Remus Lupin's stomach rumbled and his mother sighed.
"I told you to eat something, Remus." Hope Lupin gave her eleven-year-old son one of those looks that only a mother could give. Some strange combination of disappointment, worry, and exasperation.
"I'm not hungry." He replied dodging past a very tall woman going in the opposite direction. She was about to respond when her husband interrupted her.
"Ah, leave the poor kid alone, Hope. He's excited. I was my first day as well." her husband smiled at their son, but it faltered when he saw his wife's face. This time, it was a look only a wife could give, a look that meant someone was sleeping on the couch.
But then, Lyall Lupin had been sleeping on the couch all summer, so that was nothing new. Lyall rubbed the back of his neck, and she didn't need to say a word.
"Dad, there's someone calling for you," Remus noted and Lyall looked relieved for the distraction.
"Ah, Remus that is Fleamont Potter. We used to work together, though I use the term together loosely." Lyall informed him as the healthy but elderly man made his way towards them, a woman that Remus assumed was his wife since she looked just as well taken care of in her age as he did walked beside him.
"Lyall Lupin, talk about old acquaintances. How long has it been now?" The man said, but Remus wasn't really paying attention. He was distracted by their clothing, they were wearing muggle clothing as to blend in and not cause a scene in a muggle filled area, it wasn't so much about the style but the material. Remus could smell silk in high quantities, and he was pretty sure normal people didn't wear real velvet very often anymore. And his cane could never have been used as an actual cane, he could tell just by looking at it.
"It's been quite a long time, that's for sure," Lyall replied with a nervous sort of chuckle.
"I didn't know you had a son. And you wife is lovely if I may be so bold." The man gave a bow and kissed Hope's hand, causing her to giggle a little bit. Remus felt like these people were from an entirely different age.
"Oh, ah. This is my wife Hope and my son Remus. Hope, Remus meet Fleamont and Euphemia Potter." Lyall introduced, sounding very much like he'd rather be anywhere else at the moment.
"I assume then that you're here for the Express?" he said, smiling brightly when Lyall nodded. "Excellent, it is my son's first year as well. I'm sure they'll get along fetchingly. James comes here, I want you to meet someone." Fleamont turned to find his son. "James?"
"I'm busy!" A boy Remus' age called back, though he didn't look all that busy. He tossed a bag to another, smaller and chubbier boy with a younger girl trying to catch it.
Euphemia laughed, "He's been so excited. Hogwarts has been all he's talked about for a week."
Hope looked shocked and Lyall repressed a groan, and Remus was pretty sure the boy they'd called James wasn't just playing with that little girl, yet neither of the parents seemed to care.
"Oh, no," Lyall said without warning, looking past Potter's head. "Why are they here?"
They looked to see what he was referring too. Remus knew who he was talking about the moment he looked.
A woman with long, curly black hair and an emerald green cloak narrowed her cold grey eyes at the scene she found herself in. The two boys that trailed behind her didn't seem all that happy with it either.
Remus thought she looked like Dracula in female form. There was an elegance to her that Dracula could have never achieved, but the wealth her mere presence bragged about seemed fitting. Then, of course, there was the paleness of her skin contrasting the black hair kinda thing that vampires were wont to have.
"Curse that woman! They'll have to modify every muggle's memory in our very own Mother England by the time she's dead." Mr Potter growled.
"Please tell me that boy isn't eleven." Lyall pleaded with no one in particular.
"I'm afraid so, old friend," Fleamont replied, still steaming. "And it's the eldest of the main branch, as well."
Lyall paled considerably. His eyes flickered to Remus, and he tried to compose himself upon seeing the fear in his eyes.
"Of all the rotten luck." He sighed.
James now stood by his father's side also watching the family, or more specifically one of the family. He couldn't help but notice the oldest son's wondering eyes. He seemed distracted by the least little thing and the younger would have to nudge him to get his attention back to where it was supposed to go. It was an imperfection in their perfect show and James wondered if maybe they were human beings after all. It was when the heir's eyes rested on a young mother trying to calm her crying baby that James got curious.
Was that concern in his eyes?
"Interesting." He whispered to himself, with a smile. He couldn't wait to see how this school year played out, and how Black would react when someone accused him of caring about a muggle.
