Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. I write this story just for laughs
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Weak-minded Clones
"BOOM!"
An explosion was heard from Padme's cool ship. The ship is blown to millions of pieces and made Padme's decoy dead.
"Sorry milady, I messed up…"
"You did mess up, but that's okay I'm gonna die in the next episode anyway…"
Not long after that, Captain Typho escorted Padme to Chancellor Palpatine's (Or should I say Darth Sidious's!! ) office. At the Chancellor's office, they chat and put their fake smiles (politicians…) to discuss Padme's protection against bounty hunters. But to everyone's dismay, Jar-Jar is still alive, oh dear…
As they discussed, Anakin (which turned to a hot guy) and Obi-Wan entered the room.
"Obi? Obi? Me'sa happy to see you'sa!" Jar-Jar greeted.
"I thought you were dead after you were casted in Happy Sea Friends!" Obi-Wan said.
"No, Me'sa not dead. Me'sa only badly Injured and become racist politician! The people love me'sa, but the show got low ratings…Cause I didn't die.
"Aww…That's too bad, I LOVE Happy Sea Friends, I like the part when you mistaken the laser of a light saber to the handle of the lightsaber and caused your floppy ear-like thingy cut in half , man that was hilarious!" Anakin said.
Padme approached Anakin, they were happy because they met for the first time after 10 years. Anakin started to talk gibberish and made Padme laugh.
After a long talk
"Bye Milady!" Everyone said as they left the building except of course Obie and Annie.
Padme went to bed and slept.
"Master…"
"I feel something too"
"Hey! I haven't finish my sentence!"
What are you gonna say anyway!?"
"I'm gonna say the same thing, but you just ruined it, let's just go to Padme's room"
At the room, they saw a bounty hunter putting poisonous robots on Padme's bed. Anakin easily sliced them and woke Padme up. Obi-Wan quickly hang on the floaty thingy and glide through Coruscant. Anakin quickly, or should I say SLOWLY chose a speeder that he likes in the parking lot (Thief!). Then, he catched Obi-Wan which is about to fall from the floaty thingy that is functioned to transport the poisonous robots.
They glide and glide until they found the bounty hunter. Suddenly, Anakin purposely got off the speeder from an extremely, I mean EXTREMELY high height. But luckily, he is able to use the Force and do cool stuff.
"Anakin, are you thick as shit!?"
"Yes!"
Then, Anakin landed on the bounty hunter's speeder and results to the crashing of the bounty hunter's speeder. After the bounty hunter's speeder crashed, he/she fled and went into the crowds of a bar.
Unluckily, Anakin's lightsaber broke and he got a scolding by Obi-Wan.
"Anakin you retard! You broke your lightsaber…Again!"
"Sorry master, I will not do it again"
"It's okay, I guess, but stop being a careless lovesick puppy!"
Not long after that, they continued their mission. At the bar, they found the bounty hunter and they found out that the bounty hunter is a girl! Her name was Zam Wessel.
They chased the bounty hunter until someone shot a saberdart to The bounty hunter. The bounty hunter died after a few seconds. Poor Annie and Obi doesn't get really much information. The next day, Anakin was assigned as Padme's bodyguard.
The next morning, Padme packed her clothes for her trip to her home planet Naboo. At that moment, Anakin walked into Padme's room and saying some I-love-you-but-I'm-not-allowed-to crap.
At the spaceship, they chat and thought about the good times they had 10 years ago. The scene was very fluffy.
Finally, they arrived at Padme's mansion. At the mansion, they do stuff like having a picnic, eat dinner, and some more lovely dovey stuff.
At the picnic, they rolled on the hills like in Indian movies. It was the best romantic moment EVER! And don't forget when Anakin lifted Padme's fruit with the force and cut it in half, oh yeah baby, it was very romantic. George Lucas is the best romance writer ever!
At night, Anakin had nightmares about his mom. So, the next day they fled to Anakin's home planet Tatooine .
Meanwhile
"Yo Dexter, do you know what this is?"Obi-Wan Asked.
