"Missing You"
By: Kusanagi Mikura
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX
What if.. I never met you on that day?
Are we not supposed to be together?
Like Romeo and Juliet,
Can't we just be together?
Tied with a red thread of fate
XoxoxoxoxoxoxoX
July, 10th 2011
"… What are you doing here?" I asked to him, to the boy who changes my life five years ago.
Today is 8-2's class reunion. We planned to have a party in the old school. It's now 8pm. And everyone is waiting for the fireworks. I thought that everyone is waiting on the first floor, chatting with everyone else than visiting the old class. I thought that no one will be staying at the class, but I guess I'm wrong. After three years has passed, I didn't expect to meet him here. Of all the people I hate, why do I have to meet him here? But nothing has changed from his physical appearance.
He is still the same, like three years ago. His dirty blonde colored hair with spiky hair style and a pair of deep blue eyes still attracts me. And he is standing in front of me, in the class which is the place we first met.
"… I'm just visiting our old class… I want to remember all of my days when I was here…" He said to me, as he touched the chair where he sat three years ago.
"… And how about you? What are you doing here?" He rose from the chair, taking a marker, and started to write and draw on the white board.
"… It's not your business." I taking out my sketchpads, and starting to draw in the sketchpads that I brought and I refused to see his face.
There is no sound. No words exchanged. Just the sound of breath, and the sound of the squeaking marker on the white board. It's just an eerie silence. It's really awkward. No one talked. No voice came out from our mouth. Not long after that maybe, he got bored. He took his Nintendo DS out and started to play his game.
The sound of the game he is playing, it makes me remember those days I spent with him. It was playing 'Missing You' from Kingdom Hearts game. It was.. Our favorite song. Our song when we're still best friend. I stopped drawing, tears streaking out from my eyes, dropped to my sketchpads as I remember those days.
The day we first met, the day we first talked, the day when we shared our interest, when we became best friends, when I broke into tears because I just got brokenhearted, when you comforted me, when I move on, when you told me about your secret, when I fall for you, when we make an oath for the both of us, when I confessed to you, when you left me, all of it came back to me.
Five years ago… What if… I never met you at that day?
Flashback
July, 20th 2006
I'm just a little nobody, with a few friends. I'm different with anyone else. Everyone always thought that I'm just a freak by the way of my clothing, except for my friends, they accepted me just the way I am. I always wear a white dress. Just a simple sleeveless white dress that ends right above my knees.
A heart shaped face, platinum blonde hair that only reach my shoulder, and a pair of light blue eyes that always attracting everyone, that is how I looked like. I always brought my sketchpad to the school with my art supplies too, and in the end of school, my dress always ended up paint stains covering it . I not the type who likes to gossiped, and I seldom caught chatting with my friends. That is why, they always called me a nobody, or a freak.
My friends consist of ten people. Eleven if I'm counted. My best friends are Kairi Heart, she belongs to those popular people, but she is sweet, and caring, she is my best friend since kindergarten. The next one is Olette Nozomi, the class president, she is nice and clever and the most sensible too. And I have Xion too. Xion Sakamoto, well I just knew her since last year in the first grade of junior high, so I can't really describe her. But she accepts me just the way I am too.
And the others are Sora Hikari, one of the hottest guy in the popular crowds, Kairi's boyfriend, and my crush. Riku Suteru, the hottest and coolest boy in popular crowds, for those popular people anyway. And there is Hayner, the captain of soccer team. Axel, one of the freaks who is really eccentric especially with his flaming red hair. Zexion, the emo freak, but he is really clever! Pence, a photographer for school's newspaper. And Demyx, a hyper nobody like Sora but he's really an idiot who can plays a sitar.
That's it. Our group only consist the eleven of us, until…
"Morning, everyone! Today we have a new student! He is a transfer student from Destiny Island. Come on In!" Ms. Yuffie called him, and the door slide, revealing a boy with spiky dirty blonde hair, and a pair of deep dark blue eyes which captives all the girls' heart.
"He is Roxas Fair" Ms. Yuffife exclaimed.
"Hi, my name is Roxas Fair as all of you have known from Ms. Yuffie. I'm from Destiny Island, please take care of me from now on" Roxas bowed to us.
"Now… Hm… Where should you sit, huh? How about…." She looked around to see an empty seat for him.
All of those girls started to attract Ms. Yuffie's attention, to make her order Roxas to sit with one of them. And what makes me shocked by this? Xion is trying to take Ms. Yuffie's attention too.
"AHA! Roxas, you'll sit next to Namine! Namine, please raise your hand." Yuffie's decision really attracts the whole class attention, because half of it is those popular people. All those popular people and some nobody or those who aren't belongs to those groups who attracted by Roxas are glaring to me. Even Xion glared to me.
I raised my hand for Roxas to notice me, and Roxas walked to his seat.