The younger nudged him one more time as they reached platform 9 3/4. The mother raised her arm and waved her wand, she complained about muggles who couldn't mind their own business, despite it being her own refusal to blend in that was causing them to stare at her. Then he saw something that transformed his curiosity into confusion. All the muggles in the immediate area froze, that wasn't the cause of the confusion though as it was obviously the result of the spell. No, it was what he saw afterwards that confused him. The eldest Black son turned back to the muggle mother, her infant being immune to the spell, with more than just concern, there was worry all over his face. The baby continued to cry but the mother could do nothing to help it, his younger brother had to drag him across the platform barrier. James Potter watched the pure-blood extremest worry about a little muggle child and it intrigued him.
Remus, however, didn't see any of this. He was more concerned with the magic spell that had frozen his mother in place.
"Of course, she's just going to leave us to clean up after her," Fleamont complained waving his wand in a similar, but opposite, manner as the woman.
"Mum?" Remus said as she snapped out of it. He was reminded of those cartoons he read in his dad's newspaper and the little specks of light that appeared around their heads when they got dizzy.
"Wha?" She shook her head, trying to clear it.
"You alright, dear?"
"I don't know, you tell me?" She said more than a little frustrated, having seen Mr Potter's wand out and gathering what had happened to her.
"Yep, she's fine," Lyall said with a little humour. She sighed, and took Remus' hand.
"Come on Remus, let's leave your father to chat with his 'old friends' I think we can find this platform on our own," she pulled Remus along.
"You've been sleeping on the couch… haven't you." Remus heard Potter ask his dad and he couldn't hide his smile. This little row should not have been amusing him so much.
Remus could tell when his mother realised she had no idea where she was going. She just stopped there and stared at platform's nine and ten.
"Can't these wizards keep anything simple? Or must it all be some elaborate puzzle?" she groaned her hand rubbing the side of her face in frustration.
"It's the barrier in between," Remus told her. "I think we're supposed to do something with it."
"I'll show you." There was a voice behind him, the laughter in it was his only warning when a pair of hands grabbed his back and pushed him through the platform. He didn't manage to catch himself on the other side and he hit the ground hard. He looked up to see the Potter's boy and his friend passing through the barrier laughing, presumably at him. He stood up and dusted off his trousers before his mother managed to brave walking through a wall to find him.
"Remus, are you alright?" She asked dusting some dirt off his back.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. It's no big deal." He said before realising that wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear. He looked at her irritated expression.
"Remus…" She said in that same motherly way that made him think he was in trouble when he wasn't.
"I'm fine." He tried.
"I'm not letting you go anywhere unless I know you're willing to defend yourself." She crossed her arms, and leant more heavily on her right leg, bending slightly at the waist. "Telling me 'it's no big deal' is not going to go far in convincing me that you are."
"Well, what do you want him to do? Go beat up a kid?" Lyall asked approaching them suddenly with Remus' trunk over his shoulder.
"I never said that."
He raised an eyebrow at her and she pouted a little.
"You alright, Remus?" He asked. "I saw Potter push you."
"I'm fine, just a scratch or two." Remus shrugged.
"I'm not sure I like your taste in friends, Lyall. That man needs to learn how to discipline his son." Hope said, watching the boy run through the crowd of people like he owned the place.
"He's not really my friend. To be honest, I'm rather shocked he even recognised me or remembered I existed for that matter."
"Either way, his son is a brat."
"Yes well, like father like son." Lyall paused, "that's not to say he's a bad person, on the contrary, he's done more for the sake of muggles and muggleborns than any wizard alive, save Dumbledore himself. The very fact you're allowed on the platform at all, dear, is thanks to him. But he's, what's the word…"
"Conceited?" Remus offered.
"I was going for spoiled, but that works too. Had the ministry not begged him to take the position he's in he wouldn't have needed to work a day in his life, and he wouldn't have done so either. The Potters are one of the old wizarding families that practically own everything. But they're good people once you get passed the attitude." His gaze moved to another family that stood out among the rest. "The Blacks on the other hand…"
The other two followed his gaze, Hope thought they looked familiar, but she just couldn't place where she'd seen them before.
"Remus I want you to be careful around that boy," Lyall told him, his eyes not leaving the family who seemed to have been joined by relatives. "He'd like nothing more than to see you dead."
Hope inhaled sharply. "What exactly kind of school are you sending my son to?" she growled. He rubbed the back of his neck again.
"It's perfectly safe, I promise." He laughed nervously. "They won't even be in the same house, I'm just saying watch out."
She didn't believe him.
The train's whistle blew and Lyall handed Remus his trunk.
"Just be careful not to make him notice you and you'll be fine. The teachers there are top notch and no one's died there in nearly thirty years."
