Since we get everything in Piper's point of view in the actual show, I wanted to try something new and explore Alex's view.
Look at her. Really look at her. Take in her flaws and realise that these are the best parts of her. How can her flaws come together and build something depicted as flawless? Perhaps this is all me, my mind and my eyes - merging together my ideas of Piper with actual Piper. Except I know it's not because she really is that perfect.
Deeply inside my heart, something small and irritating hates her: despises her. I am ashamed that this part of me exists but how can I blame myself? My mother died and she bailed on me. She took it upon herself to drag her hand down my throat, into my guts and pull out my beating heart - blood and all. Greediness is her forté: just like death. How fitting.
In other news, I absolutely love the way her body feels with mine: it's as though we were built together and then torn apart only to stumble into each other time and time again because that's how fate says it goes and that's how it goes. Maybe it's impossible for us to work because we are so fitting, maybe that's why it didn't work and maybe it can't ever work.
Curving my unworthy body to fit with her lithe body, tears spring to my (already bloodshot tired) eyes. Suddenly, we are in our twenties again, hearts heavy with each other and careless - mostly naive. We always thought it would last forever: I mean how can you blame us? Our love was (and still is) strong, binding in fact: it couldn't just end! Except it did.
It ended and so did any ounce of control I ever had.
Although maybe, she has it - my control - with the part that she took with her as she left. I'm not quite sure what part of her I have, but all I do know is that I have a live and important part of her and that must count for something.
I blame myself for Piper's unhappiness in here. Yes, she's in my arms for me but would she be crying, would she even be here if I hadn't grassed her up? Feeling the cold tears from her bright, striking eyes on my now damp clothes drives me uncontrollably angry because I don't know what to do to help. Hell, I don't even know why she's crying.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" I didn't mean to say it out loud. It slipped. Sometimes being around Piper overwhelms me and my body, tainting and infecting my body in lust, love and feelings. This is certainly her forté too.
"Because I deserve it." Whispers her sweet, broken voice. With these few words, she manages to break my heart, my soul and my body.
My mouth unhinged. Unable to make a noise - any noise - from my mouth, I resorted to dragging fires on her skin by lightly grazing the tips of my fingers with her skin. Why couldnt this be enough to take her pain away? Why can't I be enough?
I am suffocating in both bliss and euphoria, in both dystopia and tragedy.
Just like every other story and crazy reasoning out there by stereotypical people and film characters: I didn't mean to fall in love with her; she was an accident. A great big bloody beautiful mess of an accident.
"You know Piper, I let you borrow my heart, yet you've never given it back. Not that I'm complaining." I don't know what I meant behind these words that seemed to offer and volunteer themselves out but I do know that I meant something.
All I got from her was a very reassuring yet weak squeeze from her hand to mine. I longed for more of her but didn't deserve any part of her.
"Stop crying." I said. "Suck it up." I had had enough. I couldn't take any more of her unhappiness and being harsh was the only way I could act at that moment thanks to my body's rage.
She stopped. Her breathing hitched and she sucked it up. She sat up and she looked me in my eyes with a rather hurt look and she started to say something but stopped. Taking a deep breath, she proceeded to standing up - presumably to leave but before she could take a step, I mumbled, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I just-" I closed my eyes and buried my face into my palms. "I can't stand to see you so upset because of me."
Like bacon to my nose and relief to my heart she opened her mouth to say with her beautifully broken voice, "I'm not unhappy because of you Al." She let out a small peal of laughter followed by a sniffle before continuing. "You're so stupidly insecure sometimes." At this, she took her hands and placed them on both sides of my face, lightly grazing. Instantly, adrenaline rushed through every nook and cranny in my body. "I'm not even slightly unhappy because of you! In fact, if you can find a small ounce in me that is even remotely happy, I can assure you that it's because of you. You're all that I'm holding on too Alex. Don't you ever forget that."
Meeting her eyes sent shivers through my body. It was so hard not to just close the gap in between us and let my tongue dance with hers. "Do you remember when we met? In that bar?" I asked.
"Mhmm." She smiled and closed her eyes, as though reminiscing back to the memories.
"Yeah, just like that... you showed me your smile, and went straight for my heart. You had it from the moment you smiled. You had it."
Harmonically and together, we laughed. A big joyous and beautiful laugh. I'm here to stay (even for a while) even if she isn't: Piper's release date is approaching with every breath I take, but it doesn't seem to slow with every breath I try to delay. Time is against us, but when is anything ever for us?
Love me, I'm ready. These words on my tongue are just a claim away. Why I love you, I'll never know.