Danny's POV:
'Hey Dougs. Are you feeling bet-' I said, running into Dougie's bedroom with a glass of water and some painkillers, as he'd been up the past two nights and all of yesterday throwing up, nicely polished off with a migraine. I stopped myself short when I noticed Dougie crying.
'What's up mate? Have you been sick in your bed again?' I asked sympathetically, walking over to him.
'No..' He muttered slightly.
'What is it then Dougs? Is your stomach hurting?'
'My head hurts..' He moaned.
'Aw, It's okay Dougs, you've only had the migraine for a day so it won't go till tomorrow, it'll get better though.' I said comfortingly, shuffling over the bed and hugging him.
'No.. I just didn't tell you.. I've had the headache for weeks. It's getting worse and worse but now it's just too much to bare.. I don't know what's wrong with me Danny.' He sobbed, hugging me back.
'Why did you not tell us Dougs? You might be really ill.. It's not normal to have a headache for that long.' I said worriedly, putting my hand against his head and realising that he was boiling hot.
'I'm just scared.. I don't want to die..' He cried into my shoulder.
'Ssh Dougs, you're not going to die, you just need to calm down and get your head checked out. There's nothing to worry about, it's just to make sure you're safe.' I soothed, rocking him slightly on my knee.
'No because my family has a history of cancer and my dad died of a brain tumour and my grandad only survived because of chemo but he was in so much pain and both of them only started with headaches and then they were sick and then they had seizures and I.. I'm just so scared.. I don't want that to happen.. Please don't make me go Danny.' He stuttered, bursting into more tears and hugging me tighter.
'Please calm down Dougie. I'm going to go and get Tom and Haz and we'll take you to get checked out, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about Dougs, you'll be fine.' I said comfortingly, slowly pulling away from the hug and leaving the room, quickly finding the other guys.
'We need to take Dougs to hospital!' I said hurriedly once I found them.
'Why? He's just ill, we're looking after him.' Tom asked sounding confused.
'No he's just told me that he's had the migraine for weeks but he's only told us now because he's scared because his family has a history of brain tumours and his dad and grandad both had one and they both started with headaches and being ill and then his dad ended up dying and he's really scared. Please can we just take him to hospital? I'm worried about him guys, what if its something serious?' I asked them, my voice quivering with worry.
Dougie's POV:
'I remember when my friend from America, Li, had a family where it was similar to Dougie's with the brain tumours but only the women got it. His grandmother and his mother, then his sister." Tom choked over his words as the memories came flooding back.
'She died at 15.' He bawled as he covered his eyes and nuzzled his head into Harry's chest.
'Ssh mate its okay. Right, we've got to get him to the hospital, as far as we know, even though we don't want to hear it, he could be dying up there.' Harry said, gently rubbing Tom's back. I felt my heart stop. I was dying. I instantly panicked and fled, my breathing going heavy and the sick feeling in my stomach growing. I kept running once I was out of the town, ending up on a beach with huge rocks all around it. I climbed up to the highest of the rocks and curled up in a hole that 2 of the boulders created, hiding from all of my problems, wanting all of this to just be a dream.
Harry's POV:
We rang the hospital and they agreed to see Dougie straight away so we went upstairs to get him.
'Dougs, we've booked you in at the hospital, just for a che-' I said as we walked in, stopping myself when I realised Dougie wasn't in there.
'Is he in the bathroom? He might be throwing up again?' I asked, starting to get a little concerned. The other two shrugged and so we all walked down the corridor to the bathroom. I knocked on quietly.
'Dougs? Mate? You in there?' I asked quietly, getting no response. I walked slowly inside and found that he wasn't there either.
'Shit.. Where is he? Has he run off?' Danny asked worriedly.
'He must've done. Tom, you ring the police and let them know he's missing and that he's ill and then we'll go and look for him.' I said quickly, trying to sound serious. I had only just finished when Danny's phone rang.
'Dougs! Where are you?!' He asked quickly while he put the phone on loud speaker.
'Danny.. It hurts.. I'm scared..' He sobbed from the other end.
'Where are you Dougs? What's happened.' Danny asked again as we all left the house and got into Tom's car.
'On the rocks on the beach.. It hurts to be sick..' He replied, his response being broken apart with loud sobs and retching sounds.
'We'll be there in a second Dougs, try as hard as you can not to be sick, try to keep yourself calm.' Danny soothed as we drove to the beach. We got there within 20 minutes after breaking every speed limit that existed. We walked around for a little while before we finally spotted Dougie on the top of a huge stack of rocks, leant over throwing up. We ran over and climbed up.
'Dougs.. You scared us so much.. Are you okay?' Tom asked quickly.
'No.. It hurts.. I've been sick too much..' He sobbed in reply, shuffling over to Danny and crying into his shoulder. They stayed like that for around 15 minutes before Dougie suddenly pulled away, holding his head and crying more.
'Dougs? What is it?' Danny asked quickly.
'My head... It hurts..' He practically screamed out in pain before I noticed blood begin to drip from his nose. He seemed oblivious to it and so I leant over to wipe it away.
'Come here Dougs..' I said gently, wiping away the blood with my thumb.
'Harry I can't feel anything.. Why can't I feel anything? Harry I'm scared.' Dougie said worriedly, his hands beginning to shake.
'Harry I can't see you? Danny? Tom? I can't see anything.. Help me.. Please help me.. I'm scared what's happening to me?!' He asked a second later, his whole body trembling slightly. Before any of us had the chance to try and help him, his whole body began shaking and jerking around madly and he fell back onto the floor.
'Shit! Shit he's having a seizure. What do we do?' I asked worriedly, taking hold of Dougie's small hand.
'Tom, call an ambulance!' Danny shouted, trying to keep Dougie's body still. Tom did as he was asked and the ambulance got to the beach within 15 minutes of us calling them. We got their attention and they quickly climbed up to where we were.
'Can you tell us what's happened? Or what might have brought this on?' The paramedics asked us quickly, securing an oxygen mask onto Dougie's face and covering him in a blanket.
'He thinks he might have cancer! He's had a headache for months and he's been throwing up and now this is happening and his dad and grandad both had cancer!' Tom said worriedly, looking between the paramedics and Dougie. They didn't reply however they quickly put Dougie onto a stretcher and got him down to the ambulance.
'Do one of you want to come with us?' They asked quickly once Dougie was inside.
'Danny, you go, you're the one he'll want to see most if... I mean, when he wakes up.' I said quickly, mentally cursing myself for slipping up. Danny nodded and hopped into the back before the ambulance sped off.
Tom's POV:
Me and Harry jumped in our car and rushed off to the hospital behind the ambulance. We got there just 5 minutes later than the ambulance and sprinted inside. We saw Danny sitting in the waiting room, head in his hands, and knees pulled up to his chest.
'Danny? What did they say? Where is he?' Harry asked worriedly as we ran over. Danny looked up at him, face tear-stained and frightened.
'They've taken him away for tests... They don't know if he's going to be okay..' He said weakly before he started crying again.
'It's okay Dan, please don't cry, we'll help him through whatever is going on and we'll make him better. Okay?' I said comfortingly to Danny, receiving a nod in reply. We then just sat there for over 6 hours, waiting for at least a shred of good news about our littlest member.
'Friends and Family of Dougie Poynter?' The doctor called out after almost 7 hours.
'We're here!' I shouted, sitting up with the other two.
'I'm Tom Fletcher, that's Danny Jones, and that's Harry Judd. We're his band mates and his best friends.' I carried on, making sure that the doctor knew who we were.
'Are none of Dougie's family members coming?' The doctor asked us as he came over and sat in front of us.
'He doesn't talk to his mum anymore... And his dad passed away a while ago... We're all he has.' We told him quietly, to which he just nodded before carrying on.
