p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The loud door bang echoed all over the house, the windows of the room vibrating with the strengh applied on the door that ran through the white walls to the wide window. I couldn´t care less. All the windows could shatter, walls crumble and the house could fall to the gound burrying me underneath pounds of dark residues for all I cared. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"On a second thought if there was a place I despised thinking about dying in was that house, filled with that people. His people, his family. I dispesed it, dispised em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"them/em./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I grabbed the leather jacket that had been thrown on my chair and reached for my old and torn black backpack. Opening the window as quiately as possible I swang his legs off the edge embracing the well positioned column using it to slowly descend safely into the ground./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Those pretensiously expensive columns my mother insisted on having in the back yard were now my escape helpers. How ironic./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I knew exactly what to do. Which parts of the floor not to step on so to make the least noise possibe. This wasn´t my first time, my escapades were the only way to keep me sane./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Iclimbed the old gate carefully. Opening it was madness, it would sizzle and screak like there was no tomorrow instantly turning the lights of the rooms on and a speaker right next to my mother´s vocal cords./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I felt a weight off my chest the moment he got past that gate, it was like the wind only blew outside of that gate. I could feel the night breeze in my cheeks and messing up my hair, I could smell wild flowers and feel the ground underneath my boots, the moon finally bringing the light back to my empty eyes./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"That house had a barrier around it, some type of energy that sucked out all of my happiness./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I started to walk fast in the direction of the hill situated just a few feet ahead. I started to climb it as I watched my own breath in the cold night air. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I got to the top I was breathing heavily and inhaled profoundly the crisp air. It felt so freeing./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Taking the backpack off I laid down on the ground, resting my head on top of the bag, a pillow of grass and wildflowers on my back. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The stars. How I loved to look ate the stars, away from the artificial lights they shone brighter than ever. Stars kept me company, they weren´t going anywhere, they were just there, distant but present, so high up the sky but standing almost as equals. We were stardust in a way. It was a comforting feeling but deep down, I liked to think we were so much more than that./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I always lost track of time when I was stargazing, I guided myself with the feeling of freedom being drained from my body proportionally to the hours left to be back home. Home. That was a strong word. Back to the house that was nothing close to home./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I got up and started to get down the hill. Before going back and entering through the back of the house just as I got out I liked to take a little walk through the neighborhood. Observe how the houses in the other streets were so different from my own./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I walked around letting my mind drift as I observed the houses./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Suddenly a movement caught my eyes. There was a guy standing in front of a house. He was wearing denim jeans cuffed at the bottom, a torn marron jumper and dark brown boots. I also noticed the big backpack on his back and the bad at his feet as he struggled with the key trying to open the door./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Hi."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He turned around as I was going through his gate./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""The doors in this neighbourhood are a bit difficult. Can I help?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He smiled at me and I will never forget the first time I saw the smile that almost swept me off my feet./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Hi turned the key around pulling and then pushing the door quickly opening it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Thank you…ah?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sirius. Sirius Black but you can leave the last name out. It doesn´t fit me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He took my hand and shook it. His hand was so soft./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I´m Remus Lupin."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Are you moving here?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He smiled again./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yeah. I´ll be spending some time with my grandma. This is her house."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I nodded. I had never seen anyone in that house but again I never went to that part of the neighborhood during the day. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Well…It was nice meeting you Sirius."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I turned around to leave but something made me stop./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I could show you around if want…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He grinned at me./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""That would be wonderful."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I pointed up to my street./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I live at the house in the end of the street. The scary looking one but…maybe I´ll come by. Tomorrow?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sure. I´ll be wainting. Sirius the guy from the house at the end of the street."