The Night before the Morning after

"Who'th that?"

Jan awoke to find Cindy sat up wide-eyed in bed, looking positively creeped out. It was the middle of Saturday night. Mr and Mrs Brady were away from the weekend and the only grown-up in the house was Alice. And coming from the back yard was the sound of ... who knew what?

"Wohoho – woop!"

"It's someone singing," said Jan.

"It's Greg," replied Marcia, already out of bed and looking singularly unimpressed. "I don't know what he thinks he's doing, waking the house up at this time of night. We'd better investigate." She led her sisters through the bathroom and into the boys' bedroom.

"Hey, check it out," called Peter from by the window, "Greg's drunk!"

"It's the funniest thing ever!" yelled Bobby, who was with him. Peering through the window, the girls could make out their oldest brother reeling round the back yard while singing at the top of his lungs.

Well, I certainly don't think it's funny," said Marcia with a pointed look, as a neighbor's dog began to howl along. All of Greg's arrogance, his bossiness, and now this. "Come on, we're all going to fetch him indoors." Tossing back her hair, she marched out into the corridor and down the stairs in her grooviest pink and yellow pajamas, with the younger kids following behind.

Outside, Greg had stopped singing and was sat down on one of the swings. All of a sudden he felt he was being watched. Slowly he lifted his eyes to find Marcia glaring at him, stony faced. Without saying a word, she slid open the door and beckoned him inside. Sliding his hands up the chains, he rose to his feet and staggered over to where Marcia and the others were waiting. On the table was a very tasty looking double decker sandwich. Greg snatched it up and began to eat.

"Hey, I made that," yelled Peter. "For myself!"

"Yeah, well I haven't eaten a thing all evening," slurred Greg. "We were at Eddie's, ya know, tryin' out summa the drinks in his parents' drinks cabinet."

"Greg, you're just lucky Mom and Dad are out of town tonight," chided Jan. "Dad would hit the roof if he saw you like this."

"Hey look, Jan," he remonstrated. "I can handle my liquor, there's nothing wrong with me!"

"Well, let's see you try to get up the stairs on your own," said Marcia coldly. Just as she expected, Greg couldn't do it – he lurched from one side of the staircase to the other, and ended up having to lean on Peter for support.

Once all the kids had made back it to the boys' bedroom, Marcia sat down on Greg's bed with her legs slightly apart. "Greg, if the police had found you tonight, you could have been arrested for being drunk and disorderly," she began. "Now it looks like you're drunk and incapable. If Dad were here, he'd put you over his knee and beat seven bells out of you. I'm not Dad," she concluded, "but I'm going to do my best."The younger kids giggled and exchanged glances.

Greg knew just how he was going to handle this one. He was simply going to undo his jeans, hold out his hands and explain to his sisters that he was about to change into his night attire and would they kindly leave the room. Part of the plan worked out. His new Levi's were tight in all the right places, so they didn't fall down but when he opened his mouth, the words came out sounding a lot more akin to "Okayyeah, rightnowim, uhh, geddininmypuhjamas, ya know ... yougirlsagottaleadaroom."

"Greg, we're not going anywhere," Cindy told him in a sassy tone.

What happened next, Greg couldn't quite figure out – he was aware of Peter barging into him from behind and knocking the wind out of him; and then Jan, Bobby and Cindy dragging and pushing him first this way and then that. The room was starting to spin. Somehow or another, all these exertions ended with him sprawled face-down across Marcia's lap. All Greg could think was that it was a good thing he could hold his booze.

"Well, that wasn't so difficult," giggled Bobby, as Greg tried to get his breath back.

"Marcia, show us what color underwear he has on," said Jan, suddenly inspired. "No!" panted Greg, but somehow Marcia had already eased the seat of the jeans over his bottom to reveal a pair of brightly colored boxer briefs. "Ooh, hot pink," crowed Jan, lifting her hands to her mouth.

"His butt's gonna be a lot hotter by the time I've finished with him," said Marcia with a smile. "Now hold still, Greg, it's only what you deserve."

"Hey, you wouldn' dare!" he yelled, suddenly recovering his breath and a little control over his speech. "I'm da oldes', I'm da man of da house while Dad's away, I'm ..."

WHACK!

That was the back of Marcia's hand coming down hard on Greg's posterior. And again. And again. And again. Who'd have thought a slip of a girl like Marcia would be capable of inflicting such pain?

Bobby could only remember seeing Greg being spanked once before – by their father, years ago, after Greg had been rude to Alice. Now it occurred to Bobby that Greg was being even more of a baby than he had that time. He hollered, kicked and wriggled while the angry Marcia hissed at him to keep still. After about fifteen whacks, Greg started to feel queasy. His sister sensed what was coming – she raised her knee, which was just under Greg's stomach.

"Urrr-arrghhh-URRRRRRRRRRRRRRKK!" Greg threw up Peter's sandwich, some of that day's lunch and Jan dreaded to think how much of Eddie's parents' liquor cabinet. Luckily, Bobby picked the right moment to run over and catch the flow in the boys' waste paper bin. "Pete, I think I see your sandwich," smiled Jan. Greg could have cried. Marcia had turned his bottom a blazing red, and now it seemd he couldn't hold on to his liquor after all. Meanwhile, something was telling Bobby that Greg hadn't been punished enough yet. He brought down the back of his hand on his big brother's rear end.

"THAT's for making me run after you with the waste paper bin."

"THAT'S for being too big for your boots," said Jan, landing her own slap.

"THAT'S for eating my sandwich," said Peter, also taking aim.

"And THAT'TH for thcaring me with your thilly thinging," lisped Cindy, bringing down as hard a smack as she could muster.

Greg glanced up at Marcia. "Is it over yet?"

"All done," she assured him, easing his jeans back up. "Do you want me and Peter to help you to the bathroom?". With Peter's assistance, Greg got back on his feet, feeling slightly steadier now that he'd thrown up the liquor. Jan went ahead of them and fixed a glass of water so Greg could rinse out his mouth. Within ten minutes, Peter and Bobby had their older brother settled in bed, laid down on his front. Greg tried to recall exactly how much he had drunk that evening. And no stage had he got to the point of seeing pink elephants but if he closed his eyes now, he could see a beautiful girl carrying a punch bowl full of iced water. If he asked her nicely, would she be kind enough to let him sit down in it?

Taking a last look at his older brother before turning out the light, Peter was surprised to find him smiling as he slept.

"Greg," said Alice in surprise, "the others told me you weren't well enough for breakfast this morning."

"I'll be fine," replied Greg. "I'll just have some coffee and dry toast." He tried not to look at his brothers and sisters, who all seemed to be eating waffles loaded with maple syrup. No, Peter was having something different – he had a triple decker sandwich stuffed with fried eggs and bacon. "I'm glad to see someone's got an appetite," said Greg, pulling up a stool. "I'm surprised to see someone can sit down," commented Marcia, catching his eye with a knowing look.

"It only hurts a little now," smiled Greg, looking more like himself than he had the previous night. "I think most of the soreness has gone to my head."

"You can take that back upstairs if you want to," said Alice. Greg left the table, clutching his coffee and toast. The other five kids chatted and laughed as they normally did when they didn't have school, while Alice headed over to the sink. Just as Cindy was thinking about what she could do with her day, she heard Alice calling her name in a hushed tone.

"Tell me," whispered Alice, "was I dreaming or did I hear a few strange noises in the night?" Cindy nodded. "Well I don't want to know the ins and outs but if you kids managed to take Greg down a rung or two, then you did pretty well."

"Don't tell Mom and Dad," whispered Cindy.

"Never in a million years," replied Alice.

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