Disclaimer: Nope. Also the title comes from the song "Uncharted" by Sara Bareilles (see, no Florence + the Machine. Are you happy?)
A/N: So when I had the idea for this story, I was like oh it will be short and random and blah blah blah. At this point, I don't even remember what the original idea for this story was. It got a little out of control. I know it's not close to Valentine's Day but I was watching the Valentine's episode of American Dreams (which is also where Chloe's brother get their names from) and it inspired me. Thefutilitarian seems to be in the need of some fluff (not even sure this story qualifies anymore) plus she's really been wanting a high school AU so this story is for her. Again, not sure if this is what you had in mind but...enjoy!
"Jump Start My Kaleidoscope Heart"
It's January in Atlanta and the air is sharp with cold but the ground is blessedly free of snow, which is a welcome change as far as Aubrey Posen is concerned. After spending the past two weeks in Aspen with her parents and brother and her uncle's family, she doesn't want anything more to do with snow. Or skiing or any sort of activity where the Posen patriarchs can force their children to compete against each other for bragging rights. Aubrey's glad to be back at school. At least that's one area in her life where she excels.
Aubrey's success in school is measured not just in academics (though she does have a solid 4.5 thank you very much) but in extra curricular activities as well. She's on the yearbook staff and tutors three days a week and helps out with Habitat for Humanity and is an office aid and works with MUST Ministries and is in Key Club. Among other things. She's also the senior class's official ambassador, which means that if the school hosts any important visitors, she's assigned to help show them around and answer questions. She's also assigned to help any new students during their first week at Pine Crest High School.
Aubrey's surprised when Kathy Jordan, who works in the attendance office and is in charge of handling all the transfers and new enrollees, calls her into the office on the first day of spring term. It doesn't make sense to Aubrey that someone would send their kid to a new high school for five months but, then again, the things that people do don't often make sense to her.
"Aubrey," Mrs. Jordan smiles when the blonde walks into the office, "this is Chloe Beale. Her family just moved in from…where are you from dear?"
"Florida." Chloe Beale supplies with a chipper smile. "Sarasota, actually."
"From Florida." Mrs. Jordan says with a nod. "She's a senior, so you two have some of the same classes I'm sure. I expect you to help her get acclimated." Mrs. Jordan says to Aubrey. To Chloe, she adds, "Aubrey is one of our best students. She'll have you fitting in and making friends in no time."
Aubrey really hopes that Chloe doesn't take that statement seriously. She's really not in the mood to have to explain to any new girls from Florida why she's not exactly the most popular member of the student body. Apparently being driven and goal oriented and smart and successful does not make you popular.
Chloe gets her schedule and hands it over to Aubrey. They actually have one class together: AP Literature. Most of Chloe's other classes are on-level and she's enrolled in chorus. Aubrey tries not to make a habit of judging people based on their classes but…okay, yes, she does. Seriously, chorus? That's probably the most useless of all electives.
"I'll make a copy of your schedule and then I'll meet you outside of all your classes to walk you to your next one." Aubrey says to Chloe as they walk out of the attendance office. "The layout of the school can take some getting used to and you don't want to be late. Especially not on your first day."
Chloe nods, quickening her pace to keep up with Aubrey's lengthy strides. Aubrey walks with a purpose and she expects everyone else to either keep up or get out of her way. So far Chloe is doing a pretty good job of keeping up.
Aubrey points out the cafeteria as they pass by on their way to the English wing. "Most of the seniors eat outside though, on the deck." She points out the windows to a porch area with dozens of wire tables and chairs.
"Is that where you eat?" Chloe questions, glancing in the direction that Aubrey indicates.
"I…no." Aubrey shakes her head. She doesn't exactly fit in with most of the senior class. "Mainly, I eat in the library so I can get work done."
Chloe nods, adjusting the strap on her backpack as she follows Aubrey up a flight of stairs. "That office lady said that you were in a lot of clubs." She tells Aubrey. "What is Beta Club anyway?"
"It's an honor society." Aubrey informs her frankly. "Academics are important but your extra-curricular activities are important as well. My father always says that colleges don't like idleness and an empty transcript is a rejection letter waiting to happen." She nods, satisfied with this piece of advice. "What clubs were you in at your old school?"
"Uh…" Chloe looks surprised by Aubrey's previous statement. Not that Aubrey is surprised. Most of her classmates exhibit the same reaction. "Just chorus. Honors chorus."
Aubrey makes a face. "Well. Good for you." They stop in front of a closed classroom door. "This is our English class. The teacher is decent, even though she makes us put our desks in a circle and write journals about our reactions to the reading. I had her my sophomore year as well."
"Okay." Chloe seems to have decided that the best way to respond to Aubrey is by keeping things short and simple. "Thanks."
They go into the room and the teacher makes a big deal of welcoming Chloe to the class and making it seem like she's never been more excited in her life to have a new student. She puts Chloe in the empty desk beside Aubrey and then has all the students write about their winter vacations.
As she often does, Aubrey makes up the story of how she spent her holiday. She's made up stories about her family vacations and her favorite childhood memory and trips to the beach and birthday parties and pretty much everything that the teacher can come up with. She learned this tactic sophomore year, when she got tired of looking around at all her classmates writing feverish paragraphs about their favorite trips and memories and she had nothing more than a few sentences. Aubrey has a hoard of fictitious family members that she can call on in moments like this and her teacher usually writes back on her papers how her family seems like so much fun and how great the trips always seem. Aubrey agrees, this fake family does seem like a lot of fun. It would probably be nice to have grandparents in Pennsylvania that have a horse farm and an older brother who would teach her how to do things instead of trying to sabotage her efforts so he remained the golden child.