"Someone died! Lyall!" Remus heard her exclaim, but he'd already reached the train. He looked back to see his dad waving at him while his mother went off on a rant. His smile faded when the train left the station and he realised he was completely alone for the first time in his life. He dropped his trunk lightly on the floor and stood there looking around, unsure of what to do now. He knew he should probably find a seat but he didn't want to barge in on someone who didn't want him there. So he stood there, nervously looking around till he heard a voice.
A girl and a boy walked up towards him with friendly smiles.
"You look lost." The boy said. "Muggleborn?"
"Oh, ah, no." Remus sputtered in return.
"Just shy then. Hi there, name's Frank, Frank Longbottom, and this is Alice." He greeted, extending his hand. "I'm a third year, this is your first I assume? It's Alice's too."
Remus nodded and took it, "Remus Lupin."
Alice laughed, "Cute name, very… canine." She said.
Remus paled significantly.
"Not that there's anything wrong with that." She said, noticing the look on his face. "But, isn't Remus the one that died?"
"Yeah, but mum hated the name Romulus, so…" He shrugged trying to stop acting so obviously suspicious.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Frank said as though this was a normal occurrence.
"Oh, nevermind. C'mon Remus, there's no point in standing here in the middle of the aisle all by yourself. There's room in our compartment." She waved him over and turned back the way she came and Frank even picked his trunk up for him.
He stumbled through a thank you and followed them. They led him to a compartment only three doors down that was occupied by two girls and a boy about their age.
"This is Marline, Zoe, and Bertram."
"Aubrey!" the boy corrected.
"He prefers to be called Aubrey, though." Alice shrugged with a teasing smile. "And this is Remus Lupin."
"What is it with you picking up strays, Longbottom?" Aubrey asked, but there was a smile on his face.
"Ah, shut it, Bert."
"Don't call me Bert!"
The compartment laughed, Remus managed a smile. He sat down after helping or attempting to help, put his trunk away.
He didn't say much during the trip, just listened to them. He felt lucky, though, to not be alone, and before he knew it they were changing into their class robes and the train was beginning to slow.
"You lot'll follow Hagrid to the lake," Aubrey told them as they climbed out of the train. He pointed to a giant of a man who was calling out "firs' years" over and again.
"Thanks, Bert."
"Alice, throw her in the lake for me."
"Will do." She laughed and pushed Marline towards the giant man called Hagrid.
Hagrid led them away from the older students and through a steep, narrow path that Zoe slipped at least five times on and Remus only once to his great pride.
"Yeh'll get a glimpse o' Hogwarts jus' round this bend here," Hagrid said over his shoulder just before Zoe's sixth fall. Remus helped her get back up only to accidently drop her when he looked up at Hagrid's words. Instead of the dark path, he saw a large lake, black with the night. On the others side of the lake, sitting on a high mountain, was a castle larger than any other he'd even seen photos of. It's windows looked like stars in the night and its towers touched the sky.
"No more'n four to a boat," Hagrid called, and Remus noticed for the first time a great number of little boats sitting in the water. None of them seemed to be tied to the shore but no one needed to ask how they didn't get carried off.
"Thanks, Remus," Zoe said startling him.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Remus realised what he'd done, but Zoe just laughed.
"Pretty isn't it? Oi Alice? Where are you going?"
"Are you daft? I am not getting in a boat with you. I'd rather not end up as squid food, thanks." she laughed at her and climbed in a boat with a pretty redhead and a boy with black hair. Marline climbed in after her.
There was a laugh, it was James Potter again, he and his chubby friend climbed into an empty boat. "C'mon, there's room here."
"Don't do it, Remus," Alice called from her own boat. "If Pettigrew doesn't accidently tip the boat Potter will do it on purpose."
"Hey now, I wouldn't do that." He said looking offended. "I'd do this." He reached over and tipped their boat, not enough for it to flip, but more than enough to scare them.
"Potter!" She yelled with various other things the others said until the boat mysteriously righted itself. They looked and found the cause. The boy Remus' father had warned him about, Black, stood on the other side of the boat, balancing it and on it. He smirked, showing off more than a little and jumped off it onto another boat that had already taken off. James let go of the other boat in time to keep it from tipping, watching Black the whole time.
"Oh, and so you don't get the wrong idea," Black said raising his wand, the two boats detached themselves from the beach floated a bit and promptly tipped over. Remus was a pretty good swimmer and made it to the surface in time to hear Black still laughing at them. He watched him for a little while, one of the boys in the boat tried to give him a high five but Black gave him a dirty look and refused him.
