Goodbyes

Taniyama Mai refused to crumble into a heap and cry as the question screamed through her head. He distrusted her so much he didn't think she could tell where her heart lie? Her confession was a mistake. She would never utter those words to him again.

It hurt. Her heart, her body . . . it felt like she ached all over, numb from his rejection. She felt like her world was falling apart. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She promised herself she would not cry over Naru. She fought them back, carefully keeping her face blank so no one could see the pain she was in.

The drive back to the SPR office was quiet. Mai didn't even try to talk to either of the men in the front seat. Her face turned toward the scenery speeding by, but she didn't see it. She was wrapped in her own world. There was no need to speak to them. She had been used . . . the entire team had been used. They weren't important enough to be told the truth. She held onto the anger, knowing it would be the only thing to allow her to make it through the trip without embarrassing herself further.

At least I have the rest of my family, Mai thought gratefully.

- x X x -

Mai stopped counting the days the offices had closed as the former SPR members dispersed. Tears had come many times, but never in front of them. Slowly, the others drifted away. Mai tried to call Monk, but he was touring according to his answering machine. Ayako was working longer hours at the hospital and hadn't returned her calls. Masako was out of the country filming a special. John was in Australia visiting his family. Yasu was starting university.

Mai felt the same emptiness she had when her mother died.

She sensed the spirits on the edge of her consciousness. They were getting more aggressive. They wanted her to do things for them. The nightmares were constant now. There were so many she couldn't tell which memories belonged to which spirit. Her exhaustion just added to the problem.

She pushed them back in her mind, ignoring them the best she could. Only one more week until summer break, she told herself. One more week and she'd focus on how to get rid of the spirits that seemed to plague her.

Carefully, she put the notebook aside. She'd called two more "psychics" today. They had been frauds as had all the others she had called. She knew she needed help, but with school and work, there was limited time to research people who could help her. So many were just people claiming to have powers. Tomorrow's search would be better, she promised herself.

She prepared for bed. She changed into her old pajamas, ignoring how worn they truly were. They were unimportant. She brushed her teeth, unable to look at herself as the bathroom mirror had been destroyed weeks ago. It was probably a good thing as the last time she'd looked at herself, she'd looked thin and pale, the dark circles under her eyes making it worse. Sighing, she arranged her futon and tied herself to the cold bathroom plumbing. She made sure the knots were strong and complicated. Untying them had proven to give her extra time to get back from the astral plane the spirits kept pulling her into each night. After waking to find herself standing on the roof of her apartment building ready to jump two weeks ago, she knew she had to do something drastic. Now, the bathroom served as her bedroom as well.

She looked around to make sure there were no slivers of mirror . . . again. It was a ritual she'd started after the first night she'd woken to find herself untied with the mirror in pieces around her feet. She'd gotten a couple of slivers in her feet since then, but she was now checking. Mai satisfied herself that there was nothing within reach that she could hurt herself with. Nodding to herself, she laid down for another long night.

- x X x -

Mai could see the orbs floating around her. The astral plane, once a warm welcoming place with Gene there, was now cold and vast. She used to find the floating orbs peaceful, but not anymore. One of them morphed into the vague shape of a tall man. She shuddered as he moved closer, his nondistinct form slowly taking on features. He hadn't been a ghost long. The ones who had been trapped a long time couldn't fully form their features. Running would do no good. He would follow her until he caught her.

Mai felt the light touch as the first ghost grasped her right arm. She shuddered as his life flashed through her mind. His hand on her arm was cold . . . so cold. It quickly spread through her body. He demanded she help him. Mai tried to explain she couldn't help. There were too many ghosts, too many memories and she was too confused. He demanded again, grasping her arm tighter. She knew he wouldn't listen, but she tried to explain again. Suddenly, her arm burned with the cold where he was grasping it. He walked away angrily, promising to come again every night until she helped him. She looked at the hand print on her arm. She knew it would be on her body when she woke.

It would be the first of many injuries she'd get tonight. There were more now . . . more humanoid shapes. Beyond them, she could see the soft white glow of so many more orbs. They were all gathering around her.

At first, she had tried to help. Instead of them going away, they had come faster. It was like they communicated with each other that someone was helping and they all came. Her mind blurred with one vision after another as each ghost pled its case and drove her further from sanity.