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I smiled as I turned around./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The guy from the house at the end of the street./span/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It kind of had a sound to it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"That night when I went back home, I fell asleep with a smile on my face./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span-/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We both laid on the grass, the night sky shining above us./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Six weeks had passed since the night Remus and I met and between showing him around the neighborhood at night when no one could see and get me in even more trouble with my parents, showing him the beautiful hills all around the village and our little escapades to the river in the late afternoons I had made myself fall completely head over heals with him./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Coming to this particular hill and just laying for hours looking at the sky had also become sort of a ritual we do every night./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"This night the sky was completely clear and, away from the houses´ lights, the stars were shining so bright it was blinding./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Looking at the stars in one of these nights, in silence, inches away from someone with whom your sharing this experience with is br / /spanspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; color: #212121; background: white; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; orphans: 2; white-space: pre-wrap; widows: 2; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial; float: none; word-spacing: 0px;"indescribable/span. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanIt feels like you´re sharing the most secret part of you, like your heart is sprawled in the stars open and waiting to be read./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I wanted Remus to read it. I wanted him to read it all, to know all he thoughts I felt were pouring out of me without me even opening up my mouth./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The night air was chill around us but Remus´ fingers were inches away from mine, I could feel his heat and it felt like drinking a cup of tea on a rainy morning, it warmed my entire body. I just had to reach. Move my fingers a few inches and intertwine them with Remus´. I controlled myself, though. I still wasn´t sure how he felt about me/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span" Do you know the thing about Schrödinger's cat?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I could see Remus´ breath in the crisp air and I felt a strange urge to catch it, to suck in the same air that had been in Remus´ lungs like I could keep it with me forever, like I could inhale it and never exhale it. I could die with that single breath and I would die happy./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Control yourself./span/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I just frowned at him./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Who´s cat?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanHe smiled to himself./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""There is this Austrian physic named Erwin Schrödinger who made a mental experiment, a paradox if you will, in which a cat is placed inside a closed box and that cat is not considered to be dead nor alive because he is in a closed system, the box, and so no one can see or prove if he is in fact dead or alive…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I loved to hear him talking, he could be rambling about a bunch of nonsense and I would still drink up his words like they were ambrosia and the antidote for my own thoughts./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""To put it in a more poetic way: If a palm tree falls in a deserted, exotic island in the middle of a huge, blue sea and there is no one there to see it, did it really fall?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I turned my head to look at him and frowned./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I don´t know…Did it?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He laughed quietly, probably at my ignorance or "practicality" as he would call it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""That´s not the point I am trying to make. It´s just…we are so pretentious, humans I mean, we put ourselves in such a high pedestal that we can´t bear the idea that things keep rolling even if we didn´t exist. There could be an endemic that killed the entire human race and the sun would still rise, the palm tree would still fall. Why do we think that the palpable reality of things and events completely depends on our own?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I sighed. I knew he wasn´t expecting an answer, it was a purely rhetorical question. This is how this works, sharing thoughts in the dark, the sky as a ceiling and the cold breeze against your body. Times like these worked like a charm that made you vulnerable and open and sharing it with Remus was all I could ask for./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You see the stars?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Remus looked at me waiting for me to proceed as I cleared my throat./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""They are there every night, even if you can´t see them. They are constant, there, always shining. They are these huge masses of gases and other things, I don´t really know what and I am not going to pretend I do."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He smiled at that one and I felt warm inside./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""The thing is they are giant, and important but then, here they are, appearing every night, small and constant like their only purpose is to shine for you and make you feel happy. I mean that star over there? Maybe it died already, we don´t know, but it´s still shining, like it´s trying to tell you it´s still here for you, it´s still shining because of you."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I could feel his gaze so I turned my head to look at him just to feel his green, shiny eyes on my own. All the stars could die as long as I had Remus looking at me like that, making me feel happy and important. I shook my head slightly as I continued./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What I am saying is that maybe humans should be a little more like stars, a bit more modest and selfless…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"If I thought his eyes were shiny before now they could outshine all the stars combined./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Like you."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I caught my breath./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You´re name…Sirius. It´s a star, the brightest one it the sky and you follow their rules as well. You´re selfless and modest and you make me feel important and you´re constant, here you are with me every night."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I…wow that´s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever told me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You deserve it. You´re the brightest star in my sky…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"At that moment I sent self-control to hell. I reached with my pinky finger to touch Remus´, caressed it slowly and they moved my whole and over his intertwining our fingers./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I felt him shiver and something inside me told me it wasn´t from the cold. He gave me another one of those smiles that made my heart clench. We remained in silence for a while, it wasn´t uncomfortable to be in silence with him, it was peaceful but this night I just felt the urge to completely open up to him, so I broke it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""My parents hate me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I felt his thumb caressing my hand as I continued./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""We just, have different views on a lot of important things…we were never close…I can´t explain it."