"Hi! Nice to meet you Namine! Please take care of me from now on.", said Roxas while smiling.
I blushed, my face become red like a tomato just because of his smile. All of the girls would be blushing too if he smiles like that! All of the girls glared at me, jealous at me because of the coincidence with Ms. Yuffie's decision.
"Well.. Nice to meet you too, Roxas. I hope we can get along for the rest of the year." I smiled back and immediately turned away from him.
The rest of the day was spent by us asking some basic question, like where does he lives now, when is his birthday, what is his favorite color, and like that. And we did some trip around the school, and introducing him to my friends. Time went by quickly, so we went home for today. I was shocked that he lives near my house, so we walked together with Xion, because she lives on the same street with me.
"Well then, this is my house, see you tomorrow Namine, Xion. Oh by the way do you want to go to school together tomorrow?" He took out his spare key from his bag while asking us.
"Um.. Sure" I said to me, already waving to him.
"OH! I WOULD LOVE TO!" Xion shout to him, giggling like a little girl with a crush on him, and most likely, she DOES have a crush with him.
We waved again and walked away from him. It's really awkward; we didn't talk, just walked to our house.
Suddenly, she said, "Hey.. Do you have a crush on Roxas?" tilting her head to her side.
"Um.. No, we just have the same interest. That's all."
"Then… Could you… Back off from Roxas?" she stopped walking, glaring to me.
"Why? Can't I be friends with him? I'm her chair-mate. And we have the same interest. Do you have a crush on him?" I stopped walking too.
"That's not your business." Then se looked away from me.
"Then I won't back off from him."
"…. How about… You help me to get with Roxas?" She asked, and still facing away from me.
"It's okay for me. So I don't have to back off from him, right? Then I'll help you from tomorrow, kay? I have to go to my house now, it's already late. Bye, Xion." I waved to her, and ran to my house.
A day after that was spent like any other days. We hung out together with Kairi and friends, we chatted everyday face to face or via msn, we played some games together, we asked each other from basic question 'till some private question. I still helped Xion too. I told her some information about Roxas, I even gave her his number and e-mail. There was no day we spent without each other.
It's been half semester since he came. We grow closer too. We have been best friend not long after he came. I always feel it's been a peaceful days, except for those popular people. Then.. Suddenly, Xion came to me and slapped me, like I did something wrong to her. All of the people in the class were shocked. Kairi, Olette, Riku, Sora, and Axel ran to me. I didn't do anything wrong with her. I only helped her to get with Roxas. Why did she slap me so suddenly?
"What the heck-? Why did you slap me? I didn't do anything wrong with you!" I shouted to her, caressing my bruised cheek while shouting to her. Axel helped me to stand up, because I bumped into the table when she slapped me.
"YOU DID! YOU DIDN'T HELP ME TO GET WITH ROXAS! YOU LIAR!" after shouting like that, she ran away from the class.
All of the people were muttering about that, they make a gossip about us, me, Xion, and Roxas. Thankfully, Roxas haven't come yet. So he doesn't have to see this. Kairi and the other comforted me, even Larxene comforted me too. They believe that I didn't do anything wrong.
After that incident, we never talked anymore. No one apologize, we just left it like that. Roxas leave it like that too. He even doesn't care about Xion. Xion doesn't have more friends too. She didn't talk to me, and to the others too. Her only friend is Axel.
But, it seems like she still have a crush on Roxas. Everyone still gossip about our quarrel. And whatever we do always attracts them. There are some gossips about me and Roxas are friends with benefits, but it's not true, we're just normal friends, best friends. And there is a gossip about Xion still has a crush on Roxas, and starting to act like a creepy stalker. And.. That's true. Axel told me about it, he gave me one of Roxas' photos that he got from Xion. And she confessed too to Axel, he even saw her taking roxas' photographs. Axel told Roxas too about Xion, just make him more careful.
Roxas saw it too, he saw her doing those creepy things, from stalking him to his house, until taking his photographs. Heck, she even picks up Roxas' trash. It makes him scarred shit-less, and he told me about it. He said that, at first he doesn't care about her. He even still wants to be her friends if she liked to. But with her like that, he became to hate her.
I never blame him to hate her. But, it's just made him got scared shit-less. We eventually don't care about that, we never mind about that anymore. We just flow with it. But we our life never become like in the past. Whatever topic we talked, we always got Xion into the subject. We always talked about that. But we didn't do anything about her.
-x-
We grew closer and closer each day. We know each other's secrets. There's no day without him, but we have no special feeling with each other, we are just best friend. He wasn't interested with romance, while I have a crush on Sora though that he is Kairi's boyfriend and I'm Kairi's best friend. Roxas knew about my little secret, and he always knew what to do if I talked about this.
He is my personal psychiatrist, and my best friend.