'Boys, I'm not going to build up to this too much, because it is what it is, and it can't be changed. Your friend Dougie, he can't be helped. He's got a brain tumour, and it's inoperable. It's been there too long and has taken over too much, I'm so sorry, there's no possibility of getting him out of this alive.' He told us sympathetically. We all just froze, none of us reacted for at least 2 minutes, before it finally hit us all in one clean blow and we broke down, sobbing onto each others shoulders and clinging on to one another for dear life.
'I'm so sorry. He's awake now, if you'd like to see him, but eventually, you're going to have to tell him that he's not going to make it through this.' The doctor warned, but still with a sorry tone to his voice. He went to walk off, but Danny stopped him.
'D-Doctor?' Danny stuttered, causing the doctor to turn around.
'Yes Danny?' He asked in a soft voice.
'H-How long does he have?' Danny asked in a shaky voice.
'I'd say... About 7 weeks... I'm so sorry.' He replied, causing Danny to burst straight back into floods of tears.
'Please could you show us where he is?' Harry asked shakily afterwards, receiving a nod in reply off the doctor. We all stood up and followed him to a room, wiping our faces free of tears on the way.
'He's just in there. His body has been put under a lot of stress so he won't be able to talk too much but he's on quite a few painkillers so he should be quite peaceful. I'll see you boys later.' The doctor told us kindly before walking off. We entered the room slowly to see little Dougie lay in the middle of the bed, looking so small and vulnerable. He was sleeping and his little thumb was resting inside his mouth, showing the child he really was. The sound of the door shutting seemed to wake him from his slumber and he sat up, smiling weakly at all of us.
'Hey Dougs.' Harry said softly as we all sat in chairs around Dougie's bed.
'Hello.. Missed... You..' He stuttered, his voice croaky and hoarse.
'We missed you too Dougles!' Danny giggled, choking back tears as he ruffled Dougie's hair.
'How.. Long.. Been?' He asked weakly.
'We've not seen you in about 7 hours Dougs. That's the longest we've been apart since you joined the band.' Harry told him, keeping his voice fun and cheerful so we didn't scare Dougie just yet.
'When... Go... Home?'
'Soon Dougs I promise. We're just going to keep you in the hospital just for tonight so we can be sure you're okay.' I said to him, knowing that we'd be allowed home once we'd told him, as there was nothing that the hospital could do for him anyway except scare him.
'Sleepy.. Now..' Dougie mumbled sweetly, snuggling into his bed sheets.
'You sleep Dougs, we'll be here when you wake up, I promise. Sweet dreams kid.' Harry said gently, wrapping Dougie up in his quilts and lightly kissing his head. The moment his head hit the pillow, he fell asleep, and we allowed ourselves to sleep as well, happy that he was peaceful and not in pain.
Harry's POV:
I was woken up at around midnight by painful retching sounds. I looked across to the bed and noticed Dougie, leant over being sick on the floor. I quickly grabbed a cardboard bowl and ran over to him.
'Come on Dougs, be sick into this instead. That's it Dougs, good boy.' I soothed, holding it under his chin and stroking his hair back out of his face. He stopped throwing up after around 5 minutes and I put the pot into the bin.
'Are you okay? Is your head hurting or anything?' I asked gently, still stroking his hair to keep him calm. He shook his head and lay back down.
'Try to sleep again Dougs, night mate.' I said, placing a light kiss on his forehead. I then went to sit down but he stopped me.
'Harry?' He called out weakly.
'Yeah Dougs?' I asked quietly in reply.
'Stay.. My bed.. Sleep... Me.. Please..' He muttered, trying to find the strength to form proper sentences. I just about understood what he meant and climbed into the bed beside him, wrapping him safely in my arms.
'I'm right here next to you Dougs, sleep now mate, you're fine with me.' I said, to which he nodded before resting his head on my chest and falling asleep. I fell asleep beside him and I then wasn't woken up again till 9.30.
'Hey Haz, do you want any breakfast? They've said we can have a sausage sandwich or just toast.' Danny said to me, in a quiet voice as I'd just woken up.
'I'll just have toast please. Oh, and the floor needs cleaning, Dougie was ill last night.' I told them, suddenly remembering what had happened.
'It's okay, we noticed earlier and the cleaners came and fixed it. But the doctor gave us some news aswell... We're not allowed to go home unless we tell Dougie that he's never going to get better. We can't leave until we've done that.' Tom said, sounding sad and depressed.
'Maybe we should wake him up then, get it out of the way so we can get him home and he doesn't have to be scared in here.' I offered, and they both nodded. I gently shook Dougie's shoulder and he began to wake.
'Morning Dougs. Are you feeling any better?' I asked quietly, not wanting to be too in his face. He responded with a small nod and I smiled slightly to him.
'Dougs.. We have some news for you... And we're not allowed to go home until we've told you. So you have to be a very strong boy okay?' Danny asked gently, taking one of Dougie's little hands in his own muscly ones. Dougie replied with a nod again and we all huddled closer around him.
'You see Dougs, you were right about what was wrong with you. You've got a brain tumour.. But it's inoperable.' I told him, feeling tears stinging my eyes. He looked at me confused, showing me with his eyes that he didn't understand what I meant.
'The tumour.. It's hurt your head too much already.. You're not going to get better Dougs..' I said to him, my voice cracking on the last few words and letting a couple of tears run down my cheeks.
'B-But... Chemo?' Dougie asked quietly, tears welling up in his eyes.
'It wouldn't help Dougs, it'd only hurt you more. But you're really strong, we know you are, so you can get through it. Please don't cry, you can get through the pain.' I said supportively, stopping myself crying immediately.
'I-I don't want to die..' He spluttered, bursting into floods of tears.
'Please calm down Dougs, please don't cry.' I said softly, but he didn't listen. He worked himself into such a state that he ended up being sick, having worked his body too hard. When he'd finished being sick, he managed to stop crying.
'You're so brave Dougs. We'll be here for you forever, I promise. Do you want some breakfast?' I asked him, hugging him close to me again.
'No.. I'm not hungry.. Want home..' He stuttered, and so we just nodded. Tom left the room, returning after a couple of minutes and telling us that we were free to go. We got Dougie changed back into his clothes and led him out of his room, only to be stopped by a doctor.
'Hey boys, I've got Dougie's medication here for you. I've written the correct dosage on the box so you don't have to remember them all. You've got two large boxes of each which should last you two weeks and then I'll get more sent to your local chemist.' He said, passing us a bag full of several packets and boxes. We took them off him and left the hospital, taking Dougie back home. When we got back, we took him inside and he just walked straight up to his room, not speaking to any of us. We assumed that he was just letting the news sink in, but once he still hadn't come down after 3 hours, we went to go and check on him.
'Dougs? Are you okay in there?' I asked quietly, knocking on his bedroom door. He didn't reply and so we walked in. Thankfully, we saw him sleeping peacefully in his bed, thumb in his mouth once again. We walked over and I tucked him further under his quilts, making sure that he was warm and comfortable, before we sat in chairs around his bed again.
'Why did it have to happen to him?' Tom asked sadly.
'Why does it ever have to happen to anyone?' I replied, causing the other two to lapse into silence. We then sat there for the next hour, just thinking about our best friend, before he began waking up.
'Hey Dougs, are you okay?' Danny asked with a faint smile.
'I feel poorly... I think I might be sick..' Dougie slurred, still half asleep and very weak from having been so pumped full of drugs at the hospital. I picked him up in my arms and walked him through to the bathroom, sitting him in front of the toilet. It wasn't until he began being sick onto the floor, that I thought to realise that he was too weak to turn himself to face the toilet. Luckily, Danny was already crouched beside him and managed to lean him over the toilet bowl. Once he'd finished, we took him back into his bedroom and Tom went to clean the bathroom. Me and Danny lay him in his bed, covering him fully in his quilts, only to have him kick them straight off.
