He couldn't stop thinking about her.
It scared him to think about how much he loved her.
It was like love was too dull to describe the way he felt about her.
But he knew they could never be together, at least not the way she wanted to be.
He could give her anything in the world, candy flowers, cars, gifts , he could even give her a newspaper of her own if she really wanted it.
But no she wanted the only thing he couldn't give her ; his heart.
He knew that if he ever gave her his heart , loving her would eventually kill him.
Cause he was seriously thinking about killing his dad, her dad, his mum just because she got hurt from them , and no one , not even the person you love, should have that much power over you.
But he couldn't let her go, because THAT would kill HIM at the very moment he said "it's over".
Love was killing them slowly, waiting until hate is the only thing consuming them.
He could see her approaching him at the corner of his eye.
"hey" she said as she approached him, her shiny brunette hair glistening in the sun
"Hey", he got up to kiss her
"so what are we doing today?" she asked politely
"well I thought we could go to the pub to with collin and Fnn for lunch?"
They hadn't had lunch alone in 2 months. they hadn't don't anything just the two of them in 2 months, Except for a peck on the lips. he didn't do anything , he want to get close to her.
"ok"
She started agreeing with everything he said, even if it was the most stupid thing in the world she would still say ok.
OooooooooooooooooooooOOOoooooooooooooooooooooOOOooooooooooooooooO
"you didn't eat much today are you feeling alright?" Logan asked as he opened the door to his..their apartment.
"huh?...oh yeah its all good" Rory was in a daze all day she hardly talked and only ate a salad.yeah something was definitely wrong.
She was so sick of her life, of everything she had become after she got diagnosed with cancer. She didn't want to love him anymore, so it would be easier for both of them when she left but she couldn't not love him , it was impossible
.But what was really killing her was that he knew that she was dying and he didn't do anything. He acted like nothing happened and life moves on.
But he didn't touch her or taste her or even look at her, he looked through her. like he was afraid that he was going to catch the disease. They use to be happy, the sicking lovey dovey couple, but after she told him that she had cancer, he changed, they changed.
He pulled back and she was too sick to go and get him.
"rory take you pills" logan said handing rory her pills.
He never called her ace anymore.
Just rory and even sometimes lorelai, at first she had been surprised but then she got used to it.
Rory put out her hand to take the pills and he dropped them onto her palm making sure that their hands didn't touch.
He watched he take the pill as he leaned on the bench. God he missed her, he ached her. But he couldn't she would be gone soon and he didn't want any recollection that she had ever been with him, even though she had countless of times. But that was in the past and right now he was focusing on their future.
She could see him staring at her, while she was staking her medicine, she wanted him, and he wanted her but he was too scared. Rory had enough something was going to append today.
So in the bravest of acts she moved closer to him. He wanted to move back but he was leaning against the bench there was nowhere to move back to. she kept approaching him.
"stop" he said in a weak tone.
She stopped two inches away from him. His eye wouldn't meet hers, he wouldn't allow them. she put a hand on the side of his face cupping his cheek.
"ace…..rory don't"
Rory smiled at that name, the nickname he had given her when they first met, back when he loved her.
She crashed her lips into his. their kiss was full of ager, love , desire. he lifted her placing her on the bench, pushing himself between her legs parting them. She started unbuttoning his shirt , as her lips started kissing his neck. He lifted her again her legs wrapped around his waste as he lead them to their bed laying her down ,his weight pushing down her body.
OoooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOoooooooO
He watched her sleep, watches as her body rose fell with every breathe she took. She was breathtaking. he couldn't believe that she was going to be gone soon. Why would god do this to such a beautiful girl, she was so nice and so sweet to everyone, this shouldn't be happening to her, not someone like Rory Gilmore an angel sent from heaven. not when she was with someone as bad as him .
He could see her starting to open her eyes .
"hey" she said as she noticed that he was awake too
"morning ace" lagan replied , stroking her hair
"I love you "
Logan didn't know what to say. he didn't want to tell her he loved her ,because all though it was true, he didn't want to get close to her again.. last night was a mistake. She kissed him and every sain thought left his mind and all he could think was how he wanted to feel her again, her lips her skin, everything. But that couldn't happen again.
He started to get up when she grabbed in wrist and pulled him back down
"I know you love me too, you cant keep avoiding me, I know you want me as much as I want you, but I cant go through the last months again, im not happy , and logan im dying I think its time we actually talked about it I love you and I want you to know that you make me so happy and that even though I might be –
"rory" he interrupted
"no! let me finish I love you ,I love you , and I'm not going anywhere for time being and I know that you want to distance yourself from me so it wont hurt as much when im gone but I love you and i cant do this anymore, I want all of you or none of you. so if your going leave then leave, for good though, I cant imagine getting through this cancer without you , but I'll do it hopefully… but go if you don't really love me" she was looking at him so intensely that he was afraid if he looked away she would disappear into thin air.
He though about everything she said , every word, but she was going, he couldn't live without her.
He kissed her , she smiled thinking that life was going be ok but when he got up and said
" I love you too" she knew it was over
She watched as he went to the door and left out of her life.. all alone.