"Git," James said holding Peter, who looked terrified, up and looking around for everyone. Zoe's head popped up and she was actually laughing. They tipped the girl's (and the one boy's) boat back over first, on principle alone, and helped the girls back in the boat, only to turn around and see Hagrid flip theirs over with one hand. It had taken all four of them.
"A'right there?" He asked and they gave him a confirmation as they climbed back in. "Black, I said four to a boat."
Black looked back letting everyone know he really couldn't care less before adopting a mocking smile.
"Of course… ah… sir." He said with a bow. He then proceeded to push the boy who'd tried to congratulate him out of the boat and take his seat. Not even looking back to see Hagrid's reaction. The giant of a man steamed at the blatant selfishness, but the boy had already been pulled into another boat so there wasn't much point in forcing him out.
"Oh, how I'd like to pound him," James said out of the corner of his mouth. Remus honestly thought James wasn't much better but didn't say anything.
The remainder of the trip was uneventful, or as uneventful as a boat ride to a castle in the middle of the night could be, which was not at all.
Behind a wall of ivy hid a tunnel that rested a secret dock for the boats, and Remus kind of felt like a super spy by the end of it. They climbed out of the boats onto rocks and pebbles that Zoe promptly slipped on and climbed up a stone staircase to the largest door Remus had ever seen.
"Everyone here?" He looked around to confirm this and knocked on the door three times. Remus thought for sure that no one was going to hear it to answer but the door opened on its own revealing a tall stern looking woman with a pointed wizard's hat and very dark rust brown cloak.
"Thank you, Hagrid," she said nodding at him. She motioned her arms and the door opened wider revealing and entrance hall larger than the entirety of Remus' house twice over with plenty of space left over. The stone walls gave the feel of age while the torches that lit and decorated them allowed him to feel welcome despite that. The gorgeous marble staircase was across the room and there were suits of armour standing proud on either side of the door they now crossed.
Remus was pretty sure he'd just entered a completely different world.
The stern woman led them to an empty chamber to their left and turned to speak with them.
"Welcome to Hogwarts." She told them. "The start-of-term feast will begin momentarily, but before you may take your seats you will be sorted into your Houses. While you are here your House will become something like a family, you will have classes together, sleep in your House dormitory, and spend free time in you House common room."
Remus thought that sounded great… for everyone but him.
"The four Houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff," there were a few snickers among the students she didn't grace the culprits with a response, "Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has graduated outstanding students. Your triumphs, while you are here at Hogwarts, will earn your House points, while any rule-breaking will cause them to be lost. At the end of the year, a great honour is awarded the House with the most points. I hope each of you will be a benefit to whichever House becomes your own.
"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. Do try to be prepared. I shall return when we are ready for you." She left the chamber and the chattering in the room grew. Remus heard multiple students asking about how they would be sorted. His father had said something about a hat, but Remus hadn't understood what he'd said. Even as nervous as he was some of the theories sounded silly even to him. He wasn't sure what a troll was but he doubted they had to fight one and drinking poison? Who even considered that.
Alice seemed amused by someone that said they had to pull a rabbit out of a hat. "Muggleborns," she whispered between giggles.
Remus was grateful when the stern looking woman came back and he was no longer cramped in the small room. They followed her across the entrance hall and through a pair of double doors, where the entire school was watching them.
He felt faint immediately. Being watched by all these people was enough, let alone being watched taking some kind of test by all these people. The beauty of the place he found himself didn't even register in his mind over the horror of all the people watching him, what if one of them saw something, what if they already knew, how was he supposed to keep it a secret with everyone's eyes on him?
He wanted to puke.
The stern-faced woman placed a stool in the front of the room and a ruddy wizard's hat was placed on top of it. It was safe to say that was the hat his father had talked about, though as to its purpose Remus couldn't hazard a guess.
To his utter surprise, the wizard's cap opened what seemed to be a mouth and, Remus' surprise, began to sing.
It told them of the four different houses but went into more detail than the teacher they'd followed in had. It sang of Gryffindor's courage, or Slytherin's cunning, of Ravenclaw's intelligence, and dear sweet Hufflepuff who was perfectly happy to teach anyone and everyone she could. He knew his father had been in Ravenclaw and that it was likely he would as well, but he thought all the other houses sounded just as nice. Cunning wasn't exactly a trait he attributed to himself, and he didn't think he was all that brave, but he didn't see anything against the houses themselves.