As they're handing in their writings, Aubrey looks over at Chloe's. "You didn't write much." She remarks.
"All we did was move. It sucked." Chloe informs her frankly. She looks at Aubrey's paper. "Geez. You were busy. You wrote like two whole pages. What did you do?"
Aubrey blanches and quickly covers her paper with the other students' in her row. "Nothing." She mutters. "It wasn't that exciting."
After English, Aubrey walks Chloe to her American history class and promises to meet her by the door to walk her to her next class. Ninety minutes later, Chloe is waiting in the hall as promised, already waving to other students as they leave the classroom. Aubrey's not really all that surprised. Chloe struck her has the type to make friends easily. For some reason that bugs her. No, it doesn't bug her. It doesn't. Because friends aren't important. Aubrey has more important things to worry about, especially during her senior year of school.
Third period is also lunch period, though the students are split into four different lunch schedules, which Aubrey explains as they walk to Chloe's geometry class. It looks like they have the same lunch, though Aubrey doesn't bother to point this out. Chloe seems more than capable of getting herself from her class to lunch and back again.
Aubrey focuses her attention on her Calculus II class. She enjoys her math classes because there's no stupid journal writing or pointless discussions. There's only numbers and equations and things that fit together to equal something else. It's a class that actually means something and makes sense. Aubrey likes things that make sense.
When the lunch bell rings, Aubrey heads to the library, just like she's done almost every day since freshmen year. She doesn't have any homework to work on, seeing as it's just the first day of the semester, but she can work on her calendar and make sure that she has all the important dates penciled in. This is a semester she can't afford to waste. Her father has made that perfectly clear. If she wants to get into an Ivy League school everything has to be absolutely perfect. She has to be absolutely perfectly.
Aubrey is double checking the application deadlines for Harvard and Yale when someone sits down at the table next to her. She's surprised to see Chloe's smiling face. "Hi. What are you doing?" Chloe questions, popping a fry into her mouth.
"Um…what are you doing?" Aubrey questions, trying to figure out if she missed something along the way.
"Eating lunch with you." Chloe says, as though it's obvious. Which, Aubrey guesses, it pretty much is. "I don't really know anyone else."
"I…" Aubrey stops, giving her a skeptical look. "You want to eat lunch with me?"
Chloe nods, continuing to eat her fries. Aubrey's never bought lunch from the school cafeteria before, not even from the "grill" line because they definitely don't serve anything that can be considered brain food. "You're pretty much my only friend. Eating lunch alone sucks." Chloe explains.
Aubrey starts to protest but there's not much of a point. Eating lunch alone does sorta suck. Even though she's used to it by now. She closes out of the Internet browser and turns her attention to Chloe. She struggles with finding something to fill the silence that has settled between the two of them, to come up with some sort of conversation topic that will stimulate a rousing conversation between the two of them. Aubrey's not very good with silences and small talk. She's good with giving directions and listing objectives. Neither of those things are useful in this situation.
"So…uh…why…did your family move?" Aubrey questions finally. Not exactly a rousing discussion topic, but at least it'll give them something to talk about. For a bit anyway.
"My dad's job transferred him." Chloe answered. "I begged my parents to let me stay so I could finish out my senior year with my friends but they didn't think it was a good idea. So…here I am. I haven't even unpacked my room or anything. Atlanta is so different from where I used to live. There's no beach. And there are so many people. It kinda sucks. No offense." Chloe adds the last part quickly, realizing what she just said.
Aubrey shrugs. "It's okay. I'm not planning on sticking around much longer. I'm going to college out of state."
Chloe makes a face. "Ugh, college. I can't even decide where to put my bookshelf." She mumbles.
"You should have a plan. And several contingency plans. My father always says that life without a plan is just a waste of everyone's time." Aubrey tells Chloe.
"Your dad sounds…intense." Chloe remarks with a shrug. "No offense."
Aubrey just shrugs. "He's right though. If you don't know what your plan is, then you're just going to waste everyone's time. Including your own." She says. "I don't have time to waste time."
"Okay." Chloe nods, finishing up with her fries. "No time wasting. Got it. Though do you know what is a waste of time? Geometry." Chloe launches into a story about the math class at her old school and Aubrey listens attentively and even laughs in a few places. She's actually a little disappointed when the bell rings and they have to go back to their classes.
After third period ends, Aubrey shows Chloe to the chorus room and gives her directions on how to get to the buses from where she is now. "I have a Habitat for Humanity meeting right after school." Aubrey says. "Otherwise I would show you."
Chloe shrugs. "I think I can handle it. Thanks." She smiles and Aubrey can't help but notice how beautiful her smile is and how it makes her eyes sparkle. She turns away and hurries to her own class before she can wonder why she was noticing these things at all.
Once the school day ends, Aubrey goes to her meeting and listens assiduously as their advisor outlines their fundraising ideas and building schedule. She takes more notes than the secretary, which comes as no surprise to any members in the club. Aubrey is not only the president of the club but unofficially holds all the other positions as well to ensure that everything gets done properly. There are more than a few underclassmen who are pretty sure the club is going to fall apart when she graduates. There are also more than a few underclassmen who can't wait for her to leave.
After the meeting, Aubrey heads toward the student parking lot. She's surprised to find Chloe waiting outside on one of the benches, shivering in the chilly air. "What happened?" Aubrey questions, coming to stand in front of the redhead. "Were my directions not clear enough?" She's not a very good ambassador if she got her charge lost on the first day.
