Chapter 1 (Maybe)
Pitch black darkness, so thick that one could scoop it up with a hand if he wished to. Strangely though it was not the oppressive, cold darkness of the dead of night, but rather a soft warm darkness that envelopes one as they drift off into a beautiful dream. There was a soft whisper that began to grow louder and louder and soon became a constant cacophony of noise that accompanied Ahri's constant thoughts and she felt the tug of magical powers at her soul. She wanted to ignore it and not respond to the summons, but little did she was about to learn the truth behind unexpected surprises.
"Ahri, I'm summoning you to be the Ability Power Carry of our glorious team. Release your hold and come at once!" The summoner's voice thundered through the caverns of Ahri's mind and she grudgingly let herself be pulled by the tendrils of magic. Ahri felt herself spin in empty space as she was pulled forwards towards the Fields of Justice. She had to force down the bile that began to rise up in her throat. Ahri, the Nine-Tailed Fox had done this many times before and it had always been unpleasant.
As she felt her feet slowly touch the hard stone beneath her she began to open her eyes. The light was initially blinding, a hundred bright spots dancing across her eyes like small fires. As her eyes became more accustomed to the gleaming sunlight she gazed around at the rest of her team and a small smile dance across her face. There in front of her stood Irelia and Shyvana.
Irelia stood there in her grey skin-tight suit. Her long silver hair flowing in the gentle breeze and cradling her perfect face, and her grey eyes briefly met Ahri's before looking away. Irelia's four giant magical blades were spinning slowly behind her. Irelia was obviously going to dominate her top lane. She was tapping her foot impatiently as if waiting for something.
Shyvana was standing right next to her, looking fearsome in her iron armor. Her long hair red hair fell down on her shoulders and a long ponytail reached down to her waist. A half of a dragons skull made of iron was held in each one of the Half-Dragon's hands. She was also fidgeting as she bit on the inside of her lip.
Ahri herself wasn't dressed too badly either. Her short kimono only barely reached past her thighs and only barely concealed her chest. Her long, jet black hair and fox ears were also waving slightly in the breeze. Her nine fox tails were playing idly with her magical orb which she used to steal the essence of mortals after doing activities of questionable ethics with them. She glanced around to find the carry and support of their team, but her search came up fruitless.
NOTE: A carry is an attack damage, ranged champion that will carry the team in late game and a support supports that carry. Carries do a lot of damage, and support do barely any.
"Hey summoner, where are the remaining to members of the team?" Ahri asked her summoner as she waited patiently.
"Well the carry said he will pick the carry based on the team, he and the support should be arriving about now." And just as he finished that sentence the beam of blue light appeared signaling the arrival of the final two members. The first to step out of the light was Taric, the Gem Knight. He was covered in his typical pink gems, shining in his pink armor. He carried his giant pink crystal shield and a giant pink crystal hammer. His pink fuzzy boots were sitting cozily on his feet. His brown, shoulder-length hair and blue eyes sat calmly on his face as he adjusted his long pink cape. He looked nice; it was just too bad that he was rumored to be a homosexual.
"BEEP-BOOP F**k the bot lane." Came a mechanical voice from within the blue beam and not moments after everyone turned to gaze at the beam did their 'carry' step out. It was the Great Steam Golem, Blitzcrank in his full shinning bronze glory. THEY HAD TWO SUPPORTS FOR BOT LANE!?
"So Blitzcrank, what is your opinion about our team composition?" Taric turned to his companion and friend.
"Let-us-see. We appear to have a prostitute, a skimpy teenage girl, and a half-dragon thingy. I shall carry this team into the new meta!"
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Ahri screeched.
. . . . .
Early Game:
Note: The rest of the story will follow Blitzcrank and his shenanigans.
"A rolling golem gathers no rust." Blitzcrank said as he and Taric began to stroll down towards bot lane. Taric was casually walking alongside him, a smirk plastered onto his gleaming face.
"No my dear golem, of course you won't gather any rust. Kind of like my gems. Don't I just look absolutely fabulous?" As if to emphasize the statement Taric did the most flamboyant position.
"GG, we lost. Taric and Blitzcrank are going bot." Blitzcrank heard Ahri's summoner whine to the enemy. He casually sat down beneath the turret and began to draw circles in the sand. Taric walked over to his friend, who looked somewhat reminiscent of a stone statue. He looked down at the circles that Blitzcrank was drawing.
"Whatcha doing?" Blitzcrank looked up at Taric and sighed. The metal gears rumbled as Blitzcrank stood up, scaring the daylight out of Taric as he launched his hand at the brush on the right side of the lane. A stunned looking Lux was yanked directly into the turret's line of sight. Taric just rolled his eyes at the surprised girl.
"Stun, will you." Taric obliged by smacking Lux in the face with his fabulous shield, knocking her down to the ground like a piñata. The turret fired off a couple of shots before a blue beam appeared to take away he beaten and broken body. As the rag doll was teleported to the enemies' base and the 'An Enemy Has Been Slain' message appeared Taric turned towards Blitzcrank who placed a nice bag of gold down next to the turret.
"So, what exactly were you doing again?" Blitzcrank just shrugged as he trotted past Taric and into the fray of blue and purple minions.
"Bating."
. . . . .
Mid Game:
Note: Jungling is a role played by a jungler. They start in the jungle filled with neutral mobs. They then proceed to kill the mobs to get levels and gank lanes.
