Title: Bring me to life
Genre: Drama, angst, hurt/comfort (emotional)
Characters: Aiden, Danny, Stella, Mac and most probably the rest of the team (at least at some extend)
Pairing: none (maybe later)
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine and the title is from Evanescence
Summary: the aftermath of Danny's suicide attempt
Spoilers: Tanglewood and (I think) What You See is What You See I don't know exactly when Aiden is fired so we'll say that she is not working at CSI anymore but it's before Lindsay comes
Author notes: I decided to make a sequel but I'm not sure of the direction it's going to take. I'm not really good at emotional stuff and, quite frankly, I don't know a thing about post suicide attempt, so you'll have to excuse me if some things are not really plausible.
And again, I'm not English, so I hope they are not too many language's mistakes.
Bring me to life
Aiden walked into the building like a robot. She was still in shock from what Danny had done. Fortunately, his friend would most certainly recover, at least physically speaking. She was lucky to have been there, she had been able to slow the flow of blood as she was waiting for the ambulance. It had probably saved his life but, at this point, Aiden wasn't sure he would thank her.
She had followed him to the hospital and had already been there for several minutes when she remembered about the other members of the team. She had to tell them. She could have phoned from the waiting room but she had been feeling as she was going to asphyxiate. She had needed to go out and so decided to go to the CSI office and speak the other face to face.
But now, she wasn't sure she would have the strength to do it. How could she tell Danny's friends that he had tried to kill himself? They would feel guilty. She certainly did.
On the way to her former office, she had had time to think about everything that happened in the past months. She had wanted to know why Danny would do something so desperate and come to the conclusion it was time to go backward. The only thing she arrived to was that all of them were guilty. All of them had turn their back on him since he was identified as a former Tanglewood Boy and, doing that, they didn't notice he was slowly breaking down. And now, Danny was lying on a hospital bed, wavering between life and death, and it was their own damned fault.
As she wandered in the numerous halls, she was stunned to discover that nobody even thought to ask her what she was doing here. It had been more than a month since she had been fired and it was as if nobody knew it. Of course, the main team she had worked with knew, there was no other way possible, but even people she used to see almost everyday didn't seem to have noticed. Again, she was reminded of how self-centered they all were, including her. How many people of the lab had gone during the time she had worked there? And how many time didn't she even noticed it? She couldn't know and, maybe, she didn't want to know.
Without thinking about it, she managed to arrive at the labs Stella worked in. The older woman was the one who called her, thinking that Danny wasn't doing well, so it was Aiden's obvious choice to go to her to announce the awful piece of news. Burn barely registered the other workers as she entered the lab, going straight for Stella. The latter seemed to notice a presence and turned around, letting go what she was doing, to great Aiden.
"Hey, Aiden. You spoke to Danny?" she asked, without any beating around the bushes.
Aiden opened her mouth to answer but nothing came. She had her throat so tight she thought it was a wonder she still was able to breath. Nonetheless, this lack of response was enough to worry Stella, who took then a real look at the young woman in front of her.
This was then she noticed the redness of her eyes, sign of a recent crying. Something stirred in the Greek's gut, telling her it couldn't be good.
"Aiden," she repeated, in a soft voice. "What happened?"
Stella added a hand on the shoulder of Aiden, wanting to reassure her and this little touch was enough to bring the younger woman over the edge. She broke down, starting to cry, in front of a bewildered Stella who didn't know what it was about but, nevertheless, gathered her in her arms and began to soothe her, stroking gently her back.
As the sobs continued, Stella was able to make out a few word out. Danny. Hospital. Blood. Critical.
"Aiden!" the Greek woman pushed her away and took her at arms length, successfully shaking her out of her panic state. "Tell me exactly what happened. Is Danny alright?"
Burn shook her head and breathed profoundly, trying to get a hold on herself. Once she was calm enough to speak and make sense, she began to talk.
"Danny is in hospital, intensive care. He was in a critical state when I left, but the doctor said he should live. Oh! Stella! How could we be so blind!"
Tears began to run down her cheeks again and Stella feared to understand what she meant by that. Bad enough that her young colleague was in hospital and in intensive care, but if it had been their fault…. Even so, she had to know exactly what happened.
"Why is he in hospital?" she asked. "What happened?"
"He sliced his wrist open," she confessed.
The truth hit Stella like a blow. Danny, Danny, had tried to commit suicide. What the hell.
"What?" she exclaimed.
However Aiden didn't respond. What more could she say? She just looked at Stella, with eyes full of regret and self-loathing. She couldn't forgive herself.
Stella fought to maintain her composure. She had to stay cold-headed and take the situation into hands, since the younger woman seemed at a lost at the moment. It was now Stella's job to announce Danny's decision to the rest of the team. After all, they had to go to the hospital, to make sure that Danny would survive… and, most of all, to be there when he would wake up. Because if there was something the young CSI agent needed right, it was the support of all his friends. He needed to know he was not alone and he needed to be assured they would all be there for him, no matter what happened. They already failed him once, it was no way Stella would let them, and herself, make the same mistake twice.
