(After 'First Time'. Ashley calls Spencer after watching her video. ONESHOT)
I am sitting on my bed doing homework. My cellphone starts ringing. It's Ashley. I wonder why she's calling.
S- Hello?
A- Hey Spence.
S- Hey Ash. What's up?
A- Just got finished watching a video.
S- Was it good?
A- Interesting is the better word for it.
S- Why was it so interesting?
A- Because it taught me something about somebody that I didn't know before.
S- And what was that?
A- How about you come over and I'll tell you.
S- Okay. Can you come pick me up?
A- It'll be my pleasure.
I smile.
S- I'll see you in a few minutes.
A- Bye.
S- Bye.
I hang up my cellphone and bite my bottom lip. I jump out of bed and throw on my Converse. I want to be comfy. I sit back on my bed and think about what Ashley is going to say about my own 'first time' video. I know that is what she is talking about. I hear her horn honk. I run down the stairs.
P- Where are you going?
S- I'll going over Ashley's for a little while. I'll be back later.
Ar- Okay honey. Have fun.
S- Thanks dad.
I run out of the house and jump into the Ashley's car.
A- Hey.
S- Hi.
She hits the acceleration and off we go to her house. I stare out the window the whole time. I am afraid to meet her gaze right now. I don't know what I will see if I look into those beautiful eyes of hers. Those beautiful brown amazing eyes. Those eyes I can get lost in.
A- Why won't you look at me?
S- I don't know. I just can't right now.
A- Okay.
She goes back to driving. No more questions to be asked I guess. We pull up in front of her mansion. We both get out without saying a word to each other. I still really haven't even looked at her. We walk into the house and go into her room. I sit on her bed and she sits on the couch.
S- About this video you watched...
A- Is that how it really went down?
S- We were both drunk. We were at my own going away party. It was horrible.
I start crying. She stands up and walks over to me. She sits down and envelopes me in a hug. She starts rocking me back and forth.
A- Shhh. It's okay.
S- No it's not Ash. It... It was horrible. I was so afraid that night. I cried myself to sleep. Nobody else knows about what happened but you.
A- Nobody else will know. I won't tell anybody. I promise.
I kiss her. She kisses me right back. We lay on the bed and she straddles me. I pull away.
S- Ash...
She gets off of me and sits on the bed next to me.
A- I'm sorry. I got carried away. It was my fault.
I rub her back.
S- Ash it was my fault. I instigated it. It was my fault.
A- No but it was mine. I... I just want you sooo bad Spence.
I look up at the ceiling avoiding any contact at all with that body.
S- Ash. We... I... This can't happen.
A- Why not?
She turns around and faces me.
S- Because I'm not...
A- Gay?
S- Yeah. And after my experience with Kelly...
A- Not all girls are like that.
S- Like you? No you just sleep with girls you don't even know for no reason.
I cover my mouth with my hand and slap myself in the forehead with the other. That was the wrong thing to say.
A- Nice Spence.
She storms out of her room. I jump off of the bed after her and follow her.
S- Ash!! Wait up!!
She keeps walking.
S- Ash!!! Please!?!??!!
It was said more as a question than anything else. She stops and turns towards me.
A- What?
She's actually crying. I screwed up. Big time.
S- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was stupid of me. I'm so sorry.
A- Do you really expect me to forgive you now?
S- Please Ash. I need you to forgive me. Please. I need you.
I am crying by this point.
A- I don't now if I can forgive you. You...
S- Please Ash. I really need you. I need you so bad.
A- Why?
S- I need you to help me figure out what is going on in my head right now. I don't know if anybody else could help me. These feelings I'm having can't be normal. Or they can. I don't know. That's why I need you.
I am hysterically crying now. I fall against the wall and slide down to the floor. I hug my knees to my chest and cry into them.
A- Spence...??
I hear her walk over to me and kneel down next to me. She places her hand on top of mine.
A- Spence... Do you wanna talk to me about it?
I shake my head. She sits down next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder. I accept her arm in comfort and lay my head on her shoulder.
A- It's okay Spence. We'll figure this all out. Maybe not now. But in time we will. I promise.
I cry a little harder. She pulls me into her lap and wraps her arms around me. I feel so safe in her arms. I feel like nothing else matter's beside me and her. I feel like she only cares about me and nobody else in this world. I think I'm falling in love with her. Wait... back that up a little. Love? I can't love her. She's a 'she' for starters and second Ashley is my best friend. And third it is completely against my religion. I just can't...
A- Its okay Spence. We'll figure everything out. I promise.
S- But you have no idea what I'm going through.
A- Yeah I do. I went through the same thing. How do you think I figured out I was gay? I didn't just wake up one morning and decide that I wanted to change teams. It takes time. And you have it easier than me. I didn't have anybody to help me understand these feelings. You, you have me. You're lucky.
S- Its just so confusing.
A- I know babe. I know. That's why I'm gonna help. Together we're gonna figure it out.
I nod my head. We are still sitting on the floor in her hallway.
S- I want someone to just take all of this confusion away.
A- The only one who can do that is you.
S- I just want to figure this out.
A- I promise you. I promise that we will figure this out. Over time.
S- Thank you.
We continue to sit in the hallway. Me in her lap and her running her hands up and down my back and through my hair trying to calm me down. And it's actually working too. I relax into her arms and eventually fall asleep.