'What did you do that for Dougs?' I asked him, still keeping my voice gentle.
'Too hot... Too hot!' He moaned, getting louder every time he said it.
'Okay Dougs, calm down, it's okay, please stay calm.' I soothed, folding his quilt up at the end of his bed.
'I'm too hot.. I'm burning, I'm too hot Harry!' He screeched, writhing around in his bed.
'Ssh Dougs, ssh it's okay. Calm down, it's okay.' I carried on, but he continued kicking and flailing his arms around in pain. I went to stroke his hair to calm him down a little, but as I put my hand against his head, I realised that he did in fact have an abnormally high temperature.
'Danny, keep trying to calm him down, I'm going to get some cold towels and some water.' I said quickly to Danny before leaving the room. I ran to the bathroom and got three cold towels in a bowl of freezing cold water before running downstairs and getting an ice pack. I then sprinted back into Dougie's room and put the ice pack on his forehead. He instantly began to calm down a little, and as I began dabbing at his face with the cold towels, he let out a content little sigh. Within 10 minutes, he was back to normal, and he was lay peacefully against his pillows again.
'Do you want your quilt again Dougs?' Danny asked softly.
'No thank you.. Fletch.. I want Fletch.' Dougie replied, leaning back further into his cushions.
'I'll call him Dougs, you try and rest until he comes round though, make sure that you've had enough sleep, yeah?' I said to him. He nodded in response and closed his eyes. We watched him for a little while until his breathing went slow and steady, showing us that he'd fallen asleep. I then called Fletch and he agreed to come over in half an hour. Me, Danny and Tom sat around talking until he arrived, and then we went downstairs into the lounge and talked there so that Dougie could sleep for as long as his body needed.
'Hey Fletch... We need to talk to you... It's really really serious. It's going to make a whole lot of difference to the band.' Tom said once we were all sat down in the lounge.
'Why? What's happening?' Fletch asked worriedly, so Tom took a deep breath before telling Fletch.
'It's Dougie... We took him to the hospital because he'd been really ill, but he had tests done and they found a brain tumour... And it's inoperable. The doctor told us he only has like 7 weeks left..' He explained, a few lone tears running down his face by the end of it.
'Oh my gosh.. That's horrible.. Does he know?!' Fletch asked worriedly, with tears brimming in his own eyes.
'Yeah.. We had to tell him in the hospital or they wouldn't let us go home... He's scared Fletch.' Danny said, now with even more tears pouring from his eyes.
'I know, but we'll help him, right till the very end, we'll be here to make him feel better. We have to stay strong for him.' Fletch told us, a hopeful tint to his voice. We all nodded strongly and wiped away our tears, knowing that we had to be as happy as we could for Dougie. We then sat discussing how to tell the fans before we heard soft, slow footsteps coming down the stairs. I shot up out of my chair and ran to help Dougie, seeing, once I got in the hallway, that he was struggling. I took hold of his hand and put my arm loosely around his back and helped him take baby steps into the lounge.
'Fletch!' He said happily when he saw our manager sitting on the sofa. It was nice seeing him so happy, as his whole face lit up with a smile.
'Hey Dougs! I'm so happy to see you!' Fletch replied, obviously trying hard not to cry as he stood up and hugged Dougie tightly.
'I missed you. Love you Fletch.' Dougie said sweetly into his shirt. They stood hugging for a few moments but then, with no warning, Dougie's legs went from under him and he collapsed in Fletch's arms. Fletch lifted him up and lay him on the empty sofa, covering him with a blanket and surrounding his head with cushions.
'Let's let him sleep, he needs his rest if we're going to be telling the fans tonight.' Tom said before we all went and sat in the kitchen.
Dougie's POV:
I woke up on the sofa, not remembering when I'd even fallen asleep. My head was stinging and I had a terrible shooting pain in my stomach. I would have tried to sleep again to get rid of it, but I'd come to terms with the news now, and I wasn't going to let it bring me down. I'd decided that for the rest of my life, however little amount of months that might be, I would live normally, as if nothing had happened. I sat up on the sofa and slowly stood up, walking into the kitchen as I could hear my band mates voices.
'Hey Dougs, come on, you sit here and I'll get you a drink.' Harry said to me, standing up from his chair. I smiled weakly at him, thankful that I didn't have to walk anymore, as for some reason I was completely zapped of energy. I sat down and Harry brought me over a hot chocolate, knowing it was my favourite.
'Are you feeling any better?' Danny asked me hopefully.
'Much.. But my head's hurting again and I still feel a bit ill.' I said in reply, sipping on my drink. Danny smiled at me and Tom walked over with a bag full of my tablets. He pulled out 9 tablets, a couple from every box, and lay them in front of me, before writing the time down on a piece of paper.
'You have to take them Dougs, a couple of them will help get rid of the headaches.' He told me, and I just nodded before swallowing a couple of tablets with each gulp of my drink I took.
'Good boy Dougs, you'll feel better once they kick in.' Danny smiled at me, and nodded back to him.
'Dougie.. We were thinking of telling the fans soon.. Like maybe tonight... But it's up to you.' Harry told me, a slightly sad look on his face.
'That's a good idea.. Twitcam?' I asked, and they all nodded.
'Should we do it in like half an hour? Because the tablets will have kicked in by then so I won't be in pain but it still won't be so late that nobody will watch.' I asked, trying to make it so that we could tell as many of our fans face to face as was possible.
'That's a great idea Dougs... You're so strong you know, and so so brave, we're proud of you Dougs.' Danny said to me, pulling me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him and breathed heavily into his chest, fighting back tears. The other two joined our hug and we stood there for around 5 minutes, just enjoying each others company. We would have stayed for longer but I felt a sudden rush of nausea hit me and I ran to the sink, being sick just a moment after I got there. Tom came and rubbed my back as I threw up and I could sense the other two standing behind me. I managed to stop myself being sick after just a minute or two and I sat back down, having lost a lot of the strength I'd built up.
'Are you okay Dougs? Do you still feel sick?' Harry asked worriedly, passing me a glass of water.
'I'm fine, honestly. Just tired..' I told them, feeling my eyes go a little heavy.
'Do you want to do the Twitcam now? And then you can sleep?' Tom asked, to which I nodded. They helped me walk up the stairs and we sat on my small bed, in my small bedroom, in our not so small house. I loved my bedroom, it was the smallest in the house, but yet still held the most memories. We hung out in my room more than any other and the room was covered in various Blink-182 posters, as well as marks of when we'd had indoor paintball fights. Tom pulled my laptop from my desk and got twitter up in a tab. We stayed on my account and set up a twitcam that was ready to go live in 5 minutes. Each of us then tweeted that there was going to be a twitcam in 5 minutes in which we would announce our biggest news yet. We waited until it hit 8.30 and then we clicked the button. Instantly, the viewer count shot up, and within minutes, we were being seen by millions.
'Hey Galaxy Defenders!' Tom smiled at the camera as we all sat around, looking as happy as possible for the fans.
'Now we're not here for long, but we have a huge announcement. It's going to affect the future of the band massively, and it is by no means certain that we will come out of this as strong as we are now. Today, Dougie got back from hospital after we'd taken him in there yesterday. We took him in because he suffered a seizure.' Tom explained into the camera. I could feel myself going light-headed and a little numb but I disregarded it as I knew I had to be strong for the fans.
'He was put through many tests and the end result wasn't one that we wanted to hear. He was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour, and he's not going to get better...' Tom continued, choking on his words and trying hard not to burst into tears there and then. By this time, my whole body was tingling and I couldn't feel a thing.