"Okay, Aiden, come with me. We go talk to Mac and the three of us are going to go to the hospital. I'll phone Flack and Hawkes in the car."
The black-haired woman simply nodded and gratefully let Stella take the lead. She was relieved she didn't need to take any decision anymore.
The walk, almost run, to Mac's office was accomplished in a deep and uncomfortable silence, filled with bittersweet regrets and infinite worry. Seeing the two women's faces, nobody asked them what happened but everybody was able to deduce it was something serious. Aiden's cheeks were still streamed by dried traces of tears and Stella's expression was closed, the way it was when she was concentrating on a inquiry.
When they arrived, Mac was on the phoned but, as soon as he heard his office's door and Stella calling him, he quickly dismissed whoever was on the phone.
"… I'll call you when we find something," he said before hanging up. "What can I do for you, Stella?" he asked, turning around, before laying his eyes upon Aiden and frowning. "Aiden? What are you doing here?"
Before the young woman had a chance to answer, Stella began ordering her boss around. She didn't do it very often, but usually, when she did, she had a damn good reason so, as soon as the Greek told him to let down all his work and come with them, he feared the worse…
"What's the matter?" he asked, already getting up and tidying the files on his desk.
… and the worse he got.
"Danny is in hospital, it's not good."
"What?"
" It was touch and go when Aiden left but the doctor are optimistic," she finished, without caring about the interruption.
Danny is in hospital, it's not good, the words were echoing in Mac's mind. What on heart had happened now? He hurried to leave with the girls and asked Stella while running to the elevator.
" Did he have an accident?" he inquired. 'Please tell me he didn't have an accident while crossing the street or something because his mind was elsewhere…"
With relief, he saw Stella shook her head. But relief stayed only for so long. "It was not an accident," she said carefully. "It was a suicide attempt."
The revelation hit Mac so hard he actually stopped walking. A suicide attempt? Danny?
"Mac?" questioned Stella. He saw that both her and Aiden were looking at him strangely and he resumed running.
Once they were in the car, Mac began to drive to the hospital while Stella was calling Danny's other friends.
"Aiden, how come you found Danny?" Mac asked, genuinely curious and maybe just a bit amazed she had been there at the exact time… but sincerely grateful for it.
"Stella called me and told me to check on him. Apparently he didn't seem too well when he left the building."
"And do you have any idea of what make him do that. Did he left a note or something?"
"Err…. No, I mean, no he didn't let anything and didn't say anything about a reason either.."
"Say?" he interrupted her. "What do you mean 'say'"
"Well, he was still conscious when I found him and we discussed a bit," Aiden explained and, then, noticing his stare felt the urge to explain herself. "I swear I didn't see what he had done. It was dark and I couldn't see the blood and he was talking in his usual manner and I didn't notice - "
"Aiden, Aiden," he called, wanting to calm her. "I'm not accusing you of anything. I know you did your best. But, I need to know, when you were discussing, did he say anything, anything at all that may explain why he tried to kill himself?"
Mac hated asking that and feared the answer more than anything. It was bad enough that he didn't succeed preventing that from happening, but if he learnt that it was because of something he had done or said…
"No…. We just had a discussion, a normal discussion and… well, he told me to tell you and Stella some things," she suddenly remembered. "Not that it would explain everything but since he wanted me to tell you these things, maybe I should."
Stella had finished her phone call now and was listening to Aiden too. So Danny had let a message for her? It was strange but she wanted to know, so she encouraged Aiden to talk. As did Mac.
"Well," began Aiden. She still had a lung in her throat and didn't know if she would be able to repeat what Danny thought would be his last words. "He told me to tell you that he was sorry for worrying you, he didn't meant to do it" she said, looking at Stella.
The other woman couldn't believe his eyes. Danny was dying and he was sorry he had worried her. She had good damn reason for worrying! But she didn't have time to rant mentally as Aiden began to talk again, recalling Danny's message for his boss.
"And he wanted me to tell you that it was not because he didn't trust you that he didn't tell you about Tanglewood, that it was because he didn't want you to be disappointed in him. Oh! And that you were a good boss" she finished, congratulating herself for not breaking down.
Mac acknowledged the message with a pain in his chest. What should he think about the fact that Danny brought up the Tanglewood's issue as he was slowly dying? Furthermore, knowing what their last conversation had been about and how it had ended. He remembered the look on Danny's face when he didn't told him they were okay, but just that they would see. He had seemed… crushed. Why the hell did he have to tell the young man such a stupid thing? They maybe hadn't been okay at the time, but he had already know that they would be if Danny continue working hard and well, so why didn't he told him that?
But it was time for him to stop berating himself. The light of the hospital's car park greeted him and he stopped the car. It was time to know if Danny would really survive.