The dusty old hat even told how they were to be sorted.
A hat that could read their minds? Could such a thing exist? It wasn't hard sure but…
The stern teacher stood in front of them holding a long roll of parchment. "When I call your name you will sit down and put on the hat," she said and opened the parchment.
"Black, Sirius."
Sirius Black was not nervous, not even a little. What was there to be nervous about when he already knew what was going to happen. He didn't have to worry about what House he was going to place in when he knew it was Slytherin, he didn't have to wonder if he was going to be accepted when half the school was related to him and the other half was afraid of him. All he had to do was get it over with.
He was actually glad he had been first, it could be over and done and he wouldn't have to stand there in line all day.
Sirius sat on the haphazard stool knowing it would hold him up and placed the Sorting Hat on his head.
Such potential Sirius heard the voice whispering in his ear and he couldn't help but smile. His eyes fell closed as he concentrated on the voice in his head.
Oh, yes. You've got quite a future ahead of you, don't you. You could be great, you know. You could own the world, it's all right here… in your head.
Sirius didn't understand, why was the Sorting Hat telling him this?
Such potential indeed, it repeated. Sirius wasn't a patient person as a rule and this was taking way too long. He wished it would hurry up and put him in Slytherin already.
Slytherin, hmm. But is that truly what you want? Slytherin would help you achieve that greatness, you would pave your way to the top with the blood of the innocent.
Sirius' eyes snapped open with a jolt. Blood? Innocent? What was it talking about? He wasn't a murderer.
No? You seemed quite content to let that boy drown in the lake only a moment ago.
Sirius was horrified. He knew he should have helped Potter's friend, but…
Yes, you would do well in Slytherin. However, that isn't the only path I see… the hat trailed off, and Sirius' heart pounded. He could see what was going on, and he was pretty sure it wasn't going to end with him getting sorted into Slytherin.
That may yet be untrue, for the other road leads on pavement of broken glass.
What did that even mean? Sirius felt like everything was falling apart around him and he didn't understand any of it. He became very tense and he wondered if his cousins could tell what was going on. Andromeda always knew more than she was told and Bellatrix was surprisingly observant. He'd die of embarrassment if any of them knew the hat had even considered placing him somewhere else.
I see pain unending along this path, there will be pain there will be death, but there will be love. As a Gryffindor, you would be not great but good. But which of the two is superior? What will be the sacrifice for your future? That, Mr Black, is for you to decide. Choose wisely.
Choose? But wasn't it the Sorting Hat's job to tell him where he would be placed? Why was giving him the choice?
Your future is in your own hands, you will have nothing but yourself to blame for the consequences of your actions. For the first time in you life, Sirius Black, you will make your own decision.
He couldn't deny that everything he'd ever done had been chosen for him. From his outfits to who he could hang out with, he couldn't recall a time he'd been able to decide for himself… but. He took a deep breath, knowing this sorting was going on far longer than anyone had ever expected and considered the choice before him. The broken glass thing did not sound pleasant, and he was leaning towards Slytherin for so many reasons. But was he willing to kill for it?
The blood of the innocent… he had to pick Gryffindor, he wasn't a murderer, he'd never wanted Potter's friend to die but… No, he couldn't pick Gryffindor, his mother would be furious with him she'd insist on transferring him out.
Another path to greatness, a great and terrible power would be yours to command. Will you trust yourself with this power?
Sirius could honestly say no. What little magic he already had he'd nearly killed someone with, he knew he was irresponsible. But that only put Gryffindor even lower on his list of options.,
He had every reason to choose Slytherin and almost no reason to choose Gryffindor, but the image of a child came unbidden in his mind. A crying baby whose mother could do nothing to calm or protect him because of one spell cast without thought or care. An innocent put in danger for nothing other than selfish pride.
He made his choice.
"GRYFFINDOR!" the sorting hat called and for the first time since he was five he cried. Sirius pulled the hat off, trying -and failing- to notice the deadly silence in the room he rushed off the stage, past the tables, and out of the door. The entrance doors were still open and he made for them, he wasn't sure where he was going so he just stood in the doorway. He didn't want to leave, he'd been waiting for this day for so long and now… now he'd never be able to look back at it. He'd never be able to look his mother in the face again, and his cousins… oh, merlin his cousins. Bellatrix was probably contemplating murder, she'd always been jealous of his position of the future head and all the promises he'd made to her… They had been friends, despite her jealousy, despite his pride, now she would hate him.