'Dougie, your nose is bleeding. Do you feel okay? Can you still see us?' Harry asked worriedly, putting his hand to my face. I could feel my whole body tensing up, and just as everything went black, I saw a single tear run down Danny's face.
Harry's POV:
'Crap! It's happening again! Danny get him lay down!' I said as Dougie began shaking uncontrollably. Me, Tom and Danny managed to get him lay down on his bed just before the seizure took full force and he lay writhing in his bed, body jerking madly. We knew that we couldn't do anything apart from let the fit take it's toll. We turned Dougie onto his side and covered him with a couple of blankets before just sitting beside him and attempting to calm his body down. Eventually, he stopped fitting and lay peacefully in his bed, so we put him back into a comfortable position and left him to sleep.
'Wait.. Did we leave the camera on?!' I asked, suddenly remembering what we were doing when the fit came on. Tom grabbed the laptop from the end of the bed and, sure enough, the Twitcam was still live with comments like, 'I'm so scared! Is Dougie okay?! Does he have to go to hospital again?!' and 'I'm crying so much! I can't believe this has happened to you of all people! Will Dougie stop fitting?!' still showing up at the side.
'I'm so sorry you all had to see that. It's just a side effect of the tumour and we can't tell when the seizures are going to come on. Dougie will be okay now, he needs his rest more than anything though so we're going switch off now. Thank you so much for all of the support we know you're going to give Dougie over the next few weeks and we'll see you soon. Bye..' Tom said to the audience before switching off.
'I'm so glad that's over..' Danny mumbled, and it was only then that we realised that he was crying.
'Oh Dan.. It's okay.. We'll get through this, I know we will. We're the 4 best friends in the whole wide world and coming to terms with this is going to be hard, but it's gonna happen eventually. If Dougs is managing to stay strong, then we should too. It's the least we can do to help him. So no tears. Not till it's over. Okay?' I said supportively, receiving small nods and mumbles in reply. It was around 15 minutes later that Dougie woke up.
'Hey Dougs.. Are you okay?' I asked once his eyes were fully open.
'Hurts..' He mumbled.
'Where are you hurting Dougie?' I asked him quietly.
'Muscles.. And bones...' He carried on, a couple of tears rolling down the side of his face.
'It's okay Dougs, don't cry, it'll get better soon. You know why it hurts don't you?' I asked him, making sure that he hadn't forgotten so we had to tell him again.
'Fit... Seizure... Twitcam..' He slurred, and I nodded.
'That's right Dougs, but it'll get better soon. Do you want to sleep again now?' I asked quietly, gently stroking his hair. He nodded and closed his eyes before falling asleep in my arms.
1 week later, 6 weeks left:
Danny's POV:
I was sitting in the lounge on the sofa when I heard a loud sob come from upstairs. I shot straight out of my chair and ran up to Dougie's room, as I knew that he was the only other one in the house. I ran in through the door to see Dougie being sick with blood gushing from his nose. I hurried over to him and got one of the small cardboard dishes for him to be sick into before rubbing his back soothingly.
'Ssh Dougs... Don't cry... It's okay just try to calm yourself down. That's it, you're doing so well Dougs..' I soothed, sitting beside him as he was sick. He managed to stop himself throwing up after about 5 minutes and he shuffled over onto my knee.
'Let me clean up your nose Dougs.' I said to him, grabbing a tissue and gently wiping away the blood from around his mouth. Once he was clean, he rested his head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him.
'Its worse today... It hurts more..' He mumbled, wrapping his small arms around my waist.
'I know Dougs, but you'll feel better by tomorrow, and we can go for a walk somewhere. Does that sound like a good plan?' I asked him softly.
'Yeah.. I like going out. Can we go to the ice cream shop?' He asked happily, a small smile appearing on his face.
'Of course we can Dougs. Sleep now though. Come on, I'll take you into my room and get your bed cleaned later. Are you okay to walk?' I asked him gently, but he shook his head.
'I can barely even stand..' He muttered, so I lifted him up in my arms, carried him through to my bedroom and lay him under my covers.
'Are you comfy Dougs?' I asked once he was tucked in. He nodded before his eyes fluttered shut and he fell into a peaceful sleep.
1 week later, 5 weeks left:
Harry's POV:
'Dougs? Please come out? We just want to know you're okay.. You don't have to come to the interview if you don't feel up to it..' I said softly through the bathroom door, as Dougie had locked himself in there.
'I'm not coming out.. I look horrible..' He mumbled in reply, but I pushed on.
'No you don't Dougs, come on, please come out. What's brought this on?' I asked him, confused as to why he'd suddenly gotten this idea. He didn't reply but I heard the lock click and he slowly shuffled out of the bathroom. He had his head down and he was kicking the floor nervously.
'Why do you think you look horrible Dougs?' I asked quietly, so he raised his head to look at me. He had a heat rash covering the majority of his face, caused by another one of his constant hot flushes, and his skin was red raw from where he'd been scratching it.
'Does it hurt a lot Dougs?' I asked worriedly.
'No.. But I look ugly... People are going to stop liking us..' He muttered, so I pulled him into a soft hug.
'You look fine Dougs honestly. And if it bothers you that much, then you can get it covered with make-up. Now come on, we've got that interview on Paul O'Grady.' I said supportively, taking hold of his hand. We left the house with Tom and Danny before driving to the studio. We got there within 40 minutes and were taken backstage quickly. The make-up artists managed to make Dougie's rash almost unnoticeable and we were taken on stage after about 10 more minutes.
'Hey boys!'
'Hiya..' We replied to Paul, one of our favourite presenters to have interviews with.
'Are you all feeling okay? How have you coped with the news?' He asked gently, obviously understanding that it was a difficult subject for us.
'Just with each others support. And Dougie has been really strong as well, so that's amazing. He's not feeling his best today so we'll be doing a lot of his talking for him.' Tom replied to him, smiling slightly. We managed to get through the rest of the interview pretty smoothly, but around 5 minutes before we were due to go off, Dougie tapped me on the arm.
'What is it Dougs?' I whispered to him, not wanting to draw him any unneeded attention.
'Feel poorly..' He slurred in a whisper, his head drooping a little. I recognised the look on his face and I could tell that he was going to be sick, so I butted straight into the current conversation.
'I'm really sorry to cut in. Dougie feels ill so I'm just going to take him off for a minute. Sorry..' I said quickly to them before standing Dougie up from his chair. His legs were too weak for him to stand and so I picked him up bridal style and carried him backstage. One of the crew rushed over with a bucket so I took it from them and held it under Dougie's chin. He began being sick after about 2 minutes and thankfully, for once, he was only sick a couple of times.
'Can we go back on? So I can say goodbye?' He asked weakly once he'd finished. I nodded and picked him up again, walking back onto the stage with him in my arms. I sat him back in his chair once we got there and perched on the sofa beside him.
'Are you okay Dougie? You didn't have to come back out, you could have rested.' Paul said kindly.
'I'm fine... Had to say goodbye to the fans... Not fair to let them down.' Dougie muttered. He was hard to understand, but everybody seemed to, and the entire audience clapped.
'I'll let you boys go. You're so strong lads, especially you Dougie, and I know I can speak for everyone by saying we're all extremely proud of you. Bye boys..' Paul said with a proud smile, tears welling in his eyes. He stood up and shook each of our hands before leading us off stage. Dougie fell asleep in the car on the way home and we were all just glad that he wouldn't have to be in pain for the rest of the night.
1 week later, 4 weeks left:
Tom's POV:
'Where do you wanna go Dougs?' I asked Dougie cheerily, pushing him along in his wheelchair. Everything seemed to have changed over the past week and he could now barely stand without his legs going from under him. He couldn't really be left alone and he needed one of us to help him do things like get dressed and go to the toilet.