-x-
December, 23rd 2006
Today is the last day before christmas holiday. We were supposed to be happy. Hanging out like any other day, but I cried so hard, just because that I can't stand anymore, seeing Kairi and Sora become so lovey dovey with each other in the class after school. No one knows about my little crush with Sora. The only one who knows about this is Roxas. I cried so hard, I ran out from the class room and I bumped to Roxas. He saw me crying, he shouted to me stop, but I ran, I ran to the rooftop, where no one come and see me crying.
I cried, I shouted, I punched the floor, but I don't feel satisfied by that. I cried louder and louder. Suddenly, I feel two arms hugging me, I stopped crying as I saw the checkered bands on the arm. It was Roxas, comforting me to stop crying. Whenever I broke down, he always said some words to cheer me up. Like, "Maybe, the two of you are not meant to be. But, just believe that someday, you'll meet someone who will always be with you, loves you, and accept you whoever you are." His words always make me feel happy. That day, I feel that, I've no longer have a crush on Sora.
I don't believe it that fast. I didn't tell him about me not having a crush on Sora anymore. But.. Whenever I saw Sora again, I never felt my face become hotter, blood rushing into my face, and I didn't blush whenever I around him. It was the first sign that I'm no longer had a crush on Sora. The second sign is when I saw Kairi and Sora went all lovey dovey in front of us. Well.. I didn't feel anything, I just feels happy when I saw the two of them smiling.
… Maybe, it's true… I don't 'like' Sora anymore, thanks to Roxas…
-x-
Day to day went the same like any other days. Just hanging out together, playing games together, chatting, even gossip (heck, I didn't know boys do gossips). I've told him about it.
And he said, "Good for you, it's not good for you to be all depressed everyday. You should become happier. Hey, how about we hang out tomorrow? Just the two of us."
And that's how we became closer each day. That day when we went to a 'date' (well, I couldn't say date too right? It's just hanging out but just the two of us), we just watch a movie, and bought a sea salt ice cream. Nothing more, and nothing important. But It made us closer each day.
-x-
July, 1st 2007
Time is flowing so fast. I didn't realize that it has almost one year since I met Roxas. One year has passed since that incident, since I got broken heart. And this is the day. The day of classmates division came. Today, I'll see whether I'll get into the same class with Roxas and my friends, or not. I hope, I can get into the same class with Roxas and the others too…
*Ba-thump ba-thump ba-thump*
'Here it comes..', I closed my eyes as I walked in front of the information board, I search for my name, 'Namine Strife, Namine Strife! I'm in which class!' I ruffled my hair as I became more frustrated in finding my-our class.
I read slowly, slowly, slowly, and no me in class 9-1 student list. I read the 9-1's student list and yup, no me in this class. I read the other list, it's 9-2's, and… 'Namine, Namine Strife! Please! Please please please please please!', I began to panicking again.. What about the result?
'Namine Strife, Class 9-2, number 25'
YES! Finally! I found my class! Once I found my class, I began searching for my friends' classes. First, I need to see what class Roxas belong to.
I searched Roxas' name in the 9-2's list, but I found nothing. No Roxas. No Roxas in my class. No Roxas for a year in my class. No Roxas chatting with me in class for a year.
…
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT ROXAS FOR A YEAR?
NO ONE WOULD HELP ME ON EXAM
NO ONE WOULD HELP ME WITH HOMEWORK
NO ONE WOULD DISTRACT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLASS
THERE'S NO ONE I CAN DISTURB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLASS
…
Okay, I'm being over reacting. I'm going to be fine this year without Roxas in my class.. Right? Just spend it like last year or two years ago…
…
Okay, last year, I spent all of my days with Roxas. There's no day without Roxas. Even one day. Two years ago? I had no friends, I got bullied. I hope this year, I can survive.
I searched for Roxas again, at least if he's in 9-1, I can still see him everyday, and in our study trip, we can have the same bus. I hope he's in 9-1. And… BINGO! ROXAS FAIR IS IN 9-1!
*sighs in relieve* At least we can still have the same bus for the study trip.
Roxas is in 9-1, I wonder which classes my friends belongs to? Let's see…
Kairi is in 9-2 with me. Sora is in 9-2 with me. Axel is in 9-2 with me. Riku is in 9-1 with Roxas. Olette is in 9-3 with Hayner and Pence. Larxene and Demyx is in 9-4. Xion is… In 9-2 with ME. Is this a bad sign? First without Roxas in my class, now Xion, my no-longer-best-friend in my class?
… I hope this year won't be so bad with this signs …
-x-
July, 10th 2007
Nine days after seeing the student list has passed, and today is the first day of school. I spent it chatting with Roxas via msn. He's online at school with his cellphone, while I'm at home, because that I'm sick.
~KeyofDestiny~ has just signed in
~MemoryWitch~ has just signed in
Roxas13: Hey, I didn't saw you today
Roxas13: What happened to you?
