Disclaimer: I do not own any HPL character, even less The Great Chtulhu. Just wrote this for fun.
Special thanks to my boyfriend, who inspired this piece of nasty humor.
Note: parts in italics are in Italian
9/10/2008: minor edits.
Enjoy!
RING! RING! The phone rang loudly. It was two minutes to midnight, almost closing time.
"Pizzeria Bella Napoli! Good evening! how may I help you?" Gennaro asked in a thickly accented, melodious voice.
"Good Evening. - replied a growling, inhuman voice, weirdly distorted – I want four pizzas with cheese and peperoni."
Gennaro shivered and stuttered, scared shitless by the otherwordly quality of the voice. But business is still business.
"Where do you want them delivered, mister?" he asked in a trembling voice, trying not to think about the boy who would have to actually deliver the pizzas.
"Leave them on the steps of your shop. I will come and take them."
The call ended abruptly, leaving Gennaro even more scared. It would come to take the pizzas. Yeah, right. he considered for a moment closing his shop and running like hell, but he suspected that it would come after them.
"Madunnuzza Bella! 1" exclaimed the poor pizza-maker.
His co-worker and friend Salvatore averted his attention from the pizza he was putting in the oven.
"Santo Dio2 , Gennaro! - Salvatore cried – You are so pale! What has happened to you? Have you seen a ghost?"
Gennaro shrugged, trying to hide his fears from his friend. "It was just a weird customer. By the way, he wants four pizzas with cheese and peperoni. Can you fix them?"
"Sure!" Salvatore replied, still concerned.
The pizzas were ready in few minutes, hot and delicious. Gennaro placed them in individual cardboard boxes and put them on the steps of the shop. They were the last pizzas of the night.
"What are you doing?" Salvatore asked, quite puzzled.
"The weird customer asked me to do so..." Gennaro replied, shrugging again.
"Definitely weird." his friend commented, seating himself on a stool.
"Yeah!" Gennaro agreed. He uncorked a bottle of strong red wine and poured two glasses, for himself and for his friend. They sipped their wine and waited, anxious and tense.
They did not have to wait long, though.
With a flash of light and a ripping sound, a huge tentacle appeared from a rift in the structure of time and space, took the pizzas and left a pair of tattered ten dollars bills and a considerable amount of green slime. "Keep the change." said the inhuman voice, then the tentacle abruptly disappeared.
Gennaro and Salvatore glanced at each other, glanced back at the front door and ran away screaming.
1 Holy Virgin!
2 By God!