'Can we go back home please? I need to shower..' He said weakly and so I turned him around. I pushed him back through the park we'd been walking through and he relaxed back into his chair. By the time we got home, he'd fallen asleep, and so I lifted him out of his chair and lay him on the sofa, being careful not to wake him. He was getting easier and easier to lift up and carry, as he was finding it harder to eat and was losing weight rapidly. We'd tried to get him to eat more but it just made him ill. He woke up after about half an hour on the sofa and I crouched down in front of him.
'Hey Dougs.. Do you still want that shower?' I asked with a smile. He nodded so I picked him up and carried him up through to the bathroom. I got his shower to the right temperature before helping him to get undressed. Once he was out of his clothes, I helped him get in to the shower and then I stood right outside the curtain incase anything happened. He'd been in there for around 5 minutes before I heard him call my name and then a huge bang erupted from the shower. I quickly pulled open the curtain to see Dougie, collapsed on the floor of the shower, naked and dry retching. I switched off the shower before helping him to sit up and lifting him up out of the shower. I held him in my arms as he cried and cried, his tears and wet hair soaking through my shirt. I threw a towel over his legs and stomach to cover him up, before carrying him through to my bedroom and sitting on the bed with him on my knee.
'Ssh Dougs, it's okay. Is anywhere hurting?' I asked him softly, bobbing him up and down slightly on my knee.
'M-My arm...' He stuttered, putting his arm out slightly. I saw a long bruise beginning to form, obviously from where he'd hit it against the shower rail. I placed a light kiss on it, knowing there was nothing I could to to stop the bruise appearing.
'It'll get better soon, I promise Dougs. You're safe with me.' I told him, still gently rocking him. He nodded a little and rested his head down on my shoulder, sniffling a little. We sat there, me just hugging him to calm him down, for a little while, before I sat him up slightly.
'Should we get you into some clothes Dougs?' I asked with a small smile. He nodded and so I helped him into a pair of boxers before walking him back through into the bathroom. I dried him off a bit more with a towel before getting him into his t-shirt. Just as I was about to put his trousers on him, he shuffled away a little.
'What is it Dougs?' I asked, confused.
'Toilet.. Need toilet..' He muttered, stepping towards me again.
'Come on then Dougs.' I said with a small smile. I walked him over to the toilet and he lowered his boxers down a little. I turned away as he went to the loo, but I still kept hold of one of his arms incase his legs went funny again. Once he was finished, I helped him into his trousers and flushed the toilet for him, before helping him back to his bed.
'Have a nice sleep Dougs, I'll see you when you wake up.' I said softly, before his eyes fluttered closed and he fell into a gentle slumber.
1 week later, 3 weeks left:
Harry's POV:
I was out for a walk with Dougie, when we stopped at a nice spot where Dougie could rest. We sat there talking and eating, both of us smiling as Dougie hadn't been ill yet today and he was feeling much better. We'd only been there for around 15 minutes, when I overheard part of a woman's conversation that made me full of anger.
'Those two boys.. They've been there for absolutely ages! And the blonde one in the wheelchair has absolutely no reason to be there, both of his legs are fine and he seems happy enough! Honestly.. People these days.. The amount of looks he's getting, you'd think he was dying!' She said in an overly posh voice. It was clear that Dougie hadn't heard her and so I told him to stay put, before I stormed over to the lady.
'I just heard every last word you said and I'll have you know that 'the blonde one in the wheelchair' is my best friend who was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour and who has an estimated 3 weeks left of his life.' I spat at her and her friend, wanting them to apologise for what they'd said.
'I do apologise.. I didn't kn-' She said before I cut her off.
'I get that you didn't know... But next time, don't judge people. Because he is 15 and he is being incredibly strong right now so he doesn't deserve to have comments like that said behind his back!' I carried on to them, before stomping off back over to Dougie.
'Sorry about that Dougs... Just some annoying old ladies thinking they know everything.' I said to Dougie with a smile, calming right down so I didn't worry him at all.
'Thank you Harry..' He said sweetly, trying to move himself over onto my knee. I stopped him incase he hurt himself, before lifting him carefully out of his chair and placing him on my lap.
'What on earth for Dougs?' I asked happily, as he rested his head against my shoulder.
'Just everything.. I really love you..' He said, letting out a content little sigh as I sat back and wrapped my arms around him.
'I love you too Dougs, I don't know how I'm ever gonna live without you.' I told him, feeling tears welling in my eyes. I gently kissed his head as a single tear dropped off my cheek and onto the ground.
'Come on, lets get you home, it's getting chilly.' I said softly after about 20 minutes of just sitting there. He didn't reply and so I looked down to see he'd fallen asleep against my chest. I placed him carefully back into his chair before wheeling him home, enjoying the views, and knowing that he'd be out of pain for at least a little while now.
1 week later, 2 weeks left:
Danny's POV:
All of us had gone out for lunch at a little cafe in town, as Dougie hadn't been out in about a week. We sat eating, Dougie only being able to manage a tiny portion, before deciding to stay a little longer and just have a few drinks. Around 30 minutes after we ate, Dougie began to look tired before he sat up suddenly and waggled his arm to get our attention.
'What is it Dougs? Are you okay?' I asked quickly. He was too weak to reply properly, and all I could hear from him was small groans and intakes of breath. He tried about 6 times to tell us what was wrong, but then his head dropped and he started being sick into his lap. I quickly pulled one of the small cardboard pots from the back of his wheel chair and held it under his chin. He went on throwing up for a few minutes after that until he finally managed to calm his body down and stop. Most of the people in the restaurant were being sympathetic and trying to help us out, one even coming over with a glass of water and another rubbing Dougie's back, but one woman wouldn't even give us a glance.
'Eurgh.. Take him inside.. I don't want to see that when I'm eating..' She spat at us, and so I shot her a glare before walking over.
'Sorry lady... If you don't like it then you go inside.. It's not his fault he's got a brain tumour!' I hissed at her before walking back over to Dougie. He was crying by the time I got back and his nose had started bleeding. I crouched down in front of him and gently wiped the vomit from around his mouth with a tissue before grabbing another one and trying to stem his nose bleed.
'What's the matter Dougs? Is your head hurting? Or your tummy?' I asked softly, moving a strand of hair from his face.
'I didn't mean to make her angry.. I'm so sorry...' He sobbed loudly, gaining the attention of almost everyone in the restaurant.
'Ignore her little guy, she just doesn't understand how strong you are. You don't have to apologise for being brave.' Another man in the restaurant said to Dougie, coming over and ruffling his hair.
'Yeah, she was only angry because she's a bit of a grumpy old woman. Don't you listen to a bad word that anyone says about you. You're worth a million of her.' Somebody else joined in. Soon enough, everyone in the restaurant had said something kind to Dougie, and the woman who had been mean to him left. Dougie giggled slightly as everyone cheered at her leaving.
'There's that smile..' Harry said happily as Dougie did a cute little smile, showing all of his teeth.
'Lets get you all clean Dougs.' I said softly to him, and he nodded slightly. I took him inside and into the toilets before leading him into a cubicle and locking the door. I helped him to get out of his now sick covered jeans and grabbed a new pair from the bag we'd brought out with us.
'Do you need a wee or anything Dougs?' I asked him, so that he wouldn't have to tire himself out anymore than he needed to after getting his pants back on. He nodded weakly and so I helped him get his boxers down before seating him on the toilet and turning away. A minute later, I felt a small tugging on my shirt and so I turned around and helped him stand up and get back into his boxers. I then got him into the new pair of jeans before flushing the toilet and getting him out of the cubicle. I then sat him back in his wheelchair and made sure that he was comfortable before taking him outside to our table again. Everyone then went back to their business and we sat drinking our drinks again. Dougie was only sick once more after that but then he was fine, and he seemed cheerier than he had done in a while. He eventually fell asleep so we finished our drinks before I went to pay.