"No, they were fine. The chorus teacher wanted me to stay after to talk about my singing experience and I…guess I just missed the bus." Chloe explains, looking morosely out at the empty parking lot. "My parents are still at work so…" She shrugs. "My mom will just pick me up on her way."
Aubrey hesitates for a moment. She doesn't really have any homework that she needs to rush home for or any other commitments that require her time. "I…I can give you a ride home." She offers, sticking her hands into the pockets of her jacket so she doesn't wring them. It's a nervous habit of hers, one that her father is trying to get her to break. You shouldn't show your emotions on the outside, her father has told her time and again, if you have to be nervous, make sure no one can tell. Aubrey doesn't really know why she's nervous but she feels like she is anyway.
Chloe smiles at her. "Really? You don't mind?"
"No, it's okay." Aubrey assures her and she finds that she actually doesn't mind at all.
For some reason, Aubrey finds herself feeling a little shy as she gets behind the wheel. She's never given a classmate a ride home before or even hung out with anyone outside of school sanctioned activities. "Um…you can pick a CD, if you want." Aubrey suggests, pointing to the CD holder on the visor above Chloe's head. "Or…the radio." Aubrey's pretty sure that she's never been this unsure in her entire life. She's Aubrey Posen for God's sake. Self-assurance is practically her middle name. Apparently interacting with her peers is not the same as commanding their attention during meetings.
"What type of music do you like?" Chloe questions as she starts to go through the CDs. "I like the Dixie Chicks too! People back home used to make fun of me."
"That is just not acceptable." Aubrey smiles as she shakes her head. "Clearly those people don't know good music."
Chloe puts in one of the CDs and they sing along to "Wide Open Spaces" as Aubrey pulls out of the student parking lot. They stop their sing-along only when Chloe has to give Aubrey directions and it turns out that Chloe doesn't live all that far from Aubrey.
When Aubrey finally pulls into Chloe's driveway, she realizes that she's got a stupid grin on her face and she's not really sure why.
"You have a really nice voice." Chloe says as she unbuckles her seatbelt. "Do you sing?"
"Only in my car." Aubrey admits. "My father considers singing to be a waste of time. He also considers dance a waste of time, but he still allows me to take a dance class on Saturdays."
Chloe frowns a little. "I love to sing. After graduation, I'm going to move to New York so I can be on Broadway."
Aubrey gives her a quizzical look. "What about college?"
Chloe shrugs. "Maybe in New York. Who knows." She says this so flippantly, so easily that it doesn't make sense to Aubrey. She has no idea how it feels to be that nonchalant about something. For some reason, it's as appealing to her as Chloe's smile and Chloe's eyes and Chloe's laugh.
"Well…you have a really nice voice too." Aubrey tells Chloe. "So…I'm sure it'll all work out." It sounds stilted to her own ears and she hopes that her tone doesn't come off as bitchy.
Chloe smiles and nods. "Thanks for the ride, Aubrey. It was really nice of you." She opens the door but hesitates before she gets out. "Do you want…to come hang out? Watch me unpack? Not that that sounds very appealing…"
"Sure." Aubrey hears herself agreeing before she even considers the pros and cons. It is the first day of the semester, so she's technically already caught up on everything. Plus, no one has ever invited her over before. "I'd like that."
Chloe wasn't kidding when she'd said earlier that she hadn't bothered to unpack her things. Her bed is surrounded by a sea of boxes and furniture stuck haphazardly everywhere. One of the boxes is open and overflowing with clothes and there are more clothes on the floor. Aubrey's not sure how anyone can stand to live in this type of environment. It is definitely not conducive to getting anything done.
It should come as no surprise that by the time Aubrey has to head home for dinner, Chloe's room is almost perfectly organized and arranged. Chloe's pretty sure that she's never seen her room this clean before in her life. She's also pretty sure that's she never met anyone as efficient as Aubrey Posen.
From that evening on, Chloe and Aubrey become practically inseparable. This is a first for Aubrey, seeing as she's never had anyone to call her best friend before. She's not sure why, out of all the people at Pine Crest, that Chloe has decided to adopt her as a friend but she's really glad, whatever the reason. Having and keeping friends has never been a high priority for Aubrey; friendships in high school are ultimately meaningless because everyone will eventually go their own way and, as her father has pointed out on several occasions, friends don't help you get into college. Schools don't care if you've been popular. There's no spot on your application for the number of friends that you had. Schools want to know that you're a hard worker and dedicated to your education. This is a favorite refrain of Marc Posen's. Aubrey's been hearing it since the day she cried because no one came to her eighth birthday party.
But Aubrey figures that there's no rule against having just one friend. Aubrey looks forward to talking to Chloe every morning before classes and sitting with her at lunch and giving her a ride home everyday. Chloe doesn't seem to have a problem with waiting around after school for one of Aubrey's many club meetings to end and she also doesn't seem to mind having Aubrey as her geometry and AP Literature tutor.
Tutoring Chloe provides Aubrey with a perfect excuse for where she goes some evenings and weekends. She doubts that her parents would be very understanding if she told them that she was going to a friend's house Saturdays after dance class just to hang out. But if she has to go help tutor some poor academically challenged classmate, then that's a different story.