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He nodded and I could see he understood that my "I can´t explain it" meant that talking about it would be like opening up old wounds and that I couldn´t do it without crying./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""The day I came out…The day I couldn´t keep the em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I´m gay /eminside anymore, my mom looked at me dead in the eyes and told me I wasn´t their son, that I had never been and would never be."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He clenched his hand around me tighter. When he spoke he was looking right to my eyes./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""My mom would do this thing where every time she thought I looked sad or down she would ask me who had hurt me, she would ask me to tell her so she could go beat them up or something like that."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I didn´t even realize we were whispering until this point./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I never answered her…if I did it would break her. I could never bring myself to look at her and tell her that the person hurting me was myself."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It was my time to clench my hand tighter around his. I didn´t fully understood what Remus meant yet but I wouldn´t ask. He would explain me when he felt ready. He was already opening up to me and that felt like the best gift in the whole world./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I never told them…I was never able to bring myself to tell them I liked guys too…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Remus let go of my hand and disappointment ran through me until I he had propped up on his elbow as he turned to me. I gulped and did the same until our faces were inches apart. Remus moved his hand to caress my face then locking it around my neck./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It all happened so quickly, so smoothly. Remus moved his face closer, or maybe I moved mine but next thing I knew our lips were moving together, Remus´ hand still in my neck. I moved my own to his face and he moved to my lap, his knees in the grass on each side of my hips. I let my hands run through his back underneath his jumper. It was overwhelming. His smell invading my nostrils, the taste of his mouth on my tongue, the sounds that were escaping his lips mixed with the night sounds around us, the feeling of his skin against my fingertips and… I opened my eyes momentarily only to find his bright eyes smiling at me, it was the most beautiful thing I had set my eyes upon. I closed my eyes again and let my other senses be drowned in everything em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Remus./em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When we finally parted we were both breathless and sprawled on the grass, our limbs intertwined./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He looked at me like he could see my soul, caressed my cheek locking a piece of my hair behind my ear and simply murmured./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Come home with me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"On a second thought if there was a place I despised thinking about dying in was that house, filled with that people. His people, his family. I dispesed it, dispised em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"them/em./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I grabbed the leather jacket that had been thrown on my chair and reached for my old and torn black backpack. Opening the window as quiately as possible I swang his legs off the edge embracing the well positioned column using it to slowly descend safely into the ground./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Those pretensiously expensive columns my mother insisted on having in the back yard were now my escape helpers. How ironic./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I knew exactly what to do. Which parts of the floor not to step on so to make the least noise possibe. This wasn´t my first time, my escapades were the only way to keep me sane./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Iclimbed the old gate carefully. Opening it was madness, it would sizzle and screak like there was no tomorrow instantly turning the lights of the rooms on and a speaker right next to my mother´s vocal cords./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I felt a weight off my chest the moment he got past that gate, it was like the wind only blew outside of that gate. I could feel the night breeze in my cheeks and messing up my hair, I could smell wild flowers and feel the ground underneath my boots, the moon finally bringing the light back to my empty eyes./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"That house had a barrier around it, some type of energy that sucked out all of my happiness./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I started to walk fast in the direction of the hill situated just a few feet ahead. I started to climb it as I watched my own breath in the cold night air. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I got to the top I was breathing heavily and inhaled profoundly the crisp air. It felt so freeing./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Taking the backpack off I laid down on the ground, resting my head on top of the bag, a pillow of grass and wildflowers on my back. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The stars. How I loved to look ate the stars, away from the artificial lights they shone brighter than ever. Stars kept me company, they weren´t going anywhere, they were just there, distant but present, so high up the sky but standing almost as equals. We were stardust in a way. It was a comforting feeling but deep down, I liked to think we were so much more than that./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I always lost track of time when I was stargazing, I guided myself with the feeling of freedom being drained from my body proportionally to the hours left to be back home. Home. That was a strong word. Back to the house that was nothing close to home./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I got up and started to get down the hill. Before going back and entering through the back of the house just as I got out I liked to take a little walk through the neighborhood. Observe how the houses in the other streets were so different from my own./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I walked around letting my mind drift as I observed the houses./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Suddenly a movement caught my eyes. There was a guy standing in front of a house. He was wearing denim jeans cuffed at the bottom, a torn marron jumper and dark brown boots. I also noticed the big backpack on his back and the bad at his feet as he struggled with the key trying to open the door./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Hi."