So I was going to start my homework when this little beauty found its way into my head. Not sure where it's going (I've got some idea though), or if it's even good. I've never really written anything comical or a parody before. I would really love some constructive reviews on this, just tell me if you like it or even find it remotely entertaining. I know this first chapter is rather short, but it's more of a teaser. Are the characters a little too OOC? I'm trying to keep them as much in character and realistic as possible (except for my prince). Obviously AU, as I'm having Harry defeat the lovely Plastic Snakemort at the battle at the end of Order of the Phoenix. Meaning this begins with his sixth year, and is not even close to being HBP compliant. All deaths and events up to OOTP stand true in this fic (except some that are tweaked because I love Percy too much to keep him out of the family...). Hope you like it! (Oh and don't mind my bit of George W. Bush bashing, or if you don't get it. I'm much too American for my own good and couldn't help it :)
She was hidden in a tower. That was all he knew. This had been the two hundred and seventh castle he would visit in the last two months. If the princess was not here than Prince Armethius (Arty for short) was simply going to give up and find himself a new princess. Of course, Arty thought to himself, the peasants and other odd creatures were likely to give him a hard time, so he would have to search harder this time. It would be different then when he went to the Kingdom of the White Castle, and the short squinty man asked him, "Erm...are yew lewking fer some teeny burgers? We don't have none here, but Iraq might! Want ter go there fer me?"
"Let's go Buttercup!" he kicked the side of his toffee horse and rode down through the hills.
Harry Potter sighed. After defeating Voldemort at the Ministry battle last year, this year would be inconceivably boring! With no evil death threats to pre-occupy himself with, the young wizard might actually have to pay attention in classes. He sighed again, and tried to look past his tall best friends head to the Professor's dais, trying to see Dumbledore as he gave his opening year speech. Maybe he should ask Ginny out...he noticed her further down the table, and then immediately began to imagine her other five older brothers and how they could snap his...limbs off (Percy was back in good graces, having shown up at the Ministry battle completely apologizing for being such a bloody fool, and was actually a key fighter in bringing down the plastic surgeoned Dark Lord.) He looked around again (Dumbledore's speeches never made any sense), sighing.
"What's the matter mate?" Ron asked him half an hour later when Dumbledore finally stopped talking and twinkling.
"This year is going to be, well, calm...isn't it?"
Ron shrugged. "S'pose. But hey we're sixth years now!"
"So?"
"So?!" Hermione stared at him incredulously. "So we are one year closer to our NEWTS! And I don't know about you two, but I'm going to start studying right away!" The two boys rolled there eyes and continued to stuff their faces so that they resembled squirrels by the end of their meals. Both were too full and tired to keep eating.
As Harry predicted the year did start off quite sluggish, albeit it was only a week and a half into the new term. Still, something usually exciting happened. Harry (and most of the other students) were pretty ecstatic to have Professor Lupin back as the Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. Snape, who was offered the role by Dumbledore said he wouldn't give the Minevra the satisfaction of not having to hear him complain all the time, and he was still the ever loving Potions Master.
"I wish Fred and George had gotten left back," Ron confessed in the Gryffindor common room one day.
Hermione scrunched her eyebrows together as she examined a Chocolate Frog card, sneakily slipping it into her robe. Harry could have sworn he heard her say, "And your mother wishes they weren't drop-out hooligans."
"They were a damn spot annoying, but kept things interesting!"
Harry nodded. "Well come on you lot, dinner's almost to be served."
"You're really becoming more like Ron everyday!" Hermione grumbled, and Ron's ears turned red as he followed her out of the portrait. After walking forever down from the tower and across all those damn indecisive staircases the trio made it to the Great Hall, with Neville and Dean who were also stranded on a staircase at one point.
"Do you hear that?" Neville randomly spoke up.
"Oh sorry, that's my stomach," Ron looked concerned as he stroked his belly as if an invisible puppy dog were inside.
"No, it sounds like a...I don't even know...a --" Neville never got the chance to finish, for at that moment the entrance door blew open and an incredibly handsome man on an incredibly handsome horse came gallivanting into the wizarding school, with a very breathless Hagrid running after him.