Not that her parents would notice if she was gone. Her father works late into the evenings most nights and her mother usually has some sort of commitment that she has to dedicate her time to. Aubrey's pretty sure most of these commitments involve the country club bar and a bunch of her other yuppie housewife friends but who is she to judge? Her older brother is away at school, so Aubrey finds herself home alone most nights, cooking dinner for one and quizzing herself on Latin conjugations.
At least now she has Chloe, who doesn't seem to find anything wrong with talking to Aubrey on the phone just hours after they've last seen each other and who texts her long after Aubrey has gotten into the bed for the night. Even though it's only been a little over a month since she's known Chloe, Aubrey's pretty sure that she could get used to having a friend like Chloe Beale in her life.
One of the things that Aubrey dislikes about participating in clubs and other activities is the fundraising aspect. It's annoying to have to convince her peers and community members to care about one cause or another and begging for money is just not her style. But, unfortunately, fundraising is a crucial part to any club, especially those focused on improving the community. Habitat for Humanity needs more fundraising help than any other club that Aubrey is involved in, so she finds herself dedicating most of her time to trying to come up with fundraising activities.
As Valentine's Day approaches, it's time for the time-honored fundraising tradition of selling carnations that students can send to their friends and significant others. Each flower costs a dollar and the club sells enough every year that account for a quarter of the funds that they need to help with their annual build. Aubrey has no idea why. She doesn't understand the appeal of getting or sending wilting flowers to your loved ones. Not that she has much interest in Valentine's Day anyway; it's pointless and designed to do nothing but encourage people to spend as much money as possible on useless things. And no, she's not just saying this because she's never had a Valentine before. But Aubrey would never suggest giving up the Valentine's carnation sales because of the amount of money it raises. Plus, she's pretty sure the student body would lynch her.
Each morning and during lunch, members of the club man a table in the cafeteria and sell the carnations and collect the personalized message slips. On the Sunday before the first day of carnation sales, Aubrey is at Chloe's house, enlisting the redhead's help in making signs advertising the selling of the carnations. Chloe's two little brothers, who are five and eight, are also involved, though their signs are little more than scribbles and hearts being drawn over and over again.
"We didn't do anything like this at my old school." Chloe remarks, coloring in one of the hearts that she's drawn. "We weren't even allowed to bring any Valentine's stuff to school. Our teachers said it caused too much of a distraction."
Aubrey nods. "I think that's a good idea. It is a distraction. School is about your education." The signs that she's been working on are a lot less frilly and holiday appropriate than Chloe's.
Chloe sticks her tongue out at Aubrey. "Ba humbug."
"That's Christmas!" Chloe's eight-year-old brother JJ chimes in, flicking a marker cap at his sister. "Duh!"
Chloe tosses a marker at him. "It still applies. Holidays are fun." She shrugs and goes back to her coloring. "I bet you get a ton of carnations." She remarks.
Aubrey scoffs and shakes her head. "Nope. I've never gotten one." She informs her friend. "They're nothing but a nuisance anyway. Having to carry them around all day, trying not to squash them. I don't understand why people want them."
Chloe just shrugs again. "It's fun." She says simply.
Well, Aubrey has very little interest in fun. But if it'll help raise money for the club then she can feign some enthusiasm.
On Monday, carnation sales prove to be as popular this year as they've been in the past. Even though Chloe's not a member of the club, she still hangs around the table in the mornings and when Aubrey has to man the orders during lunch, just so she can chat with her friend. Every day for a week, students have the opportunity to order flowers and send them to their loved ones. The quarterback of the football team orders twenty dollars worth of flowers to send to his girlfriend and Aubrey can't help but roll her eyes. At least the money is going to a good cause.
When it comes time to order the flowers and start making sure the messages and flowers are delivered to the right person, Aubrey assigns the underclassmen to the task. She's had enough to do with these stupid carnations. They can handle attaching the messages and organizing them by first period classes.
Valentine's Day is on a Tuesday and everyone seems to be in the holiday spirit. Girls are carrying around stuffed animals and roses and heart-shaped balloons and gushing about how much they love their boyfriends and very little energy is being spent on academics. Aubrey and Chloe's first period teacher even gives everyone a heart-shaped piece of chocolate as they come into class. Aubrey figures that Miss Saunders is probably the type of person who finds Romeo and Juliet romantic.
The day is further disrupted when the underclassmen members of Habitat for Humanity come to deliver the carnations. Everyone can barely contain their anticipation and curiosity, eager to see who is going to get a flower and how many (because, apparently, popularity can be measured by all things, including carnations) but Aubrey just continues reading ahead in Titus Andronicus.
Aubrey looks up, surprised, when one of the underclassmen lays a flower on her desk. "Yeah, I can't believe it either." He mumbles when he sees her confused look and quickly hurries away to deliver the rest of the flowers.
The carnation is light pink with a dusting of orange around the edges of the petals, easily one of the prettiest flowers that Aubrey has ever seen. The message simply states that the carnation is from a secret admirer and gives no more information for Aubrey to go off. It's as frustrating as it is surprising.
Chloe grins when she sees Aubrey's flower. "Ooh, you got one too. Who's it from?" She reaches for the note before Aubrey can answer. "A secret admirer! That's so exciting! I wonder who it is?"
Aubrey shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant. "Who knows. It's not important." Really, she's more annoyed than anything else. Who is this secret admirer? And if this person really liked her, why not just be straight forward and tell her instead of sending some stupid flower?
"Yes, it's totally important." Chloe argues. "Don't you want to know who it's from?"
"Well, you have flowers too. Who are yours from?" Aubrey questions, hoping that she can deflect the conversation topic away from herself.