Waves: I'm sick
Waves: Miss me?
Waves: Kidding :p
Roxas13: Yes, I missed you
Waves: Aww.. Little Roxie missed me
Waves: We'll meet tomorrow, k?
Waves: Do u like your class?
Roxas13: No, I like your better.
Roxas13: More joker type than in my class
Roxas13: Mine is boring
Waves: I want to be in the same class w/ u
Roxas13: At least we'll be in the same bus in our study trip
Roxas13: Let's sit together when study trip come
Waves: K
Waves: How about we go home together in exchange of not in the same class with u?
Roxas13: It's ok w/ me
Roxas13: has entered
Roxas13: Gotta go, bye xoxo
~KeyofDestiny~ has signed off
'xoxo, what does he mean by that? Just as a friend, right? Best friend?' I felt my heart skipped a bit when I read it. I saw the pink tints lingering on my cheeks because of Roxas' message. What is this feeling? Do I.. 'Like' Roxas?
No way, I don't like him that way. He doesn't like me too, right? At least not in that way, right?
-x-
September, 15th 2007
Today will be the study trip's day. Two months has passed, and I'm counting the days since I met Roxas, a year ago. We already busy with our own class assignment. We still spend our days together, and nothing more. We will go there to enlighten our moods. School exam is on April, and now is September. Seven more months and we'll be facing the last exam. So we need to be enlightened and motivated for the last exam.
It will be three days study trip in Radiant Garden, at that place, we will learn how to be more motivated about the last exam, and how to study without being more depressed and tired. We can play there too, since it's our last time to be relaxed before the last exam. And I will spend it with my friends.
Now, I'm sitting next to Roxas in our bus. In front of me is Kairi and Sora feeding each other. Our left is Axel and Riku sitting together. And guess who's sitting in the back seat of ours? It's Xion. Is she planning to sit on the back seat from Roxas'?Is it intentionally?
*FLASH*
Suddenly, a bright white light covering my eyes. I heard the sound of camera too. No doubt, it's Xion, trying to take Roxas' sleeping photographs. It's kind of creepy when suddenly a person is taking a photo without you knowing about it.
'How much did she took Roxas' photographs in all this time?' I thought as I take a peek of her taking out like dozens of her memory cards.
And I found Roxas still sleeping like a baby next to me after taking a peek at Xion. Is it possible for someone to stay asleep after being photographed with excessive lighting? I think no, but it's an exception for Roxas.
Well, I'll just get some sleep too then, I took out the jacket that was lend by Roxas to me, I thought that I've seen it before, and I remembered where I saw it.
"ROXAS! WHAT THE HELL? WHY DID YOU GOT THE THIRTEENTH ORGANIZATION JACKET WHEN I AM THE THIRTEEN NOBODY? WHY DID I GET THE WHITE ONE? IT HAS NO NUMBER TOO!" I shook Roxas from his sleep and smack him on the head.
"OW! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!" and the cat fight started.
I scratch his face, while he's started to shook my head, I smack his head again and he's began to pulling my hair, I splattered the milk that I brought to his face and he smacked a slice of brownies to my face. I shouted to him, and he shouted back to me. The cat fight didn't end, until..
"Geez... What the hell are you thinking? You've made a mess in the bus! See? Nami, you didn't get the thirteenth jacket, 'coz you don't look good in black, see your skin, it's so pale! So we choose to give you the cuter one, the white one. Now, shut up and clean the mess before I smack you two again. And clean your face too!" Axel said as he smacked the our head.
I saw Roxas' face and began laughing, while pointing to his face.
"Hey!" He turned to me and began to chuckling, and switched to a loud laugh, while his right hand pointing to my face, and his left hand on his stomach. We laughed so hard, forgetting our job to clean our seats. The first day of study trip was spent with us laughing so hard.
-x-
The first night was spent with the eleven of us playing in the boys room. We spend it by playing truth or dare, spin the bottle, poker, eat some snacks and like that. Some of them are already asleep. Axel is lying down on the floor, while Zexion is sleeping on the chair, with his face covered with his thick book. Demyx is sleeping on the bed with his beloved sitar as his bolster pillow. Sora is now singin with Hayner on the table. Sora acted like the broom is a guitar, so he acted like he's strumming a guitar. While Hayner is now using the moop as the microphone. Kairi is squealing like a fan girl of Sora, while lifting a board with a words, saying "SORA 1# I LOVE YOU SORA! GO GO KEYBLADE MASTER!". Olette is now claping her hands as she hear Hayner singing 'Target ~Akai Shougeki~' from digimon adventure 02. Pence is recording the moments with his camera. Riku is... I think he is in the bathroom. I didn't see him in the room and I think I hear the water dripping in the bathroom.
What about me? I only watch Hayner and Sora singing on the table. Until Roxas pulled my hands.
