Helly everyone :) This is my very first fan fiction - ever! - so I am a bit unsure about it all.
English is not my native language and I really need some time to get into it again as I haven't properly used it for over a year :) If there are any bad mistakes I am really sorry but feel free to tell me so I can change them :)
It would be very nice if you told what you thought about it by the way, I don't know if I should continue with this story... so yeah some reviews would be nice...
*you know very well the characters were not invented by me
* Airplanes in my Stomach - Flugzeuge in meinem Bauch by Herbert Grönemeyer
Airplanes in my Stomach
Shadows in your glance
Your smile is painted
Your thoughts are not with me anymore
You mechanically caress me -
completely aspetic
Here she was, lying in her bed, but not alone.
She had fantasized about this particualr situation for months, years even.
She used to think him lying next to her would make her the happiest and luckiest person on earth.
But in her dreams everything was different.
In her dreams, she saw genuine smiles, laughter, she saw flirting, caress, love and most important in her dreams she was happy
and so was he, but in reality they were not.
In reality they were broken, both of them.
It's been 5 weeks since he asked her for help.
He said such confusing things back then, things that all made sense now.
She knew he wanted something from her the minute he told her she counted.
Only she didn't know if he actually meant those things, or only said them because he knew which buttons to press, in order to make her do what he wanted.
She still wasn't sure about this, but she didn't care, she loved him and would always help him.
Not helping was never an option.
She was aware of him never returning those feelings towards her but that didn't just wash hers away.
She couldn't have ever said no.
He said such confusing things back then, things she didn't understand but didn't even bother to care about.
All that mattered that moment was helping him, in any way she possibly could.
If she had acted rationally she wouldn't have helped him. But who acts rationally when being in love?
In the end everything worked out, Sherlock won. But at which cost?
She didn't want to go on thinking about it, it hurt too much and it hurt him even more.
Though their shared pain is what brought them together.
Of course they weren't together the way normal people are, but their relationship has indeed changed.
Molly couldn't say it was for the better.
After the great fall, Sherlock moved in Molly's flat as they arranged before.
But he wasn't himself anymore, it seemed as if most of himself died with the fall.
Molly of course knew it had to do little with the fact that he wasn't able to do any cases at the moment, although he complained about it all the time and was nasty to her because of it.
But she knew what really bothered him and made him so devastated - he missed John and even worse,he knew John's sorrow was his fault and there was not a minute he didn't hate himself for that.
Molly didn't know what to do.
She wanted to tell John the truth so badly. She was part of Sherlock's plan, she knew the truth so she blamed herself for his sadness, too. But Sherlock had made it clear, it was too dangerous to tell him yet. She felt heart-broken for both of them.
Sherlock didn't know but she would often visit John and spend some time with him, they would usually not talk much about Sherlock as it was still too hurtful for John but when they did Molly always tried to give John a little hint.
Finally she found the strength to open her eyes and face this new day.
Her head was still lying on his bare chest, the way she fell asleep last night.
He was already awake, of course he was, he always was, but when she looked up at him he didn't take any notice of her, he continued staring blankly at the opposit wall while caressing her right arm with his fingertips.
She sat up a bit and looked at him, studied his features which were so different from the ones last night.
Now he looked sad, concerned and worried, last night he looked sad,too, but most of all relaxed.
Tears started to build up inside her eyes.
„Hey." - she managed to crock out.
She saw him taking a deep breath before he responded with a simple nod.
Molly closed her eyes, trying to hold back the new tears now forming.
„Are you alright?", she asked.
„Of course I am, ", he relpied sharply, but didn't stop stroking her arm.
Molly didn't want to break out into tears in front of him, he wouldn't understand and wouldn't know what to do about it so she got up and went to the bathroom.
While taking a shower she tried to arrange her thoughts once more.
She loved him.
She knew he didn't, she knew he cared about her but there would never be more.
She knew he only came to her at night because then he was able to forget and for at least a few hours he wasn't in pain anymore.
She loved him and wanted to take away his pain and if that was only possible by increasing her own pain, she welcomed it with open arms as she welcomed him night after night.