Regulus…. Sirius couldn't even bring himself to consider that line of thought.
He had nothing besides his family.
In five minutes he'd gone from owning the world to having nothing. Karma was a cruel judge.
"And where do you think you're going?" Sirius heard the half-blood teacher behind him. It was strange, the sorting couldn't be over already, shouldn't she be calling out names and telling people off for something or other… oh, wait, maybe that's what she was doing.
"What do you want?" He replied, purposefully ignoring his mother's voice in his head telling him off for being deliberately rude.
"As head of the Gryffindor house, it is my responsibility to ensure that all my students are where they should be, not out in the hallway's sulking." She began, her voice not as demanding as it should have been.
"I'm not going back in there." He left no room for doubt in his voice. in that room, with the entire Slytherin table either sneering at him or giving him looks of betrayal, was the last place on the planet he wanted to be right now. He'd even take Grimmauld place over that at the moment, his mother might show pity on him before she learned that it was his decision and he wasn't even willing to transfer.
"I should say not." McGonagall walked closer to him placing a comforting hand on his back. He tried not to stiffen, he wasn't used to being touched. "The Gryffindor common room is in the south tower, I assume you know how to get there?"
He looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed and he nodded.
"The password is metamorphosis." She gave him an ironic smile that made him wonder and turned to walk away looking back only once. "Oh, and Black… Welcome to Gryffindor."
He sneered at her retreating back, in his head he knew she meant it kindly but he couldn't help but feel like he was being mocked. He turned walking up the stairs behind him thankful to at least be alone.
James Potter was not a deep person, most people would even go as far as call him shallow. He looked at the surface and judge what he could see. The boy he'd met at King's Cross was sickly and weak, no fun at all, the greasy haired boy he'd met on the train was self-centered and snooty, ill befitting for someone with such poor hygiene, the girl he'd met at the same time was pretty but a, know, girl. Girls were stupid. Even his friend Peter was little more than a boost in his pride with the obvious hero-worship the other wasn't even trying to hide.
Sirius Black was a Black, that should have been enough for James, it always had been before. But since he'd noticed the other's distraction at King's Cross James wasn't sure anymore. He saw something in Sirius Black, something that he'd never seen before. He didn't see what made Sirius a Gryffindor, no one did. But he saw something that made him human, something that made him more than just skin, hair, clothes, and a famous last name.
James saw weakness and pain, heartache and fear, a human being who could feel things. James didn't let himself wonder if other people could feel thing too, he enjoyed mocking them too much, but he saw more in Sirius than he'd seen in any other human being he'd ever met.
He didn't know what this feeling in his heart really was, he didn't like to think of it as pity that sounded pretentious, but sympathy made him feel the opposite.
Maybe it was just nausea, didn't most people feel sick when they were being sorted? But he wasn't worried when his name was called and he made his way to the sorting hat if Peter of all people could get into Gryffindor, he didn't have anything to worry about.
When McGonagall had come back alone, taking the list of names from the teacher she'd let replace her, he refused to acknowledge the feeling as worry. Why should he care if Black had run away, it didn't have anything to do with him, and besides, Black had nearly killed Peter in that lake. Sure there was no way for Black to know Peter was a weak swimmer, but still!
Still what, James didn't know.
Fuming are we? James heard in his head it almost seemed to be mocking him and he was not okay with that.
"What do you know?" He thought back imagining a sneer on his face, the hat just laughed at him.
Everything.
"Oh, right." James thought, humbled slightly. Though he refused to admit it.
I see everything, Potter, I see your mind, I see your heart, I see your past, and I see your future. It's all right here in your head.
"Yes, yes. I get it," he sighed out loud and rolled his eyes under the hat.
You're ancestors and descendants will be ashamed at how well you'd fit in if I put you in Slytherin.
He felt his blood run cold. He'd never be a Slytherin, he wasn't prejudiced or cruel. That couldn't be right.
Ahh, but what makes a Slytherin isn't the darkness. Cunning, young one, that is what makes a Slytherin, a well-planned lie, and deceptive smiles. You are not above these things.
As much as James wanted to he couldn't deny this. How many times had he lied to get something from his parents, how many times had he put on the sweet little boy act to convince someone to do what he wanted?
Just remember child that true courage is knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.
