Lovely Dreams, Lively Passions
Chapter 1 – The Confession
About a month has passed since Muse put on its final concert. I'm really glad we did that! It was such a blast to put on a concert in front of a packed house! It also made good on an important promise I made. Perhaps best of all, was mom teasing dad about how much he cried at the concert. It made for a lot of cute and funny moments around the family Dinner table!
But about a week after we put on the concert, Kotori received another letter. She received a second chance to study overseas. This time, her mom encouraged her to take up this opportunity. Nozomi felt that maybe this particular opportunity is meant to be embraced by Kotori, given that it had arose again so soon after the previous one. Nozomi said that her cards indicated that to her as well.
So Kotori really did leave on the plane this time. All of her friends from Muse saw her off, and we were all in tears over it… especially Umi, Kotori, and me! Kotori promised to send me e-mails or text messages every day, and she thankfully has been true to her word. That has made it a bit easier to move on without her physical presence in my life. Still, it is very hard, and Muse is not the same with Kotori gone.
But I'm not quitting Muse, and Muse continues to practice from time-to-time. Perhaps we'll get to compete in the next Love Live! But it's not the main focus in my life right now. With the school saved, I've focused more on my school work, and I've thought a bit about my future. I love being a School Idol, and so I try to think of a realistic career that could tie into that. I have become a pretty good dancer, so maybe that can lead me somewhere!
So my enthusiasm for life is still there. But I have felt a bit lonely lately. So I was glad when Eri-chan dropped in for an unexpected visit. Eri joined me in my large bedroom. I prepared and poured some tea for the two of us, and now we were sitting directly across from each other, at the small white table in my room.
"You make the most delicious tea, Honoka." Eri said, after sipping some.
"Thanks!" I replied cheerfully, "But I doubt you came here just to share some tea with me."
Eri has been unusually quiet since she entered my room after we initially exchanged warm greetings. I wouldn't say she was nervous, exactly, but she definitely had a lot on her mind!
"You're right." Eri replied, "While it's nice to drink tea with you, it's not the main reason I'm here. I'm… worried about you, Honoka."
"Oh?" I asked, genuinely surprised, "I think things are going well in Muse, and I'm doing Ok in school right now, so…"
"I know." Eri interjected, "To your credit, you've handled things very well. Much better than last time. But… I know what it's like to put on a brave face and act calm and collected. Are you…?"
"I miss Kotori, of course…" I answered, starting in a low tone of voice before raising it a bit, "I'd love for her to still be here in Japan with the rest of us. But I also know I have a lot to be happy for. I have a lot of great friends! While it's sad to not be able to hang out with my best friend anymore, I also don't want to get too caught up in the sadness surrounding it. I think I'd be doing a disservice to Kotori if I became that sad over her not being around. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I do." Eri replied, making a slight and thankfully reassuring smile over what I said, "Well, I'm relieved that you seem to be truly handling it well. How about Umi?"
"Umi has a new boyfriend." I said with a smile, "So she's doing great!"
"Oh, really?" Eri asked, sounding surprised.
"Yeah." I confirmed, "Umi is a pretty private person, so there's some things she doesn't share with everybody in Muse. But I'm sure she'll tell everybody else if it really gets serious between her and her new boyfriend."
"…That must be hard on you, Honoka." Eri said, "I mean, Kotori left for America. And I guess Umi doesn't have as much time to spend with you now, so…"
"I won't lie." I replied, "I have felt a bit lonely some days lately, especially on the weekends. But I don't want to be selfish about this. I want to be happy for my friends!"
Eri beamed over that. There's something I find so reassuring about her smiles. So that perked me up a bit!
"That's a great attitude to have." Eri said, before her tone became slightly playful, "But still, if your friends are going to exciting new places and making new relationships, why not you do the same? Why not get a boyfriend of your own?"
My eyes went large over that.
"I-It's not that easy to do, Eri-san!" I exclaimed in shock.