'We have a blanket you could borrow if he needs one? We never use it and I don't want him getting more ill.' A man said to us, standing up from his chair and walking over.
'Are you sure? We'd hate to be a bother..' Tom said to him, shaking his hand.
'Honestly, we've had it 10 years and I think we've used it once. I'll just get it for you.' He said kindly, running back to his table and routing in his rucksack. He pulled out a large checkered blanket and ran over to us with it.
'Thank you so much, you're so kind. We really do appreciate it so much.' Tom said, taking the blanket from the man and passing it to me. I lay it over Dougie, tucking it tightly around his small frame, but being gentle enough that I didn't wake him.
'Its no problem. You keep it lads. I'll see you around some time.' The man smiled to us, so we each shook his hand before saying another thank you and heading off home, happy that we'd managed to show Dougie that not everyone was going to be horrible about his cancer.
1 week later, 1 week left:
Tom's POV:
'Ssh Dougs.. Please don't cry... I know it's scary but it'll be okay... It doesn't change anything... We just thought you deserved to know..' Danny soothed to Dougie, who was now in hysterical tears as we'd just told him how long the doctor assumed he had left.
'B-Bu-But that's only 7 days... A-And that's not long...' He sobbed, hugging Harry tightly, as Harry rocked Dougie on his knee.
'I know Dougs but we'll make them the coolest 7 days ever, and you can go to all your favourite places, okay?' Harry asked softly, receiving a tiny nod in reply. Dougie then wiped the tears from his cheeks and did a brave little sniffle, pulling slightly away from Harry.
'Well done Dougs. You're so brave buddy and we're so proud of you. Nobody's ever going to forget you.' I told him, knowing it was true, and knowing that he would forever be seen as an inspiration to young people.
6 days later, 1 day left:
Danny's POV:
'I don't want to go to sleep!' Dougie screamed, tears flooding down his cheeks, throwing his pillow across the room. He hadn't wanted to sleep at all since we'd told him he only had a predicted week left to live. He was terrified that he might go to sleep and never wake up.
'Please don't do this Dougs, you must be knackered, you've not slept since yesterday.' I said, walking over to the door and grabbing his pillow, putting it back behind his head, trying to coax him into sleeping.
'I'm not tired... I don't want to sleep... I want to stay awake...' He sobbed desperately, kicking his duvet off his body.
'Listen Dougs, I'll lie here next to you and then when you wake up, I'll be right here, and you'll be safe. And I'll keep you safe while you're sleeping as well. Okay?' I asked him calmly, laying next to him in his bed and pulling the quilt up over us both.
'Do you promise you won't leave?' He asked with a small sniffle.
'I promise I'll be here forever Dougs. Sleep now though. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning, I promise.' I said softly to him, hugging him close to me and feeling him fall asleep beside me. Not long afterwards, Harry and Tom came and lay beside us, and we all fell asleep, happy that Dougie was calm.
8 hours later:
Harry's POV:
I woke up in Dougie's bed, next to Danny, hugging him close. I looked across to the other two and smiled slightly, seeing that they were both sleeping peacefully like Danny, smiles across their faces. The small shred of happiness left me however, when I noticed that Dougie's chest wasn't moving. I sat up further and shook Danny and Tom awake quickly. They both looked at me confused but I just leant over Danny and took Dougie's arm in my hand. I took a deep breath before moving my fingers over the pulse spot on his wrist. I felt around, but there wasn't a beat anywhere, and so I dropped his arm again and slumped down on the bed.
'Harry... Harry please say something...' Danny begged me, looking from me to Dougie with scared eyes.
'He's not in pain anymore... It's over... He can be peaceful now..' I said to them, knowing they'd understand. Danny just broke down into tears beside Dougie while Tom seemed frozen with shock. I just sat there, tears running silently down my face. And then we just stayed. We didn't move for at least 2 hours, Each of us leaning on each other for comfort. After that time, we knew we had to tell somebody, so we dragged ourselves out to the car and drove to the first place we could think of. My mum and dad's house. We knocked on the door and my brother, Thomas, opened it. He smiled widely at us but once he saw the tear tracks on our faces, the smile dropped from his mouth. He led us all into the living room and got us all a coffee, before getting the rest of my family into the room.
'Harry? What is it sweetie, what's happened?' My mum asked worriedly.
'Dougie... He... He's dead...' I spluttered, bursting out crying again. She ran over and took me tightly in her arms, knowing how upset all three of us were. All of our parents understood that after Dougie's mum had abandoned him, he'd become like a brother to us, and we'd been his only family.
'Ssh baby, it's okay, he's at peace now. Just think, all of the pain is over, he can be happy.' She soothed, sitting in between me and Danny on the sofa and gently rubbing our backs.
'I-I broke my promise...' Danny mumbled after about 10 minutes.
'What promise Dan?' I asked quietly, sniffling a little.
'I-I promised him that I'd see him in the morning and that he'd wake up and that he'd be able to see me..' He sobbed, curling into a ball, pulling his knees to his chest.
'Its okay Danny. Listen sweetheart, none of you could have known when it was going to happen. You mustn't blame yourselves, you've got to stay strong and stay together.' My mum said supportively, taking hold of Danny's trembling hand. We all nodded slightly and my mum gave us a small smile.
'Is he still at your house boys?' My dad asked quietly once we'd all managed to compose ourselves.
'Yeah... We came here because we didn't know what to do...' Tom told him, eyes still glassy.
'Well I'll take two of you back and Thomas can take the other and then we'll call the doctors when we get there. Come on, lets get you home. Are you all okay to walk?' My dad said, putting his hand out to help us up. Me and Tom both nodded and stood up but Danny sat shaking his head.
'Are you okay Dan?' I asked him, getting slightly concerned, feeling that same fatherly feeling I always had when I looked after Dougie.
'I-I can't walk... I can't feel my legs.. They've gone like jelly..' He stuttered, keeping his head down.
'Come on Dan, I'll carry you. Are you ready?' I said, stepping towards him. To my surprise, he shook his head and flinched away.
'I can't go... I feel poorly..' He said with a scared tone to his voice, keeping his knees pulled to his chest.
'Do you think you're going to be sick Dan?' I asked him gently, crouching down in front of him and noticing that his face had turned a pale white colour. He nodded slightly and so I took hold of his hand.
'We're not leaving without you Dan. Come on, I'll take you to the toilet.' I said softly, standing him up from the sofa. He walked with baby steps through to the bathroom, and when we got there, he just sat in a heap in front of the toilet, knowing what was going to happen. It took about 5 minutes, but eventually, he started being sick into the toilet, throwing up all of the emotion that he'd been hiding over the last few weeks. I sat with him as he was sick, gently rubbing his back, knowing that he was now the youngest of us, and we had to protect him. He managed to calm himself down and stop throwing up after about 15 minutes, but he still leant over the toilet, obviously not sure of himself.
'Come on Dan, lets get you home.' I said quietly to him, supporting him as he stood up on shaky legs. I flushed the toilet and helped him to walk back downstairs and into the lounge.
'Are you okay Danny?' My mum asked him, passing him a glass of water. He nodded a little and took a sip of the water before putting it down onto the table.
'One sec.. Let me get you a new shirt Danny and we'll wash that one for you.' My brother said to Danny with a sort of half smile on his face.
'W-Why?' Danny asked shakily.
'You've just been a bit sick on that one, that's all. It's okay though, you can borrow one of mine and I'll bring that one over tomorrow.' Thomas said kindly, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a clean one of his shirts. I looked to Danny and noticed that he did in fact have vomit down the front of his shirt, and so I helped him out of it and put it carefully on the counter. Danny got into the fresh one and mumbled a small thank you before we decided to head off. Tom and Danny went in my dads car and I went with Thomas on the way back to our house. We were only about 5 minutes from home when dad's car pulled over and Danny shot straight out of it, running down a hill that was by the side of the road. We pulled up behind them and I looked down the hill to see that Danny was being sick again. I ran down to him and rubbed his back as he was sick, trying to comfort him a little. He managed to stop after around 10 minutes and I gently wiped his mouth with a small tissue.