"Gryffindor!" James felt a deep sense of relief when he heard the sorting hat call out. He contemplated the sorting hat's last words, he didn't understand it, he wasn't planning on taking anyone's life. James let it go as he sat down next to Peter at the Gryffindor table, focusing on pretending there had never been any doubt, and not noticing the irony of that very action. Peter commented on how long it took, Peter in all his awe had expected it to be an instantaneous decision, and his natural instinct was to lie. He claimed the hat took it's good sweet time to describe exactly how much of an obvious choice it was. He wished it had been the way he described it.
It would have been a wretched sense of irony if he'd been placed in Slytherin while Black was in Gryffindor.
James Potter was not a deep person, and maybe he was a little shallow. But he could feel shame, even if the shame was a little shallow in itself.
The meal was exquisite, as was expected, the girl from the train was sitting beside him and he greeted her politely but that was all. He talked to Peter mostly, and Longbottom, they knew each other quite well also. James didn't understand that Frank had been turned away by James' self-centered pride, he couldn't comprehend why someone wouldn't like him so he assumed that they were friends, he didn't have a very strict definition of friend. Frank Longbottom didn't have a very strict definition of friend either. But while he felt the first year he'd only met a few hours ago was his friend, James Potter, whom he'd known for years, was not.
It was a common trend with the Potter family, everyone respected them, but no one really liked them. In that regard, they were so like the Blacks they despised that it pitiable how they didn't see it.
The first-years followed the Gryffindor prefects, Lauran Vane and Jacob Vane, muggleborn twins, James learned when someone asked as they tracked up the million and a half staircases to their new home. Red and Gold had always been colours that comforted James, his parents had decorated their master bedroom in those colours and James had fond memories of crawling into bed with them after a scary monster invaded his closet or a vampire took residence under his bed. He remembered looking up at the darkened gold ceiling and the open, red curtain hanging down from the four poster bed, and completely feeling safe.
When the portrait of the fat lady opened and he stepped into the gold and scarlet common room that same sense of safety and comfort washed over him. He was once again grateful the sorting hat hadn't placed him elsewhere. Everyone looked around at the squishy chairs and the roaring fireplace in wonder and amazement, as though they'd never been in such an amazing place, James didn't think it was amazing. Home was never amazing, it was too comfortable to be amazing, amazing was the view of the castle reflecting on the lake as they sailed in awe, amazing was the sheer size of the great hall they'd had dinner in. The common room wasn't amazing, it was recognisable, it was home.
The prefects told them where their dormitory was located and the crowd began to disperse as they went up the staircases to discover who it was they were going to be living with for the next seven years. James finally found out where Black had run off too, half hidden in the shadow to the side of the fireplace he stood, watching them with no emotion in his eyes whatsoever. The weakness James had seen earlier was buried as deep as he could possibly hide it. James didn't look back as he climbed the stairs, disappearing into the first year floor. James found the magic of the dorms incredible, no less than 15 different first-year boys had gone through that exact door yet the only one he found on the other side was Peter. He couldn't explain it, but that was the fun of magic really.
"James! I was worried we wouldn't be in the same room." Peter admitted, far too happy about it in James' opinion.
"Of course, we're in the same room. We're already friends aren't we?" James rolled his eyes, moving away from the door as someone else opened it. It was the boy from King's Cross, James internally groaned, he wasn't going to be any fun at all. If he was stuck for the next seven years rooming with just Peter he'd be forced to leave for any form of decent entertainment.
"Where'd everyone go?" Remus was surprised at how few were in the room and James wondered at how he could not know this. His father was a wizard after all.
"Their own dorms. The door is a passage unless we are specifically looking to go a different dorm it'll take you to your own." James explained, making it sound like it was nothing new.
"Oh." Remus finally stepped into the room, feeling it was safe to assume this was his dorm if that was the case. "So who else is in here?" James gave him a questioning look. "There's four beds and three of us…"
James felt like an idiot. Of course, there was four of them, he shouldn't have needed this kid to point it out. Peter moved over the cases to see the name reading them out as he went, Remus, as it turned out, was using his father's case and tried not to turn red when James noticed. Peter squeaked as he got to the missing person's name.
"Sirius Black." Peter looked, horrified, at James. Even Remus was uncomfortable at the realisation that he was sharing a room with the two people in the school he wanted most to avoid.
James, however, was unconcerned. He shrugged, "there's nothing to worry about chances are he's going to transfer by Christmas anyway."
"You think so?" Peter asked, his voice shaking.
"Oh, yeah. They wouldn't let him stay a Gryffindor, his mum would keel over and die." James joked picking up his trunk and switched beds with Peter, knowing the other wouldn't say a word about it.
"That must be awful," Remus said quietly, his eyes on the closed door.