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He turned around as I was going through his gate./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""The doors in this neighbourhood are a bit difficult. Can I help?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He smiled at me and I will never forget the first time I saw the smile that almost swept me off my feet./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Hi turned the key around pulling and then pushing the door quickly opening it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Thank you…ah?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sirius. Sirius Black but you can leave the last name out. It doesn´t fit me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He took my hand and shook it. His hand was so soft./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I´m Remus Lupin."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Are you moving here?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He smiled again./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yeah. I´ll be spending some time with my grandma. This is her house."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I nodded. I had never seen anyone in that house but again I never went to that part of the neighborhood during the day. /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Well…It was nice meeting you Sirius."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I turned around to leave but something made me stop./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I could show you around if want…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He grinned at me./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""That would be wonderful."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I pointed up to my street./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I live at the house in the end of the street. The scary looking one but…maybe I´ll come by. Tomorrow?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sure. I´ll be wainting. Sirius the guy from the house at the end of the street."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I smiled as I turned around./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The guy from the house at the end of the street./span/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It kind of had a sound to it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 352.8pt;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"That night when I went back home, I fell asleep with a smile on my face./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span-/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We both laid on the grass, the night sky shining above us./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Six weeks had passed since the night Remus and I met and between showing him around the neighborhood at night when no one could see and get me in even more trouble with my parents, showing him the beautiful hills all around the village and our little escapades to the river in the late afternoons I had made myself fall completely head over heals with him./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Coming to this particular hill and just laying for hours looking at the sky had also become sort of a ritual we do every night./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"This night the sky was completely clear and, away from the houses´ lights, the stars were shining so bright it was blinding./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Looking at the stars in one of these nights, in silence, inches away from someone with whom your sharing this experience with is br / /spanspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; color: #212121; background: white; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; orphans: 2; white-space: pre-wrap; widows: 2; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial; float: none; word-spacing: 0px;"indescribable/span. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanIt feels like you´re sharing the most secret part of you, like your heart is sprawled in the stars open and waiting to be read./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I wanted Remus to read it. I wanted him to read it all, to know all he thoughts I felt were pouring out of me without me even opening up my mouth./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The night air was chill around us but Remus´ fingers were inches away from mine, I could feel his heat and it felt like drinking a cup of tea on a rainy morning, it warmed my entire body. I just had to reach. Move my fingers a few inches and intertwine them with Remus´. I controlled myself, though. I still wasn´t sure how he felt about me/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span" Do you know the thing about Schrödinger's cat?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I could see Remus´ breath in the crisp air and I felt a strange urge to catch it, to suck in the same air that had been in Remus´ lungs like I could keep it with me forever, like I could inhale it and never exhale it. I could die with that single breath and I would die happy./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Control yourself./span/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I just frowned at him./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Who´s cat?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanHe smiled to himself./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""There is this Austrian physic named Erwin Schrödinger who made a mental experiment, a paradox if you will, in which a cat is placed inside a closed box and that cat is not considered to be dead nor alive because he is in a closed system, the box, and so no one can see or prove if he is in fact dead or alive…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I loved to hear him talking, he could be rambling about a bunch of nonsense and I would still drink up his words like they were ambrosia and the antidote for my own thoughts./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""To put it in a more poetic way: If a palm tree falls in a deserted, exotic island in the middle of a huge, blue sea and there is no one there to see it, did it really fall?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I turned my head to look at him and frowned./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I don´t know…Did it?