'Are you okay Dan?' I asked him quietly.
'I can't believe he's gone... I loved him Harry...' He sobbed to me, and so I pulled him into a hug.
'I know Dan.. We all loved him...' I said to him, gently rubbing his back.
'No.. I really loved him.. I was going to ask him to be my boyfriend but then we found out about the cancer and I just couldn't do that to him...' He cried, burying his head into my chest.
'Oh Danny... It's okay.. You'll find another guy and you'll fall in love all over again. It'll be hard to get over losing Dougie but he's not going to be in pain anymore. Ssh, Danny, I know how strong you are, everything is going to be alright.' I soothed to him, now understanding why he'd been so much more affected by losing little Dougie. He just nodded and I helped him walk back up to the car, where my dad was waiting with a bottle of water for him. He quickly washed out his mouth before handing the bottle back.
'Tom?' He asked quietly just as Tom had gotten into the car.
'Yeah Dan? Are you okay?' Tom asked gently in reply.
'Am I allowed to sit on your knee on the way home? I don't want to be on my own..' He asked timidly, looking down at his feet.
'Of course you are Dan. Come on, lets get you back.' Tom replied kindly, sitting Danny on his knee and hugging him tightly. My dad then shut the door before the rest of us all got back into the cars. The ride was pretty silent after that but when we stopped, Thomas turned to me with a sorrowful look on his face.
'You were like his dad weren't you?' He asked me. I nodded slowly before just completely breaking down in tears. I felt a hand rub my back comfortingly as I sat with my knees pulled to my chest, head resting on top, crying my eyes out.
'Ssh Haz it's okay. It'll be hard but you'll get through it, we all know you will. Come on, don't cry, the other two need you.' Thomas said supportively, still rubbing circles on my back. I tried as hard as I could to stop, but I couldn't find the strength to do it. After a little while, I heard my car door open and I heard Danny say something to me. I didn't hear what it was at first, and so he repeated it for me.
'I need you Harry... I love you... We can't do this without you..' He mumbled. Somehow, that gave me strength, and I managed to wipe away all of my tears and stop myself crying. I got out of the car and dragged myself into the house, taking a deep breath before walking up to Dougie's room. When we walked in, every one of us just stopped. We'd expected Dougie to look different when he'd died, but he didn't. He just lay there, thumb resting in his mouth, with a peaceful smile gracing his face. I choked back a sob as we walked closer and looked at his little face, so young and innocent. My dad stepped forward and lay Dougie more flat in his bed, before Danny walked over and tucked Dougie's quilts how Dougie used to like them being. Dad then called the doctors and they arrived, along with two policemen, within a few minutes.
'Name: Dougie Poynter. Time of Death: 12.18 PM.' The doctor said out loud after checking for Dougie's pulse in numerous places. A coroner was then called and he lay Dougie out on a stretcher before covering him in a blanket and putting him into the back of a large van. The entire time, I just stood and held Danny as he cried, not wanting to see the person he loved being taken away on a stretcher. He was sick on my chest after a few minutes and so I led him through to the bathroom and sat him in front of the toilet again. He wasn't sick as much this time and managed to stop throwing up after just a couple of minutes.
'I'm really sorry Harry.. I didn't mean to be sick on you..' He sniffled, looking at me with huge, guilty eyes.
'Its okay Dan, don't apologise, I know you didn't mean to. Are you okay? Do you think you're going to be sick again?' I asked him softly. He shook his head in reply and so I helped him to stand up before getting Tom to take him downstairs as I changed shirts. We didn't know what else to do after everyone had left, and so we just sat, huddled together on the sofa, watching films that were Dougie's favourites. We did that all afternoon before deciding to go up to bed. Me and Tom tucked Danny into bed and stayed with him until he fell asleep, knowing that he didn't want to be on his own. We then wished each other goodnight before departing to our own bedrooms and going to sleep, trying to regain any shred of the strength we'd lost on that day.
Tom's POV:
I woke up the next morning, still feeling tired and depressed after yesterday's events. I decided to go and check on Danny, as he'd taken it a lot worse than me or Harry. I walked into his room, expecting to see him sleeping, only to find that he wasn't there. I walked over to his bed and saw that Danny was nowhere to be seen. I left his room and went to the next place I knew he'd be. Dougie's room. I opened the door and saw him wrapped up in Dougie's quilts, sleeping peacefully and hugging Dougie's favourite teddy tightly. I could hear Harry awake downstairs and I looked at the time to see that it was almost 12'o'clock, so I decided to wake him up.
'Danny? Danny it's time to wake up... Morning Dan..' I said to him, shaking him lightly to wake him up.
'Tom..' He mumbled, rolling over in the bed to face me.
'Yeah Dan?' I asked him quietly.
'I had to see Dougie.. I'm sorry..' He mumbled tiredly, just as I began stroking his hair back out of his face.
'I know Dan. It's okay, lets go and have some breakfast.' I said soothingly, pulling the quilt back off his body. He got up out of bed and we went downstairs and met Harry in the kitchen. Harry looked like he was ready to fall asleep right there and he had bags under his eyes. His face was pale and he almost looked ill.
'Morning Haz.. Are you okay?' I asked him quietly, but he just stared at me for a second before he burst out crying.
'Hey, hey, it's okay. Why are you crying?' I asked, running over and giving him a soft hug.
'Dougie came up with that nickname for me..' He sobbed, covering his face with his hands. It wasn't like Harry to get upset this easily, and I could tell it was because of tiredness.
'How much sleep did you get last night Harry?' I asked him gently as he began to calm down a little. He just shrugged and so I thought of a different way to find out.
'What time did you fall asleep?' I asked him.
'I dunno.. About 11.30..'
'And when did you wake up?' I asked, receiving nothing but a mumble in reply.
'What did you say Haz?'
'About midnight...' He muttered, pulling away from the hug slightly.
'Go back to bed Harry, you need to try and sleep a little bit more.' I told him softly.
'I can't sleep.. I don't want to sleep..'
'Oh for fucks sake Harry! What's next?! Are you just going to not wake up one morning?! Because we'd be a whole lot better off if you just went and killed yourself!' Danny screamed at Harry, running forward to hit him. I managed to hold Danny back, but it was too late, and Harry ran off up the stairs, crying his heart out. I sat Danny down on a kitchen chair and crouched down in front of him.
'Listen Dan, I know it's hard, but you can't take your anger out on Harry. What you just said to him was really mean, and you know that it was uncalled for. You wouldn't be able to cope if he wasn't around and you know it.' I said to him, deciding not to shout and scare him.
'But he's trying to be like my Dougie..' He sobbed, large teardrops starting to roll down his face.
'He's not Dan, he's just upset like us. He didn't not sleep so that he could be like Dougie, he did it because he's scared but he doesn't want to admit it by having a nightmare.' I told Danny calmly, wiping the tears from his cheeks with my thumbs.
'Are you sure?' Danny asked unsurely, stopping himself crying quite quickly.
'I'm sure Dan. Now come on, lets go and see if he's okay.' I replied to him, to which he nodded and stood up from the chair. We walked up the stairs and followed Harry's cries to the bathroom.
'Harry? Are you okay?' I asked through the door.
'I didn't mean to upset him.. I'm sorry.. It hurts Tom I don't like it..' He stuttered in reply.
'What hurts Harry? What's happened?' I asked him gently. He didn't respond but the door clicked open and he popped his head round, looking even paler than before.