Chloe has three flowers on her desk, but she doesn't seem to be particularly interested in them.
"They're actually all from Scott Tucker. He's in my chorus class." Chloe makes a face. "He's nice enough, I guess, but I don't really like him."
Aubrey tries to put a face to the name. "Oh, I know him. His brother graduated with my brother. He's cute." A little too rock-and-roll for her tastes but cute enough, she guesses.
Chloe shrugs. "I guess. There's just someone else I-"
Before Chloe can finish her comment, Miss Saunders calls the class back to order and they go back to reading the appropriately depressing and violent Titus Andronicus. Aubrey has always preferred this play to Romeo and Juliet anyway.
Before the end of class, Chloe passes a note over to Aubrey. Any ideas who your secret admirer could be? We have to find out! You should make a list of potential suspects.
Aubrey looks over at Chloe and makes a face. Chloe just points back to the note and mimes writing with a stern expression on her face. With a sigh, Aubrey rolls her eyes but tries to come up with a list anyway. She can only think of four people who could have possibly sent her the carnation: Jason Newlin, from her Calculus II class; Luke Pryor and Caleb Smith who are both members of Habitat for Humanity; and Justin Pickens, a junior that she tutors. Aubrey's criteria for being included on the list isn't very specific; these are pretty much the only guys she's talked to on a semi-regular basis for the past year.
When the bell rings, Chloe studies the list as though it's some all important historical document. "Okay, we'll have to investigate." She says decisively. "This is exciting, Bree, somebody likes you." She grins at her friend and nudges her with her shoulder.
Aubrey huffs out a breath. "Well, if someone does like me, why didn't they just tell me?" She arches an eyebrow. "Why not put their name on the paper?"
"Maybe they're shy." Chloe suggests. "Maybe your secret admirer is too nervous to tell you how they feel or they're worried about what you might say. Whether or not you like them." She shrugs. "Just because they didn't put their name down doesn't mean that they don't really like you."
Aubrey makes a thoughtful noise. "I suppose…" She looks down at the flower, with its pretty orange-tipped petals and she smiles a little bit. "I wonder who it is." She mumbles to herself, feeling the tiniest jolt of excitement as she considers the possibility. Maybe there really is someone who likes her, in spite of all the imperfections that her parents find in her.
"We'll find out." Chloe says determinedly. They've reached her American history class and they part ways, planning to meet again at lunch to consider Aubrey's list of possible suitors.
During her Latin class, Aubrey finds herself thinking more about the carnation than the verbs. She's never actually received a carnation before and she's definitely never had a secret admirer. The idea of the secret admirer definitely has some appeal; somebody who actually likes her, who thinks that she's worth spending time with and getting to know. Aubrey's never really longed for a boyfriend before and not just because her father made it perfectly clear that dating and personal relationships were forbidden and a waste of time. She's never really wanted to date any of the guys at school, never found herself missing that male attention or affection. But…maybe it's not such a bad idea after all. Someone to spend time with, who she can talk to and who can provide her with a welcome distraction from the pressures of her family. It does have some appeal.
At the beginning of calculus, Aubrey is able to rule Jason Newlin out. Apparently he sent several carnations to Sophie Parker in hopes that she would agree to be his girlfriend. She gives him a big kiss before class starts by way of an answer. Aubrey finds that she's not all that disappointed. Jason wasn't really her type anyway; he's a little too foppish and unmotivated for her tastes.
Chloe meets Aubrey in the library after the lunch bell rings and looks disappointed when Aubrey tells her about Jason and his new girlfriend. "Okay, well, then I feel bad because I have bad news too. I saw Justin on my way to geometry and he was holding hands with another girl. So I guess it can't be him either."
Aubrey shrugs. "He's just a junior. And have you seen his muscles? I think he takes steroids." She wrinkles her nose. "I've never been a fan of huge muscles anyway."
"So, that rules them out." Chloe shrugs. "It could still be one of the other two."
"Actually, now that I think about it, I think that Caleb is dating some girl who goes to Barden." Aubrey says thoughtfully, trying to remember if Caleb ever mentioned a girlfriend. Someone named Charlotte comes to mind. She feels bad for not really listening when other people talk. "It probably wasn't him. But I never really thought he was that cute anyway. He's just…" She struggles to put into words what it is that she doesn't like about Caleb. "Not my type."
"Maybe it's Luke." Chloe suggests. "It could still be him. Is he cute?" She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, a smile on her face.
Aubrey purses her lips thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess, but…he's just…tall."
Chloe arches an eyebrow. "You don't like him because he's tall?" She tilts her head, curious. Aubrey shrugs. "You know you've found something wrong with every single guy on the list."
"I don't even really know them!" Aubrey protests. "How are you supposed to know if you like someone that you've never really spent any time with?"
"Well, you imagine yourself kissing them." Chloe says with an air of authority. "That's what my friends back home said. If you imagine yourself kissing someone and you actually want to kiss them, then that means you like them." She tells Aubrey. "So, do you want to kiss Luke?"
Aubrey tries to picture herself kissing Luke. Or Justin or Caleb or Jason. "No." She shakes her head quickly. "I don't think so." It just doesn't fit.
For the briefest of moments, the expression on Chloe's face is indecipherable but it's gone in a flash. "So is there…anyone you could imagine yourself kissing?" She questions with a conspiratorial smile.
