I'm going to kill him. I'm going to do it now, before I lose my nerve. My bow is raised and pointed at his heart, but I can't bring myself to shoot the arrow that will end his life. Why is this so hard? Because I love him, my brain reminds me. Even though he's broken, I still love him.
No. I have to be strong. He isn't my Peeta anymore. I'll make sure his death is quick and painless. He won't ever wake from his peaceful sleep, and I won't ever see his beautiful blue eyes again. I'll miss his loving gaze most of all. So pure, so sweet.
This is what I get for taking him for granted. This is my punishment for breaking his kind and gentle heart. Now I'll never be able to tell him how I feel. He'll die not knowing because I couldn't sort out my feelings until now. I realized too late how much I truly care for him.
I turn my head away and let the arrow fly, but I know that it missed him. I had aimed just above his head at the last second, sparing his life. I couldn't go through with it; I couldn't kill the boy with the bread.
His eyes are open now, staring at me. He knows what I was trying to do, but he shows no signs of fear or hatred. Instead, Peeta reaches up to grab the arrow that is embedded in the wall above him. "You missed," he whispers. "Try again."
That's him; that's my Peeta! He must have remembered me. A sense of guilt washes over me as I realize what I almost did. I had been so ready to kill him; so ready to end his suffering.
I snatch the arrow from him before he can do something stupid. "You're back," I manage to say. I throw my arms around him and sob into his chest.
His lips find mine, and the hunger swallows me whole. I want him; I need him. I can't seem to get close enough to him. When we break apart, I feel an emptiness in my heart that only he can fill. He snakes his arms around my waist and holds me tightly.
My head rests against his chest, and I listen to the heart I almost stopped. How could I have thought that killing him would solve the problem? Even if I were to do it, I would never be happy again. I would spend the rest of my sorry life mourning the death of the only boy I'll ever love.
His fingers make contact with the skin on my lower back, causing me to shiver. "Why didn't you finish the job?" Peeta continues to rub my back, and I can't help wondering if he knows how good it feels. His touch warms my skin as well as my heart.
"I could never kill you," I tell him honestly. I suddenly want him to feel as good as I do right now, as if to prove the truth of my words. I kiss his neck as many times as I can manage, and my actions are rewarded with soft sounds of pleasure.
"Katniss," he murmurs into my hair. "Why?" The hurt in his voice makes me stop what I'm doing. He doesn't know how precious he is to me. He must think I'm doing this out of pity or guilt, not love.
My voice fails me when I need it the most. I've never been good with words, not like Peeta is. How do I make him understand? If I can't tell him, I'll have to show him. Our lips meet for the second time tonight, and I pour my heart and soul into the kiss. I won't deny him any of the affection he deserves.
Peeta doesn't hesitate to return the affection that I'm showing him. His hands tangle into my hair as he presses me closer to him, closer than I've ever been. "Katniss." He pulls away to get a good look at my face, searching for a sign that this is real. "Katniss, you mean the world to me." His hand lightly brushes my cheek, sending a shiver down my spine. "But you have to kill me."
His words catch me off guard. How can I kill him now that he remembers everything? The two of us have survived every hardship Snow has thrown at us. So why...? Why can't I keep him? "I can't do it. You remember me."
"You have to," he insists. "I recognize you now, but what about tomorrow? I don't want to hurt you again." He tries to move away from me, but I won't let him go. I won't let him distance himself from me.
I hover over him like a crazed animal, pinning him to the floor. My tears drip onto his face. "I don't want to lose you," I sob pitifully. "I love you." The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Peeta gasps softly. "You mean it?" He shifts under me so that he can get a better look at my face. I stare down at him with a soft and loving look. "You do, don't you?" He blinks away tears.
"Yes." I lean down to kiss his forehead. "I mean it. That's why I can't kill you."
He places his hand on my shoulder and guides me toward him. "I didn't know. I thought it would be easy for you to finish me off. I thought you hated me."
I suddenly realize how cruel I've been to him ever since he was rescued. He had been forced to endure unspeakable tortures, and I didn't even try to help him through it. All I did was get angry with him and try to murder him. I never once considered that he would come back to me. "I'm sorry. I thought you were gone."
"I never left," he says softly. "I was terrified of you, yes; but I still loved you. It was just hard for me to remember. I became so consumed by fear that I ended up thinking you were the enemy. I don't want that to happen again."
"It won't," I assure him. I won't let the Capitol take Peeta away from me again. He is mine. No one else can have him. "I'll protect you."
"And I'll protect you." He seals the promise with a gentle kiss. "Always."
The warmth of his body against mine is so calming that I cast my doubts aside and snuggle up to him. I want to enjoy whatever time I have left with the boy I love. The war my claim me tomorrow, or I may lose Peeta to the Capitol's torture. None of that matters now. I have him and he has me. Peeta may be broken but I love him anyway.