"It's a cool thingy from a planet called Kamino!" Dexter the diner owner answered.
"Thanks!"Obi-Wan replied
After Obi-Wan asked Dexter about the gear shaped figure thing to Dexter, he fled to the rainy planet Kamino. At Kamino, he was greeted by a Freaky tall creature Named Taun We.
Taun We showed Obi-Wan the prime minister of Kamino, which is Lama Su, another freaky tall creature. Kamino showed a lot of surprises for Obi-Wan, especially the discovery of the freaky clones and Jango Fett (man, Kamino is the freakiest planet ever).
Tatooine
As Anakin and Padme arrived at Tatooine, they searched for Anakin's mom. At the search, they met Watto the smelly-old-fart who was formerly Anakin's owner.
"Yo Anakin, you turned into a Jedi?!"
"Duh, look at my lightsaber!"
"Grrr…" Watto grumbled
"Watto, do you know where my mom is?"
"Yeah, a man freed and married her. His name is Cliegg Lars. Now, Shmi lives with him"
"Thanks dude"
After they met Watto, they went to the Lars homestead in the purpose of the search of Anakin's mom. At the Lars Homestead, they were greeted by a sort of fat young man with his girlfriend. They are Owen Lars and Beru Whitesun . After a series of events, Owen showed them to a crippled man named Cliegg Lars.
"Are you Anakin Skywalker?"
"Yeah, who are you?"
"I'm your stepdad, my name is Cliegg Lars."
"Cool, I have a stepdad! By the way, where's mom?"
"Sorry Anakin, she's kidnapped by Tusken Raiders"
"NooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOo!!"
After he learned that his mom is kidnapped by Tusken Raiders, he rode his sand speeder (I'm not really sure if it's his, thief!) to the Tusken Raider's village. He quietly sneaked into the village and found his mom dying in a cave. He quickly approached his mom sadly.
"Annie, Annie, is that you?"
"Yes mommy"
"You're so handsome and hot"
"Thanks mom. Don't die please, PLEASE!"
"Annie, my time has come, I'm gonna die now, bye!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo…"
Anakin got very mad after his mom died.
"I'm angry now, so I'm gonna and kill a village of Tusken Raiders!"
*VOOM*VOOM*VOOM*VOOM*, lightsaber noises was heard and Tusken Raider screams was heard.
Afterwords, they had a funeral for Anakin's mom in front of the Lars homestead.
Geonosis
Obi-Wan followed Jango and Bob Fett until Geonosis. It's a planet full of bug-like aliens that don't have brains. But When he spied the bad guys, he was captured by Count Dooku . Anakin and Padme tried to rescue him but ends up having an execution at the coliseum.
At the Coliseum
Wild animals began to attack them. But with Obi's and Annie's awesome intelligence and awesome force powers, they can manage to stay alive. Not long after that, Mace Windu and his Jedi team went to the arena to rescue Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme. Afterwards, Yoda also came to the arena with the clone troopers and rescued Padme and the surviving Jedi.
Count Dooku escaped from the battle, Anakin and Obi-Wan found him in a secret hangar. They tried to battle him, but their skills are no match for Dooku. Anakin got fustrated and whammied Dooku. Because of his bad and un-Jedi manner, Dooku cut Anakin's arm with his lightsaber.
*VOOM*(Dooku's lightsaber noise)
"Oh man, that ain't cool!!!" Anakin said.
"That's for giving me a whammy..." Dooku replied after he got whammied by Anakin. But luckily, Anakin will get a new mechanical right arm.
Suddenly, Yoda appeared in the hangar and battled Dooku.
After the battle of Geonosis, Anakin and Padme got secretly married (hey, it's against the Jedi code!) at Naboo. The witnesses are only C-3P0 and R2-D2.
Coruscant, Jedi Temple
"Wow, we kick butt back there, thanks to the Clone Troopers!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.
"Dummy you are! Started the Clone Wars has!" Yoda answered.
"Hey, that's kind of a cool name for a war "
"I know".
(I'm not really quite sure if it's a happy ending or a sad ending :-I )