Once upon a time, I wrote this short series very unoriginally titled Vicki's Geography Lessons in response to a challenge, for which I won third place. I only posted in at Fhaven dot org and AFF dot net, but as Fhaven's down and some people get squeamish with AFF, I decided to finally post it here.

Warnings for mature content, porn, language, and general off-color humor.

Avatar is a property of Nickelodeon and Mike and Bryan. I do not own Avatar.

Vegetables Are Good For You

He was hungry, but it was not his stomach that growled; it was something lower, baser, below the navel and in his throat and strung in every nerve. He felt tight, coiled, and tenser than he should have been despite his circumstances.

Then Zuko realized with a start that he hadn't jerked off once since his flight from his treacherous sister began.

Who could blame him? Being astride a galloping ostrich-horse all day subjected his equipment to enough punishment. Beating it off in masturbatory fury would not have helped ease the journey.

But now he was horny. Hornier than he had ever been. He tried to imagine what had set him off – perhaps that pretty girl who had given his uncle some coin and a smile? He imagined she might have smelled faintly of lilacs, and tasted of freshly whipped cream…

Oh what he'd give to be left alone in a dark room with soft bed, silk sheets, and his wild imagination. But he was out here in the woods, with his uncle not five feet away, in the shallow overhang of a cliff. He'd never get away with it.

He got up, his urges demanding attention. His feet carried him into the woods, and he blindly groped in the dark until he suddenly found himself by the deserted roadside. He must have wandered off in the wrong direction, or else they had camped closer to the path than he'd thought.

A wooden cart had been abandoned by the side of the dirt road here; one of its wheels had popped off the axis and split neatly down the centre. The owner must have walked back to town for the night to return with repair supplies in the morning.

Zuko walked over to the cart and inspected the few cabbage heads left at the bottom. He picked one up, intending to bring it back to camp for tomorrow's dinner, but as his pelvis brushed the side of the cart, he was achingly reminded of why he'd gotten up in the first place.

He looked at the cabbage, the waxy leaves feeling peculiarly soft in his palms. He hefted its leaden weight; it was like holding a small head. A woman's head.

A flurry of images came to mind about any and every pretty girl he'd ever encountered. The longer he stared at the cabbage, the more it called to him…

And before he knew it, the Firebender had bored out an inch-wide shaft into the thick vegetable with his knife. He shook the excess shavings out and rubbed at the hole to moisten it before surreptitiously looking about and pulling his pants down.

Zuko groaned as he pressed his member into the vegetable and he leaned heavily against the side of the cart as he worked the leafy head over him, driving himself deeper and deeper into the throes of ecstasy.

Never mind that he was fucking a cabbage.

He closed his eyes, letting his mind conjure up the most buxom and desirable women he could think of, imagining that they were devouring his quivering manhood. He moaned lowly and finally came, filling the vegetable with his tension and hot seed before dizzily removing it, tossing the discarded lover back into the cart, pulling up his trousers and heading back to camp.

Sated, he didn't even bother picking up another head for tomorrow's dinner as he had originally planned.

The next day, Iroh went to town to beg for scraps while Zuko tried his luck at fishing. The old man came waddling back to camp with a surprise.

"Look what I got!" He held out his prize, grinning. "I was by the side of the road when a cabbage seller gave me this for free. See, it has a hole in the side, so he couldn't sell it, but it looks perfectly edible otherwise. Now we can have soup tonight! What's wrong nephew? You've never been a picky eater before. Don't you know vegetables keep you regular? Zuko? Zuko? Are you all right?"