First Love: Shizuru's Story
The first time I fell in love wasn't all too special.
Looking back on it now, it couldn't have been more mundane even.
If anyone where to ask me "how come you still remember?" I'd probably broad over it for a moment only to settle with a hopeless shrug.
True, first love, they say, is a memory never forgotten, but unlike my friends who went on to tell their stories of innocent crushes and first heart break, I've managed to discern how more vivid the details of mine were compared to theirs.
The sound of birds fluttering in the wind ten years past, the length of her dark girlish lashes, the heat from the sweltering hot sun, the cicadas singing in their loudest voice fearing a lonely summer end.
That time, I fell in love with a girl in a navy blue blazer.
It was a lazy Saturday afternoon in the second week of summer vacation.
Normally, children my age would be visiting family in the province or go to cram school in preparation for the middle school entrance exams.
I on the other hand, am one of the handful of children with all the free time in the world.
"Maaan it's hot, can't we open the air conditioning?"
Alyssa was one of my friends that normally went to cram school, today was an unusual exception.
I placed the tray on the floor and arranged the pitcher, ice bowl and glasses on the low table, relishing the chill on my fingers as I poured the oolong over ice.
"I already told you, it's broken. Why don't you go to cram school? They have centralized air conditioning there, don't they?
"I don't want to! Not right now" She whined, puffing her cheeks in a childish display of stubbornness.
I handed her a full glass which she received thankfully, touching it to her cheek.
"Well then we'll just have to make do with an open window" I said, moving towards the half open window, sliding it until I heard a satisfying click.
She was an intelligent girl that always had her name posted on the result boards, she was neither slack nor strict, just a serious person.
So for her to skip cram school was like a sunny day in winter.
Something had to be wrong, so I didn't say anything more.
My mother brought up some green tea and sweet plum kakigori and we ate in silence for a while.
"Aren't you going to ask why I skipped?" her kakigori, half eaten, melting in the bowl between her palms
I studied her for a moment, I wasn't sure it was something she'd want to talk about, so I avoided the subject completely.
Asking me to actually ask probably meant she had intended to tell me from the start.
"Why are you skipping?"
She gave a weary smile and placed the bowl down.
"I had a fight with my sister" she mumbled, her eyes falling to the puddle that started to form underneath her bowl.
That's another thing about Alyssa I forgot to mention, she has a sister complex, though she denies this vehemently.
Her onee-chan as far as our conversations have hinted was in a really prestigious high school two train rides away.
"She wants to move out, even though she'd been okay with having to ride to school early in the morning until now"
It was a funny thing how the only detail I knew about her onee-chan was actually part of the reason, that's what I thought at the time.
Grade school humour concerning irony wasn't exactly humorous now that I remember it.
"Move out? Like in a dorm or does her school have optional boarding?"
She frowned and shouted "Who cares! You're missing the point!"
Outside, a flock flew across the sky cutting through its deep summer blue.
"... She said she can live with dad, she could ride a bicycle to school... she doesn't have a lot of free time as it is, if she goes away... I won't even get to see her" She began to fumble with her fingers, like a battle over which thumb was more dominant in her conscious mind, left? Or right?
"I know it's better for her if she does, she'd get more sleep and she could go home earlier, no more night trains... but..."
The slow thumb war ceased.
I didn't have any siblings or anyone I could consider like one, it was a hard feat to empathise with a situation that had so many specifics.
I rattled my brain for recyclable advice, only one came to mind.
"Have you told her how you felt?"
Cliché, I know, but I was ten, I haven't been given much wise words considering the problems I've gone through.
"I told her not to, she can't move in with dad"
"What did she say?"
"She told me it wasn't a matter I had a say in, Natsuki-onee-chan you idiot..."
"Idiii-ooooooottt!" With her arms stretched above her head she fell gently on her back. "Idiot" she sighed.
"You got the table wet" I scolded her, wiping underneath her bowl with cleanex.
After getting everything out of her chest, Alyssa began to considerably relax, there was still a certain low in her mood that she knew she'd have to deal with when she sees her sister later, but for now she was back to her energetic self.
She read the few mangas I had on the shelf while I did my summer homework and we played on my playstation after
By 6 in the afternoon, the sky had moved closer to the earth, and everything was tinted in a shade of sunset orange.
We were sitting across the table once again, eating snacks we've bought in a nearby convenience store just before dinner.
Thinking about the time, I recalled my question earlier.
"Alyssa-han, why didn't you go to cram school today?"
She snapped the pocky in half and chewed on the end in between her teeth.
After she'd swallowed, her gaze went upwards, toward the ceiling, as if her thoughts would be written there and all she'd have to do was read.
"I just didn't feel like it... I guess"
Her voice was quiet.
"Onee-chan would always praise me whenever I get good grades you know"
In the air, she drew an invisible '100' with her pointer finger, and on top of that, a giant check mark.
