HIS PLACE IN HER HEART
Rosamund is convinced that Edith is settling for second best with Gregson so she decides to try some damage limitation. Spoiler alert : Contains references to 4.4
Edith was stunned as Rosamund walked out of the room after their little chat.
Rosamund was the first of the family to boldly speak Sir Anthony Strallan's name since that terrible day when he had shattered Edith's heart and dreams by walking out of Downton church on what should have been their wedding day.
Edith was no fool. She knew that her family had been secretly relieved. The fact his name had not been mentioned since was not to spare her feelings, she was sure of that.
Michael Gregson was very different. He was younger, had four working limbs and was prepared to brave the displeasure of her family by becoming a German citizen in order that he could divorce his mad wife and marry her. If Rosamund knew that she would be on the first train to Downton for sure. Michael loved her and Edith thought she loved him, but her life had been so lacking in love. She thought she understood why. Anthony had done what he had through love, not lack of it. But he had not consulted Edith on what should have been her decision and that rankled because he had considered her views in all other matters. For a long time she had blamed her grandmother, Violet, for making her views clear. Violet believed that Edith would be throwing away her life as a nursemaid. But Anthony was healthy in other respects. Most men in his social position had valets to dress them even when they had two good arms.
Edith sensed that Rosamund would be watching her like a hawk for the remainder of her stay.
She needed to get out. She wanted time alone to think.
She didn't care to admit it then but the very mention of Anthony's name was like a knife in her heart.
She thought about their brief courtship, how proud she had been when he had exposed Larry Grey for spiking Tom Branson's drink on the eve of Mary & Matthew's wedding. Had it been Matthew's drink been spiked Edith felt sure Anthony would have earned her father's eternal gratitude because it was no secret that Mary was the favourite. Now Sybil was gone she, Edith, felt more invisible and undervalued than ever. She remembered the halcyon days before the war, when he had taken her for a drive and to that concert in York. She & Anthony had shared so many tastes and political views.
She shivered. What on earth would Anthony think of her if he knew that the man in her life was prepared to join the most hated race on earth in order to marry her? He would be appalled and Edith realised that Gregson had come up with this all by himself. She had not encouraged him and felt like she was being railroaded. There would be a while yet before anything could happen, he had to live in Germany for a while first. Was she headed for the biggest mistake of her life? Despite what Aunt Rosamund thought, Edith had not allowed Gregson to make love to her last night. She had wanted to but suddenly realised it would be wrong. With a sinking feeling she realised she could not go through with it, she had to set Michael free and stop him making such a mistake. She loved him but she was not in love with him. Gregson was signing up to join the nation that had caused Anthony's injury, making him a broken man. Edith realised that she would be betraying Anthony and she had never thought of it in that way. All Michael knew was that she had been jilted, she had never told him Anthony's name.
Edith stared out at the rain and was shocked to feel her eyes filling with tears.
Rosamund came back into the room.
"Edith, I may have been a bit harsh and I'm sorry, but you're worth more than that. You're selling yourself short. He's not good enough for you, he'll drag you down and ruin you."
Edith turned to face her aunt and Rosamund was shocked to see the tears.
"Oh Edith, whatever is wrong? I was just giving you advice because I have had bad experiences with men ever since your uncle died. Women in our social position are vulnerable because men prey on us for our money and our titles. Please don't hold it against me."
Edith flung her arms around Rosamund and her body shook with heaving sobs. Rosamund soothed her.
"Oh Aunt Rosamund, I don't know what to do. I'm on the verge of making what could be the biggest mistake of my life. I feel like I'm being pressured. I love Michael but I am not in love with him and that isn't enough is it? Michael would only ever be second best to the man who broke my heart. You are the first person to say his name since that day and I thank you for it."
"You still love Sir Anthony Strallan don't you?" Rosamund said gently.
"Yes, and I always have. If he doesn't want me then I may as well be dead, part of me died that day."
"Edith, I need you to tell me everything about Michael Gregson and then, if Anthony Strallan is the one you want, I will do my best to help you."
"I really don't know where to start," Edith confessed, "But one thing that will make you relieved is that, well we didn't have carnal relations last night."
"That's a huge relief," Rosamund said, "Now tell me everything."