"Sorry?" James looked up at him his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth open slightly. Remus went pink when he realised he'd said this out loud.
"Well, if that's true, then he doesn't have a choice, does he? What if he wants to be in Gryffindor? I don't know, I just think it's awful to have no agency in your own life." Remus didn't look away from the door as he spoke, too nervous to look James in the eye.
James thought about this, it did sound like it would suck to live like that, but he'd never really considered it before.
"I suppose." He agreed, there was an awkward silence in the room before Peter conspicuously and purposefully let out an over-exaggerated yawn.
"Pete's right, bed time for me too I think." James rolled his eyes at how transparent Peter was, despite being grateful for the distraction, though it didn't distract his thoughts. He couldn't help but think of what Remus had said as he changed and climbed into bed. It kept him awake for hours as he waited, listening for the sound of Black sneaking into the room that never came. Was he just going to sleep down there? Did he think he was too good to spend the night in the same room as them? Or was Remus' sympathy justified, did Sirius maybe want to be here? James didn't understand why he cared but he did, and he was going to do something about it.
James stood and made his way out of the room as quietly as he could, though he figured it didn't matter. Peter slept like a rock and the other kid looked like he needed a deep sleep so he likely wouldn't wake. He was right, in the loosest sense of the word, Remus did need a deep sleep and wasn't likely to wake, but only because he was already awake and he couldn't help but smile a little when he heard James grumble about stubborn brats and leave the room.
James tried his best to not alert Sirius of his arrival. He wanted to observe what he could before Sirius put the facade back up, but there wasn't much to observe. Sirius sat in one of the chairs closest to the fire and stared at the flickering flames. He wasn't crying, wasn't distraught, but his face wasn't peaceful either. Sirius didn't hide how he felt from anyone who could see, he hid it from himself, so it mattered little if James snuck into the room or announced his entrance proudly.
"Are you planning on sulking down here all night?" James asked, half hoping to startle the other, though his hope was in vain. Sirius glanced at him only long enough to determine who had shattered the peacefulness of solitude he'd previously been enjoying.
"What's it matter to you?" James was surprised by his reply, expecting an outright denial. He went quiet for a moment to contemplate his answer.
"You're in my dorm." It wasn't an answer, but it was the best he could come up with.
"Your dorm? Merlin, you think you own everything, don't you." Black replied, a mocking smile on his face. James preferred it over the blank face he'd been wearing before.
"Excuse me? I do not." James glared, he'd come down her with good intentions and Black was throwing it in his face.
"No? How many other people are lucky enough to have the honour of taking up space in your dorm?" Black asked, and James wanted to punch the smirk off his face… unfortunately, he didn't know a thing about muggle fighting.
"You haven't seen who we're rooming with. Peter's bad enough, but the other kid had to bring his dad's trunk, and you won't claim it so it might as well be my dorm." James crossed his arms and Sirius noticed his nose crinkle as he talked about them and he wasn't impressed.
"So he's less of a person because he couldn't afford his own trunk?" Sirius raised an eyebrow at him his smirk falling and his eyes narrowing and James felt an instantaneous need to defend himself. He settled on cutting Black exactly as Black had cut him.
"Would he be less of a person if his dad was a muggle?" James glared back, his expression almost matching Sirius'. Sirius opened his mouth, but couldn't find an answer, or even a defence. Neither of them knew how long they stood or sat in Sirius' case, there glaring at each other, but James didn't feel the pride he expected when Black turned his face away, pain in his eyes.
"I don't know anymore," Sirius whispered, in that one short sentence he let out more emotion than he had ever shown to anyone since he was old enough to hold back tears. His own brother had never seen him like this and Sirius had always vowed to be as honest with Regulus as he possibly could.
"Me neither. I think… I'm starting to wonder…" James was having trouble his pride was wrestling against the words and his pride wasn't often denied what it wanted. "I'm afraid I'm a horrible person."
Sirius gave a chuckle that even James couldn't define as mocking, despite his wounded pride. "I'm afraid I'm a decent person." Sirius looked back up at him a small smile on his face.
James returned it, "we'll be wretched influences on each other."
"Who's definition of wretched? Yours, mine, or everyone else?" Sirius stood to dust imaginary dust off his robes and reached out a hand as though they'd only just met.
"All three and everyone in between." James laughed ignoring Sirius' handshake and pulling him into an uncomfortable hug. Sirius decided did not like being touched, at all as James bodily dragged him up the stairs into their dorm.