"two train rides away... 100 on elementary math won't get you that far"
She ate the other half of her pocky, hinting me she'd already dropped the subject.
There was a knock on the door, but like always, my mother's head popped up from behind before I could call out "come in"
"Alyssa-han, sweetie, your sister is here"
She visibly tensed, grabbing her randoseru by the handle.
"And Shizuru! You'll ruin your appetite if you eat sweets before dinner!, put those away for now"
"Yes mother" I exhaled.
Going down the stair case must have felt like forever for Alyssa, her steps were heavy, and clumsy, buying time until she had to see her onee-chan, I was right behind her, following to see her off.
"ALYSSA!"
Before she reached the final step a loud slap echoed, bouncing across the room.
I stopped my descent as well, shocked.
"Oh my... Natsuki-han-" my mother tried to calm her, hurriedly reaching the bottom and pulling Alyssa into a protective hug.
The girl had her head hung low covered by a silky curtain of black, her arms tense against her sides, she was slightly shaking, her pre-adult form clad in a high school uniform, a little intimidating in her current state.
"Alyssa..." she raised her head to reveal, worried green eyes, tearful and red.
Alyssa's eyebrows creased, watching her sister uneasily.
It must have also been her first time seeing her onee-chan like this, considering how much she was at a loss.
"Did you know how worried I was! Your cram school called, they said you never came..."
Her tears began to spill, gathering to her chin.
Though inappropriate, I noted how pretty her pale, faintly flushed face looked in a backdrop of a falling sun right outside our door.
"I thought... I thought something might have happened to you"
Alyssa turned away.
With an indignant look on her face, she mumbled "Well if something ever did happen to me after you move, you wouldn't know"
Her sister's eyes went wide, like finally realizing what this was all about.
"Alyssa, you know onee-chan loves you don't you?" She spoke it gently, reassuringly.
A small smile on her lips
Feeling the needlessness to keep caution, My mother let go of Alyssa, who still kept her eyes averted.
"It's not like I wouldn't be coming home on weekends, and right now, onee-chan has something she really needs to do, something that's hard to achieve, being where I am now"
Alyssa's eyes finally found her sister's
She blinked, tears had formed at the corner of her eyes but she tried to keep them from falling, they still did though.
"Promise you'll come home on weekends"
It was a forceful, childish request, but an honest one at that.
Her sister took her in a close, smothering hug
"Mou! Of course I will"
I began to suspect that both siblings had a sister complex...
"I won't forgive you if you miss one weekend onee-chan!"
"Oi,oi..."
Both of them apologized for the trouble.
Alyssa's head though, was more pushed down in a forced bow by her sister than anything.
"I'm re-eaally sorry for the entire ruckus" her sister apologized for what could have been the tenth time.
"It's quite alright, you girls must be tired"
I'd been standing beside my mother all this time, feeling almost like an audience to a play.
Feeling, at most, disconnected.
So when she turned to look at me, I was a little put off guard.
"Shizuru-chan, right?"
For a while I thought 'how did she know? But then realized how Alyssa must have told her. That disappointed me a little.
Alyssa and she had nothing alike, Alyssa's hair was blond and wavy, hers perfectly straight and black that shone blue under our house's florescent, Alyssa's eyes were blue, hers a deep forest green.
"Mm" I nodded.
"Thank you for taking care of my sister"
It could have been fine, with just that sweet smile she gave me.
But then, she leaned down, brushing my bangs away, her soft lips pressing gently on my forehead.
When she moved away I thought about, how dark her navy blue blazer was, and how her red tie stood out against the white of her blouse.
A slightly mature scent wafting in the space she left... perfume...
As I go about bagging the snacks left on my table to its original plastic I caught sight of my red randoseru hanging just above my bed on its rack.
High school was ways and ways off.
Then I thought back on what Alyssa had said
"two train rides away... 100 on elementary math won't get you that far"
Maybe... I should start going to cram school...
Definition of Terms:
Exam Results Board- In Japan, only the top 100 exam results are posted
Cram School- Japanese children go to cram school after school and sometimes during summer break to study up for entrance exams.
Kakigori- Is a type of shaved ice desert flavored with syrup and condense milk
Randoseru- Is a type of back pack used in elementary school. Girls are typically given red, while boys get black.
Sachii: Shizuru and Alyssa are the same age in this fic, they're both ten and in sixth grade. Natsuki is 14 and in her first year of high school. I plan to write stories about all of their first loves then weave everything into one whole story by the end. So please stick around till then! comments and criticism are welcome (by criticism I mean light ones, please don't go on a ranting rampage on me)
PS: Natsuki's highschool uniform is comprised of a navy blue blazer, a long sleeved blouse, a red neck tie, a dark navy blue pleated skirt, black below the knee socks, and brown loafers (not the one from Mai-hime, I wanted to stick with a more traditional kind of uniform, so please expect her school to also be very different, that is, if I ever decide to do something set in her school)
till the next chapter! :)