First day on the job and Radar was scared to death. He had just arrived on a bus and was dropped in front of the gate that lead to the 4077th MASH unit. He stood there with his bags in each hand and felt so alone. He started to slowly walk into the camp and look around. The place was filthy and a mess. It looked about the same as the farm he lived on in Iowa. He was just walking along when he heard someone yell, "FOUR" and then a golf ball hit him in the back of his head and everything went dark.

"Hey kid, wake up." said a voice in the darkness

"Ma, is that you?" Radar asked

"Yes dear, time to get up for school." said the voice sarcastically

Radar opened his eyes to see a kind face silhouetted against the blue sky above. The face was scruffy and had a five o'clock shadow. His hair was short, shaggy, and black, and his eyes were as blue as the ocean. The strange thing was the man was wearing a blue Hawaiian shirt and a pair of shorts. Radar sat up and saluted, "Corporal O'Reilly, reporting for duty sir."

The man sighed, "If you ever salute me again I'll hit you." the man helped him up, "Call me Hawkeye. Welcome to the 4077th. The rat hole of Korea."

Radar chuckled, "Thanks Hawkeye sir." Radar stuck out his hand, "Please call me Radar."

"Why Radar?" asked Hawkeye as he lead Radar to the biggest building

"Cause sometimes I know stuffs gonna happen before it happens." Radar said before stopping in his tracks and holding the back of Hawkeye's shirt as a jeep sped by where they would have just been standing. "Kinda like that." he said with a smile

Hawkeye smiled, "Handy." Then he lead Radar into the office of the main building and into an office where an older man sat hunched over on a desk overflowing with papers. The man looked up from under his fishing hat

"What do you want Peirce?" the man asked

Radar jumped forward, "Colonel Blake sir?"

"Yes." the man said as he looked up with a sigh, "And you are?"

"Corporal O'Reilly sir, your new company clerk." Radar said as he saluted

"At ease soldier." Blake sighed happily, "Your just in time, I was about ready to drown in all this paperwork."

"I'll get started right away sir, just run off and relax for a few hours and I'll take care of everything." Radar said as he ran over and started to collect papers

6 hours later

Radar was finishing setting up his bunk when Henry Blake came in. When he saw Radar he opened his mouth and before he could speak Radar said, "I found them earlier and put them on your desk."

Blake froze and blinked, "What?"

"Your glasses sir, you were going to ask about then right?" Radar asked as he followed Blake back into his office carrying a few papers

"How did you know I was looking for them?"

"Well, sometimes I know what's gonna happen before it happens, that's why folks call me Radar." Radar said as he held out some papers, "Sir, I need you to sign these papers for me so I can send in the supply requisitions and the rations order."

Blake was to confused to understand but signed anyway. Radar then saluted, "I finished my work for the day sir. Permission to explore the camp."

"Permission granted Radar." Blake said as he got out some whiskey

Radar looked all around the camp until it got dark out. He was just outside a tent with a sign over it that said Swamp when a voice said, "Halt and turn."

Radar turned with his hands in the air and then his jaw dropped. Before him stood a man in a pink polka-dotted dress and a sun hat. This would have been enough to scare the poor country boy but the rifle in the mans hand made it even worse, "Please, don't shoot me. I don't know the password. But I belong here, honest I do."

"How do I know that." the man said as he pushed his gun forward

Just then the door to the tent labeled Swamp opened and Hawkeye stepped out in a red bath robe, "Klinger, what's going on out here?"

"Please mister Hawkeye sir, tell this nut I belong here." Radar said in a whimper

"Klinger, put the gun down before the kid wets his pants." Hawkeye said

The man now known as Klinger did just that, "I'm sorry kid, didn't mean to scare you. Just doing my job." the man held out his hand, "Names Klinger, what's your name?"

Radar then realized he still had his hands up in the air and lowered them with embarrassment, "Call me Radar."

Klinger then skipped off in his white heels and Radar looked over at Hawkeye, "Why was that guy in a dress?"

"Come on in and I'll give you the rundown on this place." Hawkeye said as he motioned for Radar to follow him inside

"But sir, that's an officers tent. Are you an officer?" Radar asked

"Unfortunately I'm a Captain. Now come on in before I have to give you an order." Hawkeye said

Radar followed him into the tent and gasped at how filthy it was. An unfamiliar voice said, "Welcome to our home sweet Swamp. Name's Trapper, and you are?" a man with curly red hair and dark eyes stuck out his hand

"Name's Radar sir." Radar said as he saluted instead of taking the hand

"Put that down before you hurt yourself kid." said Trapper as he took Radar's hand and shook it before placing a martini glass in it

Radar thought it was water, it looked like water, so he drank it all in one big gulp. Seconds later he was coughing a sputtering, "Holy cow, what is this stuff?"

Hawkeye was rolling around on his bunk laughing his head off while Trapper was hunched over in his chair. Trapper managed to get his stuff together and said, "It's homemade gin. It's a whole 3 hours old."

"Sir, why do you sirs drink this stuff?" Radar asked

"When the first casualties come in you'll know why and you might even join us." said Hawkeye in a somber voice, "So, you wanted to know about Klinger, right?" Radar nodded, "Well Klinger will do about anything to get out of here. He is just crawling after a section 8, a psycho. He started walking around naked but once it got cold he switched to dresses and heels. As for Colonel Blake, he's a bit strange. I think he's more screw loose then Klinger at times. The nurses are pretty nice and smell great to boot." Radar blushed, "Ah, you noticed. The head nurse is a bit high strung but cute as a button. Currently she and our roommate Frank Burns are having a little tango."

"You mean…golly." said Radar as he blushed, "I thought we weren't supposed to do stuff like that."

"We're not. But no one really follows those rules. The first thing to learn is that this is not the army, this is a MASH. Nobody except Major Frank Burns takes any of that army stuff seriously." Radar yawned, "Now why don't you go off to bed kid. You look bushed."

"I think I'll do that sirs, goodnight." Radar said as he yawned and left the tent. Once he was in the clerk's office where his bed was set up he looked around. After he was sure no one was around he pulled his teddy bear out of his bag and drifted off to sleep.