Aubrey's cheeks flush pink and she looks down at her largely uneaten salad. She's still not quite used to this girl-talk, she still hasn't completely adapted to the practice of actually sharing things with people and talking about things other than school and community service. But she likes talking to Chloe, she likes that Chloe doesn't want to talk about the things that her parents put so much importance on. It's a nice break.
"I don't know. I…haven't really thought about it." Aubrey looks back up at Chloe and finds herself blushing even more. But she realizes that she can't think of one guy in the school that she finds herself wanting to kiss. "What about you?"
"Yes." Chloe answers without hesitation. "But we're not trying to figure out who my secret admirer is." She sidesteps the topic before Aubrey can even think to ask her who it is that she wants to be kissing. "Who else do you think it might be?"
Aubrey just shrugs. "I don't know. It took me twenty minutes to even come up with those guys." She shakes her head. "It's okay, we'll never figure it out. It was probably just some sort of joke anyway. People don't like me." She means in a romantic sense, but the statement just sounds sad and pathetic. And not entirely untrue.
Chloe's brow knits. "Aubrey, that is not true." She insists.
The bell rings before this conversation can continue, much to Aubrey's relief. She doesn't think that she has to energy to convince Chloe that she's fine with not being liked, honestly, it doesn't matter. Friends aren't going to get her into Harvard. College admissions are not a popularity contest.
When Aubrey gets back to her calculus class, she sees her carination still sitting on her desk where she left it. She couldn't bring herself to put it on the floor with the rest of her stuff or in her school bag for fear that it would be crushed or ruined. Now it just seems like a stupid thing to care about. Aubrey picks up the flower and walks over to the trashcan, but she can't make herself throw it away. What if the person who sent it really did have sincere intentions? What if it's not a joke? What if there really was a person out there who found a way to like her when sometimes she can't even find a way to like herself?
At the end of the day, Aubrey still has her carnation. She doesn't really stand out in the sea of people going to their cars or to the buses because it seems that everyone has at least one flower held protectively close to their chests. But Aubrey still thinks that hers is the prettiest.
Chloe is waiting in their usual spot and smiles when she sees Aubrey. It's become reflex now for Aubrey to smile back. "So, any more ideas on who sent the carination?" She questions as they walk toward the parking lot.
Aubrey shrugs. "Nope. I think it might just remain an unsolved mystery." And honestly, she thinks that's okay. A part of her thinks that whatever the answer, she's bound to be disappointed.
Chloe makes a thoughtful noise but doesn't say anything more about it. In fact, she doesn't say much of anything as they walk through the parking lot and toward Aubrey's car. This, of course, strikes Aubrey as odd because in the short amount of time that she's known Chloe, she can't remember her ever being this silent for this long.
Before Aubrey can make sure that everything is okay with her friend, Chloe breaks her self-imposed silence. "What are you doing tonight?"
"I have calc homework. And I need to finish the essay for my Yale application." Aubrey answers.
Chloe arches an eyebrow. "Is the homework for tonight or are you working ahead." Aubrey's silence is all the answer that she needs. "Put it off. Come over tonight. It's Valentine's Day, we should watch cheesy movies and eat ice cream." She smiles at her friend. "Your parents won't be home right? You should totally stay over."
Aubrey opens her mouth to argue against the many faults in Chloe's plan. It's never a bad idea to get ahead on homework. And it is a school night, so they both need to ensure that they get a proper night's rest. But that's not what comes out. "Okay. That actually sounds like a lot of fun." Chloe grins and claps her hands together. "I'll take you home and then go by my house and get my stuff and then come back. Okay?"
Chloe nods. "I'll raid the house for ice cream and get all the cheesy movies that we own." She puts her hand on Aubrey's knee when the blonde gets into the driver's seat. "This is going to be so fun."
Aubrey smiles and her eyes flick down to where Chloe's hand is still resting on her knee. Chloe takes her hand away and busies herself with finding a radio station for them to listen to. Even though Aubrey knows it's stupid and even though she's wearing jeans, she feels like she can still feel the heat of Chloe's hand against her skin. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation.
Aubrey drops Chloe off with the promise that she'll pack her things in a hurry so they can get started with their Valentine's Day Best Friend Date (Chloe's words, of course). When Aubrey pulls into her driveway, her heart sinks. Her father's car is already there. Aubrey can't remember the last time that her father was home before she went to bed. There goes any chance that she had of going to Chloe's. Unless, of course, he's planning on returning to the office. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Marc Posen is in the kitchen, flipping through the morning's paper and sipping a glass of Scotch. He's not wearing his tie, which Aubrey takes to mean he's going to be staying for a while. Her heart sinks.
"Hello." Marc greets his only daughter with stiff affection. "How were your classes today?"
"Fine, sir." Aubrey tells him. She's trying to think of an excuse that would be acceptable to her father for why she had to leave and stay out all night. Unfortunately her mind is blank. "How's the practice?"
"Running smoothly. Just finished up with a big case actually. Thought I'd have dinner tonight with you and your mother." Marc tells her, turning the page of the paper.
Aubrey nods, putting her backpack in one of the kitchen chairs and setting her books on the table. "That sounds nice, sir." But not as nice as her girl's night with Chloe.
Marc sees the carnation resting on top of Aubrey's textbooks. "What's that?"
"Oh, just…it's nothing." Aubrey says dismissively. "To raise money for Habitat for Humanity we sell carnations for Valentine's Day and…" She shrugs. "It's nothing."
Marc looks surprised. "Someone sent you one?"
The tone of his voice and the expression on his face sting, though Aubrey's not sure why. She's sure that he doesn't mean to sound incredulous. He's probably going for curious and interested. Even if it doesn't exactly come out that way.