'What's happened?' I asked again, stepping slightly towards the door. Once again he didn't respond, but he put a little blood covered razor into my hand.
'Harry.. What the hell have you done?' I asked him, literally scared for his life.
'He told me to.. I just wanted to make you both happy..' He cried, pointing to Danny, who now had an incredibly guilty look plastered on his face.
'Show me what you've done Harry..' I said to him, more firmly than I should have done, raising my voice slightly. He let out a scared little whimper before he pulled his arm out from behind his back and showed it to me. There were scratches all the way up and down it, causing blood to just gush onto the floor. He took a glance at his own arm and looked just about ready to pass out, so I sat him down on the edge of the bath and got the first aid kit from on top of the cupboard. He was sick a couple of times as I cleaned up his arm, but all that mattered was that I stopped him bleeding. Danny just stood in the edge of the doorway as I cleaned Harry up, still with that guilty look in his eye. I managed to stop Harry's arm bleeding before bandaging it up and looking up into his eyes.
'Harry.. You didn't need to do this, you know that Danny didn't mean it.' I said soothingly to him, taking back the harshness that I had used earlier.
'I thought he wanted me to... I didn't want him being upset... I just wanted to help make him feel better..' He sniffled, looking up at me with watery eyes.
'I didn't Harry I promise! I'm so sorry!' Danny said quickly, stepping into the bathroom and running towards Harry. Harry smiled weakly at Danny and stood up, only for his legs to go from under him. Danny caught him before he hit the floor and then just held him in a hug until he stopped crying.
'I love you Harry and I don't ever want to lose you.' Danny said sweetly once Harry had managed to calm down a little bit.
'I love you too Dan. Are we allowed to go downstairs?' Harry replied, wrapping his arms around Danny.
'Of course we are Harry, come on, I'll help you walk.' Danny replied to him, putting his arm around Harry's back. I quickly flushed the toilet, where Harry had been sick, before following them out of the room. We got Harry into the lounge and sat him on the sofa before putting the cricket on TV, knowing that it was his favourite thing to watch. We'd been sat there for about 5 minutes when I felt something hit my arm. I looked down to see that Harry had fallen asleep resting against me, and so I got up of the sofa and lay him down more comfortably, covering him with a blanket. I sat on a different chair and continued watching the TV for about an hour until I heard Danny say something.
'Ow!' He shouted, looking to the side of him and rubbing his leg.
'What is it Dan?' I asked, confused about what had happened.
'Harry kicked me..' He grumbled, and so I looked across to Harry to see a worried expression on his still-sleeping face. He kept on kicking his legs out and soon enough, loud sobs were escaping his mouth.
'Tom! TOM! I don't want you to leave me as well.. Please don't leave me.. I don't have anyone else now Danny's gone... Tom listen to me please... I'm scared...' He screamed, kicking his legs and flailing his arms more desperately. I ran over and began stroking his hair in an attempt to soothe him, but nothing was helping and he just continued screaming out for me, begging me not to leave like Danny and Dougie apparently had. After a little while, he kind of froze for a minute, before relaxing back down again. I wondered how it had happened, before I felt Danny tap me on the shoulder.
'Erm... Tom?' He asked when I turned around to him.
'Yeah Dan?' I asked him, and he just pointed downwards. I looked down to where he was pointing and saw that Harry now had a huge wet patch on his trousers from his nightmare.
'Do me a favour and go and get him some fresh boxers and trousers please?' I asked Danny, to which he nodded and ran off up the stairs.
'Harry.. Time to wake up now..' I said quietly, still gently stroking his hair. His eyes flickered open and he looked up at me, a tired smile on his face.
'Come and get changed mate.. You've had a little accident..' I told him softly. He looked down and saw what he'd done before he burst out crying and curled himself into a tight ball.
'Its okay Harry, it's just a little accident, nothing that can't be cleaned up.' I soothed to him, gently rubbing his back.
'I'm so sorry.. I'm not meant to be bad..' He cried out, staying tightly wrapped in his ball.
'You've not been bad, it's fine Haz, you're not going to get in trouble here..'
'I didn't mean to.. I'm so so sorry.. I'll clean it up I promise..' He continued, beginning to rock backwards and forwards in his ball. I could hear his breathing beginning to go funny as I crouched next to him, and I could see that he was digging his nails harder and harder into his knees.
'Harry, listen to me, it's fine. I'll clean it up for you and everything will be back to normal.. You just need to calm down and take some deep breaths.' I told him calmly, trying my best to keep him grounded. He didn't listen to me and he just kept mumbling 'So sorry' over and over again. Danny came back down and tried to calm Harry down with me, but absolutely nothing was working. I sent Danny to get his inhaler after a couple of minutes, hoping that it would help to stop Harry's panic attack. I puffed it into his mouth a couple of times every minute for about 5 minutes, before he eventually managed to calm down and sort his breathing out.
'There we go.. What was that about Harry?' I asked softly, keeping a light-hearted tone to my voice.
'I didn't mean to do a wee.. I'm really sorry.. I promise I won't ever do it again and I'll clean it all up I swear.' He said, looking more like a scared little 5 year old than a 18 year old who had acted like a dad for so many months.
'It's okay Harry, you know we don't mind. How about you go with Danny to get dressed and I'll change the pillow cases on the sofa, yeah?' I asked softly, gently rubbing his arm. He just nodded, looking a little scared, before taking hold of Danny's hand and walking through to the downstairs bathroom with him. I quickly swapped the dirty pillow cases for new ones before sitting back down on the sofa and waiting for the other two. They still hadn't come back after 10 minutes and so I went to look for them, eventually finding them in Dougie's bedroom, Danny reading a book to Harry as he began to doze off in the bed. I just watched from the doorway as Harry fell asleep and Danny carefully wrapped him up tighter in the quilts before climbing into the bed as well and lying himself in Harry's arms. I shut the door quietly and went for a walk, deciding it best to just let them get their emotions out in a calm, brotherly way. After I'd been walking for about 2 hours and I had just gotten into a park near our house, I saw a bright light coming from the top of a building nearby. I walked towards it, noticing that there was a huge group of people gathered on the roof of the building, each holding a candle. As I got closer, I saw a crowd of people, at least 5x the size of the one on the roof, all holding candles as well. I pushed through the crowd, and I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat when I saw what they were there for. They must have found out the news about Dougie, and thousands of people had gathered around Princess Park Manor to set up a huge memorial in Dougie's name. I just walked over, body numb, to the collection of pictures and flowers that had been put around the main entrance. I fell to my knees and broke down sobbing in front of the picture of Dougie that was everybody in the band's known favourite. He had just moved into the band house with us and he was standing on his bed, in front of his Blink 182 shrine, smiling widely and looking extremely young. Although he'd only been in the band for 8 months when he'd passed, it felt like we'd known him forever. Soon enough, I felt myself being enveloped in a hug by two people, and I looked up to see Harry and Danny, both with tears streaming down their cheeks.
'H-How did you find out about this?' I asked them shakily, all of us sitting with our legs crossed and holding onto each others hands.
'We woke up and the TV was still on downstairs and it was on the news... We didn't think you'd be here though..' Harry replied, in an equally weak voice. We then just sat there in front of the memorial, before suddenly, I heard a soft, beautiful little voice begin to sing. I looked up and my eyes locked on to the source of the sound. There was a little girl, no older than 5, who had stepped forward and started to sing Not Alone. She slowly got more confident, and her voice grew louder, causing everyone in the crowd to hear her and sing with her. Within no time, the entire crowd was singing along, and we were just sitting, in shock from the support we were getting. Once the song was finished, everybody else stopped, but the girl continued. She only sang 2 more lines, but for us, they were the first step to getting over the loss of our best friend. It's not always easy, but McFly's here forever...