"Whose fabulous now huh!? Can't beat my gems, because gems, gems are truly outrages!" Taric screeched as he finished beating Lux into a bloody pulp. He stood up and hoisted his hammer back over his shoulder. Blitzcrank in the meantime was chasing Ezreal, the blonde boy who was in a relationship with Lux, all over the bot lane.
"Get over here, Blitz needs your money for his Phantom Dancers!" Blitz yelled as he used his rocket grab to pull Ezreal away from the safety of his turret and uppercut him in the air, all while releasing a field of static silencing and damaging the enemy carry.
"Blitzcrank is Legendary!" Blitzcrank stood stock at attention before turning towards the river that connected bot, mid, and top lanes together. He then proceeded to salute the air.
"Thank you announcer lady!" Blitz waved into the air before turning towards Taric, "So what is their jungler doing?"
Taric proceeded to pull out an animated map of the Summoner's Rift. He glanced down on it and frowned, "Warwick appears to be killing Shyvana, hmm what a surprise."
"An Enemy is Godlike."
"Well, where is he going now?" Blitzcrank asked as he made his way to the turret to place the bags of gold onto his increasing mountain of shiny coins.
"He seems to be headed for the Blue Golem, are you thinking what I am thinking Blitz?" Taric mused as he rolled up the map.
"TIME TO COUNTER JUNGLE!" They both screamed as they rushed up from bot lane and into the enemy jungle.
. . . . .
Blitzcrank and Taric sat patiently in the brush waiting for Warwick, the werewolf, to come take his golems, for when he did there would be a surprise waiting for him. The two supports had successfully stolen his Red Lizard and Blue Golem and now were waiting for his arrival. They did not have to wait long for an ear piercing howl sounded in the quiet of the jungle and soon Warwick came into view. His claws were bloody and he was dragging a badly bleeding Ahri behind him. She had claw rends all over her body, and the blood that seeped from those wounds cascaded down and formed a deep crimson pool below her.
"Now then, to get my blue buff and then dominate the game." Warwick growled, but then came up short as he faced not a big Blue Golem, but a tiny lizard. He dropped Ahri and turned to run, but it was too late, for there was a Taric being shot out by Blitzcrank towards him from the brush.
"Eat my fabulous dazzle, you hooligan! Cho'gath would be ashamed of the way you treat the ladies!" Taric smashed Warwick's face with his shield and unleashed the full might of his shiny pink gems. Warwick tried to flash over the wall, but a pro Blitz is pro. Blitzcrank shot out his rocked arm over the wall and yanked Warwick back to them, before unloading his full high damage combo into his face.
"BEEP BOOP, f**k the Warwick." Blitzcrank smacked Warwick down into the ground and proceeded to take the money awarded for the kill, as Warwick was teleported away.
"Blitzcrank is Legend- oh screw this. Kill number twenty eight for Blitzcrank."
. . . . .
Late Game:
Note: Aaand now we are back to Ahri. If you want to know who all of these characters are just look them up on Google. That is what the internet is for after all.
Ahri slowly came too in the infirmary of the Institute of War. She glanced at the white walls and white blankets. Everything around her was white and it was blinding. It was like staring into a winter wonderland. That in itself helped both Taric and Blitzcrank stand out like sore thumbs. She glared at the two supports and spat at them.
"So, we lost the game didn't we, and Warwick also did what he wanted to everyone didn't he?" Blitzcrank just shrugged and turned to Taric with a snicker.
"I'll let Taric explain." He then proceeded to step back.
"Well Ahri, you see, me and Blitz here single handedly won the game. Blitz got four or five pentakills, along with five turrets, and inhibitor, the nexus, oh and fifty kills. Speaking of Warwick, what did we do to him again?" Taric raised an eyebrow at Blitzcrank.
"Well, we killed him… over and over again. We then used him as a piñata. Oh and Ahri, you don't have to worry. I and Mr. Fabulous there made sure he didn't do anything, literally. We kept him with Baron. I think Warwick has now and intense fear of worms, and golems, and homosexuals."
"And gems." Taric added with a smile.
"Yes and gems. Oh and we made sure that you were alright. Taric even patched up your wounds. He insisted he wanted to play nurse." Ahri was dumbfounded at this revelation, but the moment it finally sank in she jumped out of bed and showered Taric and Blitzcrank in hugs and kisses.
"Thank you." Was all that she uttered.
UPDATE
MidgetGnome: "Did I just… I think I did."
TurkeyFeather: "Yes, you did."
MG: "I'm going to go drown myself real quick."
TF: "Can I watch?"
MG: "No."
TF: "Oh, why so negative?"
MG: "Because the fans are tearing me into pieces demanding a new chapter of 'Legend of the Shadowking' and this is what I give them. By the time they are through with me I will be a pile of Daemonic goop."
TF: "Why don't you get Sergey and Kade to help you out then?"
MG: "Do you think I have a suicide wish? They are worse than the Overruling Council!"
TF: "You do realize-"
MG: "Hell, I would rather face a horde of angry trolls!"
TF: "Hey MidgetGnome, stop! You are giving out spoilers!"
MG: "Oh puh-lease, no one has any idea what I am talking about!"
Fade away of MidgetGnome and TurkeyFeather arguing.
No, but in all seriousness guys, and gals, I am sorry for not posting anything for the past two weeks. School has been stressing me out and with the release of Pokémon X and Y I have been very busy. Don't you worry your little heads though, because I shall be back with uploads. Oh and I will try to force TurkeyFeather to upload, but no guarantees.
Sincerely,
MidgetGnome, The Evil Daemonic Wizard