Shepard woke with a sharp intake of breathe, her heart hammering in her chest, hands clenching on the sheets as she quickly took in the area around her, she was on the Normandy, in her cabin, not in the Lazarus station, Miranda wasn't opening her up.
Her vice grip on the sheets eased as she registered Garrus snoring by her side, Garrus, who would never let Cerberus get their hands on her if he could help it. She turned on her side, watching one of her loves with his mouth opened, half-sunk into the mattress; the yield of the fabric creating an almost cocoon around him.
The sound of the shower running made her relax even further, knowing Nihlus was nearby even if he was absent from her bed. It didn't matter, not really; as much as she adored his company, Nihlus had other duties to attend to, courtesy of the Council. Falling asleep cocooned between the two men was a treat she indulged in as much as she could and not only because of their nights of passion - though their teamwork was incredible, bordering on legendary.
She loved them both, so much it was almost scary.
The three of them had stumbled into a relationship without really meaning to, it was sparring, easing tension, it had been just sex, until it wasn't. It had been just friends with benefits, fun and games, until Nihlus had entered Garrus' scope, until Shepard had stopped Nihlus' fall, until Garrus had gently brushed his forehead against hers, seeking more intimacy than they had agreed on and she had let him, with her heart pounding in her chest.
It was easy intimacy, trust in the battlefield easily transforming into something else; despite the L-word never being uttered between them, the trust and respect were implicit enough that even Nihlus' most enthusiastic pursuers had backed off. Or maybe it had been Shepard's and Garrus' glare, it was hard to tell.
With her heart beating somewhat normally again she got up, barely paying attention to the cold floor, making way to the bathroom with ease; her cabin was rarely ever fully dark, the tiny lights at the bottom of the wall making sure of that.
She found her lover looking at himself in the mirror, checking his latest scar, a burn mark across his chest plates slatted in water-proof Medi-gel, working on getting the patch fixed to his plates.
"Nihlus you're already beautiful, you don't need to keep admiring yourself, honey," she smiled tiredly at him, the remains of her nightmare seemed to cling to her body.
"You're up," he stopped, looking her over, "did something happen?" Nihlus asked with a certain matter of fact tone as if he already knew the answer.
"Am I that easy to read?" she tried to smile, but it fell short of a grimace, it wasn't a mistake to seek out her lovers when she needed them, but the inner part of her, the 15 year old that depended only on herself, was still upset when it happened.
"Only for us, honey," he smiled at her, a little twitch of his mandible, "join me?" He knew well enough she wouldn't speak of her problems if prompted and if it had anything to do with the war effort all of them would already know.
"No, just watching for now?" She half-asked half-stated, as she moved to sit on top of the toilet, her eyes roaming over his body, cataloguing every scar, every wound; Nihlus was beautiful, and usually an exceptional distraction from her own demons.
"Whatever you need, sweetheart," he smiled at her again, another flick of his mandibles before turning his back to her again, looking at the newest scar; an Asari mercenary had gotten somewhat lucky with a Throw.
He wiggled his butt at Natallia, getting the cute snort-like-laugh that he loved. "I can stop if you'd like?"
"You're ridiculous," she laughed again, leaning back against the metal wall. They remained silent as Nihlus checked the wound over, more annoyed at himself than at the dead Asari. "Does that hurt?" They both knew it did and what she was really asking.
"It's annoying more than anything, her Throw created a biotic explosion with my Shockwave," he shook his head, finally covering the wound with a simple medical patch.
"I dreamt Miranda had cut me open again, to try and fill me up with something," Natallia spoke to her knees, not looking at Nihlus, missing how he stopped for a second before continuing with his shower, he remained silent otherwise, just listening. "I've no idea what she wanted to stuff inside of me, but I dreamt… remember when I told you I regained consciousness while Miranda and whats-his-face were present? That moment," she bit her lower lip, it was so stupid, she didn't even know in which condition she had been when she woke up briefly in the middle of reconstruction, but if she had to guess-
"You've lead a tough life, Natallia," Nihlus was suddenly in front of her, the shower turned off, kneeling in the cramped space, his hand cradling her face, "it's not a weakness to have nightmares, it means you overcame it, they're just haunting you now like a bad omen."