"No." Aubrey says. "I…it was an extra." For some reason it seems better to lie than to tell her father that it was given to her by a secret admirer. She feels like her father would have a hard time believing her.
Marc nods and goes back to his paper. Aubrey remains standing, so lost in trying to come up with some sort of reason to give her father for why she has to go to Chloe's that she doesn't even realize that she's just standing there, staring into space until her father clears his throat. "Don't you have homework to work on?" He questions, gesturing to the chair across from his.
Aubrey nods and quickly sits down, opening her calculus book and getting her binder out of her bag. She gets out her calculator and her pencils and sets them on the table and then when it looks like she plans to get down to business, she takes her cell phone out of her pocket and texts Chloe. My dad is home. He's not going to let me come over. I'm really sorry.
Chloe's reply is almost instantaneous. What?! Just tell him you're helping me study or something. You have to come!
Aubrey sighs and texts her friend back. She's pretty sure it would be impossible to explain how badly she wishes that she could go to Chloe's. He won't let me stay. Maybe we can do something this weekend? I'm really sorry. I was looking forward to coming over.
It's okay. Chloe texts back. Aubrey hates feeling that she's disappointed her one and only friend. Unfortunately feeling like she's disappointed the people that matter to her is a pretty common feeling. Aubrey, I have something I really need to tell you. A second text comes seconds later.
Before Aubrey can send a reply, Marc clears his throat and Aubrey's head snaps up. "That doesn't look like homework." There's no missing the hint of disapproval in his tone. He holds his hand out, gesturing for Aubrey to hand over the phone. "If you can't figure out how to eliminate the distractions for yourself, then I'll have to do it for you."
"Sir-" Aubrey starts to protest.
"Now, Aubrey." Marc says, his tone even more stern than before. "There's no conversation in the world worth putting you school work off for."
Aubrey begs to differ. But she knows that all the arguing in the world won't convince her father to let her keep talking to Chloe. As she hands the phone over, it chimes again and Aubrey has to fight the urge to rip the phone out of her father's hands to see the text. She's dying to know what it is that Chloe has to tell her. She knows that it's ridiculous but she feels like she could hear the seriousness in Chloe's tone, even if she wasn't actually speaking. She hopes that everything is okay with her friend.
"You can have your phone after dinner." Marc says when he sees the expression on Aubrey's face. "I shouldn't have to reprimand you like a child, Aubrey, you're a senior in high school."
With a sigh, Aubrey sits back down and picks up her pencil. "Yes sir." She mumbles and starts working on her homework in an effort to keep herself from focusing on Chloe's text messages. If her father catches her daydreaming again there's no telling when he'll let her have her phone back.
Aubrey is still working on her homework when her mother finally comes home and starts dinner. Even though the entire Posen family is in the kitchen, they barely exchange five words of conversation between the three of them. Aubrey reads ahead for English, Marc types out e-mails on his Blackberry and Gwen Posen focuses on preparing dinner. Aubrey forces herself not to react when she hears her phone go off twice more. She knows that it has to be Chloe because no one else bothers to text her.
Dinner time conversation is just as infrequent and Aubrey forces herself to answer all the requisite questions about school and college applications even though she just wants to talk to Chloe.
Aubrey clears the table without being asked and loads the dishwasher and hand washes whatever isn't dishwasher friendly and when the kitchen is spotless and her schoolwork is packed back in her bag, she gives her father a hopeful smile. "May I have my phone back, sir?" She questions in a tone that she hopes won't sound too whiny to Marc.
Marc looks at her for a moment and Aubrey briefly worries that he'll find some excuse to continue to hold onto her phone. Put he finally reaches into his pocket and hands it over to her. Aubrey picks up her carnation and retreats up to her bedroom and shuts the door behind her, sitting down on the edge of her bed and opening Chloe's three text messages.
I sent you the carnation today.
Aubrey…are you there? Aubrey?
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Just…forget I said anything. Okay?
For a minute, Aubrey just stares at her phone. She's not sure how to respond to Chloe's confession. She sent the carnation? Why? Was it a friendship thing? Then why write that it was from a secret admirer? And why would Chloe go through all that trouble to ask her about the different guys who might have sent it if she knew the whole time that she'd been the one to send it? Was it all some sort of joke after all?
Aubrey lets herself feel annoyed instead of confused or hurt. Annoyance and anger are useful emotions because they suggest a course of action. She can confront Chloe and get the answers to the litany of questions that just ran through her mind. But confusion and embarrassment, those are emotions that she doesn't know how to deal with or get rid of.
Aubrey goes back downstairs and walks into the kitchen. Her mother is working on a crossword at the dinner table but her father is nowhere to be found. Excellent. "I forgot I needed to pick something up for a Key Club meeting tomorrow." Aubrey tells her mother, making up the lie as she goes along. "Can I run to the store?"
Gwen nods. "Just hurry. You can't be out too late on a school night."
It's barely eight o'clock, but Aubrey doesn't point this out. She just gets her car keys and gets while the getting is good. She drives to Chloe's house and parks alongside the curb and marches up the walk and knocks on the front door. She can hear a clamor of voices coming from inside the house and then the door is yanked open and Will, Chloe's youngest brother, is standing on the other side.
JJ comes rushing up seconds later and looks disappointed when he sees Aubrey standing there. Aubrey's not sure who he was hoping to see on the doorstep. "Chloe!" JJ shouts over his shoulder and Aubrey winces. That kid has a set of lungs. "Aubrey's here!"