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He laughed quietly, probably at my ignorance or "practicality" as he would call it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""That´s not the point I am trying to make. It´s just…we are so pretentious, humans I mean, we put ourselves in such a high pedestal that we can´t bear the idea that things keep rolling even if we didn´t exist. There could be an endemic that killed the entire human race and the sun would still rise, the palm tree would still fall. Why do we think that the palpable reality of things and events completely depends on our own?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I sighed. I knew he wasn´t expecting an answer, it was a purely rhetorical question. This is how this works, sharing thoughts in the dark, the sky as a ceiling and the cold breeze against your body. Times like these worked like a charm that made you vulnerable and open and sharing it with Remus was all I could ask for./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You see the stars?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Remus looked at me waiting for me to proceed as I cleared my throat./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""They are there every night, even if you can´t see them. They are constant, there, always shining. They are these huge masses of gases and other things, I don´t really know what and I am not going to pretend I do."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He smiled at that one and I felt warm inside./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""The thing is they are giant, and important but then, here they are, appearing every night, small and constant like their only purpose is to shine for you and make you feel happy. I mean that star over there? Maybe it died already, we don´t know, but it´s still shining, like it´s trying to tell you it´s still here for you, it´s still shining because of you."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I could feel his gaze so I turned my head to look at him just to feel his green, shiny eyes on my own. All the stars could die as long as I had Remus looking at me like that, making me feel happy and important. I shook my head slightly as I continued./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What I am saying is that maybe humans should be a little more like stars, a bit more modest and selfless…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"If I thought his eyes were shiny before now they could outshine all the stars combined./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Like you."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I caught my breath./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What?"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You´re name…Sirius. It´s a star, the brightest one it the sky and you follow their rules as well. You´re selfless and modest and you make me feel important and you´re constant, here you are with me every night."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I…wow that´s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever told me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You deserve it. You´re the brightest star in my sky…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"At that moment I sent self-control to hell. I reached with my pinky finger to touch Remus´, caressed it slowly and they moved my whole and over his intertwining our fingers./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I felt him shiver and something inside me told me it wasn´t from the cold. He gave me another one of those smiles that made my heart clench. We remained in silence for a while, it wasn´t uncomfortable to be in silence with him, it was peaceful but this night I just felt the urge to completely open up to him, so I broke it./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""My parents hate me."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I felt his thumb caressing my hand as I continued./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""We just, have different views on a lot of important things…we were never close…I can´t explain it."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He nodded and I could see he understood that my "I can´t explain it" meant that talking about it would be like opening up old wounds and that I couldn´t do it without crying./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""The day I came out…The day I couldn´t keep the em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I´m gay /eminside anymore, my mom looked at me dead in the eyes and told me I wasn´t their son, that I had never been and would never be."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He clenched his hand around me tighter. When he spoke he was looking right to my eyes./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""My mom would do this thing where every time she thought I looked sad or down she would ask me who had hurt me, she would ask me to tell her so she could go beat them up or something like that."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I didn´t even realize we were whispering until this point./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I never answered her…if I did it would break her. I could never bring myself to look at her and tell her that the person hurting me was myself."/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It was my time to clench my hand tighter around his. I didn´t fully understood what Remus meant yet but I wouldn´t ask. He would explain me when he felt ready. He was already opening up to me and that felt like the best gift in the whole world./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I never told them…I was never able to bring myself to tell them I liked guys too…"/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Remus let go of my hand and disappointment ran through me until I he had propped up on his elbow as he turned to me. I gulped and did the same until our faces were inches apart. Remus moved his hand to caress my face then locking it around my neck./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It all happened so quickly, so smoothly. Remus moved his face closer, or maybe I moved mine but next thing I knew our lips were moving together, Remus´ hand still in my neck. I moved my own to his face and he moved to my lap, his knees in the grass on each side of my hips. I let my hands run through his back underneath his jumper. It was overwhelming. His smell invading my nostrils, the taste of his mouth on my tongue, the sounds that were escaping his lips mixed with the night sounds around us, the feeling of his skin against my fingertips and… I opened my eyes momentarily only to find his bright eyes smiling at me, it was the most beautiful thing I had set my eyes upon. I closed my eyes again and let my other senses be drowned in everything em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Remus./em/span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When we finally parted we were both breathless and sprawled on the grass, our limbs intertwined./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He looked at me like he could see my soul, caressed my cheek locking a piece of my hair behind my ear and simply murmured./span/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Come home with me."/span/p