"Let's go outside." Roxas pulled me and ran to the outside, and still holding my hands.
We reached the field that was used to be a soccer field, and he told me to sit down on the bench.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA So much for today!" Shouted Roxas as he stretched on the field.
"Do you really enjoy it? Today I mean. On the bus, and the school activities" I asked, shivering under the cold of the night and playing with my fingers.
"Yup! It is really exciting! What about you? Do you enjoy this day?" He wrapped his nobody's organization jacket around my petite self, maybe he knows that I'm shivering.
"I really enjoy it. Except that today activities' topic really disturb me."
"Why?" he wrapped his hands around my body, while looking at the stars.
"... It's about my future career. I don't know what am I going to do in the future... My parents didn't allow me to be an artist.. They said that they would only allow it as a hobby." I said looking down and still embraced by him.
"Then how about being a housewife? I mean you can still use your creativity, you can do a lot things that housewife can do right? Like stitching, it's a part of an art and you're so good at art! And stitching is a housewife's job! You're like the most feminine, after Olette though, so I believe that you'll be a good housewife! You're good at cooking too! I like your cooking and I like tasty foods" he said while grinning at me.
"A... Housewife? I don't think that there will be someone who want me as a wife." I said to him. What does he mean by that? Does it mean that he want me to be his mom, or does he mean that he's proposing me?
... I hope ... You'll be the one who will take me as your wife ...
"I believe that someone will take you as a wife."
As he said something like that, we just spent the night looking at the stars which is shining brightly in the sky.
-x-
September, 18th 2007
The second day was spent with me and the others hanging out while the activities takes place. But on the second day, Roxas was avoiding me. I wonder what has happened to him.
Today is the last day, and now we were packing for our leave. I was going to put my bag into the bus, until Roxas pulled me.
"We need to talk" he grabbed my hands tightly, leading me to the used to be a soccer field.
"Wait, can you tell me in the bus? I still need to pack my things" I said struggling with his hand that was holding my hands.
"No. I need you. I want to talk to you when we're alone." He said seriously
"Wait okay? I still need to pack. We're going to leave in any minutes. Just tell me in the bus ok?"
"*grunts* Fine! I'll just tell you later! Don't forget to get online at home!" he grunted and just left me alone in the soccer field.
What has happened? What is he trying to say to me? He needs me to be alone with him?
... I'm so confused... Does it has anything with two days ago, when he said
... That was when he gave me a false hope ...
-x-
September, 19th 2007
Last night, Roxas didn't go online. I was waiting for him, but until midnight, he didn't go online. This morning, at six o'clock he called me.
(A/N: Bold is for Roxas, and Italic is for Namine's tought.)
'Hey, sorry for last night. I was asleep. Too tired to go online. Sorry'
Liar, I saw you playing games in the internet. You just didn't greet me.
'No it's ok, I know that you're tired'
'Sorry, Nam. Uh.. Meet me at the ice cream parlor, now?'
'Ok, I'll go now. Don't be late'
'Bye'
Click
I grabbed my white coat as I ran out from the house. I hope that it's something important.
Five hours later
It wasn't the thing I was expected. Not a confession from him. And why am I expecting something like that? Do I even 'like' him? Okay, I'll confess. In an almost a year, I, Namine Strife, has fallen in love with Roxas Fair. No, it's not crush. But, love is the word. Something that he has to say is doesn't involved with my feelings. In fact, it was far from it, and only make it worsened.
It was.. His confession to me, about his illness. No, It's not like asthma, cancer or like that. More like mental illness. He got a multiple personality or a split personality, in the other words, he has an alter ego. Like two person in the same body. He said that, he didn't remember anything about the second day of the study trip. He was aware about his illness when Axel said that it's already day three. Axel told him too about his acting like avoiding me on the second day. And he remember the same thing happened since we get into the next grade. He told me about the day when he came to school in Sunday, he thought that it was Saturday, and he was supposed to have a basketball practice at Saturday. He told me too about the day when his old school reunion, when he came five hours late just because, he fell asleep, but his mother saw him going into the skateboard park. And there was a day too, when he was slapped by a girl at the school, saying that he was a jerk, but he didn't know her. And about his saved file of his beloved game got deleted, he cried (okay that's not manly, but he loved his game so much that he cried because of it) and he asked everyone who has been playing with his memory stick, and Axel said that no one play his games beside him.
It made him get confused, until he tried to put a video camera in his room. And saw that, he has been acting differently. He has been checking on a psychiatrist alone without her parents accompanying him. And the psychiatrist told him, that he got split personality. It was caused by a trauma in the past. And in this case, the trauma he got is associated with some romance relationship. He told me that he never have a crush, and he never feel love. He doesn't have a relationship record, he doesn't have any girlfriends until now. And he doesn't have any girls hating him. No one hates him too. But why did he has a trauma with a romance relationship causing it? The doctor said that, he's not ready for a romantic relationship. It will only make it much more severe and it will only make his girlfriend become sad. His alter ego, will only hurt his girlfriend, just like when a girl slapped him at school.