"I'm sure some teenage guy out there must have taken notice of you in those Muse videos." Eri stated playfully, while winking at me, "Why not…"
"Truth be told, I'm not really into guys very much…" I instinctively interjected, wanting to end this particular line of conversation right now!
Wait… why did I let that slip?! Will Eri find out…?!
Yes, I think she will. Eri's face betrayed that she just had a "Eureka!" moment. A light-bulb had gone off in her head.
"There's not many girls our age who aren't interested in guys, Honoka…" Eri said, "Does that mean…?"
"I-I'm just not very interested in romance in general." I stated nervously, "I-I'm happy just having a lot of great friends."
"…Really?" Eri asked, in a very serious tone of voice, after shifting her eyes to the side a bit.
"I… Well…" I began in uneasy reply.
I don't like lying. I really don't. I hate pretentiousness. I love being an open, honest, and straightforward person! But I'm also scared what Eri will think of me if…
"I won't think any less of you if you're the sort of girl that likes girls more than guys, Honoka…" Eri said, in this odd tone that was like a mixture of sincere soft sympathy with excited hopefulness.
"…Really?" I asked.
Eri nodded.
I then sighed. I've never shared this with anybody before… but for some reason, I felt I should share this with Eri.
"Please keep this private between us…" I say to her.
"Of course." She replied, "I know well the value of discretion and never breaching confidentiality."
"That's good to know." I stated, "Ok, well… yeah, I do like girls that way."
There was a tense silence in the air after I said that. Eri seemed to take in this new knowledge about me just as slowly as she sipped her tea. Eri seemed to be carefully considering what to say next, but otherwise she was as cool as usual. It made me feel that much more uncomfortable and anxious over what Eri might say to what I had just revealed.
"Do Kotori and Umi know this about you?" Eri asked in a low, soft tone.
"…No." I admitted in a low tone.
Eri seemed once more lost in cautious contemplation. She must think less of me for keeping this secret from Kotori and Umi. I must explain why I have done so!
"Please understand why I've kept this private from almost everyone." I said, "Umi and Kotori really are my best friends. I really do love them as dear friends! I don't want them to think that their friendship means any less to me than what it does just because it's platonic. I also don't want them to get the wrong idea about my feelings for them. I'm perfectly happy with the three of us being 'just' friends. They still mean the world to me!"
"I understand" replied Eri, making a soft smile to me, "I can relate."
This made me blink in surprise.
"How can you relate?" I asked Eri, "I mean, you couldn't relate unless you're…"
"Yes, it's because I'm a lesbian myself." Eri quickly interjected, with impressive firmness.
My eyes went wide at hearing that.
"While Nozomi isn't, perhaps surprisingly." Eri stated, "But Nozomi's friendship is still invaluable to me."
"I… I see." I said.
The tension in the room was growing increasingly thick, particularly as an amazing possibility took hold in my mind. But could suck a thing truly be possible! She's so beautiful, successful, smart, talented… I'm so average by comparison.
"Honoka…" Eri said, before swallowing hard, "Given what we now know about each other, there is a… confession… I want to make to you. It's a confession I wouldn't have made if I thought you were straight, but since you're not…"
I now felt my heart quicken ever so slightly.
"W-what confession do you want to tell me?" I asked.
Eri took in a deep breath, and answered.
"… I have a crush on you." she answered, while blushing, and shyly looking away from me.
And that confession would turn my entire world upside-down!
-a
-b
-c
During lunch break at school, the next day.
"Honoka, you've been strangely silent all morning." Umi said, "I know that you only act like that when something is deeply troubling you. So please, let me help. What's on your mind?"
I wish I could tell Umi exactly what was on my mind, but this wasn't the right time and place to reveal that to her, given how shocking she'd probably find it. At the moment, I regretted never telling Kotori and Umi about where my… romantic interests lie. This is because I really would like to confide completely in Umi right now. But given the circumstances, I would have to play a bit coy…
"A very attractive person confessed to me yesterday." I said to Umi.