Will and JJ continue to hang around in the doorway and Aubrey continues to stand on the welcome mat, trying not to feel awkward about being kept outside, until Chloe walks up. She gives JJ a push. "Go away." JJ sticks his tongue out at her before grabbing Will and tugging him back into the living room. Chloe purses her lips and then gives Aubrey an uncertain smile. "Hi."
"We need to talk." Aubrey says.
Chloe nods and gestures for Aubrey to follow her up to her room. Even though being face to face with Chloe makes it a little harder for Aubrey to remember exactly why she was so frustrated and upset in the first place, she forces herself not to lose focus.
"Why did you send the carnation?" Aubrey questions once Chloe shuts and locks the door behind them. "And why didn't you just tell me that it was from you? Why did you waste all of that time talking about all of those guys and making me think it was one of them when it was you?"
Chloe doesn't respond. She opens and closes her mouth a few times but she ultimately remains silent, toying with the bracelet on her left wrist. Everything that she wants to say, the explanation…it's all lodged in her throat.
That's when Aubrey realizes that she's got it all wrong. All her anger, her embarrassment and annoyance…it all disappears suddenly, deflating and leaving…what in its place? Something better and calmer. Relief. And maybe a little bit of excitement.
Aubrey takes a step toward Chloe. "Did you mean what you said earlier? About why the person who sent the carnation wouldn't put their name on it?" She can hear Chloe's words in her head as clearly as if she had spoken them right now: maybe your secret admirer is too nervous to tell you how they feel or they're worried about what you might say.
Chloe nods. "Yes. I…I should have just told you. But I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know if you liked me…like that. I didn't know if you liked any of those guys or any guys and I wanted to see what you would say about them and I…" Chloe's cheeks are red and she can't bring herself to look Aubrey in the eye. "It's so stupid."
"It's not stupid." Aubrey protests, taking another step toward her friend. She's realizes that she's wringing her hands but she doesn't bother to try and stop herself. "I…just didn't…what you said in English class today…you like me?" Her tone is incredulous and she's unable to figure out why that statement could ever be true.
Chloe laughs and shakes her head, finally looking up at Aubrey. "Yes, you idiot." She rolls her eyes at Aubrey. "Though that, right there. That tone of voice, that's exactly why I like you. You honestly have no idea why anyone would." She shakes her head again. "You're my best friend. But I thought maybe…there might be…something else?" Chloe looks at the blonde. "I'm sorry. I'm really bad at this."
Aubrey starts to shake her head and then she stops, smiling a little bit. "Yeah. I am too." She shrugs. "I'm…just bad with all of it. I'm bad with people. I'm sorry."
Chloe gives her a quizzical look. "Why are you apologizing?"
"I…I don't know what to say." Aubrey admits, looking at Chloe helplessly. "I can't think." She can't figure out why her head is a jumble of thoughts and why nothing seems to be making sense right now and she feels nervous like there are giant butterflies beating against her rib cage and why arm her palms sweating? And why is her mouth so dry?
"I like you Aubrey." Chloe says, swallowing and continuing to fiddle with her bracelet. "If you don't like me that's fine. I understand. We can just pretend like this whole thing never happened and everything can just go back to the way that it was before but I just…I wanted you to know. I like you."
Aubrey isn't sure what to say. It's like she's at a complete loss for how to put all the thoughts in her mind into words that actually make sense. She wonders if this is what she's overheard the girls at school talking about: the fluttering feeling, the confusion, the uncertainty that comes with being with someone that you're crazy about. Is this what it's like to have a crush on someone?
Aubrey thinks about Chloe's advice earlier in the day. How you should picture yourself kissing someone to decide if you like them or not. It didn't make sense when she thought about kissing Justin and Jason and all those other guys today. Her cheeks grow pink when she thinks about kissing Chloe. But…it fits.
Chloe clears her throat and looks away, apparently having decided that Aubrey's silence can only mean one thing. "Okay." She nods, turning toward the door. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
Aubrey reaches out and grabs Chloe's elbow, turning her so they're face to face once more. She presses her lips against Chloe's and the gesture is awkward and uncoordinated and their foreheads bump together and it's not at all how Aubrey thought her first kiss would be. She wishes she could start over. She wishes that she could make it perfect.
Chloe laughs and Aubrey feels her embarrassment increase. She looks down at the floor to avoid looking at Chloe. "Sorry."
"I wasn't ready." Chloe tells her, smiling. "Try again." But instead of waiting, she takes Aubrey's face in her hands and kisses her and Aubrey feels heat spread through her chest and into the very tips of her fingers and down into her toes. She can't help but think oh. Now I get it.
Chloe is still smiling when she pulls back. "There. Much better." She brushes a lock of hair behind Aubrey's ear.
Aubrey wrinkles her nose. "But it wasn't perfect." She frowns. "We should try again. Until we get it right."
Chloe nods solemnly. "That could take all night." She can't keep herself from grinning.
"Well…I sorta lied to my parents so I could come see you. So I think we've probably got about fifteen minutes before they engage the GPS tracking on my phone." Aubrey frowns. Not exactly the type of thing you hear in a romantic comedy. Katharine Heigl has it easy.
"Aubrey Posen, I had no idea that you were such a rebel." Chloe teases. She gives her a quick peck on the lips. "Maybe you should go. So you don't get in trouble."
Aubrey's lips still tingle from Chloe's all too brief kisses. "I think it might be worth it." She leans in for another kiss.
Yep, definitely worth it.
end.