The things that I could think are the cause of the trauma, and my feelings towards him. The only reason of the cause that I could think is his and Xion's relationship. Sure, they didn't share any romantic relationship. But, I know that it has made him got scarred in any romantic relationship. He's only interested with friendship because of that. And.. The fact that he got an alter ego,,, it really makes him more scarred. He's not scarred with his split personality, but, he's afraid that, he'll hurt someone dearly to him, emotionally and physically. But... How about my feelings towards him?
Do I have to give it up again? Just like when I have a crush on Sora?
What can I do to help him?
I can't just give it up..
That was when I realize that, I have fallen in love with him, deeply that it makes my heart aches so much. And that is when I decided to be a psychiatrist.
-x-
December, 25th 2007
Four more months to go, and we'll face the last exam. The teacher has changed the students list by dividing them from the smartest to the dumbest, okay, it's harsh, but it's the fact.
Olette, Zexion and Riku is in the smartest class. Me, Roxas, and Kairi is in the second smartest. Sora, Axel and Pence is in the average one. While Demyx and Hayner in the dumbest. How about Xion? I think she's in the dumbest one. I didn't saw her anywhere though.
Time by time we've no longer hanging out as often as we are in the 8 grade. But we still hangs out in winter holiday. Roxas and I has drifting away too. But, we promised to stay best friends even with us drifting away. Roxas has been drifting away, but I don't really know why he has been drifting away, the only reason that I know is because he really wants to get into his favorite school, and he's been studying so hard for that. I do want to get into the same school with my friends too. So I've been trying too. Sora has been trying so hard too. He wants to be in the same school again with Kairi. Everyone is trying so hard to get into the school they want.
Today is Christmas day, Roxas and Sora is celebrating it together because that they are cousins(I've just found out a few days before). But Roxas is different with Sora, he doesn't really like his other cousins, so he prefer chatting with me than playing with his cousin.
To: Namine
From: Roxas
Hi, what are you doing now?
To: Roxas
From: Namine
Just hanging out in my room
To: Namine
From: Roxas
Have you prepare the flowers that we need for tomorrow?
I can't go buy it. Have no money left
To: Roxas
From: Namine
I've just bought it
Wait, I'll text you later.
Riku called me
ttyl xoxo
Soon, I grabbed my home phone and clicked the phone
(A/N: Underline is for Riku)
'Yes, Riku? Why are you calling me?'
'I need to talk to you'
'Okay'
'What.. What if I said that.. I've been in love with you since 7th grade and still in love with you until now?'
'... I'm... I'm sorry Riku, but I don't have any intend to date someone right now. And.. I have to study for the last exam, and last, I love someone else.. I'm so sorry Riku.'
'No, it's okay.. It's only a question, Nam. So.. That's all.. Bye'
Click
It was.. The first time someone confessed to me, and It was the first time I rejected someone too. I think, I hurt his heart badly. I snapped out from my daydream, and I called Roxas immediately.
'ROXAS, TO THE ICE CREAM PARLOR! NOW! OR I'LL BREAK YOUR SKATEBOARD!' I shouted into the phone as I picked up my coat.
'YE-YES MA'AM!'
At Ice Cream Parlor
"ROXAS! HERE!" I shouted as I waved the sea salt ice cream on the air.
He ran to me and began panting, tired all from the running from his house to the ice cream parlor.
"*panting*Wh-Why are *panting*yo-you calling me? I was celebrating *panting* the Chirstmas you know!" He said while wiping his sweats.
"Aww... Do you hate me now for calling you when you're celebrating Christmas? Didn't you like spending one day with me more than spending it with your cousins?" I poked his cheek and patted his head after saying that.
"Okay okay, I like spending it with you more than with my cousins" he said
I felt the blood rushing to my face, makes my face became red from his words, saying that he likes me more than his cousins. I.. I know that it's only as a friend.. But... Can I hope?
"I... I think... Someone just confessed to me.." I said as I handing his ice cream.
"Who?"
"I.. I can't tell you who is it.. But... What if I said that I like you, more than best friend?" I asked, looking down, away from his face. I feel my heart beats faster, bloods rushing to my face again, making my face become redder than before. I fidgets as I wait for his answer. I gulped as I wait longer. But nothing came from his mouth. No words came out from his mouth. There's just silence between us. The only sound are the birds chirping and the sound of wind blowing the tree's leafs.
"Roxas? It's just a question, you don't have to take it seriously" I said, the truth is.. I'm serious about that. I know that this is not good for him. He has a trauma with romance, but.. What am I supposed to do now?