"Oh, really?" Umi answered, first looking shocked but then looking happy, "But isn't that something to be happy about, Honoka? Who knows, maybe you and this dreamy guy could even join Sakaki and I on a double-date some time!"
"I never said that I accepted the confession, Umi!" I replied with a touch of irritation.
But while I was annoyed by Umi assuming I had accepted the confession, I was honestly glad she had also incorrectly assumed that it was a boy that confessed to me. That would make it easier for me to discuss this with her.
"Sorry for jumping to conclusions there." Umi said, feeling some shame at doing so, as she's usually a careful thinker, "I just figured that if you found him very attractive, and he confessed to you, then…"
"I know." I quickly interjected, "It would make sense to just accept it, right? But I'm worried. I'm worried about what it might do to Muse."
"Well, I'm balancing being a member of Muse with having a boyfriend, so I don't see why you couldn't." Umi replied with a reassuring smile.
Umi was right of course. With decent time management, it wouldn't be too hard to make time for both Muse, and also a new romance. But the problem for me, of course, is that the person who confessed to me is also in Muse. But that's not something I wanted to reveal to Umi, so I just pretended to go along with her to end the discussion.
"I guess you're right." I replied to Umi while forcing a smile, "I'll probably accept the confession later today, after our practice."
"Well…" Umi said after a pause and some careful thinking, "I can see why this is difficult for you. This is the first time someone has confessed to you, isn't it?"
"Yeah, that's right." I answered honestly.
"So I do get that." Umi said, "But you should be more relieved than anything, Honoka. I mean, you're almost 17 now. So it's a great time to experience your first love. You'll be more mature for it than I was at 13, but it would be a shame if you had graduated high school without first experiencing love."
"I guess you have a point." I replied, "Anyway, I'll tell you if it all works out for me!"
"I'll be rooting for you!" Umi said, with a bright smile while closing her eyes.
"Thank you, Umi." I replied warmly.
After school, Umi and I joined Eri, Nozomi, Nico, Maki, Hanayo, and Rin for some School Idol practice. Though it was obviously difficult with Eri there, I tried to focus on the practice itself, and just enjoy it. Eri and I would exchange a couple knowing glances a couple times while we practiced a stage performance, but thankfully Eri gave me a lot of space. Typically, Eri and I are right next to each other during Muse performances, but Eri had suggested that Rin and her switch spots for today. I'm not sure if Eri did this out of her own nervousness, or out of concern for me, but either way, I appreciate it.
Once practice was over, I dried myself off with a towel, and I think most of my fellow Muse members did the same. That's when Eri spoke to me for the first time today.
"Honoka…" she said to me softly, a bit more nervously than usual, "Could we chat privately in the Student Council room for a bit? There's some… club accounting I want to go over with you."
"Hey!" piped up Nico in displeasure, "I'm the President of the Idol Research Club, so I should be the one meeting with you about this!"
"In fact Honoka doesn't need to be there at all." Nico stated as she tilted her head sideways, closed her eyes, and waved dismissively towards me.
I just nervously chuckled in response to that.
"Well, Nico…" Eri began in smooth response to that, as I think she came prepared for this precise objection, "I would discuss this with you, but don't you have two big tests tomorrow? You do know that we need to keep up our grades in order for Muse to continue to enjoy the support of the school, right?"
"I-I guess you're right." Nico replied, trying to hide her displeasure over Eri's counterargument, behind a stern and stoic façade, "Honoka will be satisfactory as my representative. But make sure you tell me all about this meeting tomorrow, Honoka!"
"O-Of course, Nico." I replied nervously.
"So, Honoka…" Eri said, softening her voice a bit, "Please come with me."
"Right…" I replied uneasily, and while blushing a bit, suspecting what this was really all about.
As Eri and I left the room, I thought I could feel Umi's gaze fall upon us. Is Umi seeing through all of this? I certainly hope not!
But that's not the important thing right now. The most important thing is how I was going to respond to Eri's confession…