Author's note:
Hi! First of all, I'd like to say: I hope you enjoy this fanfic. It's been years since I've written. English isn't my native language, so I hope I don't make a lot of mistakes. Anyway, I hope you like it.
TOBIAS
I couldn't do it. I couldn't just leave Tris behind after everything. We needed to do this together, to bear it together, before it tore us apart. We've been through a lot together and I didn't want to lose Tris. She knew that. God, she definitely knew that. The thing she didn't know was that I did not leave for the Factionless headquarters. Something inside of me, the old Abnegation part of me, screamed that it was selfish. Selfish to not think about others, selfish because I was trying to protect Tris instead of ending the conflict between Marcus and Evelyn. Too selfish to stop an upcoming war. I knew I wasn't. Deep down inside I always knew that. I knew I was trying to do the right thing. And right now, the right thing was to protect the one person I truly loved.
The shot was sharp, the screams louder and the panic unbearable. I couldn't think straight, didn't want to at this moment. All I could think of was Tris. Always Tris.
People were screaming, running around. Chaos everywhere.
'Tris!' I shouted. Half in panic, half out of breath. I've never run so fast in my whole life. Couldn't help myself. I needed to find her.
When I finally found Caleb I couldn't hold myself any longer, and of course because I didn't like Caleb.
'Where's Tris?' I yelled as I pulled him to his feet. He looked at me with pain in his eyes. He was supposed to go in there. He. Not Tris.
'Tr… Tris went for me instead,' he told me while tears were running down his cheeks. Caleb was an ugly crier and a horrible person for doing this.
'You should have stopped her!' I yelled. Angrier this time. Of course I was angry. We had it all figured out. We had a goddamn plan. Caleb was supposed to do this. He even agreed doing this. It was his responsibility, not Tris'.
Caleb continued crying, uglier this time. I didn't want to pay attention to him anymore, I had to find Tris.
Without thinking I ran inside ignoring Caleb's screams that it was dangerous. I didn't care. Why should I? If I lose Tris I will lose a part of me. A part Tris created.
'Tris!' I shouted. I couldn't see anything, it was too dark. If only I could find the light switch. 'Tris, please!' I was starting to freak out, something you learn not to do in Dauntless. But this wasn't Dauntless anymore. This was way more different than Dauntless. Dauntless would be familiar, home, safe, I've been there for years. In situations like this I wish this was just my fear landscape. If it was I could just control my breath, I could face my fear and then jump to the next one. Sadly, it wasn't. It was reality, the painful, dangerous reality. Something they tried to hide us from. Sometimes I wish they still did, but I wouldn't want to disappoint Tris.
My hands were searching the walls for a light switch. Unfortunately, I wasn't familiar in this room, I mean, who was? After a few minutes, which seemed like hours, I finally found the light switch. Then it occurred to me that the room was small. I always thought it would be bigger.
Then I found her, lying completely still on the floor. I didn't know what to do. What if…? 'NO!' I said to myself. 'Don't think like that.'
I rushed over to her and slowly scooped her up. I noticed that she was still breathing and thanked god for that, even though her breath wasn't steady anymore, she was still alive and that's what kept me going.
Caleb was still crying when I got out and cried even more when he saw Tris. 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.' He kept repeating it over and over again, only stopped to catch his breath and then continued. I didn't even mind to say something to him. The only thing I could think about right now was Tris. Always Tris.
Besides Caleb and Matthew no one was there, which was strange, but I didn't have the time to overthink it.
Matthew rushed toward me and explained which way didn't take long toward to hospital. No one said anything on our way. The only sound I heard were Caleb's cries and his apologies. Every word he said made me angrier, every tear he shed made me want to punch him. But I couldn't. If he had gone into that room, Tris wouldn't be hurt. If only…
'Someone help us!' Matthew yelled. Even though no one was there when I found Caleb and Tris, there were people here. Another thing to thank someone for.
A man, a doctor I suppose, rushed toward us and took Tris from me. Before I could even protest he was gone. I felt devastated and much more. I didn't know what to feel, didn't want to feel like the small Tobias who got hit my his father's belt. Who tried to grit his teeth through the pain and fought against the tears. That person belongs to the past. I didn't want to be him anymore, but somehow I was. He belonged to me, I knew he did, he was a part of me, a part I was willing to forget. Neither Matthew nor Caleb said anything. The silence was deafening and I couldn't bear it anymore. I wanted to be with Tris, I wanted Tris to be okay.
Slowly, without really realising, I sank through my knees to the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest.
Since I was young, I have always known this: Life damages us, every one. We can't escape that damage. But now, I am also learning this: We can be mended. We mend each other.