"I... Maybe.. I'll say no but.. I don't know what am I gonna say.. I can't accept you more than friend, because of the trauma that I have, but in the same time, I can't reject you too because in the same time, I think that I like you, but I don't know is it as a friend or more than that." Then, he reached out his hand to me, waiting for me to take his hand.
"Let's go home" He smiled while he holding my hands.
... You're giving me some false hopes again, Roxas ...
-x-
January, 1st 2008
I've been drifting away from Roxas..
I really missed him..
But..
What am I supposed to do?
I... I have already confessed to him, in a question way..
But.. He didn't reject me.
What am I supposed to do now?
If I confessed to him, I'm scarred that I'll just make things got worse.
But... I want to tell him.. About my feelings..
I.. Don't know.. What am I going to do...
I'll tell him, now..
Whether he reject me or not, I'll accept whatever it is.
I pressed his phone number , and wait for him. Sweats already began trickling from my head to my chin, my heart beats faster and faster as I wait for him to answer his phone.
(A/N: Italics are for Roxas' voice)
'Hello? Nami? What are you doing calling me at this late?'
I ignored his question, only considering that my question is the only important thing to be talked
'Roxas, promise me. Promise that, you won't leave me even if I said something weird, promise me that we'll stay as friend if you don't like me saying weird things, promise me that you'll still like me even if I said something weird, promise me.'
'Of course I'll promise you! Why would I leave you?'
'Because.. What was I asking to you at that Christmas day.. I'm serious about it..'
Silence over taking the atmosphere between us. I closed my eyes, afraid of being rejected. My heart still pounding, I get nervous as minutes passed by, sweats began to drape to my chin again, my left hand clutching so hard, that it pained so much.
'I'm..I don't know what am I supposed to say, Nam.. I can't date you for now, but I can't reject you too! I'm scarred that... If I date, my other-self will hurt you, and I'm scarred that you'll be disappointed with me. As much as I care about you, Nam, I don't want you to be disappointed in me, Nam! What if I hurt you? I can't face you anymore.'
I heard him sniffling on the other side, sobbing, confused with his feeling, afraid that he'll hurt me more than he already has. I sobbed too, I cried so hard, tears already flowing from my eyes, washing my cheeks with tears.
... And today, on new year, I got broken heart ... again ..
-x-
February, 14th 2008
Today is the Valentine day, I've gave my chocolate to Roxas, and he accept it. Well, he's willing to accept it. He likes chocolate and why not? After all he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, he said to me. But.. His reason just hurt me again. Why does he has to tell me his reason? Since that day, Roxas has been avoiding me again. No greets for me in msn, no greets when I we passed by in school, no longer sit beside me in school, not replying my message anymore except if he's the one who asked me, and like that.
It really hurts me.. Is it 'him' who has been avoiding me? Or is it the 'real' him who has been avoiding me?
... Whether it's 'him' or him, they really hurt me.. But, I won't give up my love for him ...
-x-
Time flows so fast again..
We didn't really hang out again. He's avoiding me. He broke his promise to me. I.. The reason why he reject me, always giving me some false hope, that one day, he'll confess to me. With the reason that he gave to me, I know that he cares about me, he really likes me, but.. It is just as a friend, or more?
I didn't realize that we already graduated from junior high. We did our best on the last exam. Despite being depressed everyday, because of him avoiding me, I still got a high score in the last exam. Everyone too. Me, Kairi, Sora, Axel, Riku, Demyx are going to the same high school again, in Twilight Town. While Pence, Hayner, Olette and Zexion is going to the Destiny Island high school, they will be away from us, but we promised to keep in touch. Roxas was supossed to be in the same high school as I, but I didn't saw him at the opening ceremony of Twilight High, I didn't saw him too in every class, neither in the students list. According to Sora, he's going to the Radiant Garden High School, because of his father's job again.
Three years passed, without us contacting each other. No message from him, no greets from him, no mail from him, not even a single word was sent to me. He even didn't call me. I really really missed him. I've tried to move on, but whenever I saw a blond boy, I always remembered him. Each day passed with me still remembering him. It is hard for me to move on. Is this what you called 'True Love? Can I move on? He's too important to me, maybe I can move on from Sora, but I'm too in love with Roxas.. He's my first love, not crush, but love.
No one knows how has been Roxas doing except for Sora. But Sora didn't tell us anything. He said something like it's a surprise for us. I don't understand what does he mean by 'a surprise'. So we just flow along with it. Things has changed for three years. Now we have graduated from high school. We're going to university now. Olette is going to marry Hayner in two years, Sora and Kairi just got engaged not so long ago. Pence has been working so hard, he's now already got a part time job as a photographer too in the town's famous news paper. Riku has moved on, we're now friends, closer than three years ago, only as a friend though. And Xion now is Riku's girlfriend. She has moved on too, and not acting like a creepy stalker anymore. Axel now is trying to find a girlfriend, I didn't know that he has a crush on Xion before, but it seems that he doesn't like her anymore, more like a little sister. And he has been flirting with Larxene too. I think they like each other, so I pray for both of them. Demyx has a band now, he just make his first album with his friends not to mention his friends in his band are Sora, Axel, Zexion and a mysterious boy. Zexion is now being chased by some of his fan girls, but he is still an emo boy. And how about me?