"I hate them, I hate loosing sleep because of them," she shut her eyes tight, trying to forget the nightmares, willing herself to forget. Miranda cutting her up, the other guy at the edge of her vision, she couldn't feel the pain of the scalpel, but the horrifying realization she couldn't move was almost too much.
"And I hate seeing you like this," Nihlus muttered, licking the tears gently falling down her face, "as if they have the power to defeat you."
"I'm not-"
"We'll catch you if you ever need it, Natallia," came the sleep-laced voice of their third, followed by a yawn, "you're not nearly as weak as you think," Garrus rested against the threshold looking at both of them with clear eyes, even if his voice was still rough from sleep, "and even if you were, we would catch you."
"He's right, we're right here," Nihlus leaned forward, brushing his forehead with hers, "we can chase your nightmares away if you need us to."
"What he said," Garrus half-yawned, blinking at them a few times, "can we please go back to bed now? This is cramped and I can't touch you," he half-glared at them, "either of you."
"Whatever you want sweetheart," Nihlus got up with a laugh, cleaning Shepard's tears with his thumb, "need a hand?"
"Nihlus get out of here, you're gonna freeze soon," Garrus rolled his eyes, caressing Nihlus under the fringe as he passed him by and they changed places, "I don't want to sleep on a cold, wet bed," he added with a smile before offering his hand to Natallia, "coming?"
"Garrus?" She asked with a sigh, not even really sure what she was asking this time.
"I woke up and neither of you were there, then I heard the shower running," he muttered to her, his voice low, but knowing Nihlus would be able to listen if he so wished.
"We wouldn't start in on the fun without you," she smiled at him, suddenly tired, as if her bones had decided to turn Krogan.
"Not what I meant and you know it," he sighed, pulling her towards him, warm hand resting at her waist; if Nihlus was the one who understood her implicitly, then Garrus was the one who drove her forward, to be better. "I was worried, you usually wake me up when you have a nightmare."
"You've been running yourself ragged this week, what with the Primarch's new task force, I didn't want to disturb you," it wasn't an excuse, more of a fact, Garrus had his work cut out for him with the Hierarchy. "Besides Nihlus was already awake."
"Even so-"
"Could my two love birds please hurry up? We all have an early day tomorrow and I've got a surprise for both of you," Nihlus called from the other room, already under the covers. It was times like that Shepard was grateful about the 'no expenses spared' policy Cerberus had gone with during the construction of the SR2, the three of them fit comfortably on the bed.
"I know you worry about me, Garrus, some days I wished you didn't," she sighed again, leaning forward and up on her tip-toes, brushing her forehead against his as he leaned down, "but I love that you do, I just don't feel very deserving of it."
"We'll work on that another day, love," he took her hand, leading her back to their bed, "tonight let us make sure you suffer no more nightmare ok?"
"Well about time," Nihlus watched both of them with a more piercing stare than his voice would lead to believe with the light, unassuming tone, watching their hands, glancing at Shepard's eyes before getting a nod from Garrus.
"I was telling him about your butt wiggle," Shepard tried for a smile, more sincere than the last half-grimace, "it was a very nice butt wiggle."
"I need to see that for myself, Natallia; Nihlus does have a tendency to overestimate how nice your bony behind is."
"You mock me, my good sir," Nihlus laughed, taking Shepard's hand and effortlessly putting her in the middle of the bed, in between both men, "I'll have you know I have a very nice butt."
"It's been so long since we've seen you that I may have forgotten," Garrus yawned again, getting comfortable on Shepard's other side, hid hand holding on to hers. "You'll have to show me again tomorrow."
"As my Praetor commands," Nihlus smirked at both of them, giving both human and Turian a once-over that had Natallia flushing as bright and as red as her hair.
"Goodnight Nihlus," Garrus said pointedly, pulling Shepard against his chest, nuzzling her temple in a goodnight kiss while Nilus held on to both of them, easily navigating the pile of limbs, during the night they probably would untangle, but for now the warm presence of both men was enough to ground Natallia Shepard.
It was only after three of them had properly laid down that Natallia half-voiced the sudden title being used, "wait, Praetor?"