"Johnny? Johnny, open the door, it's me," Little Suzy's voice said. Johnny cleared his throat and adopted a voice similar to that of an elderly woman's.
"Sorry! Johnny's not here at the moment! Please leave a message after the beep!"
"But Johnny - "
"BEEEEEEEP!" Johnny blared obnoxiously. Suzy rolled her eyes a little before playing along.
"Hi, Johnny, this is Suzy, your favorite neighbor!" Johnny felt as if he were going to dry-heave in his throat at that. "I have a surprise for you, but I can't show you what it is unless you come back from wherever you are. So please come back soon. Thank you!" The blonde thought a minute before replying,
"Believe me, nothing is going to get him to come outside today! He's a busy man who leads a busy life! Now go away!" Suzy smiled and retorted cleverly with,
"What if you were to tell him that there was a pretty woman outside for him to meet?" At that, Johnny rushed out the door and panted ecstatically like a dog looking out a car window.
"Johnny want pretty woman!" he yelped. Suzy laughed and pointed at a lady standing at a bus stop. Johnny sprinted over and took her in his arms. "Hey there, hot mama! You got any raisins?"
"No!" the woman fumed. Johnny adopted a smooth, suave tone for the punch-line.
"How 'bout a date?" (A/N: Ba dum tsh! Ha ha, get it? ...Yeah, I know, it's pretty corny.)
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" the woman screamed before hitting him with her purse. Johnny landed on his back, still grinning like an idiot.
"She digs me," he declared confidently. Suzy came up to him and a bunch of other little girls followed behind her. They were all in uniform.
"Okay, Johnny, here's the real reason we wanted you to come outside: we, the Buttercup Scouts, are planning to sell lemonade and we need your help." Johnny raised a delicate eyebrow of skepticism.
"Can't you just get Carl to help you so that I can watch my television in peace?" he grumbled.
"Oh, we already planned ahead. Carl's gonna help too!" Suzy announced excitedly. Just as suddenly, Carl appeared out of nowhere and pounce-hugged Johnny.
"Johnny! I'm so glad to see you, old buddy!" he shouted, lying almost on top of him. Johnny's ears rang.
"Get off me, you little weed!" he barked, prying Carl's grip free from him and shoving the brunet into a bush. Carl glared and rubbed his head. Meanwhile, Suzy and her friends built their lemonade stand and got the money basket with the lemonade pitcher and cups. A wooden lemon sign hung above the stand. Johnny snorted at it disapprovingly.
"As if anybody wants to go near that thing," he scoffed cynically. Carl folded his arms and pouted.
"What's wrong with it?!" he retorted.
"Carl...your stupid wooden lemon has dimples. Enough said," Johnny sassed.
"You got any better ideas, punk?!" a little Buttercup Scout screeched. She scared the crap out of Johnny, but he wasn't ready to admit it just yet.
"Why, yes! As a matter of fact, I do! And it'll work way better than your stupid stinky poo poo lemonade stand!" Within a few minutes, he was wearing rags and tattered pants, carrying a sign that read, "HELP! HOBO IN NEED!" backwards, ringing a bell, and using a hat to get the money. The lemonade stand was attracting myriads of customers, but nobody paid Johnny any heed. The others raised their eyebrows as if to say, "Really? That's your oh-so brilliant plan?"
"I don't get it! Those people should be attracted to me the way flies are attracted to honey! I thought this was America, the land of support!" Johnny whined. Carl chuckled at that.
"You smell like beef jerky, silly! Hobos don't smell like beef jerky!" he mused.
This resulted in the blond spraying himself with mixtures that would make him "smell homeless".
"Castor oil and ammonia," he explained to the onlooking Buttercup Scouts and Carl.
"Ewwwwwww!" The girls shouted. Carl merely wrinkled his nose in disgust. Much to Johnny's confusion, people were still ignoring him. He even flirted with a girl with long red hair. However, that girl turned out to be a vicious boy who was a champion weight-lifter and he kicked Johnny's butt. ...Literally. Johnny went flying into a mailbox.
"Yeah, whatever," he moaned. Just then, he saw some gum on the sidewalk. It looked to be about thirty years old. "Ooh, free candy!" he squealed excitedly, tearing the disgusting adhesive off the heated concrete. The girls and Carl gasped.
"No, Johnny! Don't put that in your mouth, it's - " Too late. Johnny put the gum in his mouth and chewed it. "...Germy..." everybody finished awkwardly. He nodded at their sickened faces.
"Hmm...kinda tastes like dog hair. Why, you want some?" he asked, taking the white, sticky wad out of his mouth and showing it to everybody. The girls screeched and hid behind Carl.
"Johnny! Nobody wants to see that!" the brunet nerd scolded.
"Alright. How 'bout my toe jam collection? Would they wanna see that?" Johnny asked.
"NO!" everybody shouted. Johnny shrugged.
"Tough crowd." Many hours passed by, and the Buttercup Scouts were making progress. Johnny, on the other hand, was hit by thrown cans and insulted by phrases such as, "Get lost, hippy!" Guilt began to eat at the back of his mind a little bit for trashing the girls's idea. After all, he may have been narcissistic, but he had a a heart, for crying out loud.
"Say, guys, uh...you wouldn't mind if I joined you, would you?" he asked, smiling sheepishly. Little Suzy looked perplexed.
"But Johnny, you said you had a better idea than we did - "
"Well, I'm all past that now," Johnny proclaimed, "Guys, please? I'm your friend."
"ARE you?! Or are you the money basket's friend?!" a girl demanded. Carl looked at Johnny ponderingly.
"Girls, I think he should join us. After all, he's my best friend," he said, smiling. The girl who scared Johnny earlier that day adopted a sarcastic tone.
"Hmm...let me call the Answer Department!" She pretended to dial some numbers on her "hand phone". "Hello? Oh, okay, sure! Good bye!" She turned to Johnny and placed her hands on her hips. "They said 'no way in heck'!"
"Aw, man! Stupid Answer Department! Wait - hey! Nobody talks to my friend like that, missy!" Johnny exclaimed. Just as quickly, he covered his mouth in shock. Did he just say Carl was his friend? What was this world coming to?
"You wanna make something of it?!" the girl demanded, curling her hands into fists. Johnny narrowed his eyes and did a series of swift karate moves.
"Oh...yeah..." he answered.
Five minutes later:
"Ow, I got a boo-boo! I want my Momma!" Johnny sobbed.
"But Johnny, all you did was trip over a pebble when you were about to fight that little girl," Carl argued gently, placing the bandage on Johnny's pinkie finger. "Well, nevertheless, the fact that you fought for me warms my heart...friend." Johnny raised a flustered eyebrow.
" 'Friend'?! What are you talking about?! I hate you, you little weed!" he retorted hotheadedly. Carl and the others only laughed.
"Oh, Johnny," they giggled, crowding around to give the blond a group hug.
"But I'm serious!" Johnny whined. He didn't want to admit it (and maybe he never would) but the very people surrounding him were, in fact, the best friends he'd ever had.