Nothing really changed for me, I just got a part time job as a art teacher in primary school. In the same time I'm going to study at twilight university, art major. Or maybe at the language and literature, I think I want to be an author. What about Roxas? I don't know.. I really missed him..But in the same time, I hate him.. But, I want to see him again. Talk to him again. At least I want to straighten our problem.
Now, we're in the old school. We were having a reunion. Sora said that he has a surprise for us. But I don't know what is it.
... Even though I hate him for avoiding me.. But I still love him, my love for him, is much bigger than my hatred.. I can't hate him, I'm still in love with him. And I hope.. Today.. I can see him ...
End of Flashback
"Nam? Nami! Namine!" I heard someone shouting my name, I was him, calling my name, trying to wake me up from my daydream, my memories of him. I didn't realize that I've been crying so hard, that my sketchpad is damped from my tears. There was a track of tears from my eyes, but it's have dried. My eyes are red and swollen because of crying. My mouth is now have dried, makes me harder to talk to him. I don't want to see him with me crying like this.
"I... *sobs* I do-don't want you to see me like this.. *sobs* It makes me feel looks like a helpless girl.. *sobs*" I said as I cover my face crying all over again. I continue to cry, ignoring Roxas in front of me. He didn't say anything to me, until I felt two hands grabbing my arms, trying to make me facing him.
"Nami, listen to me. We need to talk, I want to tell you about three years ago and what I've been doing for these three years." He said while hugging me.
"I.. I.. Want to talk to you too.." I tried to say something, but he cut me by putting his index finger to my lips.
"Hus, now shut up and let me tell you.." He said while hugging me again.
"You still remember right? About me having an alter ego? I've been trying to restrain myself from 'him'.. And I've recovered, well not one hundred percent, just mostly. Three years ago.. I've been avoiding you.. It was 'him' who has been avoiding you.. And me too. I don't want you to be hurt by me, without me realize. I didn't told you about me moving away, because it will makes me feel harder to go without crying in front of you, I have my pride to not cry in front of you, so I just leave like that. And now.. I can't forget about you. How can I forget about you if you're my important person? I know that I'm late for three years. But, inside of my heart, I hope that you'll still love me. I love you, Namine Strife. I like you more than friends, I love you, I care about you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to bring you happiness everyday, I want to share my happiness with you. I want to be with you. So, will you marry me?" he get down on one knee, and revealing a red velvet box, looking to me.
I saw his eyes, the dark blue eyes once filled with sorrow since that incident three years ago, now filled with hopes. "I... I..." I didn't know what should I say, I do love him with all of my heart, but, isn't that too fast?
"I.. I don't mind if you reject me. I know that I'm late for three years, you must be has move on from me. But at least I told you about my feelings. I don't regret it." that was all what he said.
I do want to be with him, I do love him with all of my heart. I want to be with him forever, spending the rest of my life with someone that I love. Sharing my life with someone who have a mutual feelings with me. So, I hugged him, and I kissed him right on the lips. I felt blood rushing to my face, making my face got redder, my heart beating so fast that makes me feels my heart would explode, I feel so happy that my hope, that one day, he'll say that he loves me that just came true. I back off and see his face, his cheeks is tinted with pink color, his face was shocked but happy, his blue eyes are wide open, shocked that I just kissed him.
I put my arms, behind my back, smiling to him, pink tints still on my cheeks, and I said "I didn't say that I don't want to be with you. I want to be with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm still in love with you. Late is better than never, In fact, I still put some hopes that you'll say that you love me."
And then he walked to me, taking my left hand, put the ring on my ring finger. And then he kissed me again. Without us realize what time it is, fireworks began to explode in the sky, saying that 'Roxas love Namine Forever'.
"Do you plan all of this thing?" I asked while cuddling with him in our old class.
"Yup"
"What if I reject you?"
"I'll be embarrassed, but I don't regret it." He smiled to me.
"You know what? That was my first kiss" I said to him, blushing from the confession that I said.
"It was your first?"
"... Yes... I KNOW IT'S LAME RIGHT? TO GET YOUR FIRST KISS WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY 18 YEARS OLD" I blurted, blushing from the confession again.
"Not really, it's my first too." that was all he said, before he kissed me again for the third time.
...Finally, we can be together, tied with this red thread of fate...
The End
-x-
A/N:
Okay, it's finished! It takes so long to write this one-shot.
I hope you like it, thanks for reading and don't forget to review :3
Love,
Kusanagi Mikura